Am I Too Lenient?

the only thing I saw a problem with was jumping on the mattress, only because I'm cheap and wouldnt want to buy a new one if it was damaged. :-) I think you'd enjoy this website: http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/

Absolutely, brush off the unsolicited advice! You are doing great! I am actually in the same situation as you, same kids ages, etc. and everything you are doing is right. I do a lot of the same things (eats when he's hungry, plays in the sink, etc.) and I think he's a happy kid. Everyone comments on how he smiles a lot and I think its b/c he's happy. Good luck!

Hi Jennifer,
Sounds to me like you are doing a great job! Everyone's parenting style's are different just like every child is different. I think allowing children to play the way you allow it teaches them to be imaginative, creative and to learn cause and effect.
The only thing I do differently in my house is I do make all of my children sit at the table at dinner until everyone else is finished. If I allow one to get down while we are all still eating, then all the other children want to get down too and play with whatever the first child is playing with. I've noticed on several occassions that my son wants to get down from the table cause he says he is done, but I tell him he can't be excused until everyone is finished. Once that is said he will sit and finish the food on his plate because he realizes that he is not missing an oppertunity to play, this is family time and quiet (no toys or tv) time.

Your parenting style sounds a lot like mine. I have a 2 1/2 year old and while I insist on kindness and good manners, and I will punish aggressive or dangerous behavior, for the most part I'm pretty flexible and relaxed. I don't do rules for their own sake.
I don't have any interest in spending all day engaged in a battle with a toddler, and I think there is room in our lives for a little playing in the hose and bouncing on the sofa (ours only, shoes off).
People are always going to have something to say about the way your raise your kids, but only you can know for sure if you are doing what you need to do. I still have a hard time not letting other people's advice and criticism, spoken or implied, affect me. For what it's worth though, you don't sound too lenient to me

I love hearing what a variety of healthy activity you allow (encourage?) in your son, and that you are apparently able to discern where those activities are not welcome, and restrict him accordingly. It sounds like your son obeys your wishes. If you tried to restrict his activity and he threw tantrums or ignored you, and so you let him carry on as he wished, THAT would be too lenient.

Sounds to me like what you are doing is just right, and exactly what I want for my adorable, cheerful, creative, usually cooperative grandson, who's now a glorious 4.5. In fact, I spend a day every week with him, and encourage exactly the kinds of play you allow. He's very well-mannered, able to understand his parents' reasons for saying no, and compliant to those restrictions. And he gets exactly the kind of freedoms that you describe. Hooray for you!

Let the snitty looks go. If relatives say anything, just ask whether/how your son's play or dinnertime behavior is harming them. If they can show cause why you should demand something else from your son, thank them generously for their input, and act accordingly. If they have nothing to say beyond generalities about being too soft on kids, thank them generously and say you'll consider their opinions.

Then do what feels right.

What you allow your kids to do in the privacy of your own home is entirely up to you. Everyone else can disapprove all they want, but guess what? Eventually they'll leave your house and you'll still be there with your kids. So who cares what anyone else thinks, as long as it's working for you and your kids.

We have some friends who let their kids do all kinds of stuff that I don't encourage in my house, and it sort of drives me nuts that they think their kids should still do all the wacky stuff they do at their house, at our house. (Last time: "Do you have any shaving cream and food coloring? We'll just play on your kitchen table here!" AAAAAUGH!) And then the parents don't clean any of it up, so everything is a total disaster when they leave. Ugh. Anyhow, while they're here, they give us all kinds of disapproving looks because they are more permissive than we are, and they think we're stifling our kids. *eyeroll* Whatever, different strokes for different folks! I say if it works for you and your kids, do it! Who cares what anybody else thinks.

You sound fine to me. I also pick my battles and personally those aren't battles I would fight either, especially not at that age. I let my daughter play in the sink when she was a toddler. Why not? That's great sensory experience, heck a lot of daycares have water tables for kids to do exactly that, play in the water. Why wouldn't you provide that at home? And what better place to do it than the kitchen sink?
Same with the food. I never fussed if my child didn't eat. Heck I didn't even make her sit at the table at that age, unless we were out at a restaurant or friend's house. I just figured it wasn't worth the effort. (She's 7 now and sits at the table just fine thank you.)
Some parents are more strict than others, but being strict doesn't make you a better parent than one who chooses to pick their battles. Don't let them judge you! It sounds like you are doing a great job! Keep it up!!

Lenient to me is when a parent doesn't enforce something that is vitally important to a child. Like following directions, being respectful, using manners, being safe, etc. The things you are mentioning are just stuff you allow them to do. You did not say your children don't listen, or that they try to do those things at other people's homes. You 're doing a great job, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

P.S. Who REALLY said you can't jump on the bed? I think it's just something mothers learned from THEIR mothers :) I jumped on the bed as a child all the time, and guess what, I became a gymnast!

my kids (16 mo & 2.5 yr) jump in the crib and toddler bed. the 2yr old also loves to "wash dishes" and play with the soap and water. I let her. why not? spilled water won't hurt anyone... and if she gets too messy, then playtime in the sink is over, no biggie. I also couldn't stand watching my baby cry while in someone else's arms, so I'd hold the baby too!

I think other people just want to feel like they know all to make themselves feel better. I've even caught myself being judgmental of other family's rules/routines, but I try to bite my tongue before I speak, b/c everyone has their own way, and different things they can tolerate or not tolerate. and kids have different hot buttons too.

Maybe a response can be: "that's not a battle I choose to pick" or "yes, (I let him do that)--it doesn't bother me/no one is getting hurt"
To someone you don't know much: "thanks, I'll consider it" is a polite brush off.

As long as you are abiding by others' house rules when at their house (and obviously you are), then do it your way at home. You are NOT too lenient.

I don't let my 3 year old play with cups in the sink. But that's just cause I dont' want to clean up the mess :) She plays with cups in the bathtub :D She also plays with the hose and jumps off the couch (GASP!). I am sort of a stickler about the food though. If you don't eat your meal, you at least have to sit until every one else is finished. That's just our house rule.
My 10 month old is breastfed and has stranger issues. I think that's perfectly normal.
Your family and mine sound a lot alike though. I always here "You're STILL nursing?! She has teeth!" Cause apparently when they get teeth they have to stop nursing. **eye roll** yet it's perfectly ok for my 1 year old niece to drink 8 bottles of milk a day and not eat anything at all.
Your rules are just that YOUR rules. They are YOUR children. If you don't mind cleaning up the mess, then let him play in the sink. If it's ok with you if he only eats a little of his lunch, then so be it! He's not their child, he's yours! Just brush them off and enjoy the fun you and your children have :)

As long as your son isn't doing all those things at other people's houses, I don't think most of that has anything to do with discipline. All those things are about entertaining your child in a way you think is best. The piano after dinner thing, I probably would have coerced a couple more bites, but maybe not, I don't know your child. I know mine and how much he usually eats and whether or not he was just saying he was done to go play. That is a judgement thing and you are the best person to judge.

