My boy/girl twins are 5-1/2 and getting ready to start kindergarten next month. We've always had issues with "going #2". They have no problems actually going...it's the clean up that follows that's a problem. We use wet wipes and/or TP but they don't like to wipe themselves and want Mom and Dad (or babysitter) to do it for them. If we do get them to wipe they want us to check them (sometimes they will run to wherever we are and present their posteriors for inspection!). We have talked to them about this being in appropriate (can't do that at school, bathroom issues should stay in bathroom, call for help, etc.) My son is especially difficult. He whines and cries and wants us to do it for him. We have shown them how to do it and keep encouraging them...reminding them that we will not be with them at school and the teacher does not wipe bottoms! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
L., My son is almost seven and doesn't wipe himself. He soes have asperger's syndrome so he was potty trained late. he just finished kindergarten last year. He mostly waited until he got home to poop. If he pooped at school, he would wipe the best he could. They act different with other people. Good luck. J. (Mom of 3)
HI,
My now 14 year old son did the same thing and I think it he was about 8 before he did it right. I now have a 4 year old and she doesn't do a god job either. I think it's just normal and they will finally get it or they'll have sore butts. Good luck.
SAHM of 14,9,4 very happily married.
My boy had the same problem. Still misses some from time to time. ick..lol.. Anyway, we did a chart and gave him a sticker each time he did it himself, once his chart was filled up we let him pick a place to eat, and went shopping for cool underwear after dinner. Good luck!
They will have to cross this bridge whether they are ready or not, that first week of school. Kindergarten teachers address this with the class early on and tell them that they will have to be responsible for themselves. You will be surprised how quickly they will learn when it is teacher who says that they have to instead of you. Once they realize that the other kids all wipe their own bottoms and teacher won't do it, they'll learn. Chalk it up to positive peer pressure!
Have them do it and then you "inspect". Abbie does the same thing, although she doesn't run out of the bathroom. This gets them in the habit of doing it themselves and ALSO gives you the opportunity to give them attention and affirm the good job and/or tips for doing a better job. Lots of times, I think she wants the attention but knows she can do it herself. I just ask if she needs help. Most of the time now, she says "NO".
In addition, I think sometimes they want the kudos for doing #2. Remember what a big deal you made about it when they first started doing it? Sometimes I think they still want that. I know Abbie does and she's going on 6. Even if she takes care of herself, she STILL wants me to see what she's accomplished. Besides, as a parent, I want to KNOW how much, the size, frequency, etc.
Once I'm there, I make my affirmation and then the hand washing thing is a HUGE deal to her. We wash our hands together (even if I didn't wipe her). This may consist of singing the ABC's (how long you should wash your hands), me washing her hands - I put her hands in mine and gently wash and massage them. SHE LOVES THIS! Sometimes even if she's washing her hands for a snack, etc. she'll ask me to wash my hands with her. A GREAT habit to get into and she values that time.
This takes the focus AWAY from the wiping and puts it onto them growing up yet washing hands and maybe singing together gives them some one-on-one time & attention. I think I value that time as much as she does.
Hopefully, your kids will always want your approval and you most certainly will want them to remember the little things you did together.
I would go in and watch him do it. Encourage him by telling him he is doing a good job. You can always try a punishment if he won't wipe, and a reward if he does.
Good luck!
We tried a countdown to wiping yourself. I told her the start of Chrismas vacation that by New Year's she was on her own. I walked her through proper wiping often, cheered her accomplishments, then on Jan. 1 said, " you are now in charge". Now and again she would try, but overall she new when the end was coming, and we built up to it and she took it well. Maybe start now and pick Aug. 1st as your new day of independence. :)
i've found it best to talk about this sort of thing in a completely different setting. so instead of saying it right when they show their dirty bottom to you after they go and you are feeling upset, sit down with them in the living room after dinner, or sometime during the day when they are in a good talking mood and have a chat about keeping our bodies clean. play a game or have them practice on dolls or something so they associate fun things with it... talk about how independant they are with so many things and encourage them to start doing it by themselves.
there's a movie we got from the library-- potty power. it has a "wipe your bottom" song that is hilarious! there are kids singing and dancing with toilet paper, (don't worry, they have clothes on!!) and they show kids wiping their teddy bear. my daughter loves the song and sings it when she wipes. hey, whatever works, right!?
