Bi-Racial Kids - New Rochelle,NY

Hi C.
I ,like you am not defensive.
Curiousity from people is not a bad thing ,people comment on my son's skin etc and I don't get offended.
I always know the genuine person.
The one's with the nasty motivation stand out a mile,it's obvious in their face,I usually look those right in the eyes.
All the best
B. k

my husband and I are both white with dark brown hair and dark brown eyes.

My son is a pasty-faced white boy with the brightest blue eyes....and when he was born until 2 a toe-head - white hair....now it's getting darker.

Any way - I got these stupid questions too. So my husband and I decided to play along with people...

When asked "where did he get those beautiful blue eyes?" My husband said 'the postman"....some thought we were serious and asked if he was okay with that - he said - yeah! he gets to see him every day...lol

It's called LATENT GENE - my mother and my husband's mother both have blue eyes. Don't let small minded people get to. Stupid questions deserve stupid answers....so play along with them. They have the chutzpah to ask - give them a fish to ponder.

Just had to share a story...a friend of mine is white and her husband is Chinese. She was in the grocery store with the baby shortly after he was born. A woman came up to her and commented on the baby and then asked her where she adopted him from. She was shocked, but looked her right in the face and said, My WOMB...and walked away. LOL!

I get that people are inquisitive, but sometimes they are just plain rude! I thinks it's great you aren't defensive, that is the right thing, but I'm not sure I'd be so good if it were me in that position!

Nationality and race and ethnic/Cultural background are different.

Nationality is: American, African, Italian, French etc., if you live in that country. It is the status of belonging to a particular country.
Race is: Caucasian, African, Asian, Indian etc. It is a classification... of peoples.... which may include genetic history or geographic distribution & history and may include, physical characteristics.
Ethnicity is: Irish, Japanese, Chinese, French, Italian, etc., ie: your cultural heritage as a group, that may have a common National heritage and cultural tradition.

My kids are Bi-racial. As is common in Hawaii. Many are multi-racial.
Mine are also bi-cultural ethnically.
Their Nationality is: American. This is where they were born and where we live.
My Husband is European.
I am US born and raised. But in Hawaii.

No, it does not define a person. It is a complement and their cultural background. And an identity. Not definitively though, as each person identifies with their ethnicity in varying ways. Then their Nationality.

Well, you both must have some "white" in you because blue eyes have to come from both sides does it to show (same with fairer skin, and blond hair), so it must be in you too but I am betting to a lesser extent.

I am 1/4 Asian, 3/4's European so it makes for some really interesting conversations.

Well, mix race children are often especially beautiful to look at, so they would naturally draw more attention then say, MY kids, who are half WASP, and half Irish, tehehe, beautiful to ME of course, but not particularly unique.

It's great you are not defensive, I think people are inquisitive, like when they see a flower or plant they have never seen before, of course they want to know the name of it and where it comes from, you know? They just don't always think long enough to choose the right words.

:)

My great grandmother (dads side) was Native American (Blackfoot) she married an Irish man. My great grandfather (moms side) was native American too (Apache) he married an Irish woman ( go figure). Their children (my grand parents both sets also married half NAs. However the Irish skin tone and eye color won out, but my hair color is all NA. So here I am fair skinned, blue eyed with black hair. Funny how genes work. My daughter is blonde, my husband is dark haired too. But we were both blonde as kids,( my hair changed drastically in Jr high went from blonde to Raven black crazy) so my mom got funny looks and now I am. Lol history really does repeat itself.

I kind of have the same thing going on. My kids dad is mexican, dark hair, dark skin, brown eyes. I am white, freckles, blue eyes, blond hair. My oldest daughter looks just like her dad. My 2 yr blond, blue eyes, but did get his skin coloring. People ask if my kids have the same dad all the time, which is really annoying. Like its any of their bussiness first of all where our kids come from. Everyone looks different and has their own personality and i wish people today could just see whats on the inside.
I'd just say he's my son. People adopt kids from all over the world now a days.