But all the other stuff sounds like they have a very full and happy childhood. In our own house, I also see no reason not to jump on mattresses. I don't do sink play, but only because I don't have a kitchen that would really allow that without ruining some things. I have allowed all kinds of things just like that. Why not pull all the couch cushions off and make forts or have pillow fights? Why not make jello strictly with the purpose of playing with it on the kitchen floor? What is the purpose of a hose filling up the kiddie pool if not to play with? Is it because of the big water mess they are going to make, into the full pool?

I don't think this is about rules or discipline, but about the fact that you make them feel like the un-fun parents because they don't want to deal with messes. And the whole "break the baby of that" thing- I don't agree with that at all. I probably should have left my son to entertain himself more often as a pre-walking baby, but he was very clingy. It made my life difficult sometimes with trying to do dishes and stuff, but if you are willing to deal with that, so be it. I see no adverse affects in my 2 1/2 yr old now that I think are due to the fact that I held him too much as a baby. He is a very well adjusted two year old actually. And I think that was just his personality. I improvised, worked around it, and put up with it. But in a strange setting being held by an unfamiliar person, I wouldn't hesitate to take my fussy baby back.

I would just ignore them and know that your children are having a fun childhood.

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I'm a pretty strict parent, I think, but I don't see anything at all wrong with how you are raising your children. Is allowing your child to explore his world wrong? If so, I feel sorry for children. What's more fun than playing in water and jumping off a mattress? What harm is there?

I think forcing kids to eat beyond what their bodies tell them they need is causing obese children. Kudos to you for listening to your child's body!

And "breaking" a 7 month old of wanting mommy is just plain stupid.

Everyone gets dumb parenting advice. When you get it, take a breath. Then another. And another. Soon you'll realize that you don't have to react to it at all, all you have to do is go on breathing and being the best mommy you can.

I think it sounds like you are a GREAT mom. No your not to lenient. It's great that the little stuff doesnt bother you and that you are able with two children to just let them be children. Nothing is wrong with your daughter wanting to be with you especially if the other option is someone so barly knows. I think as long as your son does what he is told and you respect the rules at other peoples houses, which it sounds like you do, then I wouldn't worry about it. Your cousins sound like they are a bit uptight and don't like when their children act like children. Kids are curious, messy, hands on this is how they learn by being able to try things and explore. You sound like your doing an amazing job and as long as you put the brakes on when it comes to him actually doing something wrond, distructive or rude you'll be fine. I think the problem is is that the other moms can't understand why it doesn't bother you, why you aren't more stressed with two kids and maybe that makes them a little jealous. one more thing the eating...your doing the right thing. You shouldn't force a child to finish whats on their plate. Make them try something new...yes, but never force them to eat thats part of the reason so many people struggle with weight issuse these days. Shouldn't eat when your not hungry. Brush off the unsolicited advice and keep doing what your doing it sound like your children are doing great and will be very interested in things because you let them tey thing...Kepp it up mom and good luck

I say trust your mama instincts and don't worry about what other people say. We do the best we can with the information that we have and that is what I always remember when I do things right or wrong with my kids. As long as your child isn't hurting himself or anyone else pick your battles and let him have fun. You are the one who knows your children the best and when the time comes when you need to establish stronger boundaries with them (as age appropriateness dictates) you will know.
Good luck!!

Parenting styles are clearly different - no matter where you go. I'm very much in line with one of my cousins, but with the other I am way tougher and believe it or not her kids question it and my kids will listen to me and not back sas me (hers will - and won't stop at cussing at their mom). Some answers to the whys:

I wouldn't let my daughters play with water in the sink - only because they spill it all over the counter and the floor. If I didn't have that problem then I might just let them do it - after all it's cheap entertainment.

I don't let them bounce on mattresses on the floor because over time that can, and will, break down a mattress and make for a very uneven sleeping surface - just like it could break the box springs below.

My daughters love to play with the hose - whether it is filling up a pool or being shot at one another, and we allow it. However, because we live in the city and pay for our water usage, they only get to do it for a few minutes a day in the hot summers.

A baby is always allowed to prefer her mommy to people she hardly knows, and in fact my husband and I had a very strict rule about NOT passing the baby, so often when we were around my family (it's big) either myself, him or my mom would be holding our children. Nothing wrong with it.

We don't push the food issue, unless they haven't ate any of it. And if they don't finish all then they don't get anything else until bed time (lunch is never an issue) just simply because they were full at dinner time, and bed time is only a couple hours away - shouldn't get hungry that fast.

Now, just because your rules may be different then my rules doesn't mean I get to judge you. It does mean that my children need to accept your rules if we are at your house (which means they might just get to jump on a mattress or play in the sink). I don't think it is necessarily the rules that matter - it's the reaction to the rules and the overall behavior of the child. If your child accepts no, listens to you, understands that rules are different at different places and behaves in public then you are going to have a wonderful child.

Doesn't sound like a discipline issue to me. Sounds like you are parenting as you see best. My kids (5 & 3 1/2) love playing with the hose and jumping on our couch cushions on the floor, and making all the furniture into a fort. So what? It's what they love to do, and they are not hurting anyone. Discipline is for when your kid bites someone or talks back, not when they are having fun or needing their mom. Sounds to me like you have set limits. Your baby is a baby. Nothing wrong with that! Enforce the limits you have set and ignore your cousins. They need to find something else to do.

My best friend is a lot like you and I am a lot like your cousins. She drives me crazy all the time letting her kids do things I find appalling. Like getting up in the restaurant and goofing off, not McDonalds but nicer places like Perkins or family type "waitress" places. My grand kids are never allowed to get up and run around or crawl under the table to play, I find that offensive if I am a customer. I make my kids stay sitting down because I think it's rude to the other customers for them to be disruptive. That's just a simple example I can wrote about in a short time. But we are best friends and we work it out.

