I'm a Mad Mama Bear!

I don't get why you are letting this little thing get to this point.

You are an adult, all you need to do is, when the kids say they aren't allowed in, you sternly look at them and say, "Yes they are," and then send them in to swim.

End of story.

Maybe I need to be there to see it to have a better understanding of why you are so upset. This sounds like kids being kids. Not very nice, but it sounds like what some kids do. If it were my kids' cousins being mean I'd tell them to stop the misbehavior. If it became a headache then I'd give my kids something fun to do on their own such as play with the water hose or a sprinkler or water guns and have popsicles in the backyard.

This is a tough one because you're being called upon to discipline someone else's children, but they also live right next to you AND you're related to them... But being that kids are kids, I would say that you need to make sure that the consequence of meanness is that whatever they're doing that's fun gets taken away from them. Using the pool as an example, when these kids told your kids that they couldn't play in the pool, make them all get out. All of them. And (I got this one from my grandmother, a 40-year veteran of teaching 4th grade) make them all hold hands and skip around the yard several times while holding hands. By the time they're done, they'll hate you and will have banded together under the shared unfairness of having to get out of the pool AND do a dopey punishment. ;)

If it happens again, same thing. Everyone out of the pool, skip around the yard holding hands, until such time that everyone can agree to play nicely. Lather, rinse, repeat.

It doesn't really matter why these other kids are mean, it just matters that they know that you won't put up with it. And that they know what's going to happen if they test the boundaries.

Also, just wanted to point out that even children who are siblings do this kind of stuff. My older daughter will pick on her little sister mercilessly. And she has not been raised to do this, and she's punished when she does it, but yet she will find new and inventive ways to make her sister cry. I remember my cousins picking on me when we were little, and we're all great friends now - but I was the youngest AND the only girl, so there you have it.

Just read your "What happened" - good for you. :)

Given what I've observed, both as a kid and as a parent, the best thing to do is to stop trying to get them included. Really. You're trying to spare your daughters pain, but that isn't possible, and isn't even part of the job description of "parent." Your job is to help them understand, manage and cope with pain (and frustration, boredom, disappointment, exclusion and everything else we think of as "negative,") NOT avoid it.

Any older kids will resent being told they have to spend time with younger ones. Boys will resent having to include girls. (Girls will resent having to include boys, too.) If your kids are having fun on their own, though, happy without their cousins, the cousins might decide to join in with them. Of course, if that happens, they should be welcomed happily, but also expected to display decent manners. If the manners slip, send them away. If being around your kids is seen as a privilege instead of a burden, they might work at trying to earn it.

Focus your energy on helping your daughters play happily alone, with each other and in small groups, instead of expecting other kids to invite them in. It's a skill they'll need all their lives. Then help them learn how to welcome others gracefully into their play time, so they will never be the ones hurting someone else's feelings.

You ask for cool headed advice and then SCREAM at us for not getting your point?
You admit your girls are overprotected, so the cousins are probably taking advantage of your "angels" because they can. Your daughters are old enough to learn how to stand up for themselves, help them work on that (though I've noticed girls raised in very strict households are often timid which may explain their fear to use whatever verbal tools you've given them.)
It's your pool, if you don't want the cousins in it, then tell them no. That's not disciplining, that's just saying no, you can't swim right now, we'll have you over another time.
You sound WAY angry. You sound frustrated that you have no control over the behavior of your nieces and nephews. Guess what, you don't (apart from what you will allow in your own home.) You are right, you need to MOVE.

Hmmmm.
The old "brats vs. angels" dynamic.

Lets see...you have called the cousins brats, punks, snots.
Your children are chickadees and angels.

