Anyone Else Feel like This About Their Man??

Date night! If you can't afford a sitter, ask a friend with kids if you can swap childcare. Some friends I know have date night weekly. My DH and I can't seem to make that much time, so we do it once a month. We put it on the calendar 6 months at a time (so right now, I know when we are having date night each month through July) and we treat that as an 'appointment' that we can't reschedule. Otherwise, it gets pushed to the bottom of the priority list.

Yes--things change after a child. It IS mostly about the kid(s). BUT to keep a marriage happy, you need to find and make time for each other.

This is a season in your life - this is not forever. Having now been with my husband for almost 20 years, married for 15+, I can say that yes - we did go through those times There are days now with teens and ailing elderly parents where we still have those days. BUT (and this is a big but) having been through tough times - times without reward - we have a relationship has a depth and sweetness I would not trade. When your kids are little and they take every single moment of your waking hours, and you feel physically and emotionally drained it seems like such a desperate time in your life. But if the two of you can see this as a journey and can realize that this time is not forever, and can be mature and motor through the dull times and the tough times, and can manage to stay together it will be such a good good thing.

You really have to find times to go on walks, put the little one in a stroller at this naptime and take a walk together. Romantic times will be different than they were - but still wonderful. Find someone to trade babysitting with if you can't afford it, or use aunts, grandparents, etc. You don't need to go out to dinner or a movie - even a drive, a walk in the park. Now that Spring is almost here take the little one to a large park with open fields and let him run while you and your man walk holding hands. Take a drive at your little one's bedtime and when he falls asleep go parking. He'll be sleeping in the back seat and you two can make-out in the front seat. There are a lot of ways to sneak in sweet times together.

When my kdis were pre-schoolers and even in elementary school there were probably about 4 or 5 times that our marriage seemed destined to fail - because we didn't take care of eachother. I was certain he'd leave - he was being selfish, I was being selfish - we were fighting for "oxygen" - for our own needs and couldn't see how to care for eachother. Then 2 years ago a series of calamities began: the death of my FIL after a brief illness, my MIL having to go to a nursing home, the sale of his childhood home, my husband having an almost deadly auto accident (1 year ago yesterday), my mom's diagnosis of recurrent ovarian cancer, and many more things I can't even list. We found that we both had this reservoir of compassion for eachother, we took care of eachother's parents, we drove our kids to emergeny rooms, I sat by bedside of his dying father, he sets up the handicapped ramp for my mom, I soothe his mom's tears, and I held my husbands hand as he was wheeled in for spinal surgery near the base of his skull (he recovered wonderfully and is back at work as a sergeant with the NYPD). But before that time we only cared about ourselves. WE found that it's contagious - when I care about him and his needs, he in turn cares about me and my needs.

LIfe is made up of a daily routine of laundry, childcare, cleaning and work - but is punctuated by precious things like holding hands on a park bench, taking a walk together, laughing at stupid stuff, gazing at your beautiful sleeping child. It's also punctuated with tough stuff - particularly as you get older. But having someone by your side who will be with you through it all is precious. The 5 - 8 year time is tough - especially with little ones. But the rewards of sticking together are huge and so satisfying.

This is a natural progression of any relationship.
My husband and I courted 9 years before we married and our next anniversary will be 22 years.
Yes, we get busy with jobs, chores, running around after our child.
And small children require lot's of attention from both parents - they have so much going on.
But I leave my husband little love notes on his pillow and he'll bring me flowers or a sweet card sometimes for no reason.
We hug/kiss/say "I love you" at every opportunity because you'll never know when it might be the last time you get to say it.
And there's no excuse for 'wandering minds'.
Either you are committed to this relationship or you are not.
If either of you is going to wander, have the decency to make a clean break first.

Well, that's life when you have small children! It's just different from when you first met and it was just the 2 of you. If I were you, I would try to have a talk with him when you are both relaxed and not stressed out and not have it turn into an argument about "You don't..." and "You never..." and all that. Just let him know how much you miss a little daily affection but it might also be up to you to just make the effort initially. Even if we are in the middle of making dinner or picking up the house, I will sneak in a hug or a kiss for my hubby, just to let him know I appreciate him. "Thank you" goes a long way too. Sometimes I feel too tired for sex, but I just decide to do it anyway, because I want us both to be happy and satisfied, and sometimes I end up getting more into it than I was initially as we go along.