When her kids are being horrid and she can't handle it because she has let them do what ever they want all their lives she calls me and I have to go be the bad guy. There have been times when I just can't let my kids be around that atmosphere because they come home and think they can pull every piece of clothing out of their closet and make tents to play in or that they can change clothes a dozen times a day just to play dress up. Or dismantle their beds to jump on them and I have to rebuild beds at bed time.

Her house is always a horrible mess because she can't keep up with the laundry and she lets her kids carry their toys all over the house and just leave them. They are in counseling and the therapist is saying she is not disciplined enough and it's showing in the kids.

One example of how her kids see the situation: Their van was rear ended and they had a little tiny rental car for a few weeks. She overheard her kids talking in the back seat about dropping their uneaten food on the floor of the car. The girl said to the boy "You can't do that, this isn't mom's car".

The kids are a product of their environment and they show exactly what being too lenient can produce. If you think you are perhaps being too lenient then consider this, you are the mom and it's okay for you to play games with your kids. Maybe you can participate in those activities when you are at home and not at other peoples homes. I think it's lots of fun to play in water but if I am trying to fill the pool so we can all play I sure don't want someone taking off with the hose. Teaching your children how to be responsible caring adults who are good members of society is a big responsibility. Maybe you can find a happy medium, be a little more aware of why these people are concerned and also understand you can be how you want in your own home.

This may sound like I really don't like my best friend but I love her dearly. She has the kindest heart I have ever been around and I can count on her to be there for me anytime I need anything. We have sat at McDonalds for hours while she's vented about how her husband is in therapy and how her kids are disrespectful and every thing in between. I have gone over and spent days cleaning her house in preparation for company that only stayed an hour. We have spent over $100 at the laundry mat, only washing the clothes, then going to her house to hang them out. We care so it works.

I don't know you but it sounds like you are a fun loving happy parent. Good luck with all this stuff you asked about.

Every parent has their own house rules to some extent. I don't allow my 4 year old to play in the sink because he has soaked the kitchen with the sprayer more than once. But that is no reason for you to make the same rule. I would ignore the unwanted advise and continue to pick your battles.

I think you are just fine!!!! Great in fact.

Why on earth would you need to break your 7m old from you.... she is totally dependent on you, she should be super attached!!

As far as the things you mentioned that you let your son do... most moms just don't want to bother so their kids are not allowed to do them...I try to say yes to as many things as I can, and NO to the ones that I must say NO to... then I am not always telling them no.

I also agree with you on the eating thing, the only difference is that my kids have to stay at the table till the rest of the family is done eating so it's still family time... then that prevents them just saying they are done because they want to do something else even though they are still kinda hungry.

I'd say good job!

It is not a matter of "leniency." To me, this is apples and oranges.

I am like you to a certain degree... i like for my kids to explore and think creatively and outside the box. They do. But I also have 'rules' and they know that... they know boundaries, they know what is wrong or right, they know mean and nice, safe or not, they know... our behavioral expectations.
But I also, let them explore... but not being "rude" at other people's homes. They know that. They are good "guests." They are not disrespectful. My daughter is school aged, and she according to all her Teachers, is the most well behaved in class and the best student, and she is her own person.... she knows herself. So does my son.

So, your way of 'teaching' your kids... does NOT mean that kids like this are worse or better. It does not mean they are more errant as compared to kids in more linear homes. It is about overall teaching of our children and the 'values' they learn.... and how they behave as a part of our family.

To me, that is what counts.
But again, to me this is NOT about "leniency" or not. It is about how we allow our kids to be kids and explore and learn... about all kinds of things.

No, you are not "lenient." You are teaching your kids in a different way. I teach my kids the same way. My Dad, taught me the same way. It is a 'valuable' approach as well.... what you are doing. I understand that. As do I as a Mom and with my kids. But like anything... hopefully we all raise our kids to be all they can be. And respectful and caring and original with good hearts. I do discipline my kids as well. But that doesn't mean they can't play with water at the sink. My kids do. I find it interesting. :)

all the best,
Susan

I would never let my kids jump on mattresses (I'd have to remake the bed and they'd probably ruin the mattress at some point), play in the sink (waste of water and messy, just one more thing for me to have to clean), or play with the hose (I'd want them to just be patient and use the pool once it's filled). That being said, I have no problem with YOU letting your little guy do those things. He probably loves it! I find other ways to entertain my kids, and that's ok, too. I don't see why your cousins are so uptight about how YOU do things in YOUR house. As to the food, I'm with you 100%. If they're full, they're full! Don't force feed kids - that's the most direct way to food and weight issues later on. Don't let your cousins undermine your parenting skills - you know what you're doing!

I haven't read any responses, but I don't think you're too lenient. I don't arbitrarily say no to things either if I can help it unless there's a good reason for it. Playing in the sink would drive me nuts because I know water would get all over the floor and everything else. So I wouldn't let my kids do it. But, I wouldn't think there was anything wrong with someone else's kid doing it if her comfort level with stuff like that is higher than mine. I pick my battles too.

And I really hate when people pull the "too attached/going to spoil your baby" business. Your daughter preferring you to strangers is NORMAL. In fact, her preferring you to known people, like Daddy, is totally NORMAL too. The best thing to do is brush those people off and act confident about your parenting. I think it's a little easier to discourage people from giving helpful "advice" when they can see you're comfortable with how you do things.

Obviously, you have boundaries. Your son knows Grandma's sink is off limits. You said he needed to eat and clean his hands before playing with the piano, which he did. You're doing fine. Don't worry about other people.

Maybe they have a problem with the fact that you let them play with the water in the sink or hose because the water is being wasted? We are constantly hearing all over the world to conserve water and the importance of this precious and natural resource. Conserving water is an important fact to teach our kids.

In answer to your question = No I definitely do not think you are too lenient. You parent your kids YOUR way.

You are NOT too lenient. You have a different style of parenting, one with which I agree. They can raise their children the way they choose and you can raise yours the way in which you choose. I suggest that you firmly tell them that in a nice tone of voice and ask them to stop criticizing your choices. If they continue to voice their criticism I'd spend less time with them.

Let them know that you are uncomfortable in their presence because of their attitude about your choices. then they can choose how they want to treat you. I hope that they choose to be loving rather than critical.

