Advice or Suggestions

I am sorry that you are going through this first of all. I only have two children and I am presently divorced. I too was in an abusive relationship. I think as women we try to overcompensate with our children and let them get away with more because of their past. I have changed that way of thinking now. If your husband is upset about the way they treat YOU, then you are probably not laying down the law. It has taken me a year and half to get my kids age 16 and 9 where they ought to be. Being a single mother, I could no longer tolerate their behavior and disrespect. Like yours, they were "good" when they wanted to be, but it wasn't nearly enough. Talk to your husband, first and foremost you both agree to the form of discipline and the rules of the house. Stand by each other and never give in. Don't argue about the rules in front of the kids, and never give in to them in front of him. If you form a strong bond and they see you can't manipulate you or push your buttons they will come around. Children respect rules and strictness, even though they will never tell you. Be firm, be strong partners, and stay the line and all will be well. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen. I wish you the best of luck. D.

i dont know how to help you with your situation, but i may help you to be able to stay at home. Give me a call at ###-###-#### or email me at ____@____.com with you soon!
T.

First...stop being so hard on yourself. You have four children, he has 2. More children equal more chaos. Second absolutely your life in your first marriage will not only affect your children but you as well and your self-esteem which may explain why you wish your children were like your husbands.

I really think family counseling would help, and I wonder if either your husband or you have EAP which is a program that work places have that offer free services or lower cost services. A therapist would help your family communicate better which sounds like the main issue.

I pray you do not feel that your children can ruin your marriage...your husband married all of you. Be strong.

you didnt say your husbands form of discipline towards his children or whether you allow him to discipline yours. some children are just naturally quiter. i knnow i have 5 and mine are loud too but not disrespectful for long my husband doesnt allow it. if your new husband is willing to pick up the banner let him no matter how hard it seems at first and let them know dad is only a phone call away. my husband was in the military and gone alot but they knew he would be coming home sometime and it wasnt worth the trouble to cause too much mischief even when he wasnt there. theyre all grown now and great kids. good luck and remember "this too shall pass". (of course the problem is surviving it until it does lol.)

Hi T.,
I saw your message about wanting to find a job where you can work from home. I would love to chat with you about what I do. I am a Southern Living at HOME consultant and LOVE IT!! We are a party plan company developed around the Southern Living lifestyle. Our products are designed for decorating, organizing, gift giving and service, and are designed by the designers at Southern Living. I've been doing this for 5 years and have replaced my Corporate CPA salary with what I'm doing. Please check my website. www.southernlivingathome.com/cindiathome . Our products are georgeous. We have fun doing what we do and we have an awesome support system with all the other consultants on my team! This is something you can do alongside what you are doing now until you reach a point where you are comfortable eliminating your job for Southern Living at HOME.
You should also know that our corporate philanthropy is centered around domestic violence. Cut-it-Out is a program developed by our founder that aids those caught in the grip of domestic violence. Our group here in Raleigh, NC, supports a shelter for women fleeing domestic violence in a variety of ways.

I'd love to talk to you about this more. You never know what an opportunity can bring you unless you follow it.

I can sympathize with you and I can imagine the guilt you must feel, but you should also feel triumphant in that you brought your children out of a bad situation. Check out The Secret. It is a life changing docudrama. www.thesecret.tv .

C. Flanagan
2-Star Director
Southern Living at HOME
____@____.com
###-###-####
www.southernlivingathome.com/cindiathome

The good thing is that you have realized that your children are out of control. So.... do something about it!! Lay down the rules and do not let them get away w/ their bad additudes and their disrespect towards u or ur hubby. I will never say that your hubby is more important than ur kids BUT they obviously are out of control. Put them in check but don't make it seem it's because of ur hubby. You have to be able to have them respect u if not, they'll never respect anyone else either. And that looks really bad on your parenting skills, you know what I mean??? I think u r being too soft on them. BUT I know that u can make this happen. Also remember their pre-teens and teenagers. Drama will always come with that age. But do not allow them to be disrespectful 2 u or the huby.