8 Y/o Pooping His Pants.

He needs to see a GI doctor. Kids can get encoporesis (sp?) which mean they are so consipated they can't even tell when they have to go and it comes out. My son is going through this now. He poops everyday, but he still had a belly full of poop and a distended rectum. If there is no medical issue - then yes, punish him.

What you are describing is encopresis. He needs to see a doctor, get a diagnosis from a pediatric Gastro-enterologist and start a behavior modification plan. Probably he will need a regimen of Mirilax, but that's up to the doc to explain. His colon is damaged and not working properly. STOP PUNISHING HIM should be your first advice to her, he really truly cannot help it. It will only make it worse.
Kids with this condition lie about it, they can't feel it (damaged nerve endings in the lower part of the colon) and they can't smell it. He is dealing with something that could cause him long-term psychological damage as well.
My son had this, it took 3 years after a diagnosis at age 8 to heal totally. PLEASE tell her to take him to a doctor, you are describing ALL of the symptoms, and there is treatment!

I have helped quite a few moms here with this situation through PM, please contact me if you have any more questions about it. It's curable, but it takes patience and routine to do so.

eta
ok, I see she went to the doctor who is WRONG! I mean, yes it can heal on it's own...like when he's in his 20s! Tell her to insist on a referral to a Pediatric Gastro-Enterologist. Most family docs don't know much about it or the treatment. That little boy needs help, please tell his mom not to give up.

My son (who is 7) has gone through this for the last couple years. The medical term is Encopresis. Basically, they are just really constipated and "backed up" and loose stool goes around the hard stool and causes the leakage in their underwear. When my son would poop in the toliet, it was so huge and the Dr said that we had to retrain his colon, because the size of his poop should be the size of his intestine/colon. I read that they usually outgrow this though. My son hasn't done it for a couple months now, so I'm hoping we are in the clear! It was getting to the point, that people could smell his poop and he would do it at school and sit in it all day. It is very frustrating and so disgusting. But the worst thing you can do is yell at them/punish them. They can't control it. You should have your friend look it up on the internet and read about it or talk to her pediatrian.

I'll be blunt and tell you what's up with this...The boy is acting out because he needs his mommy's attention and she is undoubtedly giving all her attention to her boyfriend of the moment. Who cares if it's a 'fiance'....that is not his daddy....and the 8 yo is stressed about his place, his future and being abandoned. Which is just how a child will see it.

I'm am becoming more and more upset by the younger generations stupidity when it comes to raising confident children.

Your friend needs to invest more time in her son and less time in her fiance. No 8 yo should be pooping their pants. The poor child sounds disassociated from his body. And the fiance sounds like a JERK to come up with a stupid punishment like that and your friend sounds even worse to have considered it. I would run, not walk away from the sounds of a man like that.

P.S. Please have your friend read these responses. And please help her understand that her BF is a huge part of the problem. I would NEVER allow a non-biological BF decide on appropriate punishment for my own child. This kind of controlling punishment and ideas of what's right or wrong in a child's behavior is the pre-cursor to much worse control in the future. Be aware. Be very aware of people like this.

My 8 year old son has food intolerances/allergies (dairy, gluten) and has poop accidents when he eats something that he shouldn't (accidentally). If the child's BM is large and hard, that would leave you to believe that he is backed up/constipated and under those circumstances, alot of times the kids can't control their muscles because they're so stretched out.

It is an assumption on my part, but any time I see a child who should NOT have potty issues having potty issues (aside from night-time bedwetting), I think that that child needs something he or she is not getting, or is stressed to the point that he or she needs to control SOMETHING, and that usually results in bathroom stuff.

The only other option (IMO) would be that he has a medical condition.

Either way, he needs some attention. Now.

Another vote for encopresis. Our son has had it off and on for years. It has nothing to do with laziness. She needs to get another opinion because her son's doctor is completely missing the mark.

