At Wits End with My Almost Two Year Old

TALK WITH HER!!! My 2 year old daughter whines as well...throws tantrums too. it is part of being 2 and exercising their voices and emotions. They have to be taught what is appropriate. I tell her that I don;t respond to whining or demanding and to use her normal voice. She knows what normal is and we talk about inside voice vs outside voice. When she realizes that I am serious she will talk in her "normal" voice and I immediately respond. She looks so pleased with herself. Also on the tantrums I tell her to use her words...she has enough words in her vocabulary to generally put together what is bothering her. A tantrum is their way of communicating dislike, anger, defiance...try to work with her on it. If she feels that you are understanding what she is upset about...the need for the tantrum goes out the window. USUALLY!!! This has been my experience...I talk to her a lot...so she knows using her words is the best way for me, dad, grandma, etc to respond. Remember they are not born knowing this stuff...that is why us mommies are so important.

I recommend reading the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. It was given as a gift to me and I didn't even think I had a problem in this area! however, when I did read it I realized my kids actually were sleep deprived and I took the advice in the book. Since then, my daughter (a 13 year old) has improved, in attitude and grades at school. My infant son no longer has unexplained crying fits at night. I know you are very busy but I highly recommend checking this out!

I don't have enough information to know for sure about your situation but after reading your "a little about me" section it sounds like you have a lot on you hands. Working part-time at night and doing school online is a lot, on top of staying at home with your daughter which is a full time job alone.

Children crave attention. Is it possible that she is wanting your attention while you are doing online classes, which I am assuming you do during the day? Kids will misbehave like you wouldn't believe when they are not getting the attention that they want. If this is a possibility, you may need to find a balance between your work/classes and playtime with your daughter. You might try setting a timer for 15 minutes and doing nothing but play with your daughter. You most likely will find that she will play much better and bug you less once she has had some uninterrupted time with mom. Do this often throughout the day.

If this is not the case, you need to think about what the other causes could be. Kids usually don't behave badly for no reason. Is she getting enough sleep, time with dad, consistency in discipline? There are many reasons she could be acting this way. Whatever you do, make sure to give her lots of positive reinforcement when she is being good and talk to her as positively and upbeat as you can. When you are frazzled, she picks up on it and will behave the same way. Good luck!

Just know that you are not alone and this too shall pass. I'm struggling with the same right now. My youngest son will turn 2 in November and he is just aweful. He is so fiercely independent and defiant and somewhat aggressive. I don't remember my first being so bad. I suspect that we do forget some of the aweful times, just as we do forget labor and birthing - otherwise we wouldn't do the whole thing more than once.

I do strongly suggest you find some you time. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Exercise helps me a lot. Do you belong to a gym? It is a great place to do something good for you, release some of that frustration, and usually there is a child center.

Hang in there!

The books I've found most helpful so far (I have a 2 year old too) are Love and Logic Magic for little ones and Have a New Kid by Friday by Kevin Leman. I can't remember the authors of Love and Logic off hand, but I'm sure you can find it through an online search easily. I hope this helps!

The only thing I can say is that you are the example. How you react to her tantrums is imperative. If you yell, loose your temper back or even tense up...she see's that as appropriate ways to react when she feels frustrated. Of course no one can do this perfectly. But just keep in mind that you are teaching her how to react to siutations by what you do. If you react in a calm loving mannor, she'll see that and copy it too. (hopefully)
Good luck my dear!

Look up "Parenting With Love and Logic" - it's awesome. My friend does seminars and personal parenting coaching, I would highly recommend it!

I have some suggestions of books and websites that work very well- but they are written with a Biblical basis. if that is what you are looking for then let me know.:)

I'm sorry to hear you lost your mom. My mother passed away when I was barely 13 (I'm 41 now). Like you, I sometimes struggle with what to do with my kids (6 1/2 and 20 months) and not having a mom to call is hard. Anyway, I would make sure your daughter is in a safe place so she won't hurt herself and ignore her and let her have at it. My 20 month old also whines, crys and throws himself on the floor (and he's as stubborn as his mom) and we ignore him. I'm finding the tantrums are getting shorter. At some point, the tantrums and the noise that comes with them won't be as bothersome to you. Keep reminding yourself that this is only a phase and it will pass. Your schedule sounds pretty busy but is it possible for you to have a litte quiet time now and then (go shopping by yourself and roam aimlessly, or have your boyfriend take your daughter to the park for a bit)? Quiet alone time always helps me. Don't forget, this is only a phase.

Hi A.,

Check out The Discipline Book by Dr. William Sears. He and his wife have 8 kids so they have a little experience and they are practical and compassionate.

I agree with Marilyn about ignoring the whining...it is an attention getter and will pass.

Remember she's not quite two and that she won't have the emotional and mental capacity for several years to truly manage her emotions. She needs you to manage her environment (help her get good sleep, meals and snacks, keep stress low) so she can LEARN how to do that. She'll learn more about how to behave from watching your response than from anything you say to her.

Hang in there! Good parenting takes a lot of energy and consistency. You can do it!

M.

my advice to you is to totally ignore the whining, the tantrums etc. do not even look at her and soon it will go away. I know it sounds like it wil not work but it does. she is doing it for your attention even if the attention is for you to yell back at her. soon she will give up. and for the future the best thing to do for a child is to not give into their every whime ---- or even 1 it sets a pattern for whining---- their mentality and it tends to work "if I whine enough I will get whatever I am whining about." parents need to say no and stick to their answer not give in because the child whined for awhile.

What kind of activities do you do with her in the day? My kids need to be out every morning and that helps with the crankiness. Find some city parks and rec classes that are cheap and close and/or get a membership to a gym with a kids club (la fitness kids club is $10 a month unlimited), and stucture some learning time in the afternoon (maybe paint/playdoh/coloring/cutting?).

You say you have no kid experience...you have a 2 year old! That's about the same as most of us right? :) Good luck.

Hey! First of all, don't be too hard on yourself or her because she is two! But, it's good to have a plan and know that you don't want to raise a kid who does this at thirteen or twenty!! I really, really liked "Have a New Kid by Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leeman. His major theme throughout is "Say it once and walk away". It's so practical and I've seen it work way better than I would've ever imagined. Even if you don't use all of it, it's worth a flip through.

I recommend both books that have been mentioned before, Love and Logic, and Healthy Sleep Habits. I have read them both and they have both helped me immensely. If I were you, I would start with Love and Logic. It sounds like your problem might stem more from not knowing what to do about the tantrums than having a sleep deprived child. Also, all of us moms have been in the same situation, so don't be too hard on yourself. Hope you can work this out. The best of luck to you.