An Accident!

I wouldn't storm the office, one doesn't get anywhere being confrontational, but contacting the computer teacher for an explanation would, I think, be a good idea.

I think that I would have chosen option #4. Not letting kids go to the restroom when they need to, when they ask politely and appropriately, and when they don't have a history of being a trouble-maker, seems absolutely OUTRAGEOUS to me. I also think that it's absolutely OUTRAGEOUS for schools to try to make kids go to the bathroom on some kind of schedule. Sounds to me like a good recipe for bladder infections.

I hope that you find some very good listeners at the school, and that this never happens again.

Best wishes,
J.

Do NOT go to the school with this. This is SO common. Our nurses office is stocked with pants and underpants for such an occassion.

Just talk to your son about not waiting until the last minute to ask to go to the bathroom. Remind him of the good times to go...after lunch, during quiet reading time, etc.

As long as your son was not humiliated, and it does not become a pattern, just let it go. SO not a big deal. Just wash and return the clothes. Done.

Get a full report from your child first then contact the teacher.

I'm definitely not calling your son a liar BUT...he may have been so embarrassed by the incident that he has changed his story so he can 'save face' with you. This sort of stuff happens with kids. He could be telling you the truth, but at least get a clear account of his side.

You are 100% correct in not storming to the Principal's office. At this point it is counterproductive and they'll ask "What did his teacher have to say?" or they'll call the teacher and ask how they handled it with you, to which they will reply, "This is the first I'm hearing about this from the parent." Furthermore, if your kid is making all of this up (again, not saying he is but sometimes it happens) then this is just another added layer of embarrassment for your child.

Call the teacher and get his/her perspective as to what happened. LISTEN to what he/she has to say before sharing anything that your child has to say. When he/she is finished, relay the events as your child shared them with you. See how things match up. Once you get a better 'complete picture' of what happened, then decide how you want to proceed.

This happened to my son in second grade. I talked to the school nurse and she had told my son the next time the teacher won't let you go to the bathroom get up and leave. I also think the nurse had a talking to his teacher.

Hope this helps. Tell him not to wait until the last minute. If he can't wait any longer to get up and leave.

Take care
J.

This happens all the time. I wouldn't worry about it.
You could teach your child to tell the teacher, " It is an emergency."

Hi E. Before you lose your cool, find out what happen. I work as a substitue teacher and these students get bathroom breaks. And most times when students ask to go, they're just trying to get out of the classroom and when you let one go the half class all of a sudden has to go. I'm not saying this was the case with your son. So look into it first.

I would get your son's side of the story, then I would calmly talk to the teacher and the office at school. The first week of school, my daughter had a small accident at Kindergarden and the teacher called me at home to tell me what had happened and let me know that my daughter handled it very well. In my situation, my daughter's clothes were not even wet, so I am wondering if she just dribbled a little and then couldn't stand the feeling so changed her clothes. I did, however, really appreciate the phone call from the teacher letting me know how my daughter handled herself. I would talk to all involved before getting really upset. Good luck.

I am not sure how I would feel, although it is unsettling. You did not say if it was your son's "new" clothes. At 7 years old, the school starts to regulate bathroom times. Children start to learn how to control their bladders, and the children learn to start following rules, and regulated bathroom times. Accidents will happen. I would get the teacher's side of the story, before making any decision.

It happens. My seven year old son likes to wait until the last possible minute. His teacher from last year learned that when he asks to go, he really has to go as she told me other kids can wait be she knows he can't. When we ask him to go, he says he doesn't but if you make him, he really does. So far, this year nothing happened. Last year, we kept an extra pair of socks and underwear and old pants in his backpack. It's good in winter to have those things anyway.

I would ask that in the future, a bathroom break before computers or if he has to go, let him.

As a mom and a classroom teacher, I can understand both sides to the issue.

As a teacher, I am responsible for 29 students all day long. We have one planned bathroom break, and students are allowed additional trips out of the classroom. There are times when I will tell a student he/she cannot go to the bathroom. One is during instruction. If I am in the middle of whole class instruction, the student needs to wait until we are done (doesn't usually last long). The other time I will tell a child to wait is if they are a chronic work avoider. Some students ask to go during subjects they don't like. In this case, I ask the student to complete one or two problems, then they may go. Otherwise they spend ten minutes at the bathroom and wait to come back.

Talk with the teacher, but be calm about it. I'm sure it wasn't done to be mean, but probably had a purpose for classroom management.

