Accepting Your Body After Childbirth

Oh girl I totally get what you're saying. My fiance is shorter and weighs less than I do by about 10 pounds, but it might as well be 100 pounds as far as I'm concerned. So I've always been self-conscious around him. After the baby I found myself pushing him away and telling him I didn't know why he was with me... he could do better. I just hated what the baby had done to my body. I was starting to see definition and smoothness in my tummy after losing a great deal of weight and now it was all gone and I had to start over... knowing I might not get back to where I was headed.
I'm now almost 5 months post-partum and I am just working on getting my healthy eating habits back again.
One thing I REFUSE to do is give up my style of dress. I dress sexy... not slutty or sleazy, but I love my halter dresses and I LOVE to put on make up and do my hair and then go to the store that way. It makes all the difference between going out looking like I just rolled out of bed or don't care or make the time for my appearance any more. I always lived by one phrase : Look good = Feel good = DO good. When I feel attractive I'm an even better mom because my self-confidence is higher and I feel like doing things with my son. When I feel like a slob... we just sit around and mope.
So put on that sexy dress and strut around... even if it's just to the store! :)

Hi Heather,
Well, like the other moms said....it really does take time. My friends and I always said "oh we'll never be uninterested in sex or lose ourselves in the process of having kids"....um, yeah, right. You can never say what you will do or how you will react until you are there living that situation. You are indeed a different person now than you were......it just takes time to adjust to it sometimes.

I went through EXACTLY what you are going through. I was definitely not shy in the bedroom and pretty much ready to go all the time......after my first it took me almost 2 years to get any sex drive back at all. I had to come to terms with my new body and make attempts to regain the old one. That takes time. I didn't always feel my best and it was hard to feel sexy at times.

Also, your hormones take a beating and I've read it takes a womans body 2 years to go back after having a baby. YOu are still in the newness of it.

All I can say is having kids changed me. My friends without kids laugh at me....they can't believe I find it hard to do some of those things now being a mom. Most of my friends with kids went through this too. It just takes time to adjust to your new role and that INSANE new love you feel for your baby.
It will get better but you will have to work on it. I've never had a friend not have to literally work at getting her drive back.

Good luck and don't be too hard on yourself. It does change again (or it did for me) I just hope your husband is as supportive of you as mine was until it did!!!
N.

I went through this as well, but you will get your body back. (and you might also be mildly depressed which will pass!)

I lost my baby weight very quickly with my son, but things had adjusted - like my hips were wider, I was nursing, and I felt like my stomach was baggy. After about 6mos I just packed away the clothes that were making me sad and started anew. In all likelihood you will fit into those again after about 1 year or 1.5 years, when your structural changes return to normal, but it is best not to dwell on the fact that they don't fit the same, today.

The other thing that you may be going through is depression. My husband and I never argued until that first year after my son was born. Then it was about dumb things including my lack of interest in being sexy. He still found me attractive but I didn't find myself attractive and then was kind of upset to see myself as just a mom. ... I didn't appreciate that I had been depressed until I had my second child and life was dramatically easier. You might talk to your doctor about this, otherwise rest assured that it does pass as soon as your baby is sleeping better and you have bought yourself clothes to fit your new body and are feeling more comfortable about being a mom. But, you have to remember to go on dates with your husband once in a while, just you and your husband.

After I gave birth to my first child I was so in love with my baby that I completely ignored my husband. I thought my husband would feel the same way. He didn't, really. He also had an affair and we divorced.

19 years later, I still find it hard to turn from Mom into Goddess of Love (ha!), but I do know it is really important to keep that primary relationship with your husband healthy. In terms of your body, exercise when you can and try to accept that your body will never be the same. That doesn't necessarily mean worse, by the way. Just different. You are not your body.

I think the best way is to have dates. You need to get out of that house with your husband and away from the baby, as much as you can. When the baby is old enough a night away is really good.

That's my only idea. Let's see what the other moms say.