First understand that many of our "shoulds" are just cultural expectations. In other cultures kids sleep with their mom until 3 years old and breast feed that long as well! They aren't considered "spoiled." You are mom and you make the decisions and you don't have to explain yourself. With the exception of the mattress jumping ( I can't afford a new one!) my kids do all the same things. And what is wrong with playing in water?! They are people after all and should be able to choose what and when they eat just like we do. That doesn't mean we give them fruit loops three times a day but I don't force feed mine either. People are just way too uptight and have nothing better to do that dictate their kids' every move I guess. I think we do better to guide kids and let them experience life and make choices.

oh dear...the conflicting parenting styles pressure. HATE IT!! and i hate it b/c i am guilty of it big time too. i just really think i am doing things right, so why can't everyone else see it that way? personally though i am in your camp. my son has done all of those things and i have happily let him lol. the sink thing cracks me up because my mom got him doing it at her house, and i found him doing it at our house and about flipped the first time i saw it. BUT it's just water. we cleaned up the mess, and i gave him a couple rules, and with a little structure, he is quite able to play in a sinkful of water with cups and bowls, and not make "too" big of a mess (for a three year old!). we kinda compromised lol. anyway, no i don't think you're being unreasonable or too lenient. as long as he's not hurting anyone or anything, as long as he understands he helps you clean up any messes, i don't see a huge issue. the eating thing, i do ask that my son at least try everything on his plate. as long as his snacks (which is probably why your son wasn't "too" hungry) are healthy, i don't see why you would force him to eat a meal he's not hungry for. especially at a family function, you guys were probably snacking a lot right? it's a party, it's special. i probably would have asked my son to try everything on his plate. if he was done at that point i would have let him go too. my son is a great eater, if he likes something and is hungry, he WILL eat it.

as far as your baby goes, nothing else really matters except that your 7 month old wanted her mommy. what's wrong with that? it was a crazy day, she was around a lot of people she didn't know very well. what baby wouldn't want mom after awhile?

no, i don't think you're too lenient. do these moms have perfect little robot children? i doubt it. don't let them get to you. it really is just a case of different parenting styles, and unfortunately, everyone thinks theirs is right. i just happen to agree with you. many people may not. you have to be confidant in your choices. you're not "wrong", they're not "wrong", really...just different.

another note, this happens i think sometimes with my son and me...they may just be jealous of the fun mom that you are ;) and the good relationship you have with your son. just a thought!

When my family questions me, I just say, "I am the parent, I get to make the rules."

You are the parent. You have to live with the child you create. If you feel you are doing the right thing, brush it off. Kids need to be kids, but they also need a firm guide to lead the way. You are providing fun for your child, some of it is not that big of a deal, some of it I wouldn't allow, but that's me. If your child is loved, respects you and others, behaves when corrected or without correction, and understands that there is a time and place for certain behaviors, I see nothing wrong with letting the child have fun. I would just not allow him to have this fun around others who do not appreciate it. If visiting them, it becomes what the rules of their house are. If they are in your home, your rules apply.

You sound like a wonderful fun mother and I don't see any need for you to change. You allow your child to explore and have fun and there is nothing wrong with that. You pick your battles and I think that is something that more people need to learn to do. How often is it that we encounter people who seem to be at their wit's end because they are fighting every battle imaginable with their children. If only we all could learn a lesson from you and your way of parenting. I find it admirable.

I know alot of people have commented already, but I wanted to share something I read. It has helped me understand my boys better and remember that they're just kids.
'Little Billy's mother was always telling him exactly what he was allowed to do and what he was not allowed to do. All the things he was allowed to do were boring. All the things he was not allowed to do were exciting. One of the things he was NEVER NEVER allowed to do, the most exciting of them all, was to go out through the garden gate all by himself and explore the world.'
I don't let my boys jump on beds (they have played in the sink), but that's nobody's problem but you're own. It's your bed and your house, where's the law against that?!

No, I don't think you're too lenient. I think you are smart to pick your battles and choose to let the kids do things they enjoy that you don't mind. I think some parents really think they aren't being a good parent unless they are controlling the situation, and while that might work while the kids are small, once they are teenagers it while probably backfire. I think you're doing a great job. The real answer is in how your kids behave. Do they listen and are respectful? Maybe the disapproving looks were because your cousins say no to their kids about everything and their kids are still not well behaved.
If you still want assurrance that you are doing the right thing, check out "Parenting with Love and Logic" at your local library. I know L&L is a buzz word lately, but it sounds like you're living some of the concepts already and might boost your confidence that you are doing exactly what is right for you and your kids. Keep up the great work!! :)

Not too lenient at all! My kids seem rather "wild" to a lot of people, but they are polite, use good manners if they want something (unless they are really tired), and are very friendly and happy. I let them use our couch cushions on the floor to jump onto (it hurts less and they love it), I let my toddler play in the sink while his brother is using the toilet, and I am finally making my 3 1/2 year old take a minimum bite test of foods he doesn't want to eat. If he is not hungry, I make it clear that his next snack is at a given time, and if he changes his mind, he can have the same food cold (he usually doesn't, or he eats the meal instead--their appetites fluxuate a lot).

I let my kids get dirty, we jump straight into puddles in the parking lots at the grocery store together (if we're not going somewhere we have to be clean for) and any number of other things most people don't let their children do. Maybe that's why my house feels like chaos but my kids are outgoing and happy. Ignore the advice and comments. Your nusing baby is JUST FINE!! I am very thankful my in-laws were wonderful about nursing (my MIL couldn't do it but they were always boasting almost about how great it was that I could, how good it was for the kids, etc.) and I fed my kids whenever and wherever they wanted it. Your kids are having fun, learning things, and know their mom realizes how amazing and exciting it is to be a child and get to explore the world and everything their bodies can do. Your baby knows you are always there for her. Keep doing what you are doing and maybe your family will pick up some of your GOOD mom habits. :)

The answer to your question is clearly yes, you should brush off unsolicited advice, and no, you don't need to crack down on those rule-breaking babies. Everyone has a different set of rules about parenting, and that's as it should be as long as nobody's getting hurt and your children aren't breaking someone else's 'house rules'. Your baby, at 7 months, SHOULD prefer you to people she hardly knows! Also I believe babies are pretty good at picking up vibes from people...so if someone's holding your baby while criticizing you and making you tense, you baby can sense that something's not quite right here, so she wants to go to her safest place - you. And as far as your son playing in the water and not 'cleaning his plate', don't listen to those rigid people! They think it's a BAD thing that he wants to hurry to get back to the piano? You are not alone in wanting to choose your battles. When my kids were little I heard comments about things that I thought were harmless, like playing in the kitchen sink or with the hose, and don't even get me started about the Evils of Play-Doh and Sandboxes. I was lucky that my own mother had no such arbitrary rules. I learned to politely ignore unsolicited advice, and also that no amount of reasoning was effective in explaining my position to people who were critical of my parenting style. Kids are often smarter than people realize, and they can learn early on that what's OK in their own home might not be acceptable in someone else's. There is something to be said for learning that there are arbitrary rules out there that sometimes you just have to follow, but a bigger-picture lesson is that everybody doesn't have to do things exactly the same way.

