About to Be a Mother of a One Year Old and a Newborn Feeling Overwhelmed

Hi M.,
It is certainly normal to have some anxiety and concerns about how you will get everything done, and keep everyone happy with two babies so close together. The fact that you are concerned about it, shows that you are a conscientous mother and will do whatever it takes to work it out. Hats off to you for lining up your caregiver for the much needed breaks that you will need. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in caring for others needs, we surpress our own needs. I had two little ones close together. They are 16 months apart and best buddies. They play together a lot. When I think back on how I did it, it is all a blur. They are 4 and 5 now. There will be times when you wish you could hold Madison but you are feeding the baby etc. I wish there was a magic formula but there isn't. Ideally, I could say, try to lay them both down at the same time for naps once you get into a routine etc etc. We all know that sometimes it just does'nt work out like that. So the best insight that I can give is ask your hubby for help even if it is just to hold Madison for a while or to play with her. One of the mistakes I made was not asking my husband for help and expecting that he would see the need and jump right in. Well, with my husband he was clueless and willing to help but I had to ask (still a little frustrated that I had to ask but got over it) but better than walking around upset with him. So your hubby is not the only one out there like that. You just have to get good at asking. You might consider having a heart to heart before the baby arrives to let him know that you will need more help. My hubby asked what he could take on when baby #3 arrived. He's been grocery shopping for 4 years and does a great job.

One other word of caution is that his way of doing things will differ even if you provide detailed instructions. I had to learn to pick my battles because I often criticized the way he did things. So he got to the point where he would not want to help out, so just a word of caution. Daddy's way is not always wrong just different. There will be growing pains but just know that with some effort, things will smooth themselves out. I hope this helps. Peace and Blessings to you and your family.

Have you looked into postpartum doulas? There are several in Columbus. It's kinda like having your mother-in-law come help out, but WITHOUT the politics. :)
I can get you some names if you are interested.

Hi there. I too am a mother of two children close in age, almst 14 mos apart. Let me be honest right from the start, it is very hard! - but well worth it!!! I had all the same anxieties as you are mentioning and my biggest fear was that my son, who had just turned one as well, wasn't going to feel loved anymore b/c I had to take care of a newborn. Looking back now I put a lot of focus on that instead of learning to share my love and my ability to multi-task, haha. My husband works out of town 5 days a week so I was left home alone with a one year old and a newborn. I felt very overwhelmed. Ha ha, even at one point I called my husband who had just left to go to the grocery store to make sure he wasn't too long b/c I already needed help with the kids (and we are talking like two minutes after he left, haha). The great thing about it is you learn to adjust on your own and in your own situation. Things will be fine, maybe a little frustrating at first, but in the end they are your babies and you do what you have to do to get things done. Believe me, my son just turned two and my daughter will be turning one at the beginning of March and it still hard, but well worth it. It always seems just as you feel like you have a handle on their new stages they switch on you again, hehe. Oh yeah, another good thing about their ages is that you can schedule their appt's for well check ups at the same time, hehe. So that is a bonus, hehe. Good luck with everything and all will work out fine. Like I said, you will adjust to both of your babies needs and since you are Mom, you will always make it good to them in their eyes!!!

My youngest 2 children are only 13 months apart. at the time the youngest was born, I also had a 4 yr old. I remember the 13 month old learning to walk as I would feed the new baby. I know it may seem overwhelming because you have the one, and your day is taken with her, however you will adjust. It is not always easy, but when it has to be done, it will be done. One thing that I used was a baby doll with the 13 month old. I had her mimick everything I did with the baby, feed, change, etc. It worked well in the beginning but after awhile, she would entertain herself when I had to tend to the baby. I do remember being tired a lot without my cat naps, but I got through and so will you. I also feel that the caregiver taking your daughter a couple of times a week is a great idea. I think you will figure out what routine works best for you and you will be ok. Just remember to continue to praise and pay as much attention to the older child when you can, it might help with the jealousy issues. Good Luck and congratulations~