Hi Heather,

You have to know that you are the same person, but you are even more beautiful than before. You sound like you have a wonderful husband but that does not necessarily make it easier. You and your husband need to get away. Even if it is just for one night to a fancy hotel with a big spa tub. You need to feel his arms around and yours around him without a thought of when the baby is going to wake up or how many hours of sleep you’re going to get before the next shift starts. I remember feeling so not sexy, especially at only four months post, but once I felt aroused by my husband I felt sexy and wanted to be naked and fully exposed. Hormone levels are working against you as well, so what ever you can do to make it romantic and “just like ol’ times” the better. Also take advantage of those feelings you have as well. When you are in the mood take advantage of it, don’t push those feelings down and avoid them for fear, but embrace them and take advantage of you raw emotions when they show themselves. Nothing turns on a man more than spontaneous sex!!

it has only been 4 months. i would give yourself more time to adjust to the most life changing experience ever. i believe you feel back to yourself eventually...4months in NOT a long time and you are still getting the hang of being a mom and wife now. you will be amazed when you look back at yourself in another 4months. give it time...

It was such a shock having my first child. I do not think anyone could have prepared me for the body, mind and spirit change. I gained 70 lbs (yes it is true) and felt like my grandmother! I did not feel like myself because I was different. It really took me to start pushing the baby on the bike trail with a few other mothers to get some of me power back. I was and still am, so in love with my new little one, it was hard to have eyes for anyone else. Luckily my husband was in the same boat so we were on the back burner for awhile. Now, four years and one more baby later, we are convinced we should have started date night sooner and made more time to keep our own and each others wells full. It is easy to run and empty with a new one, finding ways that are uniquely yours and his to fill up, is an important new role that I am learning. Mine is friends, gym for (exercise and showers), movies, and alone time.
Good luck, it takes time because it is such an important job to us! Give yourself some time and space to adjust.
K

heather,
trust me, you are not alone! After my son was born, I had the same frustrations you are having now. The funny thing is both my husband and I truly believed my body was going to look exactly how it did before the pregnancy! Isn't that just hillarious?! I was 21 years old when I had my son and I gained 41 lbs and a ton of stretch marks all over my belly. I had to take my navel ring out around the 4th month, assuming I would replace it after baby was born! (You can't even SEE my belly button anymore, therefore I will definitely not be putting a ring back in it!)
My husband still thinks to this day, (11 yrs after our son was born) that my body can get back to normal-- meaning no saggy floppy belly skin covered in stretch marks, but I know without lipo or plastic surgery that is not the case! I know how important it is for us moms to make the effort to stay active and healthy after we have babies, but I'm just here to tell you we must also be realistic and respectful to our amazing bodies. We produced a gorgeous baby for goodness sakes! We all need to relax and respect our bodies, post-baby flab and all!
I am at a point in my life where I feel like I do everything in my power to keep in shape, eating well most of the time and fitting in exercise whenever possible, and also making time for those things. Since I have began with these things, I naturally feel healthier and sexy because I know I have the power to do these things for myself. You live with what you have and work to improve, but even if you do 500 sit-ups a day and still have a little tummy jiggle, that is ok, you accept it and live with it.
I almost can guarantee you that as soon as you start insisting to yourself how amazing and beautiful your body is and make time to do some exercises, stretches, etc, you will feel more attractive and be more excited to get affectionate with your husband! If it has only been four months, your hormones are probably still a little crazy, and sex, the last thing on your mind! (I was never able to get in the mood when my milk was leaking out all over the place and all I thought about was my flabby belly and under-eye circles! But your desire will return! Best wishes and don't ever forget what a hot mama you are!!

Hi Heather.
It does take time to get use to the body you have now, and you will get "your" body back. It takes a bit to recover mostly, I think, because now you are a MOM. (o: So, you have someone who needs you completely..breast feeding, changing, holding, ect..and that can be a little overwhelming. I felt like I couldn't be sexy girl when I was now 'mommy', and some times it comes down to shutting off your "mommy" brain and going back to "wife" brain.I hope that makes sense to you. And whats that saying? Fake it until you make it? So, even if you don't feel "wife sexy" yet; it may help to "fake" feeling it. I also suggest with simple as renting a movie once a week and making that your special date night with your husband. It helps to start small.