Jennifer
Don't wory about what you'r cousins havto say, raise your chilld you'r way as long as theyr behavior is not abusive to other little ones. There is plenty of time for little ones to fall in line in preschool, kindergarten, etc. Now is the time for you and the little ones to get comfertable whith eachother. To manny parents push chilldren to fit in some kind of patern, however when you push to hard for a chilld to do things your way, quiet often the chilld will act out by becoming unruly or even whet the bed at night when they are not allowd to express themselvs for lack of word or pend-up energy. This is what I've encouderd many times. I'am fifth chilld of 13 and have 28 nices and nephuse, Th very best to you and fallow God and live well.

I'm a parent of a 3 year old son. I would not agree with the unsolicited advice given to you by cousins. I think you are setting boundaries as your son knows there is a time and place where those activities are acceptable and allowable. I know my 3 year old loves water play, and he too enjoys it, he also knows that he can do those things at our home and not at others. Like all kids, he too is extremely hungry asking for seconds one day and taking a few bites the next meal kid. I talked to a nutritionalist, who told me not to worry about his current eating habits and the fact that he's not loving veggies that as he gets older his meals will regulate. No need to fight that battle either. Raising kids you do need boundaries, but were talking about playing, he's not exhibiting any "undesirable" behaviors such as hitting and when you do set boundaries he does listen. As long as he's is listening to you his parent don't worry about it. Why stress yourself out with little things that kids do? As for your baby, breastfeeding is healthy and a wonderful bonding experience for your child. They should educate themselves before they start giving advice.

Nope, you're a great mom.

IMNSHO? You're not being lenient at all. It's developmentally appropriate for little kids to play with water! Plus, you did set boundaries with your kiddo about the whole "first we eat, then we wipe our hands and go play".

I do one of these two things with unsolicited advice about child rearing:

1. "Criticize" their parenting skills, in a humorous way - "I can't believe you force your children to overeat!" or "You DON'T let them play with water?" Sometimes making light of the situation helps people to mind their own beeswax.
2. Blow them off, with or without commentary. Since I'm not a woman of few words, I go with the latter: "Well, we don't sweat the small stuff," or "Hey, you screw up your kids your way, I'll screw up mine my way."

FWIW, my daughter is five and has developmental delays. Believe me, I get plenty of unsolicited advice from pretty much everyone outside of her therapists and a few close friends of mine. It's really tempting to tell these people and the horse they rode in on what's what, but they're going to think what they want so it isn't worth my energy.

hth & good luck!

Jennifer,

I raised my sons by the rule "make more blanket forts" and try to say "no" as little as possible. You will raise children who are more creative and happy, less stressed. Life will be full of that when they grow up. You are doing a fine job, there is no danger of anyone being injured and it sounds like you are very aware of what is safe and what could be a danger. Messy is not a danger, artists can get very messy, don't be afraid to color outside the lines. Hold and cuddle your children as long as they will allow it, they grow up too fast. I am a mother of adult sons, I can speak from experience. The little things that children often do that so many mothers think is a problem (co-sleeping, binkies, bottles, security blankets) they will outgrow in their own time. Don't change a thing you are doing! How refreshing....

S.

Screw 'em! You want to let your kid have fun LET HIM! Sometimes it's hard for people to wrap their head around letting their kid be a kid and they probably think they know more than you because maybe they are older or have older kids.

Sadly, it's part of having a family. I get things like that too only on my end it's when someone calls at 9pm on a school night. They ask what the kids are doing I say they are sleeping and I get "WHAT? Already? WOW that must be nice." Makes me chuckle every time. Their kids don't go to bed until after 10...then they wonder why they are crabby and don't listen!

Anywho, you are doing a great job. If you want to clean up the water then let it happen. Sounds like your son has a pretty good understanding of what he can and can't do at other people's homes so I wouldn't let it get to you. As long as he is still respectful to you and others then there is no problem.

Just do me one favor and make sure he understands that not all parents are fun. I have a neighbor who will come over and want to jump and do flips all over the beds and when my kids tell her she can't do that here she always says "why, my mom lets me do it." There have been a few other things that I don't allow which have been questioned as well. Drived me nuts.

However, I think moms like you can open a persons eyes. I have been known to cringe at the thought of a child playing in the sink...then I stopped and though...what's the big deal? It's just water not matches and a can of lighter fluid.

Keep up the fun parenting! Don't worry about your baby being attatched either. She'll grow out of it. Sounds to me like she just wanted to be with someone more fun anyway! LOL

Take care and God Bless!

Hello there, I know how hard it is to have the parenting style that no one in the family approves of. I am a strict parent. I am not a neat freak, so my kids are allowed to built forts, play in the water and could jump on a mattress if it was on the foor at my house but never at others homes. If we have dinner they sit at the table and do not move until dinner is over. I have never made them clear their plates but they do sit quietly. Both my sisters kids would be able to get up and play the piano during dinner, and that is hard for me to handle personally because of the noise. My kids are the only ones not allowed to run thru Grandma's house out of the 10 grandkids. when my sisters kids come over the mess is huge. I would never say anything to either of them, and never question their style but sometimes I wonder if they would want to know how much my mother and I dread their kids coming over. I try to talk to my sisters on the phone but can not because of the kids on her end. My sisters are always telling me it must be nice to have such quiet kids. My boys are as active as any 2 boys I know but they know when I am on the phone quiet (I limit my phone activity because of this). Both of my sister will tell you now 10 years later, that they wish they had been better about eating habits.
All I am trying to say is I do not think you need to toughen up but just read the room. I know now, years later that people do not want to be in the room with the mother who is alway correcting their kids any more than they want to be with wild kids. So I would get the comments about how I made mine sit. I would not change what I had done, but maybe I could have found a better way to make sure others were not so uncomfortable.

I also know, that until they are grown adults, who is to say either style is better. I am always afraid to be too comfortable in what I do, so the good lord does not feel the need to make something happen to humble me again. You sound like a loving mother and that right there is most of the battle. Love them and they will grow. lol

As far as your daughter wanting you, enjoy it, they grow too fast for words.

