I have a 4 yr. old boy who recently has had an issue where we need to repeat everything that we say to him. He has recently had a hearing test and past with flying colors, so I know he can hear. I'm thinking it's more of a paying attention issue. He does it to me, his father and his grandmother. He attends preschool and they don't seem to have the issue. It is extremely annoying to have to repeat myself several times, someone please tell me this is a phase that will pass! Any suggestions that will help? Thank you in advance for any advice.
When I repeat a question to my 7 yo son, he'll often say " I SAID NO!" Really, he just "thought" no and didn't say it out loud...lol
I think it's a phase. Try to get eye contact when you do ask something.
It is called selective hearing. Have him make eye contact with you and have him repeat whatever you say to him, then have him do whatever the instruction is immediately. good luck.
Ha, this could be my husband!
Start by saying "listen to my words" Make sure he is looking at you.
When you finish ask him to "Tell me what I just said" and have him repeat it to you. Tell him "Thank you for listening."
Do it every time, so that you give him ownership of what he is hearing.
He is going to grow up to be a man, isn't he? LOL! Try to be patient. He isn't doing it on purpose. He is in his "zone." When you talk to him gently tap or touch his shoulder first and make eye contact. Should help.
It's pretty typical for the age. I find it helps to actually get my son's visual attention and make sure he is listening before I say something.
Ha ha ha! I have boys with "listening" problems. My husband and dad have it too, for that matter.
I've started asking, "did you hear me?" and usually my boys will say yes. But I very recently told them, "I'm going to start doing something new. I am going to ask you to look right at me so I know that you're listening. I need to see your eyeballs while I"m talking to you." It's already helping.
My friend has 6 kids and she pulls them over to sit on her lap and look at her when she talks to them. It's really effective. She's an expert mom for sure!
But yes, the phase passes, sort of. It won't be exactly like it is now, but pretty soon he'll start tuning you out. It's normal, and it's a skill that everyone needs. If you couldn't tune a noise out, it would annoy you to no end! It also helps you pay attention to one person in a crowd. It's annoying to parents, but it's an important life skill!
Well your not alone K.. I went through the same with my 4 yr old as well. I even had him tested for petite mal seizures' as they do run in my family. Nothing showed up. The physician told me not to worry, hes' just zoning me out. I let it go for about 6mos. and he stopped doing it. I know having to be repetitive is not what you want to do but when they get into something they are doing, they are focused only on that. Nobody else is in the room. lol
It would drive me crazy but it did go away. I'm sure this is the same with your son. Don't worry mom hes' just a normal little boy growing up!!
Defintely a phase! My son did it & now my 3 yr old daughter is starting to do the same! W/ my son the teacher tried to tell me it was ADD & to get him on medication! That's the problem w/ things now adays - a kid is a little trouble right away they label him w/ somethig &/or give him pills!!
With my son I would stop what he was doing so the only thing he was listening to was me. I also worked in an interest in what he was doing into the conversation & then told him what I wanted.from him. Even w/ my daughter - she'll make me repeat myself but if I stop her from what she's doing & make her focus on me then everything is fine. My son grew out of it before he turned 5. He's now 12 & he's NOT ADD or anything else but a preteen who is once again saying "what?" When I ask him to do something! LOL!
I read about and tried this technique.
Try communicating to him about something he's interested in before you put in what you want to say. So if he's playing, you could say "hey Johnny, what are you playing?" and he says "Trains" you could then say "looks like you built yourself a neat train yard! Could you come wash your hands for dinner?"
If every time you talk to him it's an order to do something he probably doesn't want to do then he will tune you out. My 8-year old does this! But I usually come in and am interested in what she's doing. Once we've established that we are talking to one another and I'm on her side, she'll happily listen and do what I've asked. It takes the Drill Sergeant out of it, and also she does what I ask happily, instead of reluctantly.
It only takes a few seconds longer, and it's worth it not to have both me AND her upset! (Also, when I'm interested in what she's doing I also get hugs and kisses!)
Since you know his hearing is fine, it's behavioral. I would make sure that you have his full attention when you speak to him (if he's watching SpongeBob Squarepants when you ask him to get his shoes on or toys cleaned up, he isn't going to "hear" you). Have him repeat to you what you said, so that you know that he heard it. He may also pay attention better if there is a consequence for missing a direction. If he doesn't "hear" you ask him to pick up his legos, take them away for a day. He may start to choose to pay more attention when you are speaking.
A child who hears very well but says "what" frequently may well have an auditory processing problem.
This is from my handouts of the workshop, "Dyslexia, Dyscalculia, and Dysgraphia - a Brain development Approach":
• Definition – “refers to difficulties in the perceptual processing of auditory information in the CNS as demonstrated by poor performance in one or more of the skills - sound localization and lateralization; auditory discrimination; auditory pattern recognition; temporal aspects of audition, including temporal integration, temporal discrimination (e.g., temporal gap detection), temporal ordering, and temporal masking; auditory performance in competing acoustic signals (including dichotic listening); and auditory performance with degraded acoustic signals” according to American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA)
• Diagnosis - audiologist
• Listening Therapy:
Help but not cure
AIT, Tomatis, Therapeutic Listening, Samonas, The Listening Program
It's a beginning for your exploration. As the workshop is designed for teachers and OTs, it may not mean much to you, but it is a starting place to learn more. You can also explore my website, www.PyramidOfPotential.com, where I have loads of information for parents, and links to other helpful sites. If you have a specific question, please feel free to contact me!
K. Johnson, MS Ed
I am reading a good book, How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and Listen So Your Kids Will Talk. It is good!!
My son has this problem as well... It's selective hearing. The second you unwrap a chocolate in another room he flies around the corner asking what you have? Tell him to put the shoes by the front door, or to eat dinner or answer a question while he's distracted, and you find yourself repeating like a record player! I'll be watching for suggestions as well! LOL
Turn the TV off, or get down on his level if he is playing with something with your face near his, or tell him to look at you first and then say what you need to say to him. 4yo's definitely do not multi-task. You need to be the only thing in his focus for him to hear you. You can even say, "I'm going to tell you something, I want you to say it back to me and then do it". The phase changes, but I'm not sure it goes away :)
when my daughter was around 4 we had the same problem. Hearing test was fine. So she was def not paying full attention, and it became a habit of saying what. If we stopped and said ok, what did mommy just say, she would think for a second and then say what we had just said. We told her we were not going to repeat ourselves anymore. So if she said "what" we would make her think about it first...(so instead of us repeating ourselves, we would say...what did we just say) she did eventually stop saying it.
Call his name and make sure he is looking at you before you tell him something. Then if it is an instruction ask him to repeat it. Kids this age are so focused on what they are doing you need to make sure you break that focus before telling them something. In school the teachers call the class to attention before they give instructions by clapping their hands or calling out the same words or words each time and the children get used to paying attention when they hear that sound.