Hey! Don't feel too overwhelmed. I did the same thing, I have to boys that are 1 year and 10 days apart. It was stressful at first but here I am a year and a half later and I wouldn't have done it another way. :) One thing that I recommend for you is get a few places ready that are totally baby proof where you can see your one year old the whole time. I set my basement up this way. This would allow me to hold/breastfeed the newborn and watch the older one play around. One trick I also used was playing fetch. My 1 year old loved to play with balls so I would toss them while I breastfed and he would bring them back to me. My 1 year learned to walk the day before his brother was born which was a Godsend, he was so happy to walk around with his new talent that he hardly cared I was holding another baby. One last piece of advice someone gave me (and it really helped) was to only expect to get half of what you want to get accomplished in a day and don't worry about too much. The house will be messier than normal and thats OK. You say that your husband isn't a diaper man and thats Ok. Just make a list of chores that need done everyday and tell him if he wants to help pick one or two. Good Luck!! You can do it... I did and now I have 2 little boys that are the best of friends and life is a whole lot easier for me with 2.5 and 1.5 year old little boys than my friends that have a 3 year old and a newborn. :)

Oh you will do just fine. I am 26 years old and am a mother of 3. The oldest is 3 years old. There is 23 months between him and his sister who is 1 year old (17 months) and there is 14 months between her and my youngest boy, almost 3 months old. You will be fine because you have to be. Once you get in the swing of things everything falls into place. Routine is important. Naps are crucial. PROTECT THE NAP or you will be hurting. Kids get hyper and angry when they don't get enough sleep. My 17 month old still takes 2 naps a day. Sleep when they sleep in the beginning and don't try to do too much. Having them close together is not easy but it's still easier than adjusting to one. I wish you the best of luck. You can do it!!! You will be fine. GOOOOO YOU!!

My boys are 22 months apart, I feel your pain =)All I can really tell you is that you will do it, and do it fine. Having a plan or ideas can't hurt, but if I remember right, everyday was new and interesting and you learn to just go with the flow...=) When it comes to breastfeeding the new baby, try to get the toddler to sit with you with a book or a favorite toy, so you are not having to get up and run after her so much (maybe?) This wont always work, but it is a good way to share time with the both of them without the oldest getting jealous...I don't have any other real brainy ideas other than to say, It will come to you and you will survive!! My boys are now almost 4 and 6 and everyday still a new adventure, some are better than others =)

As for the husband, I SWEAR Men do not see the laundry or dishes pile up until you bring it to their attention....that is something that drives me nuts, women are tuned into a mental list of what needs accomplished and when and why...I believe men are so simple minded, you definitely have to have a list or directions for them to follow!! Good Luck with that!

Take care, CONGRATS, and Best Wishes

C.

I think you should take your child care provider up on her offer to help out with Madi as much as she can so that you can catch up on rest and enjoy some time with baby Ronan who will probably sleep a ton and give you lots of time to rest and get caught up!!! ha ha ha. So glad we found each other!! talk to you soon!!

My 2nd and 3rd are 16 months apart, there really isn't a whole lot you can do to prepare or plan for having two babies so close together....and I am an obsessive planner! It was hard for me to get into a routine, and I can't even tell you what is was, it differed so much from day to day; but I can tell you that you will quickly find what works for you, and you'll be fine.

One VERY important thing: get your husband involved!!! I had a friend whose husband was not 'hands on' and by the time the kids got 'old enough' for him to WANT to do things with them, THEY didn't want anything to do with him. PLUS: a family is a full-time job and everybody needs a day off! That is one thing that has always gotten me. Men come home from work and RELAX because they just worked hard all day, women come home from work and WORK because their family needs taken care of....What's wrong with this picture?

My husband RARELY does dishes or housework, but DOES change diapers, give baths, go on walks to the park, kiss owies, etc.
Find what your husband CAN do and go from there.