As for your advice, there is one thing I want to strongly caution you on. You've told your son to just leave the room and go if it's an emergency. This is such a scary thought as a teacher! My students are not allowed to leave the room without me knowing. I must know where ALL students are at all times. It is a liability as a teacher. I cannot "lose" a student, and having your son leave his room without teacher permission isn't the safest thing to teach him. I have my students tell me if it's an emergency, and I will ALWAYS say yes to that. Teach your son to communicate this to his teacher, as well as to recognize the signs sooner that he needs to go. I know the thought of him having an accident again is terrible, but having his teacher not know where he is is even scarier. In my building a student was in the bathroom at the end of the day, and his teacher didn't know. All the buses left with him still inside. Since his teacher didn't know, the teacher went home. The child was left at school, locked out of his classroom. Luckily he found another teacher to help him. We must know where our students are at all times!

Good luck when talking with the school! I hope you can come to some kind of resolution.

my now 27 yr old have this very thing happen when he was in first grade. I did speak to the teacher and then I instructed my son that if that ever happened again( his teacher ignored his raised hand for he wanted to ask to go to the bathroom) he was to leave the room, go to the bathroom, and return to class. I also made the teacher aware that I had told him to do this in the future. I understand that teachers don't necessarily want kids coming & going all day long to the bathroom, but sometimes it is necessary. As far as the change of clothes, perhaps she was concerned about him having an odor. Do speak to the teacher & the principal, if necessary, about what happened.Hope this helps!

I totally agree with Cari & Jenny in the earlier posts. Primary school teachers do not want anyone to have an accident, but the students have to learn that they cannot walk out whenever they feel like it / think they need to go. Yes, there are some medical issues that require the immediate break, but most kids need to learn to use the bathroom time provided in the classroom (with the rest of the class) and they also need to learn to not wait until the last minute to ask. Learning / working time is so precious, and should not be spent unnecessarily in the bathroom. "Emergency" excuses are honored, but if that becomes a pattern, then it should be further investigated. Believe me when I say that during the more social activities, like recess, lunch, movie time, craft time, social time, educational game time..., there is nowhere near the same amount of requests to use the bathroom ;-)

As a former teacher I can sympathize with you. I am sorry this happened to your son, it is very common in school though. When my students would ask to use the bathroom, I would ask if they could wait, because we had bathroom times and their learning time was limited. If they said yes, then asked again I would let them go. Most of the time if the teacher knows the students they can see when the child really needs to go. I had a teacher in 3rd grade not let me go to the bathroom and then yelled at me when I had an accident, so I totally understand. Make sure you let your son know that if he really needs to go that it is ok to tell the teacher that it is an emergency and leave to use the bathroom. Good luck, I am sure the computer teacher just wanted him to spend the little time he had at the computer and not in the bathroom!

I would write a note asking that son be permitted to go the bathroom when necessary and cite this situation. It is a policy I don't agree with and I have lived on toilets throughout the years so because I have this situation I do permit children to go to the bathroom a lot more than my peers like. I have worked in schools for many many years and there are a lot of people who do this. It is difficult when you have students who just want to take a little walk or need a change of environment but it is not fair to people like myself who live with constant bladder problems and need to use the bathroom a lot and your little guy. Anyway I haven't been able to change anyone in years, but I know your letter will hold some power and he will be permitted to use the bathroom when necessary-at least give it a try.

This happened to my 2nd son when he was in 1st grade (3 yrs ago). The teachers will only let the students go at the teachers set time. Unfortunately, the time changes each day!!! I have 4 children in the school and when they first started telling me they can only go at certain times, I told them they could ask if it was close to "break" and if so try to hold it. The one who had the accident was told nobody was to leave her room!! I ended up talking to the teacher and told her if my child had asked to use the restroom, he needs to use it. My children know I would not want them to miss class time, they are not dawdelers and if it was habitual I would think the teacher should tell the parents. Since this incident my children have, on occasion, been allowed to leave the class.
I did find out that my oldest, now 7th grade, had to leave the room without permission to use the restroom. The teacher gave him a demerit but ended up taking it back when my son was back in less then 5 minutes. Good Luck!! And sometimes when you gotta go, you gotta go!!!

To all the teachers and the substitute teachers, do they teach you that in school - how to look at a child and determine if they really have to go?
It is cruel to deny a child use of the facility if they have to go. Unless it's your bladder, you can't really say if a child has to go or not. When you have to go, are you told no? You can't go or you have to wait?