Also, get a sitter for one evening and go have a "date night" together. DH and I are in need of one soon - as much as your child may come before all else, you guys need to make time for yourselves a priority too sometimes. And DH and I have been together 11 years (married almost 7) and have a 3 year old.

I would also agree with letting some of the housework go after baby is in bed - it can always get done the next day.

I would hire a babysitter and have a date night. We do this once a month and it is wonderful.

I was like this with my husband for a little bit, relationships have these and they can go away. Now him and I cant keep our hands off each other. I recommend a date night thats SET IN STONE, naughty outfits, dirty text messages, full body massages and open communication without judgement.

We all just want to be wanted.

We started to just put aside all the chores at the end of the day--whatever isn't done by the time the kids go to bed, doesn't get done because thats OUR time together. We've been together for 5 years, married for 3 and have 2 babies. My house isn't the neatest by any stretch of the imagination--but my husband and I have a good time together and spend our evenings reconnecting.

Whichever one of us gets downstairs first from bedtime (he puts our toddler to bed and i put the baby to bed) starts making mixed drinks for us. Then we snuggle up on the couch with our drinks and talk and watch a movie. We were the same way when we only had one child--but our marriage would have failed miserably if we kept giving him 100% of our attention all the time. Shower while he's awake, have your boyfriend shower in the mornings so you guys can spend that time together instead. Just make the time for each other!

You need to schedule your romance. It won't be like when you first met - but if you schedule in "date night" then at least it won't be something you forget. Date night is great if you can go out, but if you can't, then after your son goes to bed, make some popcorn, put in a movie and have a stay at home date. Maybe put your son to bed and order a take out dinner or even a pizza with something more than "just cheese" on it and have a glass of wine or a beer together. Talk about something other than your son - even if it is the movie you watched, what movies you might want to watch, or current events.

Try to manage a good kiss before falling asleep - it might lead to something more. If nothing else, it is good for your immune system:)

Good luck!

oh yes, I think a lot of couples go through this. I have several times! Not to long ago I went to the store while husband stayed home with my daughter. I brought home a movie that I knew he wanted and told him it was time we started doing nice things for each other again and stopped treating each other like roommates. It worked and we are making more time with each other. I am sure he probably feels the same way sometimes, just let him know how you are feeling, and make sure you at least spend a little time talking to each other about things not baby related. You would be surprised how much better that will make you feel.

Remember when you were just dating? What was different then?
Think back and reenact! Make him his favorite meal, hug and kiss him when he gets home, call during the day to say you can't wait to see him when he comes home, after your baby is in bed invite him to the bedroom. In other words, treat him like your boyfriend. Court him!

I agree with Christine... schedule couples time in. Even if it means staying up an hour later and holding hands on the couch watching a movie... make it happen. It's the quality of time you spend together, not the quantity.

Leave little notes around the house (my fav is writing in lipstick on the bathroom mirror) just to let him know you love him/admire him/think his butt looks good in jeans/whatever. Sneak up on him and kiss the back of his neck (if you can reach!) If he works, leave a note in his car just to tell him you're thinking of him and missing him.

Once you start doing little, easy things like this, most guys get the hint and begin to reciprocate the guesture. Even smacking his butt as you cross paths in the hall can spark a little something ;)

Things definitely change when you have children but I have always believed that like any relationship in life, you have to nurture it or it will fade. Probably not what you wanted to hear but I truly believe that you do have to work at keeping the spark alive. Life is just so busy these days that if you dont take the time to nurture your relationship and love life that it will fade away. This is not to say that you dont still love each other but you need to take time (schedule time) if you have to, that is just "your" time. Just the two of you. Even if it means taking that nighly shower together or waiting till the morning for showers so that you have that time at night together.
Good Luck

Thank you for asking this question.

while I have no advise- I wanted to tell you that you are not alone! I am right there with you with baby #2 and I know the love is there. We have talked about it and we both hope that this is just a phase and it will get better as the kids get older and more independent.

Right now we just try to find time for each other and show our love in ways that won't exhaust us anymore than we already are!

Stick with it and good luck!

