Am I Wrong? - Hagerstown,MD

I'm sorry, but this is a really selfish person. She is only a friend when she can use you for conversations she likes. And then slams you when she wants to.

I haven't known many people like this, I have to admit. Thank goodness. If I were you, I would not spend anymore time with her.

You are better then this, Mom. No more FB with her. Just go out to the park at different times than her and let the one-sided friendship die.

Dawn

I would have knocked on the door and told the mom to get her little one and wash their hands, that they had touched his hand. I think since you were feeling bad it was probably just a slip. Kids get sick. If her kids didn't pick it up from you then they would have touched a doorknob or car door or something that would have been contaminated anyway.

Parents should be teaching kids about using soap and water and washing hands often anyway. Sick or not.

Yes, you are wrong.

Relax, breath and who cares?

btw - I'm going to PM people and talk about this. :)

Sorry, still laughing that a bossy little girl is called Harmony. :) There is someone on here that has a chipper user name who is always complaining, effects me the same way. :p

Seriously though, if your children are in the same stairs the area would have already been infected so who is to even say it was the hand hold.

Its Facebook, it makes everyone drama queens, just ignore it.

This was really long... and I'm not sure I caught all the details, but my impression is that regardless of what happened, you probably should have told the daughter that your son was sick and she needed to go inside and wash her hands with soap. Then, you should have told your neighbor what happened so she wouldn't be blindsided by it.

Yes, she should have been watching her children. And yes, she's probably overracting by blaming you - these things happen. But for you to say "they don't even know if she got it from my kids really right?" is wrong. It's 99% likely her daughter caught it from your son.

Her overreaction is probably a result of her worry for her baby and her financial worries. If that baby gets sick, they can't really just ride it out. That said, what's done is done. You can't change her reaction or her mind about it. You'll have to let her get over it. Maybe, if finances allow, you can put together a small basket of "get well soon" items for the family and kids.

Honestly, if her kid was running around the apartments unsupervised, she could have picked it up anywhere. And you said it already ran thru your family so it may not have been from your son anyway. I would just let it go, you have already spent too much time stressing about it. She is being immature talking about it with friends so just let it go. Good luck.

She was wrong to assume that her daughter got sick from touching your son's hand because you wash them when he uses the bathroom-right?

The only way to get an intestinal virus is to ingest the germ that is causing it-proper sanitation in the bathroom and affected areas along with hand washing will stop the spread of the illness. If her daughter had washed her hands after being out in public, not eaten any tainted food, not put her hands in her mouth, or eaten finger food with dirty hands, etc-she wouldn't have gotten ill.

This mom is overreacting, I know she's your neighbor but try not to let it bother you. There are many ways her daughter could have contracted the virus, sounds like she just wants someone to blame. It's not like she can have her child walk around in a plastic bubble all day. If she's that uptight, do you really want her as a friend? Just be civil and ignore the FB comments, block her posts if you have to for awhile.

OK- you are assuming that the two of you are close friends, but she may not see it that way.

No, this is not worth worrying over. Yes, you should have warned the little girl that your son was sick and suggested that she wash her hands. When my son is sick, that's what I do when we go outside- let the neighbors' kids know that he's contagious. I have one neighbor who has the "oh well, let them play" attitude and another (who is also a dear friend) who practically sprays her little girl down with Lysol before entering the house.

Sickness is stressful. Not having money is stressful. Being sick and not having the money to be home from work or to pay copays is doubly stressful. Cut her some slack here and let it go. In a few days, leave some cookies or homemade soup on the doorstep with a note that you hope everyone is feeling better. In a week or so when everyone is feeling better, invite her over for coffee.

If she's still icy... then she didn't consider you to be as close as you did and move on!

I don't think you were wrong.
It's not like you took your sick kids to her house.
The little girl grabbed your son's hand before you could stop her.
Damage done. (Possibly.)
You're right-the stomach bug was vicious this year.
We ALL had it. Kept passing it back and forth. I got it twice. DS had it for a week. Piles and piles of vomit-y clothes and blankets.
Nasty business.
Chances are it was in your building. It was in the air ducts. And one of her kids might have a weak immune system.
Your friend is being ridiculous.
I have to think she will eventually realize how silly she is being and come around.

I had a hard time reading this - the whole thing sounds pretty immature, not the illnesses, but the weird, "my husband is mad at you" and the FB talking, etc. Kids get sick - a lot. You can't keep them from getting sick, it happens.
I say let it go - be civil when you see her but wouldn't go out of my way to be her buddy at all.

She sounds like a drama starter. They are everywhere, and sadly your neighbor is one of them.
Yes, she overreacted, so the best thing you can do is let it go, let her have her tantrum and continue on with your own family and take a break from this person.
She is no benefit to you, or your kids. She doesnt sound like a true friend or kindred spirit. She sounds, selfish, immature, and her kid sounds like a brat to boot. Why waste your energy over them?

If you see them then be polite for peace sake but dont go out of your way to talk to her, or associate with her. You dont need her, or that drama in your life.

