My 7 months old son is spoiled to death. I can't do anything, i cant go anywhere. He always wants to be held by me and nobody else. What do i do to break him from this habit of his?
You gotta let him cry sometimes. Not a lot, just enough to let him know that you are not gonna pick him up every time he cries. My daughter got clingy around that age. I started letting her cry a couple minutes at a time and eventually she just started entertaining herself. Takes patience, good luck
Don't worry, when he is more moblie and able to entertain himself and explore, he will become less clingy. My kids are 16 and 10, and take it from me, before you know it you will wonder where the days of them wanting you around all of the time went. In the mean time, do you have an Exersaucer or something like that that he can sit in and entertain himself with toys? This too shall pass, good luck!
You have received a lot of harmful advice. I'm serious.
Babies are designed to be next to their mothers. Some babies need it more than others. They learn how to be comforted, love, they built trust that you will respond to them.
When parenting, put yourself in your son's shoes. You can't move well. You can't clean your own bottom. You can't find food when you're hungry--you're completely dependent on your mother. If she walks out of the room, you have no idea if the very source of life will come back. Completely dependent. Now, what if that person who is supposed to be caring for you just leaves you and won't pick you up or come when you cry -- you're not going to trust, love, feel safe. Just anxious because you don't know if you're going to be cared for.
I'm sure what's really going on is that you feel tired and overwhelmed, which is very natural. You do need breaks. Sometimes going for a drive, a walk with the stroller (now that it's getting warmer) and visiting a friend can help.
Some babies are high needs and Dr. Sears has some great tips on how to parent these children. Attachment parenting in general is a good thing to google.
Basically, now you are investing time and a lot of energy in helping your son be happy, feel safe, well attached to you and healthy. Believe me, investing this time will pay off with an independent and confident child. By holding him now and giving him the attention he wants now, you are giving him wings for the future.
Babywearing -- wearing him in a sling -- will help you get things done during the day. I belong to a babywearing group that is going to meet in two weeks in Mundelein. Send me a private message if you'd like to come.
Also, I belong to an Attachment Parenting group that has play dates, meetings and fun things to do. I know several moms who had babies who were similar to yours.
A baby under 1 year cannot be "spoiled". An infant cannot be held too much, fussed over too much or loved too much! Is this your first baby? Welcome to motherhood!
It is going to take alot of will power but stop picking him up even when he cries. Maybe you can leave him with a family member for a couple of hours sometimes. Maybe you can get him a stuff animal and tell him when you can't pick him up to hold on to the stuff animal because the stuff animal has no one to pick him up. sometime you can substitute one for the other.
gradually teach him or cold turkey
to gradually teach you engage him in a toy, then move away from him a bit, gradually over time you move further and further away each time he is engaged.
cold turkey- let him cry, he'll learn you come back when you are ready and that life doesn't end when you leave
As far as no one is good, you HAVE TO start leaving him every day for longer and longer amounts of time with someone else. Preferably your husband. Just start by taking a walk around the block, then make the walk longer, then work up to driving out to pick up dinner, and then grocery shopping. The more that you do this the better he will become. And the sooner you start the better. Prepare your husband that this is needed and your son WILL CRY THE WHOLE TIME and this may take 6 mos, but if you don't do it you will never get relief and it could take years. Been there, trust me.
He probably is just starting to have separation anxiety so when you put him down, walk out of the room, are out of eyesight, etc, he panics and cries.
My son does the same thing. I just let him cry and usually in a few seconds, he'll focus on a toy or watch his older sister running around.
Try to keep him entertained while close to you (I use a high chair and let him play while I'm working in the kitchen). We also have an exersaucer that we take outside when we play. This can be moved around the house. Bring him into each room with you but put him down with toys.
And it is okay to let him cry when you are sure there is nothing wrong.
He's not "spoiled". Babies have an intense need for their mothers in the first year of life. Try wearing him in a sling so you can still get out and he can ride along. Babies learn so much from their moms, and the more interaction we have with them, the better. Your presence also comforts him. It's a big world, and Mom's touch is a constant comfort to these tiny little guys. It's such a short time until they're out the door going to the park by themselves. Treasure this special time with your cuddly little boy. You are his world.
