Advice About Clingy / Timid 2.5 Year Old

Hi J., My 3rd child was exactly the same as your baby. I promise it passes. My suggestion is to chose your words carefully in front of her. Please say things such as "today my baby feels like being extra close to me". Or, "today my baby is feeling shy, maybe next time she will feel differently. " I was told by a child professional to remember that if Mommy says "it", well then "it" must be so....Meaning they believe every single thing that comes out our mouths, so if I labeled her shy it must be so.. in her mind. Other family members, including my husband took my daughters behavior very personally & that was crazy thinking to me so I tried to have an attitude of she won't be 3 forever, or we are just going to have to respect her feelings because she is so young & just figuring out her world.. My daughter is now a very confident, kind, loving 16 year old that I am so proud to say that's my daughter. We are still very close and I wouldn't change a thing.

My daughter also is clingy. I wouldn't push the early intro to preschool class because this could lead to a dislike in school. I would look into the dance since that is what she wanting to do. Check the parks dept. and library. Ours has some great programs for little ones. My daughter age 4 did great in preschool--though didn't talk to another child until Christmas (she would answer the teachers) and our goal this year is for her friends to hear her voice by Halloween. She still throws a tamtrum every time I leave to go to work (I sell Discovery Toys, a direct sales company) so really she is being left for only a few hours. Looking forward to the other advice you get to get any additional tips.

I have 5 kids they all had some separation issues at some point. My oldest was very clingy until she was about 3 then she went to preschool and did very well. We did do a mom and me class once a week and playgroup once a week until school started. Hubby will be liked soon enough once she figures out that daddy can do stuff too. My current 3 year old snubs daddy often for her big sisters instead but he also they all come around at some point. Good luck!
J.

If only we could choose our personalities! I'm sure your daughter, if she had a choice, would be more comfortable with less neediness, too.

No matter what approach you use with her, as long as she knows she can count on your love and approval, she'll probably be okay. Eventually. But if you push her to behave more independently than she feels ready for, she may experience a few months or years of stress and anxiety before she matures enough emotionally to handle it.

Hiding behind mommy when meeting people is probably more the norm than the exception. Crying for a whole hour is a bit more extreme.

You can help her with those separations by introducing them more gradually. How about taking her to the church nursery and staying with her for the whole time for a week or two. Play with the toys and model how she might enjoy interacting with them.

Then find reasons to excuse yourself, telling her firmly that you "need to" go get something, that you "will be back soon," and coming back almost instantly. Bringing back something she likes would be helpful, too – a favorite toy, a binkie, a book, a snack. Then start extending your absences. She will gradually trust that you will come back, as you promised. Drop the "soon" once you extend your absences past 5 minutes, though. That is an eternity for a scared child, and she may become uncertain about what "soon" means.

You can also ask her what things she will do to make time away from you more fun. Ask with confidence, particularly about things she chooses like the dance class. Don't be over-enthused, because kids see right through that ploy. But support her ideas (which may surprise you!) with a cheerful, matter-of-fact attitude.

Once your daughter does get some "okay" experience with being away from you, it may become quite a bit easier for her. Until then, each new situation could be just as traumatic for her for another year or three. She's really not choosing this need, J.. I think you know that, but I thought I'd underline it.

My younger son is still significantly less outgoing than his older brother, and he's 7. I don't recommend forcing the issue. She has a different personality. Once my younger one went to preschool, he made a few really good friends, and that continues to be his preference. My older son is friendly with everyone (he's 11) but has never really had a best friend. Maybe it would help for her to find someone she likes at the library or wherever, then use the idea of seeing them to convince her to go again. But that may not work until she's older. In any case, gently encourage her to go places and meet people, but don't push. She will probably become a little more outgoing, but she may not ever be at ease enough to jump right in the way her sister does. Good luck.

My daughter was the same way, but she also cried when any friends or family members got near her. We started her in a 2 year old preschool class a few months after she turned two. It was hard and she cried a lot when we left. She had very supportive teachers (learning tree preschool in Crystal Lake). What also helped was her bringing her favorite stuffed animal to school everyday. By the time she turned 3, she was doing better but still shy. Now she is in Kindergarten and quite the social butterfly. I really think starting her in preschool when she was 2 made all the difference in helping her through her anxieties.

Both of my daughters were/are clingy since they were never in daycare & were home with me all the time. My first went to preschool when she was 3 1/2 and cried when I dropped her off but they were able to calm her down & she sat under the table the entire first class! The next time was easier and no crying and after just a few months, her shyness was almost gone! Now she is 7 and very social. My youngest is 3 and even more clingy than my 1st. Like you, sometimes I can't even leave the room or the house even though my husband is with her. She will be starting preschool next week because of her attachement to me. I would definitely put her in the intro to preschool program. The first few times might be rough, but she will learn to love it. That's what happened with my first and I am assuming and hoping will happen with my second. The longer you let it go on, the harder it will be to break. Hope this helps and good luck!