Anyone Else a Strict Parent?

I am a strict parent. I have a set of rules that are strictly enforced in my home. I am a also free range parent, meaning I have given my kids a set of rules to follow along with a set of skills to make good decisions independently. I am also a liberal parent, who allows my kids to read books, watch movies and play games that may not necessarily be age appropriate, but I provide them with the guidance to understand. I have some rules that other parents think are too strict, and I know other parents who have rules I think are too strict.

I refer to myself as strict only when talking safety. In all other areas such as playtime, homework time, bath time, I let my daughter go at her own pace. Even with bedtime she has a thirty minute window. When you ask if it's bad to be a strict parent? I think it's all relative and what is strict for one, isn't strict for another.

Need more info/examples. Question is too vague. Rules don't necessarily mean "strict." I'm all for setting boundaries.

Did you seriously expect someone to come on here and answer I am a pushover?

No one can answer your question.

I am a strict parent but most don't see me as one. The rules I have my kids obey, I just don't make up stupid rules and enforce them to show I can control my kids. After all, I don't control my kids, they control themselves, I just teach them how to do that.

If you have a bunch of rules just to have a bunch of rules, then you are too strict. If your rules only make sense for YOU, and not for them, then you are too strict. For example, you've said that your kids have to take two baths a day with only a few exceptions. Why is that? Most parents don't require two baths a day. Is this for YOU? I can't imagine that ALL your kids actually want or need to take that many baths...

You asked earlier if you should get rid of your girlfriend's dog. (She doesn't even live with you...) Most people reminded you that you don't have the right to get rid of anyone's dog - it's not your dog. Stuff like this makes you seem very controlling and rigid. If indeed you are being honest about this stuff, you are probably far too strict in every way with your kids.

You would do well to read some books on child development and learn how to handle your children so that you don't end up with them rebelling against you as teens, OR so that you don't end up strangling any sense of individuality they have. Either one of these can ruin their adult life.

Widower:

I don't know where to start.

you should have already had rules in place. To go from a "free range" parent to a "tiger" parent is a 180.

It is NOT bad to be strict. You can be strict and loving and still have fun. It's called setting boundaries and rules. Consequences for actions - good and bad. It's called PARENTING.

You should already have house rules. If you don't? Expect MAJOR upheaval and revolting from the kids. Although they may LOVE the structure you want to provide, they might still rebel against it since you have not instituted anything yourself.

Family rules.
If it's not yours, don't touch it.
use your manners - please and thank you go a long way.
You are expected to participate in the family - you will have chores,
* collecting laundry and taking it to the laundry room
* emptying the trash
* setting the table for meals (at which we will eat together at the table!)

you need to do what works for you and your family. Boundaries, mutual respect and rules help make the family function better.

Yes, you should be more explicit in your question, including the ages of your kids.

From what I have seen over the years, it is worse to be too strict vs. too lenient. But you need to strike a balance.

Reading below -- wow, you asked about getting rid of your gf's dog? From this tidbit of information, my guess is that you are too strict, and it is definitely going to backfire on you when your kids are teens.

If your strict rules are coupled with love and acceptance than your parenting would fall under the category "Authoritative parenting" which has a good outcome. If not then your parenting would fall under "Authoritarian parenting" basically a dictator as a father, but has a negative outcome usually.

Also are your rules subject to change? For example you decided that you daughter cannot shave her legs till she is 16, yet she is met with ridicule and bullying at school- due to her hairy legs, which is affecting her self esteem. Do you change your rule and allow her to shave at 12 instead?

sorry, that question is way too broad to be answerable, or for any answers to actually be useful to you. it sounds more as if you just want affirmation for being 'strict' without any definition as to what that means to you.
yes. i'm a VERY strict parent. lying, discourtesy and meanness is forbidden. zero tolerance policy.
no. i'm a VERY lenient parent. my kids have input into their curricula, their schoolwork schedule, their bedtimes, the consequences for infractions such as not doing chores.
depends on where you're standing when you ask.
khairete
S.

probably depends on your definition of "strict" and what some of your rules are.

If you are really looking for thoughts and opinions you might want to give some information. :-)

This question is almost like me asking on here "does this color look good on me?" :-)

I hope you're not this vague with your kid/s.

Depends on how draconian you are. Some people may find me strict for not allowing my DD to watch PG13 movies, even if they are made by Disney. When she gets older, her clothing will not be allowed to reveal too much or reveal her underwear. We will make her ask permission, to check in, to pay for gas for the car she uses (as her brother and sister did). She will not have free rein on the internet and will not get a cell phone when she is 8 yrs old. The kids do chores in part to help the family and to learn what they'll need to do on their own some day.

Rules are subject to change, depending on the kid and current technology. Like how I allowed a few little streaks in my DD's hair because there is a new "paint on" product that washes out. It was for fun, for one day. Permanent hair color is still a no. SS was allowed to be home more by himself than SD because SD was not as mature at the same age.

