Being a Single Parent Is Lonely

When I was a single parent I missed having that other parent around to discuss the children and talk over decisions and have a sounding board. Being a single Mom is hard and lonely, I remember. At least you got us...

Dear Lord,
You and only You know all the challenges E. is facing in her life as a single mother. I ask You to lift her up today and give her the strength she needs to handle any parenting issue she faces. Give her strength, courage and self-confidence that she needs to handle life's problems. Help her to see You clearly and hear You through those people around her. Surround her, Lord, with other single parents, so that she can have much needed support on those days that are trying. Show her Your love and mercy. Amen

Aww, poor little guy :( I was 'the small kid' (still am, only grown up)... with 2 little brothers who are both a foot taller than I am (and one who's training for UFC), I learned how to fight back VERY quickly ;) I might not win, but I can defend myself!!

Don't be so down on yourself. Being a single parent IS hard, but it has the greatest rewards!! YOU get to see him every day, YOU are the one he goes to with his problems, YOU are the one who gets to wake him up in the morning and the last person he sees at night. That in itself makes single parenting amazing :) Just the fact that you care so much speaks volumes about you being an awesome, amazing, wonderful mother!!

Maybe do something special with your kiddo tonight... forgo housework, snuggle up together on the couch, and watch your favorite movie together with popcorn and Halloween candy :)

Keep your chin up!! *hugs*

Hang in there, E.. I was a single parent and I know how hard it is and how much you long to talk to someone who loves your child like you do! I can't tell you how many times I worried all day about her at school for one reason or another just to find when she gets home that she had a great day and that I didn't need to worry at all. So, try to keep things in perspective and cheer up! It's Friday!

Oh hon. I am sorry.
Feeding tubes you faced with competent medical care. Autism you faced with competent mental health facilities.
Bullying happens to those with disabilities and those without. THere is no professional to tell you "now you do this", there are no books to spell out the right way to handle every situation.
YOu are a great mom. You are doing the best you can for your son.
Go in there with a take charge attitude. He may not be an angel but he also does not need to be hit.

Now this might make you smile. I have a Beagle. She is beyond stupid. I was cutting some jalapenos for burritos two days ago. One dropped. I said NO. Two dogs looked at me and waited. THe Beagle scooped it right up, then spit it right out and ran for water, which of course just made it worse. Her tongue kept licking for the rest of the evening.

Go out to ChickFilA, they have the peppermint shakes again. YUM!!!

Hey - sure know how tough it is to be a single mom! It always comes down to just you in the end.

I talk to my friends about stuff, but they are always so caught up in their own kids/husbands drama.

Do you have family around? Mine lives very far away, but sometimes it helps to get on the phone with my Mom or my StepMom/Dad and go over issues. Usually I just need to vent more than anything and grandparents have a vested interest in the subject.

Single Mom groups can help, too. Are there any in your area? I'm friends with a pretty big group of single moms. When you hear all the different problems it helps to put your own problems into perspective and you realize you're not alone.

I find posting on here can be very helpful too - keep it up!

Hope you feel better and your weekend is brighter! :)

Hugs and prayers to you E.. Tomorrow is going to be a better day. Maybe try and find a single moms group at a church or on Meetup.com. My Best.

Geez! All right, but this is the last time today I'm doin' it!

Listen Girl, I've been reading your posts and your responses for quite sometime, and I know that you're better than this. I mean you are soooo NOT a pity partying kinda chica!

So you've had your little cry, now roll up your sleeves and get busy.

Have you forgotten the ONLY reason your child has been having so many successes THUS far is cuz his MAMA is ALWAYS gonna to make it happen for him?

If I haven't cheered you on in the past, I sincerely apologize, just an oversight on my part.

You were NOT handed anything you're not up to...YOU were given to HIM because no one ELSE could do as right by him as you.

K? So can we all jolly up now?

tehehe, love you, E.!

:)

Have you looked for an autism support group in your area, E.? I really think that would help you in a lot of ways. Including feeling so alone. I'm sorry that talking to the dad wouldn't help, but you are smart to know when that's a bad idea. You don't need more problems on your head.

Even if there isn't a support group for you to physically meet, there are support groups on line. Try that.

Hang in there!
Dawn

You don't want to know how many times I rewrote this. :)

I just can't imagine anything your son could have done, that wouldn't have drawn the attention of everyone on the playground, that would have warranted that child's reaction.

At least in my mind it is hard because we know how to react to what our own child does. I would know exactly what to do if Andy beat up another kid. I have no idea how I would answer the question, why did he beat me up? See the answer is not black and white it is abstract. It is not this plus this equals this reaction.

I guess I figure it is bringing you down for the same reason it is bringing me down. It is a new challenge that I hadn't considered before.

I suggest maybe when he gets home from school....the two of you get in the car and go to the mall and eat in the food court and maybe walk around alittle...aways cheered me up to get out of the daily routine thing...good luck!

