My daughter has just turned 5 and she is starting to talk about her father. She is saying that she misses her 'daddy' and asks where he is. He chose to leave before she was born-he had seen her twice by the time she was 1 1/2 years old and spoke to her on the phone 3 times just after she turned 3. I have no address/phone number for him even if I did want to contact him (nor does his family). I cannot figure out what brought this on-why she would be saying that she misses him. Any suggestions on how to respond??
Well...she asked again. I responded to her direct questions-I did not know where he lives and I do not know his phone number. I told her that a daddy is a person who loves her and takes care of her and that I know someone who does (we live with my fiancee and our 1 yr. old son). She responded that G. does. I also tried that being a mommy and daddy are like a job and its a lot of work. Being a mommy is my favorite job and being a daddy is G's favorite job too. But some people aren't ready for that job. Does anybody ahve any suggestions for books or other resources for either her or to help us out as parents? Thank you so much for the great suggestions. I really appreciate it!!!
tell her the truth to a point. Tell her you dont know where her daddy is or how to contact him. But that you have the love to give her for both a daddy and mommy. tell her familys come in all kinds of differnt ways. I hope this helps
Good advice so far.
The only thing I can add is to avoid the use of the word "daddy." When you talk about him, refer to him as her "father." Someone who fathers a child is a "father," but only a man who is present and loves her should be a "daddy,"
IMO. And maybe one day you will meet a wonderful man who loves her and will be her daddy.
You don't have to tell her not to use the word daddy, but you should use the word father, when referring to him.
Oh, I am so sorry. That is such a difficult situation to be in. My opinion - I think 5 years old is too young to tell the harsh truth to. I would tell her that there are many types of families: some have a mom and dad, some have just a mom, some have just a dad, some have two moms, some have two dads. Tell her that her daddy came into your life to give you a very special present (your daughter) and that he asked you to take very good care of her. He then had to go away for a little while because he had to figure some stuff out - like how to become a grown up (which is a very difficult thing for people to learn). And if she asks if he loves her, I vote that you say yes. And if she asks if he is going to come back, say that you are not 100% sure but you would like him to someday. As she gets older you can ease her into the truth.
It is her age. She can see what families can look like. Did your daughter start kindergarten? Has she been to the open house?
Being around a lot of other families, children this age are more aware of the differences.. This is a good thing. They are beginning to understand their own world. She is seeing more dads participating with their children.
Also the more books you all read the more families, mothers, fathers, grandparents.. are discussed.
They will begin charting families and their family trees in school.
Maybe you need to start off by explaining "there are lots of different families". Give examples of the other families you all know and how they are all different and that is ok.
For her dad, you will need to decide what you want her to know based on her own personality but also age appropriate.. Never lie to a child. They need and deserve the truth.
If you are not sure you could go to a family therapist and discuss options.
I found our daughter always did well if I could find age appropriate books to read and then we would discuss our situations also.
C.:
Probably because she is in a school setting now and sees other kids' dads?
Tell her the truth - that you nor his family know where he is.
I'm sure you can try to find him if you really wanted to but you need to tell her the truth - neither you nor his family knows where he is or how to contact him.
She is probably just realizing that other kids she knows have a daddy. Explain to her that families come in all different sizes and that some families just have one parent, and that is ok.
Good question! My son is 3 1/2 and we just had our first conversation this week about how Jackson and Lincoln have Daddy's but he doesn't... I'd love to have some good books to read to him!