I may be going out on a limb here, but if you portray the kids in these roles: The other kids can't do anything right while your kids are perfect, that could be setting the stage for some of these problems.
I'm not saying that kids aren't quite capable of being mean and rude, but ask yourself if you outwardly portray your children as better than the cousins.
I'm not saying it's right, just offering a different perspective....the cousins might think your little cherubs need to be taken down a peg or two. They might not feel that way if you treated them all like kids instead of us against them. You feel your kids don't stand a chance, but maybe they do.
How will they know if you just remove them from the situation?
The goal is for them to like each other and get along.
If I was supervising the kids and one of them said the other ones couldn't be in the pool, I'd tell them they ALL had to get out unless they were ready to share. And, if they didn't want to share, the pool could be taken down way faster than it was put up. So...they might want to think about how to get along.
Then, I would tell my sister in law exactly what I said.
Her kids may have the opinion that it's their pool and their pool only, but I would want to hear it from the sister in law herself if that's what she's told them.
If she, an adult, has that opinion, then that is downright crappy.
It's ridiculous for kids to be fighting over a pool.
I personally believe that everybody goes in or nobody goes in because kids actually can figure out that sharing is more fun than nothing.
They really can learn to play nicely together.
My friend had a pool in her backyard and her son loved having people come to stay. Until it got time to get in the pool. He didn't want adults in it, he didn't want kids in it, he didn't want anyone touching any of the pool toys.
His mother grounded him from the pool for a day everytime he acted like that. Before long, he was much happier being in the pool with everyone else instead of watching from his bedroom window.
I bet you can get this worked out.
The adults need to be on the same page.
Try to lose the demons vs. angels mentality.
I was so close with some of my cousins we were like sisters and we had squabbles all the time. We worked it out. That was the only option our parents gave us.

I mean no offense. I really don't. Please don't turn me in for having a flaming response.
I think this can be dealt with.
I really do.

Start knocking heads! Just kidding. Why are you allowing the under-10 crowd tell you what you and your kids can/cannot do? Either all the kids go in or the pool is drained. Someone needs to teach these kids how to share and get along w/ others ... that someone just might be you :) Good luck!

Well, you act like a "mama bear" and give it to em! You talk firmly and sternly. If you are the only adult there, YOU are the one in charge. AND you have the advantage (or is it really?) that they are family, so you should feel free to discipline them appropriately.

Not meant as a cut to you or anything, but it sounds like you are a bit of a push-over and it seems like you are teaching your girls to react the same way. Show them how to react to bullies... #1: Tell the bully's parents!!!! #2: Don't let bullies dictate what you do.

You fall into their trap and they learn that "Oh, I just told them to leave in a rude way... AND IT WORKS! AWESOME!" Who knows if some other kids are being treated this way by the bully(ies)? Stopping this now will help you, your kids, the possible other children being bullied and the bullies themselves!!!

Are you saying the other kids swim without any adult supervision? CPS could be called because children should be in the pool without adult supervision. If you are the only adult around kick them all out of the pool when they misbehave and let them run crying to their parents, then say "I was the only adult so I had to make the rules, you want to make the rules come supervise your children" Better for your hubby to say it of course! I'm guessing he's the wimp who puts up with the family no matter what
I LOVE the ideas about having the fun stuff in your yard, slip and slides, crazy daisy, croquet, it gives you the power anyone who does not behave gets two warnings them must leave your yard.

I see what the others are saying, but it's not as easy at that! You can tell kids whatever you want and you could demand that your kids be allowed in the pool too, but just like you already said, it wouldn't make the kids be nice to them. The more you step in and demand they treat your kids nice, the higher the chance is that the other kids are going to be extra mean to your kids behind your back. You are certainly in a tough place! If you had time, and wanted to, you could sit and watch them with the kids all the time...but I'm not sure how realistic that is.

I can't really suggest what to do, other than I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY think that reading "Siblings Without Rivalry" would have some awesome info in there for you. It is for siblings, but cousins like this are in a similar situation and it would work too. I'm almost done reading the book. It has some amazing info in it that, to me, was a bit surprising and went against what I thought would be best. But I tried it, and my kids (who really do get along for the most part, but they have their days!) started getting along way better. I highly suggest reading that book. It'll give you the tools you need for situations like this.

And, while the first couple responses I've read (there could be more being written as I write this), I agree with their thought BUT it's not really a solution to the problem. You stepping in and forcing them to let your kids swim (which you could do) wouldn't really resolve the situation. They just resent your kids more and the situation - the core problem - is still there, growing and getting worse.

