My niece/god-daughter turned 13 this year and her body is really blossoming. Problem is, she's not dressing for it at all. Her mom asked me to take her shopping and try to gently address dressing for her new body (it's up to me now, being that as a teenage girl, everything her mom says is the anti-law these days ;). Being a teenage girl in this magazine & mtv country, her self-esteem is always delicate, and we don't want to say anything to hurt her feelings. It's just that she's getting a lot thicker and bustier and is still dressing like a toothpick little girl...not too flattering. Has anyone else dealt with this kind of issue that can offer us any ideas? Thanks!
Hi everybody, and thanks so much for your responses! Judging from your replies, I think I might have misstated our issue. We are definitely NOT trying to get my niece to dress more womanly and show her curves! The problem is, she's growing lots of curves and they're hanging out of her current clothes...boobs, bra straps, undies and love handles everywhere! Being that it's so tough to be a teenager these days, we definitely do not want to hurt her self-esteem or body image, just to gently redirect her clothing choices in a more flattering direction. I work with young children and teenagers are a mystery to me, but I love this little girl with all my heart and just want to help her feel and look good. Any suggestions on broaching the subject with her would be much appreciated! Thanks again for all your help!
This is months later, but I think just plainly telling her that her body is changing and growing and so will her size should suffice. That she has love handles at 13 seams a little much, though. Perhaps she is just growing and not upping her size? She probably already is uncomfortable in those clothes and just needs to see how good she looks in clothes that fit her. Hope this advise comes to late because the problem is gone!
sounds so cliche to say to get a book, but really the book called "Changing Bodies, Changing Lives" was great when I was that age and I bet it's great today, too! It's by the same people who write "Our Bodies, Ourselves"
http://www.ourbodiesourselves.org/publications/cbcl.asp
I would just tell her like it is...sounds so hard!!!
good luck!
Hi H., as a mom of a daughter of a girl who will be 13 at the end of the month, I feel truly blessed that she dresses "not to flattering". Now I am not sure what you meant by that, perhaps I am reading into it something you did not intend. Society is rough enough on girls, just look a those Brat dolls! Let her be little. She is 13, not 30. She has her whole life to "dress flattering", when she is emotionally ready, when she wants to, when she decides.
For 10 years I was a junior high teacher. I watched how the girls that "dressed flattering" got all the "attention". You know, from the boys, staring and making comments about her body and her "friendliness". AND from the girls staring, pointing, disliking, and making comments about her "morals". Kids are cruel, it is there way of fitting in. Let your neice fit in in her own way.
H., I say let her be little as long as she likes. My daughter is getting shape, she is growing up and each morning I am so relieved when she walks downstairs in a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and a sweater. Don't rush her. She will grow up fast enough.
B. H
Family Coach
Hi, H.. Well, now, let's make sure of what the goal is in this situation. Are you just trying to make sure that the young girl's clothes fit her properly? Or are you trying to get her to step into stuff that might be showing off her curves more than she's comfortable with?
It sounds like she's having a hard time dealing with the changes that are occuring. Maybe she is afraid of the next steps in her development. Try asking her about what makes her uncomfortable about moving up to clothes that are more womanly. Don't just try to make her dress to show off her body. She may not be interested in it. She may have the curves, but still not have the desire to show off her body.
You and her mother may have expectations for her femininity that she isn't comfortable with. My parents and step-parents tried to force me to act and dress a certain way, in conformity to their standards of 40 years before I was born, and not only were they trying to make me look freakish as far as my generation was concerned, but I was not ready to deal with boys, dating, and all that stuff -- they were trying to push me there, and it just messed me up for a long time. So please don't try to pressure this young lady to be someone she's not, or maybe just not ready to be as sexually mature as you think she should be at this age.
Try breaking her in gently. Get her some clothes that fit her better but do not show off her body so much, maybe something that is comfortable, loose and a little flowing, so that she does not feel like she is dressing up like a Barbie doll in spandex.
Some girls are not as fashion-conscious (or fashion-desperate) as the rest of them. Thank God she isn't trying to dress like a stripper like so many of our little girls are these days! Remember that her body image is not going to be fully developed the way an adult's usually is. And praise her for how naturally pretty she is when her clothes fit her properly. Make her feel good about herself, not embarassed for what you think is wrong with the way she looks. It's always better to lift up her self-esteem than to make her feel even more awkward.
Peace,
Syl
