Adopted Children

HUGS to you M.,

First I want to let you know that adopting has nothing to do with what you are going through. I did not adopt and am going through the same thing with my children. Some of the attitude is lessening in my older child as she grows and learns. She listens more now then she ever did. The other one.. nope won't listen to anything.

I have to agree with the child that said they are the ones making these choices. They choose to follow your good example or not. It is very painful to let them follow their own choices.

Two things come to mind. One is that as they are responsible for their own choices, you are responsible for how you respond to their choices. In other words, stand your ground. Eventually they will respect you for your choice. The second is that, the only thing you can change at this time is how you feel about their attitudes. You need to remember that it is not really personal. If SuzyQ down the street was their mom and took the same stand, they would have the same reaction. Stand firm, send them love and eventually they will come around.

I think you should call these kids every day, have them all over for dinner on a Sunday, ALL of them, tell them all what you told us, how your their mother, you worry about their welfare, you love them unconditionally and you don't want to see anything bad happen to any of them. No matter how much they push away, just keep pushing back. I think sometimes people play those games where they will act like they dont' want something, when in fact they do, and they're really hoping the person will just keep pursueing (know what i mean?)
How old are these kids? are they in their early 20's, if so, that's a huge reason, drama drama drama. But like I said, just don't keep out of touch, keep trying, they will eventually come around especially when they realize your not going to stop being their M., NO MATTER WHAT.
Take care

Its a good thing im not her mom because i would go there with a bat and bruise him up so good.....You are doing the right thing..You daughter will leave him someday..I will pray for her and you....As for him he is such a loser...How dare him hit a girl...I wonder what makes her feel not good enough that she puts up with that???? If i were you i would try to make lunch dates with her so that she knows you want her around and for her to know that she has you allways.....Pray for her alot....M.

It is always natural for parents to want the best for their children.In my own experience with family, friends and my own children..The parental side wants to step in and let our anger tell the person that we know what they are doing and they better change. The other side of that is what will happen to your daughter and grand daughter if you say anything at all.So I would suggest that you tell your daughter that you will not invite Him over and if she wants to see the family she and the granddaughter can come by without him .Your son is right people make choices and as time has shown we will have to live with the conseqenses.I also want to remind you there are ways of getting help for your daughter.Look up the information on Domestic Violence and read all you can about it before anything else happens . You could be a huge help to her by not saying anything at all and giving her options for ways to get out before something else happens.She is the one who will have to make the change if she is willing.

First I would like to say what a wonderful person you are for giving adopted children a family. I also believe that you are justified in your opinion of your daughters boyfriend nobody deserves to be hit especially by someone who supposedly loves her. I absolutely think you should talk to him about hurting your daughter. I also think however that this should be a private talk between you and the boyfriend. Maybe he didn't grow up in a good home like your daughter. I think you may be able to get through to him you sound like a wonderful mother. God Bless you and your children.

M.,
I feel for you. You don't want your child abused! All I cansay is that she is an adult and treat her as one. You don't need to agree with her choices but keep communication open and always tell her you love her and are there for her and your grand daughter. Stand your ground against that person that is hurting her but she has to make the choice to leave. Just be there to help pick up the pieces when everything falls apart.
Sometimes when dealing with adult children, you need to let them talk and if they ask then give your oppinion. Believe me this is not easy! I still stuggle with it and most of my kids are grown.
C. B