hello. i am a 29 year old mother of a 21 month old boy and a 5 month old boy. my eldest son was only 7 months old when i found out i was pregnant. i felt the exact same way you do, it's normal!! My chldren are 16 months apart and i felt completely overwhelmed. i however have a very hands on supportive husband and let me tell you, that is a must!! It's great that you can take them over to the sitters because yes you are right, it will be a much needed break!! Trust me you will need help!! I was lucky enough to have my mother and my grandmother help me while i was on maternity leave. on days when i am was alone, i had to breast feed the baby in the playroom with my son so that i knew he was occupied and safe and could run around without me being able to be moblie and chase after him. I can not tell you that it will be easy but i can tell you that you will get through it and i am so glad now that my children will be so close. I still am waking every 3 hours at night and i walk around like a zombie but it all worth it!! and i agree with the other response about naps..protect those naps!! my 21 month old still takes 2 naps and i recommend a book by dr. weissbluth called healthy sleep habits happy child, an overtired child is def. not what you will want!!trying to figure out laundry, dishes, dinner and a shower takes some serious organization and although i have it down pretty much to a science, there are still days i shower at 4pm!! sleep when they sleep...you will do it, afterall, we are moms, we are amazing multitaskers, we have to be!! good luck and best wishes!! N.

I have 2 boys that are 16 months apart and even though this wasn't exactly how we had planned it I wouldn't have changed it for th world. Having 2 close in age has been great for me. I was really worried about my oldest rejecting the baby because of the time it took away from him but that never happened. So far I have not had to deal with any jealousy. My oldest loved to help out and still does. I read somewhere that when introducing sibings close in age that you really need to emphasize that the baby loves his big brother/sister. I've done that I really think that helped. Definately get a routine down as fast as you can ecspecially napping times. I know my sister-in-law just had a baby and her 2 are 18 months apart. She never had her oldest on a nap schedule so she is really hurting right now. Everything will be fine. My 2 are now 2 & 1 and love playing together. Their best buds. Just having a little bit of a sharing problem but that will happen no matter what age they are. I sometimes feel more like a referee than a mom.

take your babysitter up her offer any time she'll take your daughter. that reduce a lot of stress ane allow you to get some rest. as far as your hubby goes...most men are not real perceptive about there surroundings. so if you want or need something done, then just tell him specifically what it is you need...change a diaper, do a load of laundry, take out the trash, pick up some take out from the chinese place, or even watch the kids for 30 minutes so you can relax in a long hot shower. he may not be hands on now, but he's gonna have to be once the new baby gets here. you need to have a sit down with him before ronan arrives and tell him what your needs and expectations are so he is not surprised.

You'll be fine! I understand the anxiety though, I have a boy and a girl close together, breastfed and worked full time too! It is way different than with the first. My daughter loved being held--so I did. With my son, I had to put him down in a bouncer so that I was able to do things and you know, he got used to it and loved it! Now that they are almost 3 and 4--they are a handful, but they love to play together (and cause mischief!). I think having them close is wonderful. Even though there are times that I want to pull my hair out! My husband sounds like yours, too. I learned to speak up and say--change them, bathe them, etc. He just seemed to need to be told because he couldn't figure out what he needed to do on his own--now he's a pro! Good luck!!!

M. its is very hard my teo are 13 months a part and they are one and two now. my husband left me the day after the baby turned two months. You are just going to have to pace your self and make sure you give you 1 year old periodical through the day 10-20 min of one on one time even if it just snuggle time so she doesn't feel left out. always sending her to the caregiver wont be the answer. try after the baby is born making her be excited by letting her help you take care of the baby. i've learned the older but younger kids like to feel needed and wanted around like us adults do.

my first two are 16 months apart and the middle and last are 23 months apart so I've been there, they are now 8, 7, and 5. Lets see little things that really kept me sain....and the things i really worried about....
showers, how do you shower with two small children? bouncy seats are a god send, or whatever other small device baby likes for a few minutes, and then your older child can be doing whatever it was they did before baby, mine were always all in the bathroom with me, get a curtain you can see through, lol.
child proof everything, cupboards, toilets, rooms you don't want the kids in, it will make time with the baby much easier if you aren't chasing after your daughter.
baby gates are great, i still use them, i baby sit and it keep the kids where i want them while giving them space to roam.
plan ahead, take the extra couple minutes at night and get stuff ready for the next day.
beleive it or not my kids never got woken up by the baby, they never seriously injured the baby even if i left he room for a second, even at 1 they can help and be a part of things, mine loved to throw things away for me or find the missing binky.
trips out really aren't that bad either get a double stroller or a carrier that you wear for the baby, it will come in handy even at home if your older child wants play time and baby wants held, the key is to know you can do it and not worry so much about how
it might be unconventional but nurse sitting onteh floor while you play with your daughter, take a bath at night with one of the kids after the other is bathed and in bed . if you're nursing co-sleep with the baby you're less likely to wake the older child, wear the baby so you can be mobile and not feel like you are neglecting the little one, and don't stress when you find a tube of toothpaste in your carpet, or goldfish stuck to the wall, it happens, it's not as hard as you think it will be though, and i was a single mom when my last was born. good luck and congrats, and side note don't be afraid to ask your hubby to do things, men know they aren't overly observant, and he'll get into a routine if you help him.

