Brother Getting Married to a Stranger

I think you are being too sensitive. This is his 3rd marriage - maybe he'll introduce you to the 4th wife. Don't take it personal. Ask him if he is planning a get together to introduce the wife to family and friends. You could even offer to help plan it. My brother is engaged to a women we've never met. So, it happens.

I have mixed feelings about this.

Two adult people who want to make a successful life they can work to do so. The "heat" of being "in love" and all that fades BUT caring and respect and mutual love is still there. People get divorced for so many reasons. Hopefully he and this stranger went into this marriage with enough bad experience to know they have to work at being together.

I think he might just want to be a newly wed and be focused on his bride. I know I hardly remember anything other than my honeymoon and stuff for several months after I got married. I was on autopilot for work and family and everything else. He'll come around when the honeymoon period fades.

On the other hand if they had the hots for each other but didn't want to have a hot and heavy fling for a few months so they got married to make it legal instead they will probably get divorced in a few months and she won't matter anyway.

It is his life, his choice. Things will work out for good.

I have done the same with my second husband, 9 years ago. Happily married with 2 kids.

Yes, that's fast....it's alarming....and given the history it probably won't last, but you never know, it could. Let it go...tell him you can't wait to meet her and overwhelm her with your happy brood.

You're probably still mourning the loss of your mother and taking on the matriarch role in the family, and having your blessing deep down would have meant a lot to you, if your brother had followed a little bit of protocol by at least having you meet (and size up and assess and scrutinize and judge) his match.com forever love.

And he probably feared that truth and the reality of the situation will sink in for them very soon.

Let it go....don't hold a grudge. See how this goes....but if the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, you can guess where this is headed.

No, it's normal to be a little hurt, but no offense to your brother, he sounds a little reckless in the marriage department. Nothing to do with you. I mean, he's known her for all of THREE months, so not introducing her to family members is the least of his blunders.

The problem isn't that he didn't introduce her to you, the problem is that he thinks that getting married to someone he's known for three months is a good idea. (Been there, done that, bad idea.)

Hopefully this one will be a keeper and you can enjoy a nice relationship with her.

I suggest you move forward with your new sister in law. She is your brother's choice and carrying on about what he should have done will not help your relationship with your brother or his wife.

I understand it is easy to say, but this is his 3rd marriage, let him do it however he wants to.

After knowing my husband for 2 months, he put an engagement ring on my finger. We planned a family wedding, mostly for my family, as his family didn't seem to care one way or another. Due to my siblings telling me they were not sure I should marry this man, we called off the wedding and got married. Soon we will be married for 19 years. That sibling calls on him as if he were a brother.

Do yourself, your brother, and his new wife a favor and let this go. Move on and congratulate them. This about him and his happiness.

It would probably bother me if he lived closer and didn't bother. Six hours is a LONG drive and probably just got caught up in it and didn't consider your feelings. Probably not the first time a brother has done that to his sister.

I know of marriages still going strong after barely meeting and then marrying. I would just be nice if you do meet or talk to her and see how it goes. Given his marriage history it probably won't last but that isn't your concern. Just play it by ear. Good luck.

My brother, also on his third marriage, was married in April. We found out about it in May when our cousin saw it on his Facebook page. I was hurt for a week or two. I decided I wasn't going to let him and his decision upset me.

I have met her and like her. They met on a dating sight and only knew each other a very short time. This is my brother's third marriage too.I met his first wives at their wedding but not before. The weddings were nearby.

I got along with his first 2 even tho I didn't have anything in common with them. I've just met the current wife and find we have a lot in common. I've switch from feeling hurt and angry to feeling that this is his life to live like he wants. Anger only hurts me. I'm looking forward to getting to know her better.

sounds as if he knows you'd be hinky about the whirlwind courtship, especially given his chequered past relationships, so snuck it in.
i myself would be more eye-roll-y than hurt. but your feelings are your feelings, and it's lovely that you're so close to him.
but i'd let it go.
khairete
S.

I'm going to be blunt. This isn't about you. This is about your brother and his new wife. Doesn't matter if you are the only sibling or not. He introduced her to his father.

He might have wanted to avoid any negative comments and just decided to get married without all the hoopla. His choice. Your choice? I would call and invite them for dinner/weekend to celebrate. Rise above this and welcome her with open arms. Give your brother a hug and say "I love you and if this makes you happy, I'm happy".

In the end, its his decision. Be gracious and welcoming to both. Surprise both of them. =)

What was that saying? "A stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet."?

Let it go. Maybe he thought you'd be critical of him, since he's failed twice marriage-wise. Give her the benefit of the doubt and stay out of their business. Tell him that you and your family can't wait to meet her. When they come over, tell funny (not rude) things about him as a child (like you would if she were a new girlfriend) and talk about how much you love him. Be very positive. That's the best way to start off with her.

Yes, you are being overly sensitive.
You live six hours away. Was he really supposed to drive all day or spend money on plane tickets just to let you meet her once?
You say they "went off and got married." Do you mean they eloped? If so, then you weren't being personally slighted. No one was invited to the wedding.

My first thought when I read this was he just didn't want to hear anyone's opinions on it - maybe he felt you'd react negatively? Hard to say. Sometimes people on their 3rd marriage expect people to think "here we go again...". I have a good friend who purposefully is not getting married because she doesn't want to hear it.