Good luck & hugs. I hate stuff like that. I hate it when people are rude to my kids. Makes me feel very protective!

Sorry, its time for you to stand up for your kids with these bullies. You tell those kids that you girls are going to swim and if they don't like it they can go inside. If there is fall out then so be it. Talk with your husband as well. If you don't get a handle on this it will be a very long summer!

I think all the parents need to sit down and figure it out.
Agree to basic "rules of engagement" for the kids - respect, pool time, play time, etc.
Then all the parents present all the rules to all the children at the same time.
Within the boundaries of those rules then any parent present can discipline any kid acting poorly.

If the parents are not all on the same page then the kids will never be.

Basically, you have a "Lord of the Flies" mentality going on there. You kids are the "new" kids and the others are being allowed to behave badly. But, unless the other parents agree to correct their kids, all you can do is continue to support your children and teach them to stick up for themselves.

ADDED: Teresa C's suggestion of Siblings Without Rivalry is fabulous, by the way. These authors have the most practical, effective, and kind methods for dealing with all kinds of child-rearing problems!

ORIGINAL: Boy, I can sure hear how mad you are! I have had feelings like that myself at times, when some kid at the park decides to take out his own issues on my tender and unguarded grandson. And I hope you realize that you are also taking out your own issues and attitudes on these little kids. They are children, they need gentle and consistent guidance, they need examples of how to behave by grownups who are in control of their own reactions.

It sounds like you simply detest these kids. That is NOT, unfortunately, a good way to get them to respect you or like you or want to consider your angle. Treat them the way you want your kids and yourself to be treated. Glaring at them will accomplish nothing but driving a bigger wedge between them and your family.

Have you tried anything connecting, like taking lemonade out for everybody, sitting beside the pool, playing catch with a beach ball, and laughing while everybody takes turns? There are a million positive things you can do that would lower everybody's defensiveness, but it sounds like your own defensiveness is blocking that possibility. It's hard to let go of, especially while you're steamed, but I hope you'll sleep on it tonight and then try a few strategies to help the kids connect better. They need some adult guidance, obviously.

Wishing you a happier future.

Hi, I realize you have already resolved this issue, but when I read your post, I felt that the reason the other kids are mean is because they are jealous of what your girls have that they do not. Like family vacations, attention from their mom, ect. I wonder if you did some things that included the others that they would start to resent your kids less. I know money is always an issue, but maybe you could take all the kids on a special outing or plan a special picnic that ALL the kids could participate in. Or plan arts and crafts. Maybe if they were made to ALL feel part of a group, they may start bonding with your kids and hopefully be less mean. Also you could try to catch one or two being nice and reward them with something small. Positive reinforcement for "good" behavior. It's worth a shot.

You have a couple of options. Stop thinking of these children using horrible names because when you do that, you're dehumanizing them. That makes it a lot easier for you to criticize them and dislike them and hate them, and to excuse any contributing behaviors your daughters may be exhibiting. Yes, I said DAUGHTERS, not ANGELS, because only in fantasy land are anyone's children "angels."

Two, let your daughters figure out how to work things out with their cousins. As long as they're not being harmed, they should be capable enough to work out truces. Their cousins can't all be evil little scumbags all of the time.

Three, move. Just get out of there and move. Limit your interaction with your in-laws' children and move.

Four, stay but limit your interaction with your in-laws' children and plan outings with friends from school and cousins from your side of the family or your friends' children. Get your own swimming pool. Get your own everything so that the kids don't have to share. Draw a big chalk outline or even better, build a fence so you show what's yours and what's theirs and they have to ask permission to even look at your angels.

I know this isn't easy to do or hear but you need to back off. If they don't stand up for themselves they will be bully magnets. Yeah, yeah, bullies are bad but to ignore the fact that any kid at specific times can bullies is naive.

