Are You Closer to Your Son?

I am, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I have a 9 yr old daughter, a 5 yr old son, and a 2 yr old son. I don't love my boys more than I love my girl, but I feel more attached to them. I think it's because they are more attached to me. My daughter has always been daddy's girl, and she and I clash over just about every issue. I love her intensely, but we don't get along that well. Boys are much easier in my opinion.

I only have girls, but I image I'd probably *not* be as close with a son as my daughters. The reason? Mostly because we'd have more common ground as they grow - I mean, what 14 year old boy wants to spend the day with his mom shopping, getting hair done and stuff like that? And, it's seems socially acceptable for women to always "need their mamas", especially when they become mothers themselves; but for men, they're labelled as "mama's boys" in a very negative light.

Also, my mom shared a quote with me when I was pregnant with my first "a daughter's a daughter for life, a son's a son till he takes a wife".

Just sayin'.

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This makes me laugh in a good way. I have a son, and I feel the connection with him is different than with my daughter. However, I don't want to become one of THOSE moms - like my MIL who feels threatened by me and my sister in law. (I have a theory that mother of only boys tend to be worse - don't get mad - I have the experience that they just can't handle girlfriends/wives at all and are extremely jealous) I pray each day that when my son chooses that special woman, I will accept her and love her like my own. My MIL doesn't. Very one sided relationship and I don't want to be like her. But I have a daughter too, so I have that going for me. ha ha! Love on that little boy now and steal hugs and kisses while you can. It won't last for long, but he will grow up respecting you that you gave him boundaries. Girls come around and get closer the older they get. At least that is what happened with me and my sister. We were 'daddy's girls' until puberty. ha ha! Good luck!

I only have sons. But I can tell you, I do feel close to them, especially the older one. He has a wonderful heart, and is pretty cute too. He is 15. I know how you feel, wanting them to be with your forever!! But as my oldest son gets older, I imagining him being a great husband and father someday, and I feel proud knowing that he will be just that. I suppose that is probably my wish now, that he will find a great woman someday, that will cuddle with him FOREVER and love him unconditionally like his mama does!!

Oh, so sad! I suggest that this isn't healthy. He needs to grow up and have girl friends and your feeling this way will hold him back. He will stop cuddling with you as he approaches puberty. You have to let him go. I would hope that you don't want to have a mama's boy who has poor relationships with women.

It's common for mothers to be closer to a son than a daughter but not to the point of having their "cat claws" out. It's good to be close and cuddle at 7. It's good for kisses at 13 but it's not good to have him meet your needs for closeness at 13.

Later: ah, hyperbole, no doubt. Perhaps you over stated to make a point. You will allow him girlfriends. Perhaps it's just that you're really enjoying his affection.

I probably don't understand your feelings since I only had a girl. My daughter does favor her son. He's on the autism spectrum and she worries that he won't be able to have healthy relationships with girls or boys.

I'm lucky! My son has informed me that he is never getting married! He's been adamant about this for two years now. It won't surprise me if he remains a bachelor. (But I'm kidding about being lucky - I'd rather he got married and had someone to share his life with!)

When he was little, he told me that when he grew up, he was going to marry me. It melted my heart, he was so sweet!

Then he added, "And Daddy." Well, okay. Of course he loves Daddy too, so he'd want to marry both of us. I'm still feeling good about it.

THEN he added, "And Dorothy and Fred." (His fish!) Okay, I'm no longer feeling so special! ; )

OMGosh, I laughed so hard I cried.

But yes, to your question, I wish I could keep them young forever - as long as I could stay this age! : )

I don't know. To be honest as the mother of a son I am kind of weirded out by all these sayings and stereotypes. One minute I am hearing about how "boys always love their mamas" (and more than one mom, of grown sons, has told me this stays true even after they are grown) the next I am told he'll only be my son "till he takes a wife." I was not aware of all this stuff until he was over a year old. Oh well. My husband always reminds me - Your relationship with him will be what YOU make it.
LOVE Dawn B.'s answer.