E.,
I've been a single mom for 14 years, give or take. I know how hard it is.
Fortunately, I was always busy working so I didn't have much time to feel really lonely. There have been times I thought it would be nice to have a man around the house, but then I quickly change my mind.

I know you're upset about what happened yesterday, and you have a right to be. But, like I said yesterday, you can't dwell on it. You don't want your son to dwell on it as though he can't get past the sadness or the fact that it happened, do you? It's not always easy, but we have to give our kids coping skills. Things happen, sometimes bad things happen, but we can learn from them, it doesn't have to be the end of the world or mean our lives are ruined. We can be okay.
I don't have a child with special needs, but I have many friends who do. From Down's Syndrome to heart problems to cerebral palsy. I have one friend whose son got a rare form of cancer when he was a toddler. Thank God he went into full remission and is now in his mid 20's and still cancer free. The thing they all have in common is that they've treated their kids as normally as possible. They had challenges other kids didn't have, but they went to regular school, had friends. You can face challenges and still have a fulfilling life.
My son had a problem with some boys at his school. It wasn't taken very seriously until one day one of the boys deliberately hit my son across the back with a baseball bat during recess and the teacher saw the whole thing. Then the four boys were threatening to beat my son up because baseball got taken away from everyone for the remainder of the year. The superintendent of schools got involved, law enforcement got involved, one boy's family up and moved completely out of our town. It was pretty scandalous.
Did I hurt that my son was harmed like that? You better believe it. It broke my heart and pissed me off. My main concern was my son being physically okay and then making sure he didn't feel he had to live in fear because of it. Instead of being sad and dwelling, I got proactive. The school has major zero tolerance anti-bullying programs and procedures in place now.
This happened years ago. My son is not traumatized for life because of it. Now, as a junior in high school, he is a mentor for other kids. He's over 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, he's not afraid of anybody at school. He protects other kids if they are being picked on, ESPECIALLY special needs kids. If they want to pick on someone who can't defend themselves, they're going to have to tangle with my son first. So far, no one has shown any interest in taking it that far. It's funny how people will back down when you're not afraid of them.

My point is, this was an incident. It was not okay, but, in order for your son to be able to move on, you have to be able to move on too. Communicate with the school about how the meeting went, what the plan is to make sure something like this doesn't happen again, talk to your son about personal space, etc. Believe that your son can be okay.

You wanted something to make you smile....
My son has always had a big heart and raised around special needs kids, so at school, he was always paired with a special needs child because of his patience and protective nature. One day, he came home from school and I asked how his day had been. They had indoor P.E. because of rain and mixed up some of the classes for basketball teams. They paired him with a little girl with Down's syndrome that he knew really well so he could help her out on the court. He tells me...
"I got the ball and gave it to her so she could dribble down the court. I blocked so no one could take the ball from her. She gets down to to basket and I tell her to shoot, but she tosses the ball back to me so I shoot and make a basket. I turned to give her a high-5 and she kicks me right in the nuts. I'm on the ground and ask her 'What did you kick ME for? I'm on YOUR team!'
I don't understand girls. Some days, it just doesn't pay to be a nice guy."

She said she was sorry, he didn't hold it against her, and he was laughing as he was telling me so he had a sense of humor about it.

If you're going to hold on to something, think in terms of holding on to a big rubber band. You might get tossed in an unhappy direction, but you can get snapped right back in another.

Things will be okay.

Hi E.,
Personally, I think being single is lonely. I have had some really fantastic room-mate experiences, and during most of the time that I was a single mom (8 years) I shared a 3 bed-room apartment with another single mom. Our kids (two girls) shared a bedroom, and she and I had our own rooms. It was a great situation for everyone. It was nice to have another adult to come home to, we shared expenses, we doubled as live-in baby-sitters for each other, and our kids had someone to play with (or fight with, depending on the day- they were like sisters!). Of course, you have to be choosy with a room-mate situation like this- the biggest issues: room-mate has to be able to pay her half of the bills, and you need to be in agreement with regard to dating rules (are boyfriends allowed to come over?). Also, care must be taken to avoid anyone being taken advantage of with the live-in babysitter arrangement (that is, you take turns, or you pay a fair baby-sitting wage).

I don't know, maybe my room-mate situation was special and it wouldn't work for most people. Maybe we were just lucky in that we're both flexible, easy to get along with, working toward similar goals at the time, sharing similar ideas of personal responsibility and morality, and both liked keeping a clean apartment. But I'd recommend it to anyone and try it again in a heart-beat. Think about it! Good luck :)

For the past nine months my husband has been away for some serious alcohol/drug recovery work. I have been pulling the 'single mom' life and have asked myself so many times how single moms do it. It is a lonely and focused life on the kids that need that strong parent.

I have a "special" boy too and that makes the single parenting more challenging. I am so glad we have all these other mamas to help us through life when it gets to crazy and other supports aren't available.

I hug you and pray for you!!

I am Having a pretty sad feeling today. Then i read your post and the answers and all of you made me perk up. U E. are a blessing to your son. Love to all