Going to the bathroom isn't a privilege, it's a basic human bodily function, it's a right.

This is going to make the child paranoid and stressed about toileting issues at school.

Unfortunately, I think this has happened to many young children ages 5 to 7. Who are still physically developing etc and cannot wait or "hold it". It is something that is wrong and needs to change.

This happened to my daughter once at school when she was 7 as well. She asked to use the bathroom at recess and the recess supervisor said no and she had an accident. She was too embarrassed to tell her teacher and the teacher did not notice. I noticed as soon as she got off the bus because I could see that her denim shorts were wet and I could smell it. I called the school to find out why she was not allowed to use the bathroom. Since it was after hours her teacher was already gone & I had to speak with the assistant principal. She told me she was "appalled" that this happened and said the recess supervisors are told to let children use the bathroom if they ask, especially the younger ones as they sometimes wait too long & can't always hold it. She was very apologetic and said she would speak with the recess supervisor. It was close to the end of the school year & my daughter didn't need to use the bathroom again during recess so it was no longer an issue. I would contact the teacher though and find out why he couldn't use the bathroom, if he requests to use the bathroom often, etc. and go from there. I never have understood how teachers can possibly think all children in the classroom will only need to go to the bathroom at an appointed time every day. On days off school we let our children use the bathroom when they need to, regardless of what time it is & when we grow up and get jobs we can go to the bathroom whenever we need to! Good Luck!!

Please do go to the school and talk with the principal. Ask him/her what the policy is for bathroom breaks and what the policy is for "accidents" that happen in the classroom.

Be kind when you explain the situation as you did above. Ask if there is anything that you can do to make sure that this situation never happens again. A seven year old is pretty young to have been so embarrassed in class.

Good luck on your school visit. Your son is lucky to have a concerned and loving mother.

ABSOLUTELY GO TO THE SCHOOL!!! Do pitch a cow regarding the computer teacher....my son is in 2nd grade and our school still requests a "change" of clthes ne kept in thier lockers for "accidents" they are still training all those muscles down there, and accidents do happen, especially when an adult delays allowing a child to GO!
With all that our kids are expected to learn and maintain in school on a daily basis, trusting that an adult willl allow them to go to the restroom when they need to go, should not be one of them!

1st: you are not alone. My son at 9 years old, has the same issue. At home and at school! I get so upset with him because i know he doesn't have a bladder issue.

2nd: he doesn't have a problem, chances are if he's anything like my boy, he didn't go when he 1st had to or waited because he was doing something else he prefered to do. My son has a bathroom right next to his bedroom but if he's doing something he really wants he won't go to the bathroom...and just wets himself. He's even told me that he wets the bed at night because he doesn't want to get out of bed. CRAZY!

3rd: school isn't required to let the child go "whenever the child feels like it" unless it's medically necessary. often time, my son would come home wet because he would not say anything to the teacher until after the cut off time. Most schools have a period where no children are allowed in the halls unsupervised. It's generally near the end of the class periods or school day. At our school, it's 15 minutes before the bell rings. So if it was near that time, no teacher is going to let him go. Don't be upset with the school or the teachers because they have to take the child's physical safety into account 1st.

4th: If you find a method that will work, Please email, call send smoke signals because i am so frustrated with my son and this same thing.

This is unacceptable. Occasionally, teachers have to be flexible and realize that a kid has to go. I agree with the parents who say talk to your child about not waiting until the last minute; but, I also think the teacher is out of line here. "Wait until your work is done?" If this really was her response, it's unacceptable. I can't believe that anything a child is doing in computer lab is worth peeing on themselves. How about asking, "Can it wait or is it an emergency?" I can understand how a child would "forget", I just don't understand how a teacher can be so idiotic. Try to be diplomatic in how you say it, but make it clear that you don't want this to happen again. On your end, you will work with your child about not waiting; but, also let her know that you don't find it acceptable to assume that kids can always wait until their work is done. In the future, I would also instruct your child that if a teacher denies permission, but it's an emergency, just go. Don't worry about getting in trouble, just go.

HI mom Yes Yes Yes Yes you go up there and you ask all the questions you need to ask and when and if you get answers go to the board and ask more questions, this really makes me mad, Why Why Why they did not let him go to the restroom Why? This is crazy I will never understand. When you have to go you have to go thats normal not being able to go is sad, I don't care were you are, at work or school. You go Good Luck