Its kinda funny the results your getting compaired to what I got. lol

I don't know if Im closer to my boys than to my girl because of thier sex. Im closer for different reasons and levels. One they are older. She is only 2. As they get older your relationships change as they mature as it will with my daughter. I am closer to the 15,12,11 yr old boys than the 4yr old boy and 2 yr old girl because of the level of closeness has matured.

( you are kinda getting my question from yesterday... as are others. guess I should have stated mine differently. But reading your results make me feel better! I see Im not the only one :) )

Oh trust me your cat claws will come out the older he gets, but Im sure it will because he has hit the teens not because of girls! lol

I feel closest to my youngest daughter (9), next to my son (29), and not as close to my older daughter (26). They each have different personalities and I just don't understand so much about my first daughter and her choices. I know that she feels close to me, and confides in me. I do try, but sometimes I just feel that we don't connect. I also know that age can change relationships. Earlier, I would have said that I felt most distant with my son, but that has changed over the last several years.

yeah. I'm right there with you. I have a blonde haired, blue eyed cutie with dimples and he is SO sweet. Really, not just from a mother's prejudiced opinion... He is a peacemaker. And so kind hearted. (Black belt in karate, but not aggressive at all).

He just turned 13. He's had little girls wanting to marry him since he was about 3. He hasn't expressed much interest in girls yet, but it is not far off. I have the feeling he is interested, but hanging back not ready to risk himself emotionally with all the drama. (He has friends that have "girlfriend"s). I personally think 13 is too young to do anything besides hang out in groups or whatever...
He still gives me hugs. And tells me he will continue to do so even in high school and even in front of his friends. I just hope no little vixen gets her claws in him and shreds his heart..... I'll be beside myself....

ETA: (after your so what happened): My son went through that at age 4. When I would pull up to the portico to let him out for K4 (3 days a week) he actually asked me to give him his kiss BEFORE we got up there...while we were further back in line so no one would see. But he is 13 now, and comes to me every couple of days and stands in front of me and says, "Can I have a hug?" :)) And he loves it if I share sofa space with him watching a movie. So don't worry... you'll still get "cuddle" time.. it just might look a little different. Mine is almost as tall as me, now, and when I see him walking around the kitchen or peeking in the fridge, I am reminded how short of a time I have left before he is in adult and (hopefully) moved out and on his own (preferably via college). At 7, you still have lots of time let to enjoy him, and he will probably get more cuddly at different times and stages. Mine has. They push for independence, then draw back in and need those hugs and reassurances, just like when they were toddlers. :))

I know how you feel. I do only have one child, and he is a boy. He's 7 as well. But, we are very close. He still loves to snuggle with me when we are watching t.v. and tell me he loves me every day. I want to keep him this age forever! My husband always is joking around, telling me to get my snuggle time in now, cause when he is older he will be snuggling with someone else. UGH! Even at 7, he has these little girls that want to hold his hand, and hug on him at school, and in the neighborhood. So, I know that we will have our hands full when both of our sons are in high school! Watch out girls-haha!

Interesting.. It is very obvious in my husbands family that his mothers favorite is his sister.

When questioned she says things like.. well she has different needs. Well SHE likes nice things.. (Yea we don't like nice things.. ?)

She told him that "mothers are always closer to their daughters."
Lots of heart breaking stories and comparisons. Once my husband saw how over the top his mother went and all the money she spent on his sister for her wedding and setting up their homes. The way she gave her children way more attention than our daughter, he had to face the fact, she just really loved his sister a whole lot more.

They went to family counseling together.. Again His mother said. "mothers are always closer to their daughters." And the therapist said.. "No, that is not true.. It is a choice when moms have a favorite." But usually they choose to not show the favoritism. So her answer was "Well she is my favorite, because she needs me more." Broke my husbands heart. he loves his mother, but you can imagine how it still makes him feel.