I don't think your son is spoiled. I think he is a smart little boy who knows that you are his safety and comfort in this big world. Separation anxiety is so common at his age because he now understands that he is a separate person from you and that you can leave. He trusts you but doesn't yet realize other people can also meet his needs or that you just want to make dinner or whatever it is that you want to be doing. I know it can seem very overwhelming while going through this stage. Time goes very slowly while you are living it, but then all of a sudden you wonder where the time has gone. Just remember that he will only need you this intensely for such a short period of time. If his needs are met, including his emotional ones, before you know it he will become a much more independent little boy. He is learning now that when he needs you, you are there for him. He will slowly start to venture away from you in the next few months. As long as he knows that you will welcome him back with open arms, even if he only crawls across the room for a few minutes, he will start to trust more and more that he doesn't need to be held constantly. In a year, when he thinks he can do everything by himself and gets frustrated because he can't, you may look back at this time and wonder why you were concerned. Enjoy your baby. Hold and love your baby. They grow up soooo quickly. Cherish this time. He won't want to be held forever. And, if you are anything like me, you will miss it when he doesn't want to be in your arms anymore. A sling or a wrap are very useful. You can meet his needs but also get things done at the same time. I love the Sleepy Wrap. It took me a few times to get the hang of tying it, but it was a great help to me.
It will be hard, but it can be done. Start by letting his dad or some one close to you hold him. Someone who will support your efforts, and try to not let his crying upset you. (It will be difficult) but better now than later when he is too big and you can not do anything without him around. He needs to get the sense of "he will be OK if Mommy is not holding me every second". It will not be easy, but it is worth it in the long run, for you and him, believe it or not. Stay strong.
This is not a habit you taught him - it is nothing you have done. This is a natural stage. Let him keep something from you when you leave, like a shirt with your scent on it. Keep practicing - It will be hard, but he will learn that you always come back.
My 8 month old is the same way! Ughh i'm with you on this one! gotta love them!
Hi B., I think it's normal that when you're with your son he wants to be with you. However, that being said, what stuck out the most in your question is that you can't go anywhere. Are you saying you can't leave him? The best thing I did as a parent was allowed my son to be watched by my closest family members from a young age (my sister and my mom). If you're married or his father is in his life, your son should be able to have a close relationship with him as well. You want him to have some security in others outside of just you. Make a point to go out once a week or once every other week even if it's only to go out for coffee by yourself or do some shopping...it'll be good for both you and your son.
I agree with a few of the responses: do NOT let him cry it out. If you haven't introduced him to other people (i.e., letting family members, trusted friends) hold him or watch him since he was a teeny baby, then this is a habit you taught him. Believe me, I know how overprotective we can be as first time parents :) But now he's 7 months and the best thing you can do is gradually introduce him to other people. Let someone hold him while you run to the bathroom. Your son will see that you're coming back and eventually will feel more comfortable but you have to wait until he is mature enough developmentally to do that. One of your responses said that separation anxiety is normal at this age and it really is. Much like sleeping through the night or potty training, this is a developmental milestone that you'll have to weather but you can do small things to teach your son to trust others (like his daddy or grandma, etc.). Good luck - and don't be so hard on your son or on yourself.
No need to break him. Get yourself a sling--for his size, I would say a ring sling like Zolo that's super adjustable.. Put him on your hip and the sling will hold him in place and you will have your arms free to do stuff. He just wants to be with you. When he starts crawling he'll be less interested in being glued to you, and when he learns to walk, you'll miss the days when you and your monkey did everything together and you could keep him out of your cabinets. My daughter is 2.5 and I still keep a sling when I know we're going to be walking a ton but don't want to drag a stroller around, or when a stroller would be a pain because of space or crowds. Eventually when she gets exhausted, I pull out the sling, put her on my back, and we all continue on our merry away.
He isn't spoilt. You can't spoil a child so young. He sounds pretty normal. The best thing you can do is let him be and let him attach normally. Then he will become well balanced and will eventually outgrow this phase. You will miss him once he has dispensed with you. A great book on this subject is "The Science of Parenting." It is full of all the good science on attachment and how to avoid stressing your child so that he or she will grow up to be long term healthy and emotionally mature and happy. 6 months to about age 2 is hard. But it will get better and he will become more and more of a joy to you. Let it all go. The more you chill and accept it as is, the happier you will be and the happier he will be. Nothing on your "to do" list is really as important as having a child grow up healthy. Good luck.
You just have to be strong and put him down. I know it's hard to do but for your sake and his, set the kid down. I learned not to hold all the time by watching my Sister with her first born. I held my kids when they were babies but i could also set them in the floor and they were fine with that too. I wish you luck and strength to get through this. You will both benefit greatly by allowing him the freedom to learn that he will be fine without being held all the time. He will learn independence as well. Also, when he's old enough to understand more, always tell him good-bye when you're leaving. Don't sneak out. That way he will always know that you will be back!!
