My in laws live in MO and we line in IN. Since my daughter was born they have begged to take her to MO with them for a few days.. always said no until she was 3. (Last year) I still didn't like it but my husband convinced me everything would be ok and I thought it was.. I thought I could trust them with my child BUT about a week ago my daughter saw a motorbike in walmart that they were giving away and said "that's like grandpas bike" and then proceeded o tell me that he took her for a ride on it on the rode. I didn't believe her at first so I told her that he probably let her sit on the seat but he didn't actually drive it.. and she said " he did! He did!" So I asked "he really drove it on the rode with you on it?" And she said yes andwas getting very upset that I didn't believe her. This is a sign of her telling the truth. Also evertime I ask her her story never changes.. usually if she's making it up she will forget she even said anything and and reply with a different answer... so I pretty much know my daughter is telling the truth.. which brings me to am I crazy for being completely angry about this.. they never called to ask.. which if they did I would have said no because _ think she is too young.. I am her mother. I know what is best for her. And I probably wouldn't be so mad if they had asked OR even mention it when they brought her home.. but they didn't.. and I don't feel like I can just let this go.. _ need to say something.. I don't even know that I'm comfortable with them taking her anymorre.. I mean what esle are they gonna do? Get her ears pierced? Cut her hair? I feel like they vrossed a boundary of trust.. am I wrong?
I ask. They claim they have absolutely no idea what she is talking about.. so I told them if it ever does come about I was not okay with it until she is much older... still not sure that I believe them.. my daughter is pretty honest. If she does something she is not suppose to she owns up to it. ALWAYS! They live in st louis not rural. Also I would hold my own parents to the same standards and yes that is why I am angry.. a motorcycle is not a car.. nothing like it.. and its like everyone says its not me being afraid of him wrecking its all the other drivers.. wrecking on a motorcyle and wrecking a car are completely different..That being said I'm still thankful for all the advice and opinions. It helps to look at it at all angles! THANK YOU LADIES!
Not cool.
I used to date a pro mororcyclecroad racer.
He wouldn't drive a street bike 2 blocks.
It's the OTHER people that are the biggest danger.
My husband rides. He would never give a kid a rode withoutnparentalnpermission and these are 10 year olds we're dealing with.
Before you jump to conclusions, call and ask what they did. You need to hear their side. If it is true, then I would not be happy. Talk to them first.
Okay - take a deep breath - she's not dead nor is she injured.
Was she wearing a helmet?
What kind of bike was it? Dirt bike or motorcycle?
I was on motorcycles at the age of 3 - helmet and my dad would use a "seat belt" to strap me to him. I sat in the front, not in the back. I learned to lean into my dad....and follow his lead.
Yes. She is your child. Yes. They should have asked. What does your husband say about it?
You need to CALMLY talk with them and tell them you are not happy that your child was on a motorcycle. You need to you use "I AM" and "I FEEL" not YOU did this...it will automatically put them on the defensive.
If they cut her hair - it will grow back.
If they get her ear pierced - you can take them out and the hole will close.
Yes, they are big things to you. Now my question to you is - if this were your parents - would you be this steamed? If not. You need back off. They raised your husband - you liked him - fell in love with him - and married him - so they can't be all bad, can they?
So next time - you and your husband need to talk about expectations while she is with them. Then talk with them TOGETHER and let them know what you expect and what your daughter can and cannot do.
Good luck!
I would be PISSED... Beyond pissed... I would be LIVID.
Definitely have a sit down with your husband and talk to him about this. Your in-laws need to know that this is NOT okay.
In Texas if children are under the age of 5 they are not allowed on motorcycles.
Interesting since kids have to be in a safety seat until they reach a certain weight..here.
It is irresponsible for anyone to allow a child be passenger on a motorcycle, no matter how safe we feel the driver is. It is the other people on the roads that are way more dangerous towards motorcycles.
If you are out in the country, how long will it take to get an injured child to a hospital?
I never allowed this. I love my child too much..
You're made because they took her for a ride on a motorcycle? Really? If they had decided to use a different car would they need to call you to check to see if they were allowed to do that?
Did they get on the highway and drive 80mph weaving through heavy traffic or drive around the block a time or two or maybe to Walmart. There's a huge difference.
Sorry, I think you are seriously overreacting.
Find out the whole story before you freak out. Three and four year olds are trustworthy, but your daughter telling you that she rode on a motorcycle does not mean that your father in law inducted her into the Hells Angels. He might have walked the motorcycle up and down the driveway with her on it. Or he might have taken her for a ride in front of him on a safe neighborhood street. Neither are any more dangerous than a pony ride.
Again... before you accuse them of something heinous, make sure you know what you're accusing them of.
For all you know they took her going ten MPH down their street which is no big deal. You daughter may have thought it was a million MPH and down the highway but that doesn't make it so.
They raised your husband and clearly he is still alive. Why don't you trust them to keep their granddaughter alive as well?