Your little one must be gorgeous!
I have bi-racial all over my family.
The mother of my grandmother was from France.
My grandfather was from Spain.
Even if both of my parents born in Mexico they looked bi-racial, my mom is dark skin brown eyes, my father looked white and green eyes.
I am in the middle, like mixing coffee and milk, lol.
My MIL grandmother is from Ireland and she is the most white person I have ever know, my FIL family was from Italy.
My husband looks more Italian the American with beautiful hazel eyes that look like flowers, sigh.
We have together a girl, she is lighter then both of us, and she doesn't look like neither of us, at all, actually she doesn't look like nobody in either family, lol.
I also have another girl from a Mexican dad.
So many people say that my older daughter looks "just" like my husband, lol.
Oh well, is all a mix in here, which is great, we get to celebrate so many things, yay!!

Who cares? Your kids are probably gorgeous.

People used to assume I was my son's nanny all the time. I didn't even have him that young...23...but the average in our area is early 40's. By K it's about half and half 40's & 50's, with a scattering in their 30's. SLOWLY as I've gotten older fewer and fewer people mistake me.

I, too, don't get offended... although my mum (in her 50's) is *constantly* flabbergasted (her word) at the number of people in this area who don't think she's gramma... but mom.

Check out this study finding that people judge bi-racial people to be the most attractive!
http://www.allure.com/beauty-trends/health/2010/best_look...

My son is VERY light. I am white (medium toned) my husband is black (fairly dark toned- darkest of his family). My son looks white or at best tan like hispanic or something, but has very dark eyes- which I do too. When I had him I was prepared and thought he was going to be much darker than he is. People often ask me if he is hispanic, but never black. On occasion I get asked if he is mixed- with out specifying. Most of the time, people are floored to see my husband is black! Although my son's face looks just like my husband.
Whenever i do get asked, I just answer them and don't think too much about it. People are dumb and don't think before they ask questions. Because really, what does it matter what race he is? it doesn't. Just like when people get asked when they have twins if it was done through in vetro or natural. Some people are just nosy and like you said are afraid of what's not right in front of them. Just shrug it off and be proud you have a beautifully handsome son.

Hi,
I too have a multiracial son. I think you are getting some very inappropriate questions, just like, as one respondant said, approaching someone to ask if they are German, or how about approaching someone to ask how much they weigh? In general I think it is a bit too intimate for a stranger to talk to a parent about the appearance of their child, or to anyone about appearance, beyond maybe, "Oh, I like your blouse". Most important, consider what is best for the child. I would suggest that one need not answer or explain these kinds of questions, but rather use a polite response that makes it clear you are not interested in discussing your personal life with a stranger. I agree there is no need to be defensive. Hopefully most people mean well, but curiosity is not a good reason to be overly invasive with strangers! I read a nice book on this topic, which I found helpful, not only in terms of my own family, but in terms of setting boundries when I talk to other people with multiracial families, because having a multiracial child is not an open door to commenting on other peoples kids either. The book is called "Does Anybody Else Look Like Me?" written by Donna Jackson Nakazawa. It contains insight into how to handle the comments and also how to talk to your children in an age appropriate way and prepare them for the world they will encounter.
I wish you the very best!
C.

People are so nosy, aren't they? I have olive skin and black curly hair. Both my daughters got my husband's straight blonde hair and light skin. I can't tell you the number of times I got asked if I was the babysitter and all other kinds of personal questions about adoption, my husband's nationality etc. I'm so glad you can still laugh about it. I got to the point where I simply said in a light voice "Now that is a very personal question" and left it at that. Most busybodies got the hint.

Hi C.. I've had the same experience. I'm African American and my husband is half Asian and half white. My daughter is very fair. Before she could talk people always assumed that I was her nanny. Yes, I would be offended when it first happened, but now that she is talking she is quick to correct people herself, your son will probably do the same! It gives me a kick to watch her do it, especially seeing how embarrassed people get at being corrected by a 4 year-old.

Holy cow.
I would just remind myself that people are often stupid and insensitive and that stupid, insensitive people are the ones who most need to put a "label" on things, people, etc.