Sounds like your cousins are waaaaay too uptight !!!!! You are doing EVERYTHING RIGHT! Their comments were totally uncalled for, disrespectful, and downright wrong. Sounds like you're a great mama and your kids are happy - you go girl! (wish I could give you some snappy comeback one-liner for them next time that happens :-)

I think you're a GREAT mom! They *are* arbitrary and unless he or someone else isn't safe, then go ahead and explore the world. If he's like every other human being, he will settle down as he grows and changes from a toddler to a kid.

Why argue if you don't need to? This is just getting him used to mom being someone who disagrees with him constantly. Not a good dynamic to set up, IMHO.

You aren't alone and this is a great post on how to address all those frowners: http://tinyurl.com/2bfgvpk It was originally from goybparenting.com

I think you sound like a great mother who knows when to let kids be kids and where to draw the line. I would completely ignore them unless they say something and then stand by what you believe. A simple explanation is more than your very judgemental relatives deserve, but if it makes you feel better then just say, "This is how I choose to raise my children and I think I'm doing a great job!" I think your doing a great job and some parents could learn a thing or two from you!!

Play with the hose all day, who cares as long as a grown up is watching him.
Jump on the mattress as much as you want, as long as a grown up is watching him.

The sink?
Is the little guy in it ( he could fall out ) or standing on a chair up to it ( he could get water on the chair on his feet and slip and fall and hit his head )?

The sink sounds like fun, but it also sounds unsafe to me.

About your princess, keep her with you and make it clear to others that you and your husband are fine with her wanting mommy all of the time.
Trust me they will shut up real fast.

Everyone will want to tell you what to do and how to do it when it comes to raising your kids.
Try not to get angry or upset. Moms that have older kids or more than one kid can see trouble ahead from a mile back. They are saying something because they have been there and done that and they got the t-shirt from the E.R.

Young mothers ( like many of young moms, including myself ) think that we
know it all BUT we don't.
Listen to their advice with a smile, think about it. Then after you think about it for a minute, then you decide if it is really ok for them to keep doing it or if maybe so-in-so might have a point.

About the food, children eat like birds and they will eat when they are hungry.

Try not to get upset at those who want to offer their advice. You are going to get it from family, friends, neighbors, strangers, and you name it.
They will do it for many years.

If you get to the point to where you can't take it anymore then just say real nice to them " thank you for your advice but it's ok with me that they are doing that".
They will leave you alone and they shouldn't say anything else to you again.

I wish you the best with this.
God bless.

I would brush off the unsolicited advice...especially for the instances that you cited, with an added note that a 7mo. old doesn't need to be weaned from the security of her mother (nonsense!)
One thing to think about in the future is how your rules may affect the discipline of the other children. If your child finishes early and goes to play the piano, the other children may get the signal that its play time too, and abandon their lunch. You may have to explain to your 2 year old that he has to wait until the others are finished too, before asking to be excused (in 2 yr. old language of course :)
The point of rules is for safety and respect, and as long as you are guiding your child to think of others and be safe you are on a good path. My 2 yr. old loves sink time too :) and as long as baby doesn't fill the pool on his own there shouldn't be a harm, and good idea putting the mattress on the ground. Been to the broken arm dr. after superman off the bed game came to an end (I was just in mid sentence saying "I think that should be the last time... when I heard the crack)
The point is that you are the mom, and there are issues that you will need to be firm about, and others that aren't as important (we sure can suck the joy out of life by making rules for everything, but if we don't set any rules we can spell problems for ourselves later in the parenting journey.) Its between you and your husband to set those boundaries to guide them the best you can. Thinking ahead to the kind of character traits that you want your child to value, and setting guidelines based on these, is a good way to define rules that help your child see what's important and learn behavior that is appropriate.
Sounds like you have a good sense of this already.

OMG.. No..you definitely are not too lenient... You are simply letting a kid.....BE A KID! Wow, tell them BLUNTLY that you are simplying letting him be a kid, and you don't feel these things are a big deal.... tell them you're sorry that they will not let their kids be kids, but this is YOUR choice!
As long as the child isn't doing something that will ruin something expensive, or will hurt him/her or someone else..............who cares!
And about the baby.. Thats a wonderful and healthy thing that your daughter wants YOU... You are her mother.. Don't let them make you think thats wrong! What a shame that ppl can be so cold. I'm sure these people are the cry it out types... Babies need their mommys to help them get to sleep and just during the day comfort and ....so what ....they are happy and getting what they need, its natural!

I do not think you are too lenient. I think you sound like you have a very level head on your shoulders. I am a firm believer in choosing your battles carefully. I think making children "clean there plate" is a terrible thing to do, as long as you don't let him hop down from lunch and let him fill up on sugary snacks. Different parents have different parenting styles, sometimes it even varies from child to child. I have never considered myself an "uptight parent" Heck my almost 3 year old is allowed to jump on the furniture, but he would never be allowed to do it at someone elses house...good for you for letting kids be kids, there are plenty of ways to enforce discipline without having a rule for every little waking moment = ) They grow up fast...enjoy them while they are young and S.!

How did these cousins find out about these activities? Did you feel that you needed their approval? Playing in the sink can lead to responsible care of the dishes. What's wrong with the mattress? It is on the floor. Right? Is there danger of the child hurting themselves? I think having a purpose for "playing" with the hose is a great idea. A responsibility that a 2 year old can enjoy as well as help out. Filling pools is rather boring. Someday that may turn out to be enjoying watering the grass or placing the hoses of the sprinkler. People can not taunt you about what you do not tell.The area where I see a concern is with the breastfeeding. At 7 months one of my toddlers had teeth. When chewing instruments, namely teeth, are available I do believe it is a sign to wean unless the child starts showing very little interest prior to that. I breast feed so that my children could have a peaceful dining experience. You sound clingy about it. Preferring Mommy is great, just be sure to reserve time for Dad. When my family chimed at me about the breastfeeding, I gave them the truth about how I felt and did not apologize. When away from home it is a good rule of thumb to 1/2 serve your children so they have room to ask for more. You and the child feel great about the portion they ate. When others are around some times our children don't like to be observed by unfamiliar people and may eat less anyway. You are really helping them when you lower the expectations and stand for them. Enjoy your children, they grow so very fast. B.