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Just an FYI I have been on dirt bikes since I was pretty young. I hurt myself a lot worse on my bicycle than I ever did on a motorcycle. I took the motor quite seriously.
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I live in St Louis! Sans the highways, minor and major, there isn't a street around here that is dangerous!
After hearing what your daughter said about riding the motorbike on the "road"........... I would have called my inlaws and ask them specifically what happened. get BOTH sides of the story. Children are known to embellish... even very good perfect little ones.
They probably thought nothing of it because a lot of children and people in rural areas to ride motorbikes on the road and around their homes. They will not know you are upset about this until you talk to them.
Where we live, no children ride motorbikes, go carts, etc because we are in a suburban area of Dallas and it just doesn't happen. Now go to the rural areas and yes it is normal.
Example... I took my daughter around age 10 to visit some family in rural MS. They had go carts, 4-wheelers, motorbikes, and more. They were pushing her to ride BY HERSELF and she had never been on anything like that. She had no interested what so ever and my kid is not one to mince words and she told them to stop harrassing her about it because she wasn't interested.... It wasn't because she was scared.. she didn't want to, PERIOD.
They didn't let up until she was firm with them about what SHE wanted. Did I want her on the items.... NO WAY, and I don't care if it is rural and what they do every day. It is not our thing and I wasn't goint to allow her to feel forced to do something she didn't want to do.
They had no idea we truly felt that way. This was their norm. I explained that their norm is not like our norm and it is ok if she does not want to participate and quite frankly, I didn't want her to participate.
Because of that incident when I was there.... I never allowed her to visit without me (she never asked because we can't stand how rural this area is) I no longer trusted these family members.
So you need to communicate with your inlaws and let them know this upset you. You would have at least appreciated them asking you if you approved. I do think you are overreacting a bit as well. Really.. piercing her ears?
Good luck
So Grandpa took her on a ride on a motorcycle of some kind? This is what you are upset about? I hear you and I understand your thought process, however I put the upmost trust in my in-laws, after all they are the people who are responsible for raising my very favorite person in the whole world, my children's Father, my husband!
So, IMO...you are overreacting...your daughter is fine, right?
Have you talked to your inlaws about this? Until you get the whole story, you are wasting your energy on your anger. You may be your daughter's mom and know what's best for her, but how are you in-laws to know your standards unless you talk to them.
Don't get angry, get information. Rather than be upset about what else they might do next time, try to be calm and realize that grandparents just want to have fun with their grandchildren. Your inlaws may have shown poor judgment, but they may also be open to hearing how they can earn your trust so they can have their granddaughter visit again.
I think you need to have your husband flat out ask them. "we are hearing that Grandpa took daughter for a ride on his motorcycle-what is the story on that?"
Your daughter has no business on a motorcycle and hopefully this is a misunderstanding. If not, I would make it clear that that crosses a big line and has exposed your daughter to a potentially dangerous situation. I would get a verbal understanding that this must not be repeated and any other potentially questionable situation must be discussed in advance. I wonder if he let her sit in front of his lap and turned in on and that is why she thought she was riding??
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I think you need to have your husband flat out ask them. "we are hearing that Grandpa took daughter for a ride on his motorcycle-what is the story on that?"
Your daughter has no business on a motorcycle and hopefully this is a misunderstanding. If not, I would make it clear that that crosses a big line and has exposed your daughter to a potentially dangerous situation. I would get a verbal understanding that this must not be repeated and any other potentially questionable situation must be discussed in advance. I wonder if he let her sit in front of his lap and turned in on and that is why she thought she was riding??
Wow. They lied to you, K.. I'm sure of it. That's just awful.
I would NEVER send her there again without you going with her. I just would NOT. Once they've broken your trust, that's it.
Sorry.
Are your in-laws generally reckless people? Have you known of any of their past actions that may have caused harm to you or your family? If the answer in general is NO, then I do believe you are making a big issue out of a small issue.
Yes, you are the mother. Yes, your opinion that your daughter is not ready for a motorbike ride definitely counts. Yes, your in-laws would have acted better if they had consulted with you before they offered your daughter a ride. But.
- Did it ever occur to you that in your anxiety and anger, you might have appeared a bit confrontational with them while you asked about it, and which might exactly be the reason they denied something?
- Did it also occur to you that although you are the mother to your daughter, they have been there, done that, and have raised a perfectly good son who happens to be your husband?
- Did it also occur to you that in truth, even if grandpa did give her a small ride, it might have technically been just a slow trot along their street? Or did you immediately jump to the conclusion that if it did happen, then it happened in the busiest street at about 80mph?
If it is the latter, then aren't you jumping to conclusions?
- Moving back to my first point, if they did lie to you, would it really be a huge thing for you to calm down, and ask them again? This time, just calmly explaining to them that you do trust them, but you were just anxious? And this time, maybe you tell them that you are not trying to make them look like your enemies, but that you were just looking out for your daughter's welfare, as her mother?