He has a medical condition -- as others have noted. Please help this family by helping them get the poor kid to a doctor as soon as possible, not next month or next week, but now. Please help them understand that it is NOT laziness if the child cannot control his own body or feel the need to go. Give them research, offer to drive them to the doctor, push them to make an appointment.

You are right that he should not ever be punished for something he cannot control.

There is a much bigger issue here, too. The accusation of "pure laziness" is purely lazy on the parents' part; they didn't even try to find out if there was a medical cause to this. And the idea of giving a child a punishment of watching a timer the ENTIRE time they are out at a movie without him? That is so ridiculous it is beyond belief -- you said yourself that you find it ridiculous and you're so right! It teaches him nothing at all and makes him understand only one thing: He will get punished for things he cannot control. Imagine his frustration with them and with himself. Their punishment is only setting him up to be angry and to act out later.

They need parenting classes immediately. They need to learn not to jump to the harshest interpretation of what a child is doing. They need to learn what appropriate, age-based discipline is and how to use it appropriately. If they react in this way over this issue that isn't even behavioral -- how on earth will they cope as he gets older and they have real behavioral issues to handle?

Don't forget, negative attention is ATTENTION. He is crying out for Mom's attention. She should make time for just him. She also needs to have a serious conversation with him about how unacceptable his actions are. This Is Not An Accident!! He is probably thinking "if I'm more of a baby, Mom will pay more attention to me".

Now your friend may feel like she is spending plenty of time with him, etc. Is it alone time? Does she make time to just sit and talk with him? Does he feel jealous of the time spent with her fiance?

M

If (and only if) he is doing this out of pure lazyness, I would make him be responsible for the cleanup. Of course, having a parent assist him would be necessary because you would want to be sure he is cleaning up well enough. But maybe if he becomes annoyed with having to change his poopy underware, wiping/cleaning himself up, going to get clean clothes, etc., may get him to see that pooping in the toilet is MUCH less work! Best wishes!

I encourage your friend to tread lightly and look at the heart of the kiddo. Kids cannot put their feelings into words much of the time (adults have a hard enough time with this too sometimes!!!) - and they often "speak" with their actions, negative as they may be. There is a lot going on in the house. Couple things Moms cannot control about their kids - eating, pooping/peeing and sleeping; we like to think we can, but truth is, we can't. I encourage her to seek out a child specialist counselor for her son and the family. Punishment is not the answer.

Mary Jo K has the answer right. There's something he's not able to communicate to you. It may simply be that there is a fiance. the fiance may be a fantastic guy who has always been in the child's life in a positive way, but he's STILL going to be marrying the mom, which erases any chance of mom ever getting back together with dad. And every kid wants their 'real' parents to be together. He may be acting out without even realizing why or what it is that's bothering him. Counseling is an optimal choice, but barring that, have her sit down calmly and ask him what's going on - I don't mean ask if it's an accident. Don't even bring up the accidents. Just ask him what's going on and if there's something that's bothering him. If he says he doesn't know, ask him to think about it because she's worried about the way he's been acting out and she really needs to know what it is to try to make it better. Ask him how long he needs to think (half hour? a day? a week?) and then come back at him at the designated time and ask again. I guarantee he's not enjoying the pants-pooping and he's not doing it to be 'lazy.'

Maybe he will grow out of it, but he needs to understand that ;people don't want to be around him if he's lazily pooping and not growing up enough to get to the john. Suggest he wash his own underwear. Suggest he go back into wearing Pull Ups. The more responsibility AND 'treating like a baby' might give him a kick into his age group. No friends over or going over to friends until he learns to go to the bathroom.
And just for the record, LARGE poops are an indication that the intestine is building up and stretching the lining. Maybe he needs some fiber or probiotics so that he poops a normal size. Too big will start to tear the 'exit' tissue too. Just keep that in mind.
What would happen if he felt a real loose one coming on? Just sit there and have a mess? I mean if he had a stool softener or ExLax? He'd be embarrassed, probably.

Ummm has she asked him WHY? At eight he should be able to tell her if there is a problem, or give a reason for it.