Someone asking if you were a caregiver is ridiculous, if someone asked me if I was watching my own children I would not like that at all! I mean all kinds of people get married, people adopt, that was beyond nosey!! I do get asked about my kids, people ask "are they mixed with something??" Like it is taboo to just ask if they are black! I mean as you pointed out, why should anyone even ask, I don't walk up to people and say "um, is he part German??" "was his dad Irish?" It would seem so silly. I think there is a mystique about those of us who have married somebody darker or lighter, like we were just bold enough to do whatever we wanted and let the chips fall, so it interests people. I also don't like the term mixed as only applied to my kids. I mean everybody is "mixed" my kids aren't like more mixed or something, I married a man, we had kids. Nuff said! But having said all that I just let people say that they are mixed with no comment, I just tell people who ask that my husband is black and I just smile when they tell me how cute they are, because I agree!!

Hi - I'm Chinese and my husband is England. Our son has blond hair. When people ask me, I just tell them my husband is English, that's all. No reason to make an issue of it, as I can totally understand why they are curious - I don't think fear has anything to do with it! I think my son's looks are a fine example of the magical workings of our DNA, and I'm not a bit offended, nor do I think people are judging in any way. It is a very curious (and very cool!) thing for an African-American mother to have a son with blue eyes and blond hair! Your son should be proud of who he is and what he looks like no matter what color his skin or eyes, or his height, or the shape of his chin, etc. . How to handle the questions about his looks? With love and pride for your son : ) After all, isn't that how you would want your husband to handle it if your son came out looking exactly like you?

being from a non biracial family and living where there is alot of biracial kids, we ask those stupid questions cause we can see the mix and can't quite figure it out and are curious more than anything. ex I worked with a girl who was mixed chinese, white, and mexican. I could see the chineese and couldn't figure it out. I thought she was mexican. We can see the features and always want to ask but I never do. I knew she wasn't full half mexican and half white. But I also know its rude to ask so I never do. But trust me I always want to. Mexican complexion with a tinge of white and oriental eyes.

They make very interesting features. I am white but you can see the indian in me cause it shows in my eyes. In houston people assume I am part mexican cause of the darker complexion of my skin. And honestly american indian is one races you see very little of down here. And in Oklahoma it was everywhere. So they ask you these questions more out of a curiousity thing than anything. I have one black friend down here her daughter is whiter than me and both her parents were black. But her grandma was white. :) She told me my daughter is whiter than you are. So honestly I think they are not defining who she will become as much as trying to figure out where certain features come from. And They are trying to figure out where the features come from in a polite way.

I have another black friend whos niece is whiter than me to. To look at her picture you would think she was all white but its not the case both parents were black and her grandma was indian. But in my friend whos mom was indian (her aunt) you can't see any indian features.You would assume both parents are black. So when you get 2 black parents and a white kid yes people are going to assume you are the babysitter. Its really cool how it works out. Why are people with 2 black parents whiter than me. Look at it from this angle. You may not think so much of it. But I think its neat as can be how genetics works.

People always say stupid things, whether your kids are bi-racial, special needs, or just kids being kids. It sounds like you are handling things with grace, so good for you.

Here's a story for you: My best friend is bi-racial. She has blonde hair, white skin and green eyes. Her father was black and when she was little he worried every time she fell asleep on the subway that it looked like he was kidnapping a drugged little white girl. To my knowledge he was never stopped or questioned, but he worried about it all the same. When she got older they laughed about it.

Keep up the good work.
R.

Two of my grandchildren are bi-racial. The mother is white, the father is black. My daughter is no longer with the father and has remarried to a white man. He's in the Navy and when they were transferred to a new base my daughter took the boys to register them for school but her husband was not able to go with her. She was pregnant at the time with her 3rd child. Up until a few weeks ago she was able to pick the boys up after school everyday with no problem because they knew who she was. But once she had the baby her husband went to get them for her. Well....the first time he was stopped by both teachers and not allowed to take them right away. Even though he is legally their father (he adopted them) and told the teachers he was their father, the teachers refused to release them to him. Which everyone was happy about because anyone could just say they are their father and take them but at the time I was not. His name was on the paperwork and he had ID with him and the boys told them he was their dad, but they still would not release them. The police were called! He was actually put in their car! The police decided to call my daughter to verify who he was. And all because he wasn't black. They didn't know the circumstances and just assumed their father was black. We still laugh about this from time to time. And we all know and understand what the teachers were doing and are thankful they are so careful but it was a very stressful time for a few minutes when the police showed up.

It just shows how stressful an interracial family can be at times. The best thing to do is, keep your cool and go with the flow.