You are not wrong in feeling angry. But from your explanation, I get the impression that you are being too quick to judge.
PS: I've had motorbike rides since I was 2. On busy roads. I've never had more fun in my life. Doesn't mean I condone what your FIL MAY have done, but just that life doesn't come to a stop because of it.
PS2: My post might sound like I am now judging you too quickly, but you did asked for opinions, and I'm sharing my 2 cents.
I have friends who are avid motorcyclists and they have sidecars for the kids. The kids have had their own dirt bikes since they were three. I wouldn't exactly be outraged about her having gone for a motorcycle ride with them. I'm sure they didn't see a big problem with it, or even a need to bring it up. It is possible that he just took her for a ride around the block just so she could have the experience. I would probably just tell them next time she goes over that I am not comfortable with her going on the motorcycle, so to please not take her on the motorcycle.
What are the laws in your In-Laws State per motorcycles?
Then, you are the parent. It doesn't matter what other people's kids do per motorcycles, this is YOUR kid. So YOU make the rules.
Problem 1) Then, your in-laws are giving you another story versus your daughter.
So you will probably never find out the real truth, about it... and if they took your daughter on a motorcycle or not.
Problem 2) Another PROBLEM, with your In-Laws is: if they cannot tell the truth and always ignore what your "rules" are for your child, then you cannot trust them.... with motorcycles and your child, and for other things.
Problem 3) AND-- if your Husband is just invisible in all this and has no ability to speak up, nor for you or your child or her safety, then you have a 3rd problem. If he cannot or will not, step up to them, then you will always have a problem with your In-Laws. And your daughter, too. And she will always be caught in the middle of it all. Having to choose between your rules for her as a Mom, versus what her Grandparents.... do with her.
Problem 4) And, a 4 year old, cannot decide for herself what is best or not.
You can opt, to NOT let your child stay in MO with them. Ever. OR, if you do, then you or your Husband has to accompany her, too. If you do not trust your In-Laws.
That is across State lines. To another State. There are many other things to be concerned about when your child is in another State with your In-Laws, besides just the motorcycle riding. For example.
Like, if your child is with your In-Laws in another State, and she gets sick, or gets hurt or in an accident in other ways, do your In-Laws have consent to take your child to a Doctor and does she have insurance etc.?
Lots of other things, to consider.
YOU are the parent.
You do not HAVE to, let your daughter go visit them. By herself.
And, IF.... your In-Laws are lying, I would NEVER send my daughter over there. AND your Husband, needs to know this.
Is he going to just please his parents... or look out for his daughter and back you up?
And if they are lying about the motorcycle riding, then what else would they lie about? Do they even have car seats, in their car for your daughter, when she goes to visit them? That is another "safety" issue.
My friend, her Dad took her youngest child in his car to go somewhere. He let her son ride in the front passenger seat. He is too young and too small to do this, and per laws. And... he got stopped by a Cop. AND then had to pay close to $100 for being ticketed for it. He did not, have her son's car seat in his car... at the time.
And apparently, her Dad had done this before. But never told her. Nor did her son, tell her either. But her Dad got caught, by a Police, that time. And that is the only way, she found out.
So, that is another example. Of things. Beyond motorcycle riding.
No way would I allow my daughter, at any age, on a motorcycle. My cousin is currently fighting for his life because he was riding his motorcycle on a regular street, safely mind you, and was hit head on by a car. As safe as your in-laws might be, cars don't always see them, and even with the necessary precautions, it can be a death sentence. I am really surprised that some people think that it would be okay to take a child on a motorcycle. So yes, I would be angry if she were telling the truth.
That is HORRIBLE! How can that be legal in any way? A car is so much safer than a motorcycle, yet even in a car we have to have our kids in carseats/boosters.
Research the laws in their state and then make your case to them that what he did was wreckless, and that this is why you cannot feel at ease entrusting her to their care.
NO, you're not wrong!!! They should have called you before doing something like that. Your in-laws sound about as intelligent as mine!! I would never let them have my child again since they obviously have no common sense!!
I reluctantly let my MIL take my son when he was about five. I found out that she had left him in the car to go in a store and it wasn't just once but twice in just the few hours she had him!!!! Needless to say, I was livid. Not sure if my husband ever said anything to her or not, but she was never permitted to drive him anywhere ever again!
I then let her babysit a couple times but put an end to that as well after some of the things she did - turns out she's dumber than a rock in just about any situation!!!
Good luck!!!
I would believe your daughter. And I think it's not cool! My husband has a motorcycle and drives extremely safe but would still never let our little girl ride with him. Anything can happen!! Are they going to wait until he wrecks and she's in the emergency room??? This is completely different thyen letting a kid play and them getting hurt. You ahve to give them the chance to fall, but not when it comes to motor vehicles - period! I'd be upset and if they say they didn't, I would find it hard to trust them ever again. You daughter needs to know you trust her.