I think you need to look at your overall goals. Are these rules to make today easier or for the long view? Are you teaching your child something? Are you building skills? Are you instilling good safety procedures? Or are you just saying "No" because it's easier on you? I will never forget my mom saying I could not go to a friend's house for NYE when I was 17 simply because she didn't "feel like it". I had a ride, it was my best friend's house, it would be chaperoned, etc. I do not want to be like that. I want to evaluate my child's requests and see if it is acceptable within our family guidelines.

There is a middle ground between being so strict a kid can't breathe without breaking a rule and having no guidance/rules at all. Think of it as discipline vs punishment. Discipline guides. Punishment is a reaction for the moment. Respect is different than compliance through fear.

"… nearly 50 years of research have found that some parenting styles are more effective than others and show far better outcomes for children. Studies have identified four major parenting styles: permissive, authoritarian [dictatorial or domineering], authoritative [in charge yet flexible], and hands-off. Of these styles, child development experts have found that the authoritative parent is the most successful in raising children who are both academically strong and emotionally stable."

This quote is from http://www.greatschools.org/parenting/behavior-discipline..., good reading for any concerned parent. Wishing you well.

You can sit down and evaluate your rules and question why you actually have those rules. Are they there just because that is what you were taught? Are they there to make you feel better? Are they there because it makes life easier for you? Are they there so that you can be in control?
Are they there for safety? Are they there to punish (harm) or discipline (teach)? Are they there to support the child's healthy development or to make them live the way you think they should? etc.

Too often we don't take the time to actually look at our rules and really think about them and the reasons we have them. We just assume they are good for our kids or the right thing to do without really evaluating them.

Taking a parenting class like Parenting With Love and Logic or Parent Effectiveness Training can really help you evaluate your type of discipline. Also, books like 1-2-3 Magic help to describe child development and what effective discipline looks like.

We now know that very authoritarian parenting is just as destructive to children as extreme permissiveness. When a parent chooses to control their children then the children do not learn the self-governing skills they need to. They will rebel and will struggle with finding their own identity. Authoritarian parenting gives a child a clear message that they are not smart enough to figure some things out for themselves and are never good enough.

Do some research. Find videos, books, and classes on parenting styles and child development. It is amazing how we get training and licenses for most everything in life except relationships and parenting - the two most important things we do in life.

What is your definition of a strict parent? Whether or not being strict is effective depends on your definition and how you make it happen.

I was very strict, and there are some rules that I just won't let up on. But I've found that Love and Logic is what works. Being strict doesn't necessarily work, because children who are constantly on the defensive never feel secure enough to be unashamed and honest and loving with their parents. When they feel heard and understood, and are allowed to make some of their own mistakes via real life, they tend to learn a lesson more quickly and that lesson tends to stick.

Depends on what you mean by strict. Boundaries are good, but kids also need room to make their own mistakes and to figure out who they are.

Really depends on your definition of strict. For me, I'm very strict in that lying, rudeness, disrespect, back talking, misbehavior is not tolerated and will be met with immediate strict punishment.

I'm also very lenient and laid back and allow a lot of freedoms. I allow them to watch pg-13 movies (depending on the content), my 3 year old got her ears pierced, I tend to buy them items they request (cookies, certain cereal, a shirt, etc).

It depends on what the rules are. Having rules is good. Your definition of strict may be different that mine or anyone else's. I have rules, but they are not unreasonable. Are your kids complaining about your rules? It's impossible to give an opinion on whether to do away with some of your rules when I don't know what they are. Your question is too vague.

There's nothing wrong with being strict. Being consistent with the rules/consequences is very important though. It can make all the difference.

I don't consider myself strict. I consider myself consistent.
I put up with nothing, expect their best efforts and behavior, and demand respect. That said, I do know how to have fun, enjoy my kids and their friends, and my house is "the house" to be at.
YMMV

Well, I guess the term "strict" is relative.
I don't see that all "free range" parents are lax and all "tiger" patents are strict. It's not about strictness at all. It's about consequences.
Consistency is key.
So are you meaning "strict" about chores? That's not going to change overnight. So start with small steps. Starting Subday, everyone makes their own bed and build from there. What are you going to do if O. skips their chore? You need a plan.
Or are you meaning "strict" about enforcing discipline? Starting tomorrow--family meeting, rules and consequences for breaking the rules, them its on YOU to....be consistent. Post the rules in the kitchen & review o ce per day with the kids.
Hard to answer this question without knowing what you're talking about, more specifically.

I was strict. A bedtime and curfew until the night of his High School graduation. Even now, I cannot drink in my son's presence.

I don't think I am a strict parent, but I set limits/boundaries; I do have rules that I expect my kids to follow (bedtime, meals, school work, chores, etc) I discipline them in a fair and consistent way and yet I listen to them, I ask for their opinions and I motivate them as much as possible. My kids are loved and they know it, My motto is "teach a person to fish and feed them for a lifetime". My mom taught me about nurturing and it is exactly what I try to do with my kids, I try to raise them the best I can and help them to learn and grow inside and outside.
There is a difference between being strict and being consistent. Strict is just being absolute to me ; being consistent with your rules and expectations based on common sense and respect is much more fruitful.
A. :)