Are You Going to Die Mommy?

I went through this with my 5 year old when my 21 year old nephew died in a car accident. What has worked for me is to tell the truth. The truth is that you will die someday, but it's really unlikely that it would be anytime soon. My son would cry about this prospect and I would hold him and comfort him. This went on, usually at bedtime, for a couple of weeks. By telling her the truth you are sending the message that you know she can handle it (someday she will have to handle it)and you are there to hold her while she is sad. Besides, kids know when we aren't straight with them. Just be straight and let it be okay that she is sad about it.

I agree with the other moms that you need to tell the child the truth-that every living thing is born, lives and then dies. Tell her that you are healthy and plan on taking care of yourself and should live a long life. But if something does happen that would cause you to die, she has lots of people who love her and will take care of her. I think kids are looking for a contingency plan to assure them they will be looked after. I think adding that "love never dies" would be helpful to her as well. Her question is a good learning experience. It's great that you can take advantage of it.

Hi J. W
Lots of great advise. I can only add that if you are spiritual, believe in God that has helped my 5 year old daughter, in her little lifetime she has lost her Grandpa and 4 dogs and 1 cat all of which she speaks about often. My Mother is also gone, however she was gone before her birth. I'm glad to say my daughter has a wondeful relationship with all who have passed thru our evening prayers and going to the cemetary often. my parents deaths were huge in my life and my daughter knows this. she has cried many times asking mommy what happens when you die, i simply put my hand on her heart and ask who is in here with you? she always replies everyone who has passed and me and her dad, that seems to be very helpful for her nd i explain our memories in our mind and the pictures and video keep us close to who we have lost. she also gets very excited to know in the end we will all be together in Heaven for eternity. its a very hard conversation but i believe the truth is best. when our last dog passed she looked at me and said mom I'm tired of God taking our animals!! I want them back. again whether youn or old when God needs you for bigger purpose, you get to be one of the angels we pray to every night is what i try to explain.
I also explained for a long time that thru her dreams she can have relationships with everyone who has passed, I can' tell you the wonderful dreams she has waken to tell me about things she has done with my parents, like fishing or planting, i lay there listening with tears rolling down my face, I know she somehow has a relationship with her Grandparents that I can only tell her stories, she sees things in her dreams with them. It's fantastic.
good luck it's so very hard

V.

I agree with the posts about explaining the "circle of life" An earlier Lion king movie has this same theme. In my household we established a will and emergency guardianship so that if there was a disaster, we had our brother-in-law and his wife named as emergency guardians...thankfully we have not had to use this. I am named as emergency guardian for my nine year old niece (my sister's child). In my community there are cases of grandparents raising their grandchildren. Mostly the parents are continuing to raise their children. When life gets interrupted, sometimes the spouse remarries or aunt/uncle becomes head of household. Let your child know she is loved and that you have a backup plan. You are doing the best to stay healthy and enjoy time with her.
C.
mom of 3

I am not sure if you are religous or not, and this is just the way i handle it.

My daughter has also asked these questions, but i don't tell her i am not going anywhere because let's face it, we just don't know when it will be our time. I lost my mother at a very young age, and i don't want to tell me daughter that i am not going anywhere when i know anything can happen.

We are religious and she knows about God and i have explained to her that sometimes god wants people with him and we go to be god and then we can look after them from heaven just like my mom does. While i don't want to go anywhere and I don't plan on it, there are lots of people who love her and will be here for her. She has been fine with this for now. It may change as she gets older, and maybe when we loose a family member she knows. This also is not the way for everyone to explain it.

I just know from my experience of loosing my mom, that i don't want to say i will always be here when i may not.

That is a tough situation. First of all she probably needs to understand that everyone is going to die, and that if nobody ever died there would not be enough room or resources on this planet for everyone. Is your mother still alive, is so you should point that out. Also maybe telling her that when people die they are still with you in spirit, and you can still talk to them and they they are watching over you from wherever your beliefs dictate. Has she ever seen The Lion King, that deals with the death of a parent, but shows how they are still watching over us and are carried on by us after they are gone. It is a tough reality, but it is part of life. Good Luck

We are at the same place with our 7 year old son, who is constantly asking is this one or that one or the animals going to die. It's especially hard when they ask about other children being sick or dying. At this point they can not fully understand the finality of death. We try to explain that while no one lives forever, we plan to be around for a long time and try to tell him how that can be done by taking care of ourselves and that we need to be careful to prevent accidents.