Let me give you an example. Your husband is going to talk to his sister when he gets home. She is going to tell her kids something on the lines of I know your cousins are annoying (or another adjective) but you need to get along so knock it off. Now sister in law doesn't watch her kids like a hawk so your girls will come over and they will be picked on again. You will see and take them away. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Just back off!

Okay just read the bully the bully posts, I have never seen that technique work. Sure it works when you are around but they will catch what for as soon as you take your eyes off of your girls.

Every time - I'd stand up for my kids to the other kids... telling them if they cannot all play nicely then the mean ones need to leave. I'd have that stand with the parents too - the parents need to take the older mean children's behavior seriously and nip it in the bud - and if your husband has to take a strong stand WITH you to have this happen - he needs to do it ASAP.

If they don't want to let your daughters participate in their reindeer games, do something better for your daughters so they won't miss it and the other kids may come to regret not being invited to join your daughters. It is my contention that just because you are relatives, doesn't mean you have to like each other or spend excessive amounts of time together. Yes, there is this ideal family/community vibe that many people strive for, but when it's causing more strife than comfort.... bail! These "brats" play in the front yard, set your girls up in your backyard with something else that's all their own. Get creative on Pretty Princess Water Palace ideas and make your backyard their paradise (inexpensively). These kids seem to already be jealous of your family, let them. I wouldn't want my kids to be overly exposed to such obnoxious and rude behavior even if it was coming from relatives.

so, what are you going to do when they are in school and get called a name? or told they dont want to be played with? or get teased? are you going to go to the school and tell them to stop???? your daughters are going to have to deal with the fact that not everyone is nice, and this is a lesson you need to learn as well. and why do you keep calling your daughters "angels"??? they are not perfect, no one is...and why are you the "outsider". kids will be kids, my cousins and I used to fight all the time, sometimes physical fights, but we are so super close now. just deal with it? and maybe those KIDS and being mean to your DAUGHTERS because they are jealous or have been abused, dont know anything other than meaness in their own lives, or maybe your little "angels" did something to them. you cant possibly watch them every second, and you shouldnt either. let them be kids

Unfortunately, most of the cousins are boys of the age group that "hates" little kids and girls most of all! Just because they're related it doesn't change that fact. How would you react if the 7 - 10 year old boys were just neighbourhood kids and not "relatives"? The best advice I can give you is to organize play dates for your girls with friends of theirs. I would go as far as to invite one "special" friend for each girl to family gatherings. Trust me - "this,too, shall pass"! When they all outgrow the "opposite gender is yucky" phase, they'll enjoy spending time together. The worst thing you can do is to try to "force" the boys to include them. Hope this helps. Good luck!

It sucks to be excluded for sure and being family makes it a little harder, but once you've (or the parents) have all expressed non-exclusion, there isn't much you can do. Look at it like this - as an adult, if someone didn't want you to be a part of their group of friends, what would you do? You wouldn't try to force them, you'd choose to find other friends and other activities with people whom you get along with.

Do the same for your girls. Let them know that it's not their fault that these cousins don't want to include them - it's the cousins loss. I like the idea of allowing the girls to bring a friend with them that way they have their own group to play with. If the cousins decide at that point that they want to play with their group, explain to your girls that they shouldn't hold a grudge and should let them play with them so long as they're respectful and fun. Teach your girls that if someone is being dis-respectful or mean to them, they shouldn't have to take it just because it's family - they can walk away and choose to find friends elsewhere who appreciate them.

ooph, after writing this, I read your 'so what happened' - sounds like a great plan and I'm happy it's working. And, yikes, I may have to read the other responses - I'm sorry anyone may have jumped down your throat. Writing definitely takes on a different tone than speaking to each other. Best,
S.

Per request - Laying off

I would have told the other kids, "No, they went to lessons so they could learn to play safely in the pool. There is room for all of you. Your uncle did not set up this pool so only some of you could play in it."

Do not let your girls (or yourself) be pushed around by these kids. Sometimes, go somewhere else, but don't always go somewhere else. My cousin was really mad that we moved to town and she had to share and many times I had to defend myself to our grands because she was being a brat. But I don't regret standing up for myself. Now our actions all speak for themselves and she's the one who is off doing who knows what and an embarrassment to the family.

