Child Feeling Left Out

You state this game a couple times but give no idea what the game actually is. How can one give honest advice when the game is not specific enough?

A parents first and ONLY priority is his/her child, the child's well being, and safety. You say that the neighborhood boys engage in play that goes against your principles and yet you feel guilty or torn about not letting your son play with them? Those neighborhood boys are NOT the kind of children you want your son to befriend. Children, of any age, want to impress their peers and do you want your son engaging in activities that could harm him or possibly get him into trouble at an early age? My guess is that you want to protect your son and you are right to NOT let your son play with those boys. Anything he learns from them will not be in his best interest. In time, your son will make friends whose parents also value their children like you do. You can use this opportunity to express to your son how the behavior of those other children is inappropriate and possibly harmful. Use this experience to show your son that play doesn't have to hurt and should never result in getting into trouble.

Hi A.! If you feel comfortable, you might want to let the mamasource moms know what the game is...so that you can get a better answer from everyone. Just a suggestion :). My initial response is to say stick with your gut...but if we knew what was going on, I think all the moms could give a better answer. Good luck!!
A. :)

Where is this "game" being played? (in the street, in your yard, in one particular yard/house). Do you know the other parents? Is there a neighborhood committee of any sort (homeowner's association, watch group, annual summer block party or anything). All of these things could affect how and what you might be able to do to curtail this activity. It may simply be that no adult has caught on to what they are doing. Most kids that age will obey an adult coming outside to tell them to stop something, sometimes more so if you are not their own parent. If you warn them from the "game" and at the same time redirect them to something else they will probably comply with no problem. Keep your eyes and ears open, though. If they resume the "game" after that, simply tell them that you will talk to their parents about it... then follow up. If none of this works, then you may simply have to monitor their play when your son is involved. My bet is that the other parents either don't know what is going on, or have an idea but, like you, aren't sure how to stop the OTHER kids from doing it... There's no harm in telling them to stop.

Perhaps a talk of concern with the other parents is due. You don't say what "game" they are playing; but if it feels like an activity you do not wish for your son to participate in, then sit him down and explain to him why.
All games are potentially dangerous, bike riding, tennis, football, baseball, basketball, paintball etc. Even sitting at the computer playing the "Shoot 'em up" games can be a hazard....
Go with your intuition.
Blessings,

Go with your heart! A parents instinct is always right, especially if you and your husband are in agreement about it. However, talk to your son about it and explain why you are making this choice. I
I'm sure you are doing that anyway, but children feel more secure if the parents explain their decision rather than just saying yes or no.

I don't know what sort of game you're talking about, but here's an idea.. Maybe you should organize a game/sport that you do feel comfortable with and get the other boys to join in. I'll bet they'll forget all about the dangerous game and your problem will be solved!
Best of luck to you,
~ M. ~

Since I don't know what the game is, my response may or may not be appropriate. My first thought is to let your son make his own decision while he is still young and the concequences are "affordable". He knows how you and your husband feel and just help give him ideas on peer pressure strategies.

Hi A. - I have 3 children so they tend to play with each other. However my son, the youngest, gets tired of being with girls. We have 1 other boy in our neighborhood close to his age, but I fear that they are both TOO MUCH boy to put together. I understand your predicament, have you thought of maybe inviting 1 of the boys over to your house to play with your son, that way your son won't feel totally out of the loop. Maybe you could initiate a conversation regarding the dangers of the game you do not like.

Just a thought, good luck.
M. F

You are doing the right thing. I'd even go as far to inform the parents gently of their behaviours. Seriously kids are looking for that kind of type of parenting!

Good Morning!
I am in the same boat; and I will also be reading the responses to your problem. But as of right now, my daughter/niece is almost 8 (5-14) and when I let her outside to play, she wants to play with slightly older boys. I feel if I keep her away from them, she has no-one but her sister who is not quite five either to play with, yet I feel these boys do some dangerous things also! So every night after school we go through the "rules" of out door playing with these other children. If she breaks the rules, she understands that she will be grounded for a minimum of a full week. So every day I pray she remembers what we say and will choose on her own to behave properly! Good luck and I thought I'd share what I am doing right now with you! God bless & guide you!
Sincerely,
Kathy N.

WHAT GAME IS THIS? iF YOU SAID NO STAND BY IT.TRY BOY SCOUTS CHURCH YOUTH GROUP CLUBS AT SCHOOL

If it is against your principles, don't do it. If it is dangerous, don't do it. It is better that he feel left out than BEING HURT. Your children are old enough to understand this. Are there any other times when they can play with these kids at your house? With your supervision? Like be the first on your block to host a movie marathon, popcorn included. Also, get to know the parents of your childrens friends. You'll be bulding a network of parents with whom you can work to make them safer and better for all. They will soon be teenagers and need to know better when they're on their own. Good luck.

Are you sure the other parents know whats going on?? Have you thought about talking to them?? I absolutely would let them know the type of "game" that is going on, they may have just as big of a problem with it as you do... if they are at your house playing when the game starts, maybe take that opportunity to say.. thats not a nice game, think of something else to play.. simply redirect.. most children if given an idea of a better game will run with it.. that way your son isnt left out.. I do feel like you are completely justified in your views, but you can just be creative in avoiding this 'Game"... maybe go as far as to put in a basketball hoop or something similiar to get thier attention on something productive.. Im sure since you do live in a small neighborhood, it is more out of boredom that the "game" was even invented... thats my take.. good luck and God bless

Hi A. M, I am thinking that to avoid future issues as well as approach this one with wisdom, it might be time to cultivate a connection between yourself and the other parents. Maybe by introducing yourself as your son's mom. Once you establish a relationship you will have a place to start. We all have a say in how the children in the neighborhood are either staying safe or are in danger. That doesn't mean you can dictate to other parents...but it's not a bad idea to clue them in on what is going on and how worried you are about it. As for your son. This is an opportunity to show him how strong you and your husband feel about the importance of playing with kids who aren't foolish. And what healthy friends look like. And how important safe games are. 10 is a good age to begin letting him know you and your husband are united in this. This from Janette (a mother of 4, grandmother of 6). Good luck!