We only have one child, so I wonder if I would have had a favorite? My mother says she feels like she loves me and my sister the same amount, but for different reasons and different traits.

I don't know if my parents have a favorite, I don't think they do. They love as equally for different reasons and me and my dad get along better than he does with my brother just because of our similar personalities but that also means we fight more than he does with my brother. I only have one child, so it is something I think on. If I had two, I don't think I'd have a favorite. There are things you love about each child and maybe prefer the way one child handles something, like one child handles anger better than the other or something like that. I would suggest taking a deep breath about the girls thing and not letting him know at all how you feel about all that lol I understand though, my daughter is the cutest thing and I know I'll be protective when boys come around "like that"... I have never found it cute at all when friends are like oh look he has a little girlfriend (referring to their son and my daughter playing ball or something), I'm like um no lol just not a joke for me I guess.

Molly brought up a good point for me because my daughter, although she's an only child now, she taught me how to be a mom and changed my life around too so maybe that would play as a factor in the different bonds I would have with multiple children.

I have two girls (10 and 7) and a boy (5). I am so much closer with my son than I am with the girls. Don't get me wrong, the girls and I have an excellent relationship...my older daughter is just into reading and hanging out and our middle daughter is JUST like me and we butt heads quite frequently (not to mention she is 100% daddy's girl)...and then there is my little prince charming. He get's away with so much more. I have ALWAYS thought there is a completely different bond between a mother and son than a daughter and mother. I love them ALL so very much, it's just a different love (not more or less) for each. :)

I am definitely closer to my son. He was my first and we've had a special bond from Day 1! I try to be close to my daughter but we clash so much it breaks my heart. I sometimes feel she doesn't even want to be close. We of course have our "close" moments, but overall I am much closer to my son. He's a very sweet, caring, loving, un-selfish, responsible young man and I totally get why the girls are all after him! And like you, I can't handle the thought of him being an adult; it's killing me that he'll be going off to college in two years! (Ok, thanks for making my eyes well up!) He's taller than me now but he'll always be my "baby boy"!

LOL. love the momma bear. I have a boy and 2 girls. My son is my oldest...love him to pieces but he drives me crazy. He is 12 so believe me the cuteness wears off :) I actually feel that I am closer to my youngest manily because she is the only child I got to stay home with. I worked until she was about 4 months old and have been blessed to be a sahm since. Also my youngest is the most like me so we totally "get" eachother. With my son- oh how I wish he was like 3 again- I just dont understand how his mind works and it bugs me. The girls I get- their issues and emotions and communication I can handle and they get mine-even though they are only 5 and 7-teenage years maybe worse but I still think I will just get it so it will be ok. I have a hard time communicating effectively with my son at times. He takes critiques as criticism (like a personal attack!) the girls just get ok mom still loves me and didnt say you stink-she is just trying to help me get better at that. I want all my kids to stay close to me forever...i hope noone moves out of state or something-unless I have the financial freedom to come visit any time I want!- I am protective about no girlfriends- you don't need a gf, no kissing, etc. But I know i will be that way with all of them. My son is closer to me than he is his dad but the only child who isn't is my middle girl who is her dad all over again. They are 2 peas in a pod those two ;) Maybe it isn't that he is a boy maybe that is just the child you are most bonded to for whatever reason. My MIL always said that if I had a favorite it would be my son but I never saw it and still don't. I don't have favorites but I am closer with my youngest. I love all my kids equally but differently, and like them for different reasons -just like other family members and my friends.

My husband is still very close with his mom -his dad is constantly joking about cutting the apron strings or if they call each other too often for a long time...like once a day for 2 weeks. My FIL will say ok forget the apron strings...it is time to cut the embilical cord. But it is all a joke and in fun.
I do not look forward to being a MIL for any child....atleast not until they are like 30 ;)