Am I Crazy?

Well if you are going to school, work full time, be a mom, have your own business and still find time to be in choir, then you deserve to be there. If he wants to know why you should be there ask him how his car is working with the broken part not working. The car will not work unless all the parts are functioning. Choir does not sound good without rehersal and all the members participating. Poor baby, he has to wait for you to be done with choir practice. Oh well, I guess you could leave him home with the kids if he doesn't want to wait then he could feed them dinner and put them all to bed and you could have mommy and daddy time when you get home (wink,wink). In all reality he would be so overwhelmed he probably wouldn't be able to handle it!!!!

All marriages are unfair to a degree and most marriages seesaw back and forth. Sometimes it's unfair to her and sometimes it's unfair to him. But if you look at a marriage as if you need to give 100% all the time then do you really care if you carry the load from time to time while the other gets a break? You shouldn't. If all he does is cut hair and you wear all the different hats you do what is up with that? Maybe he needs to get an extra job or two and take on school to see what it feels like? YOU ARE NOT CRAZY.....just unappreciated.

Thanks,
C.

It really sounds like you should be the one driving the car. You have the furthest and most stops to make! I know there was a time when my husband and I were down to one vehicle. My husband hated driving my little Ford Ranger, so I had to do the driving, but he had to be at work very early, 6am. While I didn't have to be at work until 8am. But we both had to suck it up because I also was attending school in the evenings, so I couldn't pick him up from work until 6 or 7pm sometimes. It was a give and take situation and he knew it. We did that for a year.

You just need to drive, drop him off and pick him up. And since he's a barber, maybe he can just take a few more customers while he waits for you. Too bad so sad honey, but in a situation like this everyone has to sacrifice time.

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this with your family. It sounds like your husband is getting tired of "working" throught this and I see only 1 fix to this... get his car fixed. I believe in paying for the necessary things in life first...household bills [elec., water, gas], then food, then transportation. Getting a car fixed falls under transportation. So if I was in your shoes, I would determine how much you need to get his car fixed and get that done.... Even if you have to get behind 1 month on credit card(s). You need the transportation to make the money. My husband would probably act the same way after a few days. Hope this helps and best of luck to you. Let me know how it turns out.
KK (Mom of 2 that could not survive without separate vehicles with my husband)

I seems that both are feeling frustrated, it is normal when something does not go the way you think it should. Telling your husband to suck it up just will add to the tension that is already there.

In your place what I would try to do is exactly what he asked you to do, explain simply and with no judgement but with your heart why choir is important to you, it is "your time" "you feel valued" "you enjoy it" it is the one thing that is not for your family, I do not know, there are many "real" reasons why choir is important to you..... Ackwoledging that he is going to a rough time because his money is tight and his car is not working will soften the tension... then options... as someone suggested taxis and buses are always on option or riding with someone else... and for the time when he is waiting you can suggest him to make it a "daddy and kids" time, to play, to spent time together in a nearby play yard, time for a "momy would not like snack or ice cream"

Take time to understand Your feelings and then think about His and when you talk try to talk from your heart, that always helps... and take three deep breaths before anything!

Hope this helps

Your husband needs to meet you in the middle. Since you have a job that requires you to be there at a certain time, is there any reason why your husband can not take the bus to his job? If he insists on having the car, let him know that having control of the car comes with responsibilities. For example, making sure that the kids get to school and daycare on time and picked up on time. You can suggest to him that you will take the bus to and from work if he takes care of the children. Is your choir practice short? If not, it is not necessary for your husband to sit around and wait. He can wait at home just the same. Better yet, stay at home with the children while you use YOUR car to attend your practice. You deserve a little time for yourself anyway.

Hi Danyett,
No, you are not crazy. I am in the same situation. My husband's truck broke down and we are only using my car to get everywhere. We purchased the truck from a car lot so we would not have a car note. It was suppose to be reliable. We spent more than we had planned for it and now more money trying to get it fixed. My husband is doing it himself and he still isn't finished after a month. I am frustrated because I have to find rides to the doctor's or to do errands while he uses my car. I asked him why I was the only one setting up rides. He should be asking people to help him get to work also. I enrolled in school two days ago and I told him he was going to have to fix the truck by this weekend. He said that that was not possible. I told him too bad because I need my car to go to school. That is the reason we knew we had to have two vehicles. I am sure he will not be happy with me taking the car back but I don't have a choice. I expect him to say he will take it to a professional which I will be in your position. We need to pay bills and rent is due next week. We have no extra money. Unfortunately, sometimes we just have to do what needs to be done.
Do not add to the problem my pointing out immaturity in your husband. State matter of fact like that we cannot afford that and it is not my fault you are without your vehicle. Tell him you need him to work with you and not expect you to give up doing what gives you pleasure, especially when it is for God. Pray for your husband's attitude to change because he is so stressed that he does not know how to handle it all. Continue to love your husband and support him at this difficult time. It will all work out in the end.

It sounds like you have some good advise here. Both of you are sacrifising your freedom and with one car down, perhaps you could alternate who has control of the car each week.

I know money can be tight for many of us, but have you and him sat down and looked at your finances lately? Since money is an issue, is there anything you can cut out that would free up money so the second vehicle can be fixed?

I pray the best for your situation.

Dequa