My five year old is the EXACT same way. He's a boy and he will not get up unless wiped at home. He had an AWESOME preschool teacher who helped reassure him that he could do it. We have it down that if we are out in public or at school then he has to do it himself. I will check when we return home. If he accidentally misses something the bath will help take care of it. It worked. He wiped himself at scool and in public. Best of luck...but it is amazing what they will do on their own when those closest to them aren't around. :)
Hi.I'm new at giving my advice. Here's my thought. Maybe try staying with them little by little.Encourage while you're there. Then eventually let them go themselves til they feel secure on their own.I know it may be time consuming. Hopefully daddy will help too.It will come to them when you least expect it.
Jumping in to say charts are magic! There's practically nothing a five-year-old won't do for a chart with stars--just don't forget the special reward at the end.
I've had the EXACT same problem with my 5 yo son! I told him come kindergarten, there will be no one to help him with that at school. His reply? "I just won't poop at school, Mommy." Oh dear.
So I started making him try to get it all himself, but I will check if he's having trouble (soft stool or diarreah). He wasn't happy about it at first, but he's getting much better. I told him to just keep wiping until the TP comes back clean.
Now if only I could get my three year old to try.......
I have 9 year old twin boys (4 boys in all) but my twins had the same issue. They wanted me to wipe their tushies forever it seemed. Finally (around age 4 or 5 I believe) I told them that they are old enough to do it themselves. They'd sit on the toilet and yell for me to wipe their butt lol... and I'd just tell them that it's up to them. If they didn't want to, they'd have to sit there until they decided to wipe. I would check them, of course, for a while (only in the bathroom tho... they never came downstairs with their bottom exposed lol). For some reason, they were afraid of getting poop on them or their clothes. Still, to this day, they strip naked to poop because they're afraid of getting poop on their clothes... at age 9! Needless to say, they don't usually poop at school ever... unless it's an emergency.
I don't have a whole lot of advice on this issue, except to keep doing what you're doing and it WILL click. I do like the idea of sticker charts, although my twins never really went for stickers. Twins are a different breed altogether, and honestly the only people who truly understand are other parents of multiples. You are doing the right thing by having wet wipes available and continuing to encourage them to do it themselves. I understand that sometimes it feels like you are at the end of your rope, but one thing that I have learned that totally helps me get through challenges, is that "this too shall pass." And it really will. Then you'll have a new challenge to deal with. ;-)
My son was the same way at that age. When he went to school, I didn't know what he would do other than come home with soiled underwear, but sure enough he figured it out.
He learned to hold it for the half a day. He would come home and do his business and still insist I help wipe. Then one day I walked in to help without him asking (cause I kind of resigned myself to needing to help him for a while.)and he told me, "No, I will do it by myself from now on." Isn't that the way it goes? Once we give up trying to change their behavior and go with the flow, they go and change it again.
I am afraid to say but this may get worse instead of better. My middle grand son had never been a wiper and now he's in middle school. Just turned 13. We have tried using thee girls won't want to be aroubnd you if you stink. He has stated he now wipes but we know this iis not true because he is very lasy about flushing and if you check there is never ant TP in the john so we know he fibs. I am hoping I don't have that problem with grandson # 3 because we are strting potty training. He wnts to play with hie wippies and he does know whast the are for. If the BM is not too bad I tell him to wipe his butt and then I praise him for a job well done. He seems very pleased with his self. Good luck with it. Does he realize he will smell foul?