In any of your question or "what happened" or PS and PPS's did you say what adult is out there watching these kids? Like WHO is in charge of them when they are in the pool? If they are in it unsupervised then that's a whole different problem. The bottom line is you shouldn't be dealing with the little brats, you need to be dealing with the brats parents. You are not an outsider, you are part of the family and you are talking about your daughters FAMILY treating them this way. It also seems that you are a bit overprotective and you do need to let them fight their own battles or they will never make it thru school or any other social situation. I would call a family meeting about it and law out some law. And if there isn't an adult in charge I would feel free to say anything I want to those kids and I would be darned if they are going to tell my kid they can't swim and I'm going to sit ok with that...NOT! So you are asking about how to deal with it....WITH THEIR PARENTS!!!! Good luck!!!

ive been part of the excluded cousins and there really is nothing you could do. they will ignore them or do mean things to them.
you and the other grownups should be telling all the kids that excluding people is wrong. once they know it's wrong they will make their choice.
you cannot change other people, just yourself. you can only be a good example for your nephews.
if they're at your house, tell them "we dont exclude people for any reason, if you do then you go home"

good luck!

Actually this is something that hubby needs to handle, because it's his family. If you live in your in-laws apt. that means you are paying rent and are entitled to your own area. Even if it's family, your personal space needs to be respected. These children should not just be coming over at any time of day as they please. If they are there to visit grandma, then grandma needs to be in charge and watch them. I think it's time to have a family meeting to establish some type of boundaries.

As for the pool incident, I think you made the right choice. Your daughters would have the opportunity to play in it later.

Unfortunatley, there's nothing you can do to make children like each other. All you can do is demand that they place nicely and respect each other. I hate to say it, but I believe it's only going to get worse as time goes on unless you put a stop to it now.

Yes, you should definitely consider moving. It appears that the family is too close for comfort.

Honestly you have to look at the parents. You are asking why they are treating your girls this way and in my opinion I think those kids have somehow formed an "opinion" based upon perhaps something they heard. Otherwise, it could just be pure meaness that some kids display well and I am like you -its unacceptable in our house!
I can't think of any other reason why these kids would choose to pick on your girls - it's like racism-it is taught or it is learned from others. If one kid out of the group has a certain opinion its easier for the other kids to follow suit. Monkey see Monkey do. Since it's your husband's family I would say let him handle it but keep in mind that if you are raising your two girls "differently" than the others this might be a direct insult to them that you are telling them their parenting skills stink and most parents don't tend to take that very well in my experience. It's almost like you are having to constantly take up for your girls. I guess my response would have been to the children when they told MY children they couldn't swim I would have said "Say who" and see what their little responses would be. If they said us I would let them know that the pool is for everyone to enjoy and if everyone doesn't want to get along guess who put the pool up? Your husband and he sure can take it down. If they want to play mean you can play it too and they will eventually learn that they can't get away with it-but I'm telling you this continued meanness has got be sprouting from somewhere and I could bet my dime that one of your supposed -inlaws has done the damage. Sheesh! kids are just plain mean and they have figured out that they are an easy target-don't allow them to be the target anymore. Start doing things with your kids that they would like to join in on and if they join in at least you can have the say so of asking them to leave. MAtter of fact if they were being that mean to my girls I would have told them to get out of the pool and go home and they could come back when they decided that they could treat MY two babies as human beings. I would suffer the consequences of the wrath from the other parents because they have to know how mean their kids are being and if they aren't-they need to know and put a stop to it. Otherwise like you said they will just continue to be snots and eventually a snot can turn into a bully.

You need to get the parents together....go over what is going on....why it is not acceptable (bullying in your own family...really????? How wrong is that!!!) Get your MIL involved as well - can she be an advocate for you? I would say if they are at your house/your yard and are not being respectful to all that are there (you, your kids, your MIL) then they go home - back you your house. That is the one rule that I would work with the other parents to instute. Have a zero tolerance rule on this. Act disrespectful to anyone while playing and you go home immediately!