I think it is normal for all relationships to go through a dry spell. Its what you do to fix it that counts. I'm not really one to give advice since my husband has cheated on me twice because of the dry spells. And now we are divorcing and i am 8 months pregnant! So deffinately communicate your needs he is probably feeling the same way. my husband and i had this discussion, but it was too late i got an email about 2 weeks after the discussion from his girlfriend letting me know he was unfaithful. Have makeout sessions, make time. Get a sitter. Its very important to make time for yourselves as a couple. I know the feeling you love him, but its not that full on lust im in in love with you feeling anymore. Good luck, i hope you can get some loving on again!

I think it's the natural progression of any relationship. There are always going to be ebbs and flows. My husband and I ran into this awhile ago. We had a lot of other underlying issues, so we wound up in marriage counseling. Honestly, best thing we've ever done! :)
Relationships take work. You have to schedule time to be together. Hire a babysitter and go out for the night. Go do something that you used to do before you had your son. My husband and I usually go out to dinner and then somewhere for drinks. If we just have a sitter for a few hours, we do a movie and dinner. Sometimes I send the kids off with my mom and we just hang out at home.
Make time for a little affection throughout the time you are home. Make a point to hug and kiss each other when you get home from work and before you go to bed. If you see each other in the morning, make sure to hug and kiss before you head off to work. If you're watching TV at night, hold hands or snuggle. Once you start doing those little things, you'll find that the romance will start to come back.
Above all, you need to TALK to him. Tell him how you're feeling. Maybe he's feeling the same way. Come up with a solution together! It's good for your little one to see Mommy and Daddy hugging and being affectionate.
And even if you do all of the things suggested in the responses, you're going to run into this "problem" again. Life gets busy. Unfortunately we tend to put our partner on the back burner when life gets busy. We have to consciously put him/her on the front burner.
Good luck to you! :D

And one more thing...I dont' think it has anything to do with the fact that you're not married, at one of the other posters suggested. :D

I agree with B. You have to make time for those special little things to let them know you are thinking of them. If you are the last one to bed at night tape a note that says "I love You" for him to find in the morning on the bathroom mirror. Or if you pack his lunch do the same there (not on the same day of course). Buy him that special snack at the grocery store to let him know he is on your mind. By all means Communicate! Nothing will destroy a relationship faster than not communicating. Men are touchy feely beasts, don't be afraid to just slap him on the bum for no reason, he may enjoy it. In the evenings, after the baby has gone to bed, make time to sit down together and watch 1 TV show together. Sit close, hold hands and just enjoy being together. If you can schedule a date night, do it or plan for a night when neither one of you have to be up early the next day. Spend the evening together, will you be tired? Sure you will, but relationships take effort, you can do this. We all go through it when the kids are small, but you have to build that foundation.

A.,
I've been married 13 years but we've been together for 20 and I'll I can say is that it is a huge adjustment to a couple when a baby comes along because there is so much to do and fatigue sets in. However, you have to make time to be with your husband, even if its just sitting together watching a favorite tv show or folding clothes together. Also, you have to initiate the random hugs and kisses if you want that to be part of your relationship. My husband used to not be very touchy-feely but over time, he's gotten used to my affection and he now reciprocates. Lastly, treat him like a good friend. When he comes home from work, ask him how his day was and really listen. Ask him questions about himself and really listen then share your thoughts. Personally, I think we (most people) have lost the ability to carry on a meaningful conversation because of all of the technology (Facebook, texting, cell, etc.) that gets in the way. Finally, don't forget to have fun! Sometimes I feel that the biggest contribution I make to our marriage is that I make him crack up and smile after a long day. Good luck to you A.!

Shower together. It doesn't have to be sexual. My husband & I shower together almost every night & we talk about our day while we shower. Its a solid 15 minutes of uninterupted time together.

I'm not judging-but your answer appeared in the first sentence.

I do not believe it is possible to keep a relationship "just like when u first met." Divorce would not exist if that were possible. EVERYTHING changes. Are you just like you were when you first met your man? We all evolve, so we have to try to make sure our relationships follow. In my experience communication and honesty are two key elements in keeping a relationship growing with your own personal growth. I know how difficult it is with a young child, but it becomes easier the older they get. Have you related your concerns to your BF? That's where I would start. Partner is not singular, so talk to him! He most likely feels the same as you.