I live in an apartment too, and It might sound rude, but this is EXACTLY why I dont get to know my neighbors. As great as it would be to find a great friend that close, it never works. In our old apartment, I had a "friend" that lived below us, and it was okay for a bit, but when I realized she was a drama filled crazy, I stopped talking to her for the most part, she started knocking on my door constantly and yelling through how horrible I was, and leaving voicemails on my cell, saying terrible things. After that, I decided being friends with apartment neighbors wasnt a good idea.

So, maybe it's better to just keep to yourself and family for awhile.

It sounds like this all occured on FB, this sounds more like high school stuff, let it run it's course and leave it alone, it has already been given to much attention. J.

.

Try not to let it get to you. I say and do the most inconsiderate things to my husband when I'm stressed. It's not fair to him at all and I know I shouldn't do it and I always say I'm going to do better next time, but ...

I suppose her child could have gotten it from yours, but the chances are pretty slim. I would guess that your kids hands were clean at the time, because you were trying so hard to not spread the germs in your own home. Also, I'm not sure spreading germs is always quite as easy as holding hands. You're just the easy person to blame.

I think overall our society has become a bit too germophobic. It's important to be careful, keep things clean, try not to do anything irresponsible, but really, kids are going to get sick. We can do our part, but we can only do some much. They're going to get colds, and occasionally, they are going to get the stomach flu. It sucks, but that's the way it goes.

Try not to let it get to you. Just be kind and act like nothing happened when you do see her. Hopefully once her family is done with this bug, she'll be more relaxed and rational and realize that kids get sick. That's life.

Wow, ok first of all, you are right the girl may have not got it from your son just as your son may have not got it from the ped office. Germs really are everywhere. That being said, you probably should have never said anything about the daughter grabbing your sons hand and/or her catching the sickness from your son. And you should have not went to the park until you knew the family was over it.

I think you should just let it go. I hate stomach viruses so even family members of mine get treated like they have the plague when they are sick with it. Its one sickness I HATE, HATE, HATE! I will do everything in my powers to avoid the sickness, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But once someone in my family gets it...I expect the whole family too. Its just an easily spread sickness.

Hi, M.:

Take a breath. Shift your thinking?
Do you feel guilty because her son got sick after
the bossy little lady held your son's hand?

The other thing about is separate the deed from the doer. You don't have to like the way she acts but you can still be civil to her when you get through your stress. You have been through a trying time. Look out for you and get through this cold winter.

Do something for yourself.
Good luck.
D.

People tend to panic and over react when their kids get sick and nothing is worse than the stomach bug (as you well know, bless your whole entire family). They overreacted. I understand why you are hurt, especially if you suspect she was talking about you. Just give it time. She could be your friend who just overreacted. If my kids were over it and well enough to go outside and play I wouldn't think about someone touching their hand. That's bad on me, but it's not like you intentionally took your kids over to her house knowing they were sick. They weren't watching their daughter and SHE approached you. It would do no good to reason with them at any rate, so I wouldn't bother pointing that out.

I would just give them space and let it ride and see what happens. Let her come to you and then see how she treats you when she does.

Well yes you are wrong but she is wrong too. (Just my opinion).

1. Your kids apparently were still contagious. You should have probably said something to her or her daughter. Or told your child not to touch anyone. I went to the playground the other day and met my friend. Her kids had been sick. One WAS sick. I told my 3 yr old ".....germs ..... Don't touch other kids today . . . . getting sick . . . etc" I also then used hand sanitizer during and after the playground playdate.

2. If she knew your kids had been sick, she should have been all about the sanitizer. And she should have preped her kiddo like I did my son last week.

Did she know your kids were sick? One month of sickies - she's bound to have known, right?

If I were you, I'd apologize very simply "I am sorry that your kids got sick. That was not my intention. I honestly thought my kids were no longer contagious. They had been stuck inside almost a month and we finally had the go-ahead from the doctor to allow them out in public. Please accept my apology. I know our kids love playing together. I hope that once everyone is well again, we can have a picnic with the kids."

(I constantly hear negative negative negative from Facebook stories! Yet another reason I do NOT do FB!)

Bottom line this whole thing sounds super petty! My son started pre-school this year and is sick all the time. ALL THE TIME....and yes, when I know he's in the midst of being sick, I don't send him. HOWEVER most docs will tell you that when you are normally carrying the illness, you don't even know it! You get sick a few days later.
Kids get sick, it sucks but it's reality. If they don't live in a bubble, they're gonna get sick. You seem really offended by her, and annoyed. just realize this isnt a friendship, it's more of a convenience accquaintance. And keep your distance. Too much drama................

Updated

Bottom line this whole thing sounds super petty! My son started pre-school this year and is sick all the time. ALL THE TIME....and yes, when I know he's in the midst of being sick, I don't send him. HOWEVER most docs will tell you that when you are normally carrying the illness, you don't even know it! You get sick a few days later.
Kids get sick, it sucks but it's reality. If they don't live in a bubble, they're gonna get sick. You seem really offended by her, and annoyed. just realize this isnt a friendship, it's more of a convenience accquaintance. And keep your distance. Too much drama................