Once the parents agree on the rule...bring in all of the kids, have the parents talk about this and let the kids know that there are new "house rules" play by them or go home.

Good luck!

Wow... you sound really frustrated, and rightly so. Where are the other parents when you're dealing with this all day long? It's a tough thing too because of the age differences that you're dealing with.

I didn't read all the posts, so forgive me if this is advice already given... Have you tried sitting down will all the family members and laying out some ground rules that all the parents understand and agree with? I mean whether everyone likes each other or not, there still should be some basic common rules about respect etc... that everyone can agree to. Maybe once the other kids realize that everyone is on the same page they will act differently.

Honestly, you might consider moving... I would not recommend that if this sounded like the only issue... their kids picking on your kids isn't a reason to move, because your kids are going to encounter that in life and though no one likes their kids to be picked on, better now that they can handle it in a relatively supervised environment.

But your anger and frustration about it really does sound out of proportion to the situation. And you feeling like the family sees you as an outsider is a big clue. This doesn't sound like a cozy family environment that you want for your kids or for yourself, and perhaps it' s all a little too close for comfort. I know if I had to live next to my in-laws I'd be a complete mess.

Good luck~ If there's no good reason to stay close, I think I'd look elsewhere for a little distance.

I have to wonder if this is coming from their parents... Somehow they see your kids as the outsiders and the ones to pick on. Your daughters are younger but it still seems a bit odd. I'm sure cousins fight sometimes but they also should view each other as family. It sounds like you guys are a bit different from the rest of the family and I wonder if their parents think you're "too good for them etc". Not saying you think that but i wonder if the kids hear stuff at home that causes them to act like this. I agree with some posters that just forcing the kids to let your kids do something isn't going to make things better in the long run. I'd talk to your husband about this. If you live this close to your SIL's and in-laws and it's your husband who needs to talk to them bc you're an "outsider" it seems like a tough way to live. I'd be mad about this situation but probably start looking at how to either become an "insider" or if you should move and let them let their bratty kids run around without it impacting you so much.

I can see how frustrating the whole situation is. And there is probably tons more stuff that you couldn't even include.

Here's the thing, you can't make these kids like your daughters. I usually take the "You don't get to pick you family, but you have to learn to get along and be civil to each other" attitude when my kids are bickering. I think that applies to extended family as well. If possible I think the best bet is setting up some ground rules for the pool (and maybe in general as well). All the adults should be in on this and make an effort to enforce the rules consistently. I would want to be clear on all the kids being able to use the pool and that an adult needs to supervise all pool time (for safety). You may get stuck with this job a lot if it is right in front of where you live. There should also be some established consequences for misbehavior--time out of the pool and ending pool time for everyone seem like the obvious ones. If you set things up that if there is too much fighting everyone looses the pool maybe they will have incentive to work things out among themselves. If you have to supervise a lot you may need to work at not favoring your daughters and teaching them to stand up to the other kids rather than running to mommy. When I was around 6 or 7 my mom gave me good advice about other kids teasing and picking me--it was that kids tease to get a reaction. If you don't get mad or upset they will usually move on to an easier target. Eventually I mastered the sarcastic comeback and it really cut down the teasing but that was a few years later.

Why are these kids mean? Almost all kids are somewhat mean and will push the limits if they think they can get away with something. Same with lying and finger pointing. If these kids are left to run wild a lot of the time then they have been mostly just been getting away with all kids of antisocial behavior. You have 2 girls who you say are nearly always supervised. Your girls have not yet learned to be street smart, they have had lots of attention and chances to learn more socially acceptable behavior. Also you have 2 girls and no boys and this group of cousins is mostly boys. I've observe that groups of girls and groups of boys do not act the same way. I grew up with 1 sister and a bunch of aunts and spending my summers at an all girls camp. Girls seem to lead with a lot more cooperation. Girls can be mean but it is a lot more sneaky and subtle. Boys seem to be a lot more direct about confrontation and establishing who is the leader of the pack. I kind of had to piece together parts of the "guy code" talking to various men in my life and reading books that show it very clearly (the novel "Ender's Game" is a good example and all the Robert B. Parker Spencer novels). It doesn't appeal to me much but it helps to know what you have to work around. From the guy POV it may really help if your husband sets out the rules with these kids. It could take a lot of work to get to the point where you and your girls are respected and not pushed around. Moving might be easier. Including all the kids in fun activities could help (and of course activities you supervise go by your house rules). The last part may sound crazy but can you see at least one or two good points about each of these kids? It might be hard at first. But if they are often left to run wild a little positive adult attention might be something they respond to. I found it worked for me at camp. If I took the "trouble maker" under my wing from the start I could keep a closer eye on them and had less actual trouble in the long run. But I wasn't a parent to any of them so I had no obvious loyalties.

