Advice About a Fiance'

Hi there. I'm sorry you're going through such a terrible thing. My heart breaks for you. A good friend of mine, who is a single mom of a beautiful 2 yr old boy, had the same thing happen to her. Except, when she found out and had all her evidence, she did not even confront him. She just moved all his things out into storage and called him to tell him where to get them. I asked her how she did that without at least confronting him. She told me this:

When a woman knows her man is cheating, she can do one of two things. 1) Confront him. When you confront him, you are expecting an explanation, an apology, and a resolution to the problem. Eventually, you expect the relationship to work. If you choose #1 you MUST work as well. You must accept, forgive, and let it be behind you. Or.. 2) No tolerance. If you are a woman who knows that even though you love him, you cannot ever trust him again, you must leave and not look back. This is what my friend chose. A woman who chooses #2 will not ask for explanations. Will not argue and confront him. Will forgive but only to heal herself. Will not let him back in. Will have the confidence that she does not deserve unfaithfulness and believes that there is a loyal man for her somewhere and she will find him one day.

I wish you luck in your hard times. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Cecile

Dr. Keith said [there is no reason that a man should confide in a female companion about his intimate relationship. He should confide and talk to his partner to reach a truce and figure out the truth.] If he "hid" the fact that he was talking to another woman (for 7 months!!), I don't think I could personally trust him. If you do, then you've got to let go and not bring it back up in the future. And if you let him stay, give him an ultimatum... next time, no questions. 2 1/2 years is a long time to be engaged... have y'all set a date? (I'm not trying to sound ugly, but I was once in a relationship with a professional "fiance"... he just couldn't -or wouldn't settle down.) Keep your head high... because all that matters in the end is you and your precious daughter!!!

Shelly
Im so sorry to hear that he was talking to another girl behind your back. Personally i was engaged to a guy who was just like that. I caught him talkin to another girl on the phone and computer turns out that he had gone and stayed with the girl for a week and lied to me about it told me he was going to his aunts house to vist.Then i found out he was cheating on my with a girl who i thought was my bestfriend yea it was like i found out one thing and from then on i just kept on finding out stuff. needless to say i left his sorry butt! But i think if you cant trust him then you shouldnt be with him b/c from now on you will always wonder and once a cheater always a cheater is what i think. You can find someone to treat you and your daughter much better! i wish the best to you and your daughter!

There is no problem with someone having friends of the opposite sex that they confide in.....that is healthy. The problem I see is that he was hiding the relationship from you......that, to me says there is probably more to it than simple friendship. If she were only a friend, then he would have NO REASON to keep their relationship secret.

Shelly, I understand why you feel betrayed. I hate that this trust issue had to come up. I think I would really weigh the good and the bad and then make a decision to stay in or leave. I can tell you one thing that everyone has their own faults. So either you deal with the problems you have on hand now and learn to forgive or you start over. Sometimes starting over can be worse. So my advice to you is to follow your heart. I hope this helps.

Just doesn't sound like he is very trustworthy. If you know this now...DO NOT PROCEED! Some women don't find out until after they are married...consider yourself lucky. There are a TON of fish in the sea...faithful fish! Keep throwing your line out until you get one...you and your daughter deserve IT!

I would NOT get married. Why have you been engaged for so long? Do you already doubts? I don't know him or you but it sounds like he is hiding things and if he really didn't do anything but talk to this girl why was he trying to hide it???? Sounds fishy to me. I have been lied to one to many times and I don't want to live like that. If you can't tell me the truth then I don't need you. And if he would hide just talking to a girl what else is he capable of???? You should drop him!!!! I'm sure it would be hard since it has been 2 1/2 years but in my opinion it sounds like you would be better off and so would your daughter. Hope that helps. Good Luck!!!