It's not worth it. Kids get sick and that's just how it is. Yes it sucks her kids caught this same virus, but whether she got it from your kids or not is irrelevant, you can't keep germs from being passed. I think just let her cool off and if she wants to be your friend she will if not then she's not worth it. Think about how she would have dealt if the tables were turned? I'm guessing she wouldn't be so apologetic? And stay off FB it will only drive you crazy ;)

Some people are immature. If she is a MOTHER, and going on facebook and acting like a child on there, then she MUST be immature, that is just who she is.

You should have told her at the time of the hand-hold however. Even though she's SO childish that she snubs you on facebook and makes a big dramatic scene on there to make you upset, it doesn't make it right in not telling them about the vomiting.

Yes, of course, she should ALWAYS have her eyes on her kids, especially in areas like apartments where there are several people around and you never know what might happen.

I'd let it slide... and let time go on and forget about it. I mean, you've gotta know where she's coming from a LITTLE bit, right? Cause it sounded like a NASTY bug you all got!

By the way, i like my neighbors, we are very friendly with each other and stuff, but I'm not at the point where I'm facebook friends with them. Certain info for certain people, I say...

It's all way too much drama for me. I would just open my hands and let it all go meaning a simple hello and goodbye and no more Facebook. Friends aren't always on the same page in understanding of situations and our responses to life's difficulties. She is probably over reacting and immature but so are you for being afraid to speak up to a child who was clearly overstepping your comfort level with the interaction at the time. It's really not a big deal we all are learning and growing or should be for an entrie lifetime.

If you are truly concerned about this friendship, then don't be all weirded out and talk with your friend. If it doesn't go well, it's okay brush the dust off and keep it moving knowing you tried. All you can do is try to work things out but it will take two but don't be upset if she isn't willing it just speaks to where she is as a person. It's not personal.

You already posted your "So What Happened" but I would advise that you stay off Facebook. You are a mother now and this nonsense should have been left behind in high school. Who cares what other people think of you on Facebook anyway? You don't have time for this junk.

As for you not saying anything, sure, it would have been nice to say something, but you didn't. Um, but I also recall that you were battling several children being sick at the same time, runs to the doctor's office multiple times, staying home and nursing sick kids and doing laundry, etc, keeping everything together. You should not be blamed because it did not occur to you to say something at the moment that girl's hand contacted your son's. You are not wrong. You are still a good mom.

Life happens. Kids get sick. Your friend needs to get over it, get over herself, and count her blessings already. And get the hell off Facebook if you can't act like a grownup.

In other countries children are dying of the same illnesses. Those moms REALLY don't have money. Oh, please.

First you have to decide if this person is someone you want as a friend or not. If not, then move on - let her be a B and that's that. If you do, then you should wait until everyone in your house is 100% over the illness, sterilize a dish and then make her something and take it to her with a note of apology. I would say something like, "I should have thought to tell Harmony not to hold Nolin's hand but I was so exhausted after caring for everyone, it was our 1st day out with everyone feeling better, it happened so fast and I just didn't think. I'm so sorry. I KNOW how hard caring for everyone can be and I know this made life that much more difficult for you but I'd hate to lose a friend over this." If she responds positively then you have a friend who just lost her mind - you said yourself how over washing vomit sheets/blankets you were - if not, then she was never really your friend.

you know she doesnt seem as close a friend if that is the way she was acting. She is acting catty. That being said. I really hate when parents send their sick kids to school with colds etc because I cannot afford to take the day off when mine gets sick. So I'd have appreciated if you told me before my daughter got near you. But then again my daughter would not have been outside by herslf I'd have been there with her. Andkids gets sick they always do its a fact of life. it will make them stronger when they are older

Honestly, once the little girl had made contact I would not have said anything about everyone being sick. Some people are crazy about this kind of stuff, and think we should keep our kids in quarantine unless they have had perfect health for a week! Just let it go, and keep being pleasant when you do see her out and about. Either she will get over it, or she will keep acting like a child, and than you will know she was not worth keeping around any ways.

Just like she doesn't know if her kids "really" got it from your kid, you don't know if your kid really got it from the pediatrician's office. There are intestinal bugs going around, that's just how life is when you have kids. Kids are social and that little girl actually sounds VERY sweet, not bossy, for wanting to help your child down the stairs.

You AND your friend are over-reacting. It's just that having a whole household get sick and recycling germs over and over again is really stressful. If they're going through what you went through with doctor's appointments, hospital trips, and more, then they can barely afford the financial toll and that's adding to the stress.

Honestly I wouldn't waste time being mad at each other for something so stupid. Make her a care package and a get well card, bring it to her, and clear the air. Make amends. Germs happen between kids. It's not like you took a sick child to a party knowing she was sick and took the chance that she might or might not get everyone else sick. You were at your own home, this kid was also at her own home, your paths crossed, so did the germs.

If your friend is anything like my dad she's more upset with the fact that her kid and her family got sick at all than the fact that "you caused it." When my kids are sick I have a visceral reaction too, and then I remember the nature of germs and illnesses because I remember college science classes.