I hope something in this long rambling post helps you.

Yikes, you are in a difficult position! I think honestly, you all are just living too close together. I would feel so stressed out that I could not just GET AWAY for a little peace and quiet from all the kid drama. In the pool situation, I would be setting up my lawn chair and newspaper right by that pool and any time there was anything rude or inappropriate said, I would let whatever child know that it was unacceptable. In other words, I would not let my kids be around these other older cousins unsupervised. That doesn't mean they should hide out in the house until they aren't swimming, that's not fair at all. It sounds like your families are quite different, and the cousins may have their issues and be quite jealous of your girls. Plus, they are younger, and some older kids are just not happy being around younger kids. I would try sticking with them when they are outside, correcting any mean comments on the spot, and also reaching out to be kind and bond with those kids. I would NOT let them go off and hang out alone with them. In other words, give them no opportunity to be mean. Break their habit. Break the cycle. Hopefully, they will move on to another hobby. Otherwise, I'd seriously consider moving. Good luck!

Ugh! I feel ya! We have a similar situation but our kids are younger. Our visits have been less frequent. For some reason, my husband and I are the only adults that feel there should be something done about it, and we do. If I have to discipline my nephews, then I do. I wont let my kids be bullied by anyone.

I have mentioned the situation to my mother and shes just trying to keep the peace and deny there is a problem. My sister obviously doesnt think there is a problem because she has allowed her children to act this way. Maybe when they get sick of us reprimanding their children they will get the hint.

I was of the older cousins who would "shun" the younger kids. We were kids. We just thought we were too cool to play with the younger kids (who were 2-6 years younger). Now that we are older, the younger cousins still hold a grudge and will mention how they felt left out, but we are all friends and very close now. So kids will be kids - they're not that logical and really have no intention of hurting anyone. I never realized we were shunning them, we just wanted to play different things and didn't want younger kids to get in the way. Sometimes a 13 year old doesn't want to play with a 10 year old. or 8 with a 5 year old. Plus you add the boy versus girl factor, is a whole other separation issue.

Can you get the parents of the other kids to step in and correct their own kids snotty behavior?

Way to go Hubs! What a great idea. Hope this works out for you. I didn't get to see your original post, but I'm a TOTAL Mama Bear, so I'm sure I would have understood it! I even get a bit up in arms when other kids pick on "my" students and they aren't even my own kids! You get to vent... They're your babies - it's allowed!

I had the same problem as a child. My cousins at the time were all way older than me & while my sister is only about a yr older than me, they always let her play w/them together but they ALWAYS ran me off & said they didn't want me around, didn't want to play w/me to go play by myself. I kept trying to tell on them & nobody really did anything to make them play w/me. Later on the parents told them to play w/me but while they let me in the room, they didn't really want me in there & this even happend w/neices & nephews too that were younger than me. I don't know if it's a personal vendetta against me but it was very strange that seemingly EVERYone shunned me & the parents didn't really think it was a big deal but it sure was to me. I don't think anything you do will 'make' them play w/your kids. What about sitting down w/the cousins & just ask them point blank, why won't they play w/your kids...maybe that will help you in finding out what the problem is. If nothing is fixed, try to talk to the parents & maybe the parents w/the kids at the same time. Hope this helps, good luck!