I wouldn't be too hurt. Sounds like this is more to do with him then to intentionally hurt your feelings. I always look at did they mean to be hurt me or are they just being a bit funny? Usually it's the later. I doubt your brother wanted to hurt you.

So .. just get to know her now when you can, and accept her into the family. You have to let the other 2 marriages go (in past) and just assume that this will be more successful. He'll appreciate that attitude.

** Could you invite them both to visit you? Like make it into a positive welcome? Or how about scheduling a family trip to visit them. That's what I would do. Turn it into something more positive and family oriented, that way you can still feel close. I bet she'd like to meet you all too.
Good luck :)

Wow, poor guy. I would be more worried about HIM and his feelings and issues, and less about you. After all, he's the one struggling here, clearly, to make a relationship, and a life. You seem fine. So instead of being hurt why not just genuinely reach out to him, and the new wife? :-(

Eh, I might be hurt, but that's the relationship I have with my siblings, we are all very close. But, I would celebrate with my brother, welcome his new wife to the best of my abilities, and work on building a better relationship with my brother and his new wife.

I am my husband's 3rd wife. The first two lasted less than 5 years each, we are going on to 11. Sometimes third time is the charm.

And for what it's worth, I had only met his mom, sister, and brother on one trip before we were married...so I didn't know them too well. I still don't honestly. They live so far away and we don't get to them as often as we would like with the commitments we have with our kids travel.

Well yes normally I guess I might be hurt too but based on the history here I would chalk this up to his low regard of marriage and not of his regard of sibling relationship.

Wow, poor guy. I would be more worried about HIM and his feelings and issues, and less about you. After all, he's the one struggling here, clearly, to make a relationship, and a life. You seem fine. So instead of being hurt why not just genuinely reach out to him, and the new wife? :-(

That stinks! There isn't anything you can do about it, but it does stink and I'd be upset, too if I were you.

Maybe this marriage will work. Their chances of success after getting married so soon aren't too great, but stranger things have happened. You never know.

This won't be easy for you. Like I said, I'd be pretty upset myself. I think the best thing you can do is be supportive. Let him know you'd really like to meet her and see if you can either visit him or host a visit.

He's your brother. You love him and only want what's best for him. The best way to show him that is to be happy for him.

First, just because they married quick doesn't mean it won't last. It sounds like you have more issues with his quick marriage than he does. Maybe you're worried for him because of his previous bad marriages, or afraid that he is going to get burned again, and your nephew also hurt in the process. Maybe you have some unresolved emotions over your mother's passing, which is natural, and a horrible thing for a family to deal with.

However, it doesn't always mean that it was the wrong decision for them. Also remember that some people have religious beliefs or other similar views that would make them want to get married on a specific day, or combination of days (11/12/13 for example).

Second, is there anything about this woman that you don't like? Is she bad to your brother? His child? Was it her choice or his to leave you out of the loop?

If all of this is on your brother, I think you need to sit down with him and have a heart to heart about what is going on and what, if any, issues that there are between you two. Maybe something was missunderstood and he felt you wouldn't be supportive, or a million other things that could be misread during crazy couple of months.

If she is part of the problem as to what went wrong, then I think that the 3 of you need to have the dicussion. The most important thing is that you all clear the air and be honest about your feelings. Make sure you voice your concern about being left out of the equation, but also try to keep an open mind as to what they are saying.

I have a hunch he didn't want to deal with judgement calls from anyone and knew this could involve one or he decided it could. Perhaps he knows your father is open to things, whereas he wasn't sure how you would feel especially considering the loss of your mother and if he had any hesitation he didn't want to confront it by telling you. From your post I can't decide if he actually already got married or is about to? If he is about to, let him know you support him no matter what. If he already has you can send him a card or call and do the same and make a plan to celebrate together when it is possible. I will be quite frank here, some years back I was divorced and remarried again, but second time went to court house and didn't tell anyone either because we have a big age gap in our marriage and our cultures are completely different. My family as predicted made some nasty comments and insulted me for my choice. As it turns out, I am now married to my husband for twenty plus years, but not so sure I would have been if I didn't do it this way. Would I have wavered? I don't know.

You are lucky to have been married for ten years and he has had the unfortunately bad luck to choose wrong twice before. You aren't being overly sensitive, you are hurt and someday you can acknowledge that. But in the meantime if you can put that aside for a moment, celebrate and hope for his sakes she is the right woman this time.

I think sometimes even if it looks like we are only with someone a short time, after people make a number of mistakes with their choices of other mates they come to know quite easily who will be perfect in their lives. We simply don't know. And for you, standing by loving your brother as you do, I know this can be hard! Sending hugs.

Should he marry someone he met a few months ago without introducing his sister first when he's got a less than stellar marriage record?
Maybe not.
But he can.
Try not to take it personally. He didn't do it to hurt you.

I understand a sibling going down a road you have reservations about. I would probably feel the same in your shoes. BUT as someone said, it's not about you. It's ok to have your doubts. But as a sister your job is to love him and support him. If you must mention not being included, do it with love and tell him you understand, but you are disappointed he didn't introduce her to you. And keep in mind, he IS an adult. The last thing you want is to put him on the defensive and damage your relationship with him. What's done is done. He is still your brother. Good luck.

Hop in the car and go meet her!