Being a Surrogate

I agree with everyone else. You do all of the legwork and decide if YOU can really do it. I had a SIL talk about doing this for me, but it wasn't a real offer and that really stayed with me. I appreciated that she had thought about it but it also hurt that she wasn't that serious and got me thinking about it a possibility that wouldn't happen.

You also mentioned that you just had your baby 9 weeks ago. Make sure it isn't your hormones talking here and give it some time before you make a final decision. :)

It takes a very special person to even consider doing this for someone. I think if you and your husband really looked at every angle and kept very positive communication open between you and your SIL it really could work and be a VERY positive experience for everyone.
Best wishes for you and your SIL.

Very cool :) I have a friend who is a professional surrogate (she has a baby every other year). She only does IVF (so she is implanted with embryos, so she is never actually carrying her own genetic child - she has 2 of her own-)... which is something to consider. I know many people who are leery of surrogacy because they don't want a child that is only 1/2 theirs, or the fear that the surrogate will change her mind once the baby is born, holding her own child in her arms. Neither of which is the case with IVF. "Carried under my heart, is all" is what my friend says.

I would also recommend researching and waiting awhile before proposing. Ideally you want your body to be back in good tone and health before carrying a child, and waiting will allow the mental and emotional to even out along with the physical.

A good way to start the conversation is just that... ask her if she's ever thought about surrogacy.

You are nine weeks post partum and your hormones and emotions are running high. I would wait for at least a year or two before even bringing this up to your SIL. If in two years, when your baby is turning into a pre-schooler, you still feel the same way start exploring the issue more seriously.
Your first stop should be a counselor to help you sort out whether this is really something that you want and are able to do. After that you can bring it up with them and see how they think about it.
Good luck!

You have received wonderful answers about research and timing so I won't repeat anything that's been said.
But I do have a suggestion about how to bring it up. When there is something I want to bring up to a family member that is a bit touchy, I always do it in writing first. After you have decided that this is something you can (physically, emotionally, financially) do, write her a letter. Or give her all the information you've gathered. Tell her it's an option you'd like her to know is there and she is free to ignore it or talk with you about it further. She and her husband can do with it whatever they want. But you know that you've put it out there.
If she is interested, then she will initiate the conversation. Also keep in mind if this does happen the immense jealousy she will feel towards you. I'm sure that's why there are councelors available (and probably recommended) with the whole process.

It's a wonderful thing you're considering and I hope it works out!

I would just be straight forward and honest with her. I actually had someone a number of years ago bring up in conversation that they wanted to have a child and would I consider becoming a surragote. Now this was a number of years ago and I was a college student and they were 15 years older then me. I told her I was honored by the offer but doubted that I could give up a child that I carried.

After having two children of my own later on, I know what a gift and a blessing my children are.

You could always bring up the subject to your brother first and find out if they would even be receptive to the offer. Thank you though for being such a kindhearted individual.

I would simply tell her that if she ever gets to the point where she feels she can't keep trying to do it herself, you would like her to consider you as a surrogate. Don't ask how infertility treatments are going, don't press her to think about it now. Just put it out there as an option. You don't want to do it for another year or more anyhow (it's better for your body to have at least 18 months between births and be fully healed from a birth before starting a pregnancy (about 6 months postpartum).

I would suggest that you approach it in steps. Ask her how she is doing with the situation one day and see how she responds, if she doesn't want to talk, let it go for awhile. Later, ask again. If she's willing to talk, ask her offhandedly if she has considered in vitro or surrogacy and see what she says. If it's something she has considered, then that opens you up to offer an egg donation or surrogacy. But some people would rather just keep plugging along on their own, at least for awhile. Others will never want help even if it means never having a child. They would rather have it themselves or not at all. My sister prefers not to even talk about it. She's been trying 6 years. I have 4 children of my own, one conceived while on the pill. She was actually angry with me when I announced that one. So take it slow and let her answers lead you. She may not want to talk, and may not want any help.

Wow what a generous person you are. I would go and investigate everything that there is about surrogate ie: legal, psychological on you and your family,etc at a surrogate agency before you tell her anything. That way if you find out that the hormones and shots etc can give you cancer in 10 years and you don't want to do it then she will never have known to be upset if you decide not to do it. There are many children that are waiting for a home so desperately, are they open to adoption? Lots of time people get pregnant on their own after they adopt. They can also foster first to see if its right for them and then adopt that's what My girlfriend did and she started with her son who was 6 weeks old when she got him. also many biracial children are able to be adopted immediately after birth.Another friend of mine has 4 biracial children. Good luck,

When i wanted my kids I actually asked my SIL if she would have one for me and she looked at me like I was totally freaking nuts! She had two kids that she popped out with two hour labors and was back in a bikini within a month.

I eventually adopted three kids.

I think you are a wonderful Sister in Law and your dreams are probably God's way of telling you what you should do. Yes, talk to her asap. She will be so thrilled.

God Bless you!

How wonderful of you! I agree with the other- do your research first. I imagine through the course of that research doctors can put you in touch with counselors who you could talk to so that you would really be sure of the emotional considerations. And definitely wait until your baby is a little older. Your body will need to be fully recovered before you can try to put it through something like this anyways. They probably won't even do it for a certain amount of time. If you decide that you want to go ahead and do it, I would just bring it up to your sister one time, like over lunch or something. Make it a quick thing. I would just say something like "You know, if you ever want to try doing surrogacy, I am here for you. I've looked into it and I am sure about it. So if that is something you want to talk about, let me know." And then just leave it at that, let the next step be up to her. She will need time to process and think and talk to her husband.

One thing I would keep in mind is how your sister would be during the pregnancy. Do you live close where she will be there for all of the pregnancy? Is she going to be very demanding or overbearing about how you treat your body while you are pregnant? Are you going to be able to put up with her input of how you should eat and excersize, etc? I would have some clear guidelines in place about that kind of thing ahead of time. It would be awful if this put a strain on your relationship. Anyways, good luck with your decision. You sound like a wonderful sister. :)

I think there's definitely more to it. Have they tried/considered IVF? That really would be the first step for them unless she has been told that her womb/body just can't support a pregnancy. There is considerable cost for IVF and even more cost to use you as a surrogate as you and she would be need the drugs and procedures to harvest her eggs and get your body ready for the embryo. And like the others have said, while it's a wonderful thought you just had a baby and your body wouldn't even be ready for some time even if they wanted you to help so approach the subject when your baby is a bit older.

M.,

What a wonderful thoughtful person you are to do this for your sister inlaw. With that said I would not mention anything unless you were a 150% sure of your decision. The child you may carry will be hers and your brothers. Make sure your heart is big enough to handle giving them a baby. I wish you all luck.