You don't really need another answer but I just had to respond. If your cousins saw my parenting when my kids were younger they probably would have died from heart failure. I also let my kids play in the sink filled with water and using my measuring cups, cooking utensils, etc. I also let them play in tubs filled with water sitting on the carpeted floor, water soaks up great from a carpet. I also let them make tents using blankets & sheets draped over the dining room table and chairs. I let them draw on the carpet w/chalk, vacuums up great. I would put baking flour in a pan and let them drive their cars and trucks through the flour, vacuums up great. We routinely had water balloon fights that would start in the house because a balloon would break when we were trying to fill it at the kitchen sink or would pop off the sink faucet and would spray everyone and every thing in range, that cleans up nicely. I could go on but I think you get my drift. I just smiled and nodded when I received advice I wasn't going to follow. My children grew up nicely and are happy and healthy. They were pretty healthy and had no major injuries. You are doing fine.
V.

As long as you're not letting kids do dangerous, or just wrong things go with it! Sounds like you're letting your 2 yr. old, be just that!! And my middle son is almost 2 and almost ALWAYS still prefers to be around me or daddy. Thats the way it shuld be I think. Who do they know best? Keep being the happy mom you are, and don't worry about everyone elses opinion unless its really valid. Don't let your son polish the knives and you'll be fine :)

I know I'm a little late chiming in here, but I just wanted to add that I sometimes think that people say "NO" and have no idea why they say no. I vowed when my son was born that I would only say NO when I meant it, and not just as my automatic response when I didn't want to be bothered with something. I vowed to take 3 seconds to think about whether I truly meant no in a particular situation before I said it. If my son wants to take the cushions off the living room couch (we don't have formal furniture - ours is quite lived in :) and play amongst them, jumping on them and such, an immediate response might be "no." But if I give myself a second to think, I realize it's no big deal, he'll occupy himself for countless hours (ok, maybe minutes :), and there is no harm done. I might decide that if he takes them off the couch, he has to put them back when he's done. That's our compromise. He has a blast, and I didn't issue an arbitrary "no." That's the way we do things. No arbitrary rules in our house.

I think you're doing a wonderful job. You get to set boundaries for your children since you are their mother. It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks, as long as house rules are followed, and it seems that they are quite well.

My 8 month old daughter is a total mama's girl as well, and I see absolutely nothing wrong with her preferring me over everyone else, including my husband. It means we have a strong bond that I will cherish as long as I have it.

You and I are the same when it comes to being a mommy. Dont change!!!
What makes your cousins right?? Keep on brushing off unsolicited advice and enjoy your children!! More important, let your children enjoy being themselves.

sounds all good to me

The easy answer is to brush it off. Unsolicited advise is annoying! :) People are not always tactful either. Also its not like you're allowing him to do these things in someone else's home, or they would not be out of line asking that he not be allowed to do it there.

Now for the complicated part. We all need to be honest and open enough to accept criticism. Ask yourself (not just us, lol) if your son would benefit from a few more rules. Is he unruly? Does he always get his way? Is he respectful of authority? Does he obey? Do you allow him to do these things because you don't know what else to do with him and are sick of him whining, or is it a fun activity that he does on occasion? These are just some honest questions its good for EVERY mom to ask about how they parent. We all can use some tweaking, loosening and tightening up of our parenting.

I get some of the opposite stuff from my MIL. She wants me to let my child play in the sink (and cover the entire kitchen in water, and get a runny nose because she's cold and wet the whole afternoon). I find my children respond to order and schedule well, allowing them to have their own way and made the decisions creates more problems then it solves. I let them learn about making decisions by giving them options, you can do a, b or c, pick one. But I don't ask them what they want to do, I come up with things. Ages are 3yr and 9mo. Now I don't forbid my MIL to let my kid play in the sink at her house, but she knows that its a rule here. I sometimes WANT to forbid it, because it is confusing to my daughter, she pulls over a chair and wants to start splashing. I tell her she can "help" if she doesn't splash, but EVERY time she just can't control herself and after a few chances to redirect, she has to get down. She even sneaks into the kitchen if I leave water in the sink and starts to play in it. But I'm trying to be reasonable and not be the DIL Nazi or something.

I'd let her play with the hose outside, as long as she wasn't spraying people, that's what the outdoors is for! I wouldn't do jumping on the bed, it ruins mattresses (my bro and sis in law let their son do it and all the beds, chairs and couches are ruined, literally broken from this) and even if its only on the floor, they're going to want to climb onto the big bed and do it too (I admit, its FUN). And its something they want to sneak into the room to do. I guess my point here is that you have to weigh each situation and make a decision as to how this affects your family. If its a non issue to you, then go for it, but be sure you really evaluate it.

I am not accusing you of this, but just for some perspective, it can be really hard to be around people's kids who are out of control (and this is according to your own personal standard, be it too extreme or not). And its hard for kids to be around other kids who are not held to the same standard as they are (like the eating thing). It pushes the unfair button. Kids don't understand why their parents parent the way the do, they just know the rules their family has and suddenly here's a kid that can break them - unfair!!! If you really feel strongly about allowing your child to have the freedoms that you've established in your home and they want their children to have the rules they've established, it might just be best to socialize less often, or without kids. Its not worth having hard feelings or fights about stuff.

And lastly don't take it personally that there is a different standard here. At the end of they day we all have to live with the decisions we make, so you have to be at peace for your own choices. Best wishes! :)

I'm one of the strictest people I know and I don't think you are too lenient.

I actually encourage my son to ask "Why?" when I give an instruction that he doesn't understand.

There are times when I can't give him a definitive answer but I know the action is not wise and I tell him that it's just my gut and he's going to have to trust me on this one. Other times I can give him a reason. But still others, his question will make me think, "Hm. Why is that not ok? We weren't allowed to do it but is there a real reason?" And then I can adjust. If he starts to get disrespectful as a result of the "freedom", the activity can always be removed.

(My son has a little tougher time coming out of foster care so the respect issue is always in front of us. He's still learning appropriate interaction with peers and adults.)

It sounds to me like you have well defined boundaries and that your son knows how to respect them. Good job, Mom!

ok I feel everyone raises there children the way they think is right. which is fine because in my eyes kids should be raised the way the parent or parents feel right. So be it!! Bottom line I don't believe you are doing anything wrong. I don't see nothing wrong with what your doing with your kids as long as your ok with it. So if they aren't either ignore them or tell them if they don't like it go to home. Basically nothing you let him do is wrong to me. Your right theres no rules to raising kids. If they don't like it its there issues. Great Job Mom keep it up!!

Sounds like you are doing a great job! I get those stares from my in-laws. Just because people don't think like you do, they think you are wrong. Just ignore it because people will try to give you advise on raising your kids every corner you turn.

