I have a friend who's 3 year old boy is my 2 year old boy's best friend. My friend is unfortunately a single young mother still living with her mother. I want to help her so badly to figure out a good way to discipline her child. I don't know how. Her son comes over and sees that my son has his mommy and his daddy together. If my son is giving me attitude, his daddy backs me up to say "listen to her". My friend doesn't have that back up. No one in her house hold will stick up for her and help her to discipline her child. He sees his daddy, but it's rare and when he does, daddy doesn't do much. He gets to be unruly and hard for her to control. He's big for his age (weighs as much as a 5 or 6 year old and he's 3) so when he throws a tantrum, it's an event. I need advice on how to help my friend teach her child to listen. None of the ways we've tried will work.
Help please????
Get her a book. Do some research, look on Amazon.com. Some authors are more respected than others.
Try to get a short one that is specific to discipline. Doesn't sound like she has much time to read a lot.
If you don't want to offend her, tell her it is your book and you thought it was great, it helped you so much, etc.
Sometimes people will respect a physician/author's opinion more than your own.
Tell your friend to try the method stated in an email that I sent earlier to someone who was having trouble with their stubborn daughter.
I also have a very headstrong daughter and this is what worked with her....Giving her choices. Many times children feel like they have no contorl over their lives, mom or dad tell them what to wear, when to eat, what to eat, etc. By giving the child choices, they feel like they are in control (when actually, you still are!). The key is to give 2 choices with each question (and ask as many as possible to give them more choices), either choice you are happy with.
Example:
When your daughter tells you she is thirsty, you say:
Would you like the red cup or the orange one?
Would you like juice or milk?
Would you like a lid or a straw?
Would you like to drink it in the kitchen or at the dining room table?
This works with discipline too...
When your daughter shows inappropriate behaviour, you say:
That behaviour is not acceptable in our home (or at church, or at the supermarket, etc.), would you like to spend 5 minutes time out in on your bed or in the dining room chair? If the child refuses to choose, you just up the time and repeat the same question. Again, if they refuse to choose, you just up the time and repeat the same question. Eventually they will see that the time is getting longer and longer and will choose.
The tough part is sticking with it in the beginning. When they refuse to choose (when it's not discipline) or try to give another option, you choose for them and STICK TO IT. This teaches them that if they won't choose from your options that you will take control back and choose for them. It won't take very long until they will choose because they will learn that if they don't you will choose for them and take the control away. If they refuse to choose (when it is discipline) you just keep upping the time and at some point you just stick with it so they will remember the next time that the punishment is worse if they don't choose.
My daughter is now 17 and a wonderful young lady, however, at 2 she was driving me crazy because she was so stubborn and strong willed. This method worked wonders on her. These children won't do what you want them to do just because you want them to do it, they won't do it until they decide to do it and that can be quite frustrating!
Good luck!!!
My daughter is almost 4. We have been having problems with her not listening to us (especially me). I tried spanking; she laughed at me. We've sorta tried time-out, but it doesn't always fit the situation (how am I supposed to put her in time out in the middle of a store or restaurant or in the car?? haha) So, we've recently discovered new ways to help her understand that she needs to listen.
The main points are be consistent, give the child choices, and, like a previous response said, find out where it hurts and squeeze (ie. take toys or privileges away)!
For my daughter, TV/movies are a big thing for her at home. And music (certain songs she likes) in the car. If she is not listening to what we have asked (pick up your toys, get dressed, etc), then we tell her she can't watch her movie until our request has been met. If she's already watching a movie, we will turn it off until she's done what she's asked. She will cry a bit at first, but quickly realizes she won't win! I used to try the counting "1, 2, 3", but I've gotten to where I don't want to have to count, I want her to listen the first time. If I tell her to do something & she refuses, I remind her that she will not get to watch her movie. If she still refuses, TV goes off! I do the same thing w/ the music in the car.
I think the most important thing is to be consistent. Kids will continue to test you to see how much they can get away with! If you stay consistent, they will learn that they can't get away with everything!
her mom probably buts in when she decliplines her child at home. that makes it so hard for a mom to get their child to understand that she is serious and his behavior is out of line. still she can talk to her mom tell her in a few years the grandma is not going to like being around the baby because he will not respect anyone. and there are alot of little kids that have dads that are not around but their moms can raise them and teach them to be respectful. he is at the age even if it is incovient for her she needs to take him away from the situation. he can understand time oout and the loss of his favorite toys. that is where i would start. all kids have something that breaks them weather if it is when he asks to play with your child and mom says no you choose to not listen to the rules over there. or his toy he wont share gets put up for a day or until he understands mom is not playing. tell her to be consistant and whatever route she chooses will eventually work.
Hello,
My son is almost 14 months and I am already reading The Discipline Book by Dr. Sears. It is a great book and has very helpful information. My son is not a trouble maker (so far) but I wanted to be equipped with the information and knowledge to "shape" him into a well behaved toddler ahead of time. I bet this book could help your friend's son.
Good luck!
S.