My two little ones are 18 months apart. And I had the same problem with my hubby. He did cheap in and help out with our son when he was born, which I was not expecting him to since I was the one who took care of our daughter single handedly most of the time. But with the second child for some reason he knew what needed to be done. Also at the time I was a stay-at-home Mom.

I found that putting my daughter in a play pin close so I could keep an eye on her while I had to take care of my son worked real good most of the time. Or if we couldn't use the play pin for some reason or another I found activities for her to do while I was taking care of my son, which worked really well too.

Good luck and congrats on your new addition to the family. You will have lots of adventures with them so close in age. I know I have lots of fun with my two. As they have gotten older they are really close to each other. I can't keep them apart. They are like best friends. But there are those times were it feels like I have twins. My daughter will be 5 in May and my Son will be 4 in September. Once again good luck.

Hi M.,
This transition is going to be tough. I thought going from 1 to 2 was so difficult. I remember trying to nurse my newborn when she was a few days old and my son was in the kitchen cracking eggs all over the floor and sliding in it. There was nothing I could do! The best thing you can do for yourself is take a deep breath and don't try to make everything perfect. For the first few months, until you get a good schedule down, things will seem chaotic. But embrase that. Keep reminding yourself that it is only temporary and that they will grow and as they do things will change. This is just a stage. I agree with the poster who said the bouncy seat was a god send. IT IS! That way you can have the baby with you. Also dont feel guilty is the newborn is crying and you cant get to him right away because you are changing sister. Or you are preparing her lunch. Just take one thing at a time. You will get the hang of it and after a while you will feel like a pro! You truly do forget how hard it is. I swore after number 2 that I would never have another baby because it was so hard. Not only to we have 3 but Im trying for number 4! Its a wonderful time in your life, try to stay focused on that and you will get through the tough times!
Good luck and congrats on baby!

I totally relate!!! lol My oldest two are 11 months apart to the day. My daughter was 11 months old the day my son was born. It was hard to breastfeed I will say that!! lol I could get up after her and she learned it too! She would wait till I started to try to go some where. Is there any family or friends local that could come over and help some? That way you can try to do it with both but if you really need someone they are there. I had a c-section with all 3 of my kids and so I had to have someone in the beginning while I healed. Couldn't pick up my daughter or anything..
I think you need to tell hubby that your really going to need his help! He is a dad.. I personally just hate when dads think they don't have to change diapers. Personal vent with men!! ahhh..lol I'm lucky hubby has been very helpful with the kids. I am also lucky that I don't have to work outside the home anymore. Hubby and I both work from home now and that helps that we share the work I think!
I don't know if I helped. But it is a season and it is hard I won't lie! lol But it is great having them so close they are great friends as they have gotten older. Now they are 5, 4 and 22 months! lol
K.

Just some background, I had a 3 yr. old boy, 18 mo. old girl when my darling twin girls arrived. I asked myself everyday, as did others ask me too, how do you do it???? You just do it. You just make it happen. Don't sweat the small stuff. You may not get a shower everyday. The dishes may not get done, floor cleaned, etc. You just do what you can. Also, don't turn away any offers of help.
One thing that helped me greatly was for the first two weeks people at my office took turn bringing us dinner on Mon., Wed., and Fri. There was always enough for dinner and leftovers. That gave me three nights that I didn't have to worry about cooking. So, if a group of people ask what they can do to help maybe give up that suggestion.
Also, yes she may be only 12 mos. but enlist your daught to help out some, you may be suprised!
Good luck!!!