You will raise your children the way you see fit. Good, bad or indifferent.

I guess the one thing that I may disagree with is eating. It sounds like all the kids were excited to be around each other and wanted to play. But the thing is that kids will get cranky and irritable if they don't get food in them. No matter how old they are, they will understand if explained to them that it is good to get food in them to be strong and healthy (if they understand the word healthy). My reason is that children need to get food in them and that is why we are here. To ensure they get good nutrition to have a healthy life. Some disagree with me on that. My business is health and nutrition and I am passionate about that. I also know that one has to be flexible at times too.

Other than that, the only one that judges is God. So let it go with regards to your cousins or you could stand up to them and tell them this is the way you are raising your children.

You can't change other people's opinions. It is up to them. Just do what you feel is right. That's all any of us parents can do.

I think that you should raise your son exactly the way you want to...it seems you have a down to earth style of parenting, the sort of let your hair down attitude, hey, if it's not hurting anyone I say "kudos" to you....lets all try to remember that these are our children and we want them to enjoy their childhood as much as possible.
Spoken from a very much the same kind of Mom :)

Ignore them!! If your filing up the kid pool, he should be able to play with the hose. Why not playin the sink with water and cups. Kids love the water.
If your child is jumping on the sofa, turning the hose on by himself while he is playing outside then I would say if you are letting him you are being too easy and you should use some form of discipline to curb his behavior.

The food issue, well I am a firm believer on family meals, so we all sit and eat together. If the kids finish before us, they remain at the table and we talk while we finish eating.

Sounds like you are a fun mommy. Enjoy your child!

As far as your 7month old, are you kidding me? Love her and hold her as much as she requires. A well loved child grows into a confident child.

I think its supjective. The points that should not be lenient are discipline and basic graciousness such as thank you, thanks for having me, no thank you, nice to see you again.
I don't think it is a big deal to play in the sink. The problem sometimes its hard for children that young to comprehend its ok here but not there. Just be consistent. I believe consistency is the best.
I think you cousins sound more rigid and they might think they are doing a better job. I think as long as your child is respectful not hurting anyone. Having eye contact and manners including others what is the big deal?

Hi Jennifer,
You have a lot of answers, and I have not read them. I hope that my answer is a repeat of what everyone else is saying. :) You sound like a wonderful mother! Now, if you said that your child is sassy and hits and tells you "no" all the time, then that would be different. But, you let your child play within your boundaries. Nothing wrong with that! And, for your baby, of course you should foster a spirit of trust and dependency on you! You're her mother. Please don't "break" her of wanting you. It's how she and you were designed: to want to be together. It's a beautiful thing! Keep doing what you and your husband feel is best for your children and ignore the unsolicited advice. Love your children, just as you are!
Blessings!

I would not worry about what someone else thought if your children are happy, well behavied, know your rules, and follow them. If you don't have issues, don't worry about it.

I would not invite my couisins over anymore...they sound a little too uptight and judgemental...diverstiy makes the world go round!

M.

you are the mother and what i have read you have done nothing wrong thats just called being a kid you dont have to listen to what they say

It's YOUR house, YOUR rules and you're the mom. You get to make whatever rules you want in your house for your kids. Exactly what is your cousins' problem?? Does she expect the kids to sit quietly with their hands folded? None of this stuff is dangerous, life threatening, mean, rude, etc. If a mess is the worst that happens - screw it! I assume they're not marching into anyone else's house and jumping on the beds, etc. If they want to make a mess, they also learn to clean it up. (I was the mom who not only let the kids walk on the back of the sofa, I used it to teach balance beam! :) )
I never subscribed to the Clean Plate Club, either. My kids ate at mealtimes when they were hungry, quit when they're full, not when I think they're full. Like you, food was never an issue. He's 2, for crying out loud! There's much more interesting things to do at that age besides eat. Thank them for their concern, but remind them that you're his mom. They don't have to live with the result - you do.

Your cousins may be raising neurotic, un-creative kids who can't clean up a mess, 'cause they never made one! They'll be overweight, 'cause they've been encouraged to clean their plates. And their kids will rebel against all the freakin' rules!

And yours will be the house that everybody gathers at, ' cause it's more fun. Let them make messes and clean up, and make mistakes and experiment learn to correct them . Paint their hands and feet and let them walk on the curtains. Decorate Daddy's old t-shirts and make papier mache. Dip scraps of material in starch and stick them on the wall. (I once "wallpapered" an entire wall!)

And all 4 of mine turned out just fine, thank you. My 3 girls who climbed on everything and did "balance beam" on the back of the sofa ended up on drill team, one a cheerleading captain as well. My son who "dove" in the bathtub and splashed water EVERYWHERE, was swim team captain his senior year. They're pretty much grown now - 26, almost 24, 22 and 19. They have their own apartments and are mostly appalled at the parents who still come over to clean up after their grown kids.

I understand you completely. My friends and family think I am a 'by the book parent' and I get ripped on it all the time. While obviously I wouldn't let these things happen at my home =) (us by the books are horribly no fun lol) I don't see a problem with it really. If you are comfortable with your children and don't see an issue-then so should no one else.

I can't give you advice bc I can't figure out how to handle my own judgemental friends and family but I would say-you are the mom, you worry about the children, not your cousins place!!! Have fun!!

You are being a GREAT Mom!!! Water play is the bomb, jumping on the bed is great physical activity. Certainly you have your limits but these cousins are squashing their kids' imagination and everything else that goes with being a fun loving kid at play. Brush it off, smile and say yes, aha...yes and ignore them. You are right on with every question. Pick your battles and love on those sweeties! Eat when and what you want with your kids and hold onto that 7 month old until she won't sit with you anymore. In my book

Updated

You are being a GREAT Mom!!! Water play is the bomb, jumping on the bed is great physical activity. Certainly you have your limits but these cousins are squashing their kids' imagination and everything else that goes with being a fun loving kid at play. Brush it off, smile and say yes, aha...yes and ignore them. You are right on with every question. Pick your battles and love on those sweeties! Eat when and what you want with your kids and hold onto that 7 month old until she won't sit with you anymore. In my book

Kudos for letting your kids be kids! It is often hard for some adults to let go and have fun. How sad that some adults can't even let go and let their KIDS have fun. I applaud you-you sound like a fun mom. Of course your daughter is attached to you-you are her mom! Don't let them bring you down. Just remember that there are many different parenting styles and ways people raise their children-you keep doing it your way and have fun. :)