5Yr Old Trying to Be the Parent

My daughter has gone through this as well and still occasionally has issues with it, but just sit your 5 year old down and explain that you are the parent. You will handle any disciplinary issues because that is your job. His job is to have fun and be a kid. Thank him for trying to help but remind him that he only needs to be responsible for himself and if he really wants to be a big boy and help out then let you know about anything he see's as issues and you will deal with them and then he can go on being a kid. Most likely he just see's your a little more frazzled when his daddy is gone and he thinks that is the way to help, but just explain the way to really help is for him to be him and let you worry about his siblings. Hope this helps, I know the tough part is getting your five year old to understand but he will.

I completely understand, my oldest who is six does the same thing and while I haven't gotten rid of the problem telling her over and over seems to be extremly slowly sinking in. my husband works two jobs so he's gone most the time too and mine are 6,2, & 4 months so I understand how hard it is at times. just keep telling your son that mommy and daddy are bosses, but tell him he can help with.....give him a grown up chore..like getting the clothes out of the dryer of feeding the animals.

Explain to him that Mommy and Daddy make and enforce the rules. When Daddy is gone that Mommy is still in charge. Maybe you could give him a special chore so he feels like he's contributing, especially when Daddy's away. It could be something like feeding pets, taking out the trash, etc.

My hubby is a truck driver too, I don't know how you keep up with 3 kids and college courses. God Bless you. :)

Hi C.,
This is SO typical of the oldest child, and most likely has nothing to do with your husband being gone. Partially, it's just because they recognize their "status" as being older. "Mom is older than me and tells ME what to do, I'm older than my little brother, so I tell HIM what to do." My son did the same thing, and I did it when I was a kid!

But, here are two things that might really help.

First: A good discussion with your son is probably all that's really needed. Nothing nasty or critical of course, but just an explanation. Explain to him that only mom and dad discipline. And also, that only mom and dad give orders, assign chores, etc. You'll need to remind him each time he does it so that he becomes aware-- point out "sweety, you're bossing again. Mommy's right here and I'll handle it."

Second: Be careful that you don't confuse him. Oldest children get confused sometimes, because often, without realizing it, we parents give conflicting directions! (Or at least directions that SEEM conflicting to a young child.)
.
"Watch your sister for a minute while I go in the basement to do the laundry",
"You're the big brother (or big sister)you need to set a good example."
"Help your little sister do this or that"
"Go check on your brother"
"Tell your brother to stop banging, I'm on the phone"

etc, etc, etc

There are lots of times when we make them feel like they ARE responsible or DO have some kind of charge over they're younger siblings. Then we get upset or frustrated when they take the initiative to intervene on their own. They don't know or understand where the boundaries are -- where their responsibility starts and where it ends.
I don't think it means that we can't ever ask an older child to help with a younger one of course, but we need to be cautious that we aren't sending mixed messages.
So making it clear that Mommy and Daddy are "in charge", but that SOMETIMES, mom and dad might give you an 'assignment'to check on a younger brother or sister, to keep an eye on them and make sure they're safe while we use the restroom, run downstairs to throw a load in the dryer, etc -- but that's all it is- an assignment. They should ALWAYS look out for them safety wise, (like if mommy's in the bathroom and baby sister found a pair of scissors) but bossing them around, trying to punish, or discipline is Mom and Dad's job.

Blessings!
T.

hi C., i have this same problem with my children also. my 15 year old wants to tell the 6 year old and 3 year old what to do and try to discipline them at the same time. when they do this i let them know they are not the boss and their father and i are. let him know he will be given a punishment when he tries to do this. but at the sametime think of some things that he can do that will help you out, gathering trash, gethering up the laundry, getting you diapers and wipes, whatever you can think of. hope this helps W. mom of 4

How far are you into your associates degree with UOP. I have one friend who is getting ready to start her fourth block and I am currently in my third block at UOP. We both love it. As for the parenting problem with your son I would coreect him when he corrects his siblings. If he spanks his siters hand put him in time out or swat him and tell him that he is NOT the parent YOU, AND WHEN HIS DADDY IS HOME, DADDY ARE. I make sure that my kids are all aware of who the parent or parents are. I have two little girls and my husband has 4 boys. Two of those boys are older than I am. The youngest one in this blended family is our daughter. My oldest one, also a girl, thinks she can tell mommy and her sissy what to do. She gets put in her place real quick. Do so but do it in a loving way. I was placed in a parental position when I was 9. It didn't help when four days later I was suppose to go back to being a kid. It didn't work. If this doesn't help then try asking a counselor what they recommend. please keep me posted at ____@____.com

It's not his job and he knows it but he's caught up in a power trip you need to stop it.

For how: check out the post I listed about the fighting 4 and 6 years old boys