Chores and Kids

My six year old has chores that she gets paid for and other chores that are just expected. Expected chores are clean her room, bring her clothes that need washing down to the laundry room, make her bed, set the table. Chores she is paid for if she choses to do them, help wash dishes, vaccum (she doesn't do a great job but it's the effort that counts.) Put clothes in the washer and dryer and start them (she just learned how to do this) and organize shoe. I usually make a list at the beginning of the week and if she chooses to do them we put a sticker on her chart, if she doesn't want to thats ok to as long has she has done the expected chores.

B.,
I'm so glad you asked this question! I'm at the same place with my 9 & 6 year old. I've been more laid back about it because at their dad's they have to clean everything and it's been that way for years. Anyway, at school they're selling the wrapping paper stuff right now and I found Responsibility Charts and they both think it's a cool idea to get. It says things like making your bed, sharing, being polite, doing homework, etc. It's little & if you want you can add to it. I told them we'd do rewards like a special movie, or rollerblading or a bike ride (to avoid feeling they should get paid to be responsible). I'll have to let you know how it works but they won't be here til November 5th. Best of luck! I think you're doing fine - I'm against overwhelming them too young, and it sounds like you're avoiding that, too!

Hi B.,

One thing I remember as a child was being told that I wasn't doing something right or it wasn't good enough. That made me not even want to try. As I grew older, the mantra of "If you can't do it right, don't do it at all" became mine. Once I found Flylady, I remembered how it made me feel when my mom would redo something I'd done to try to help. It made me feel worthless and sad.

I've slowly been trying to get rid of my perfectionisms and have my 6yo son mop the floors (he misses the corners occasionally and I show him how to get them clean while praising the job he's already done), both 4 & 6 yo boys clean the bathroom counters, sink, mirrors and outside the toilet. (There are streaks on my mirrors, but there are huge smiles on their faces -- that's better than a streak-free mirror any day.) They clean off the table and wash it, empty the dishwasher and put away the things they can reach. They dust (each has their own duster) and vacuum, put groceries away, etc. They fold the towels, even empty the dryer into the basket and bring it upstairs. They put away their own clothes as well. They make their beds -- just a comforter on top of a sheet. It's not perfect, but it's done and they feel great about having done it.

Check out www.housefairy.org for more ideas, too. She's great and takes the stress out of getting kids to clean their rooms and makes it fun. Also, Flylady.net has student Control Journals to help kids with routines. I adjusted it and found pictures to put on it for both as my 6yo is just starting to read and my 4yo isn't reading yet. It's great 'cuz I just have to tell them they need to do their list...not every thing on the list. :) If you want a copy of the picture version I made, just let me know.

Good luck and most of all, make it a fun learning experience for both of you.

Hi B.,

Kids are very smart and they can feel mommy is tired and need some help. She is doing a lot for 6 years old so make this her chore and that will give her a sense os responsability. You doing a good job.

R.

I don't really have chores for my kids but I do make sure that they help me pick up every day and then they usually get some kind of treat or I print out coloring sheets or something. But I think 6 years old is probably old enough to start giving her maybe one thing that she likes to do three times a week and maybe give her some tips on dusting :)
T.

I really feel like you have to pick the things they enjoy doing. If she likes to vacuum, let her! My daugher was always good about putting her It's even rubbed off on my 2 year old. He loves to put his clothes away. Wierd!! I have her make her bed daily, help set and clear the table and do little misc. jobs. I am a total advocate for having your children have jobs. It teaches them responsibility and it's a nice treat for you too! :)

I've found that the chores my son (almost 4) does most successfully, are the ones that mimic how he likes to play. He loves to dig and scoop, so his job is to put four scoops of dry food in the dogs bowl in the morning. He likes to sort but needs a little help, so when it's time to clean up the toys, I set out the bins and put 1-2 of the toys that belong in each one. Then all he has to do is "match" the toys he's picking up with the correct bins. Washing vegetables, scrubbing patio furniture, and pulling clothes from the dryer into the laundry basket are also easy things for him. I'm finally feeling like his "help" truly does help. Good luck!

B.,
It sounds like your daughter has a great start already.

I would recommend keeping "chores" as something the two of you do together to run your household. Thank you and explain to her how much you apprectiate the help. When it gets to be about allowances and sticker charts, it is a me vs. you thing and the power struggles begin. I am not for tying allowance to performance but that is another post!

Try to keep it so that if she chooses NOT to do the chore, she will understand the natural consequence of it. If we don't load and run the dishwasher, we have no clean plates (etc.).

Keep it simple. She is capable of doing a task a day probably but something very easy and you will have to be in charge of assigning it and reminding her for some time. She also shouldn't be expected to do it perfect. When my oldest took over the laundry folding - boy oh boy did I have to "give up" some of my ideas of how laundry should be folded. Within reason, if you ask her to do it. Let her do it.

Example: She is asked to set the table. The glass is on the wrong side. Unless you think she will fired from the white house someday for setting the table incorrectly - let it go.

Care of one's personal belongings is also a great lesson in the value of stewardship meaning, you work hard for something and make an investment (however small) in it. We take care of those things so they can last.

You have a great start - keep it up!

In my eyes, it's never too early to start. When my daughter was very little (1), she helped clean-up her room and her toys. When she got a little older, we taught her to help set the table and wash it after we ate. Now that she's 4, she is in charge of bringing her own plate to the sink and helping bring others plates as well. She is in full charge of picking up all the shoes and putting them in the shoe cabinet. She is proud of the fact that she pitches in, and picking up the shoes is something that she can handle on her own. It's instant gratification. She helps feed the cats and keep their water dish full (of course with much splashing) She wants to vacuum, but she's not tall enough to be able to hold the vacuum flat to the carpet or strong enough to maneuver it. She helps sweep the garage and rake the lawn. We even bought her her own broom and rake which she picked out. She helps with other small jobs around the house, and I certainly don't expect her to do a great job not do I count on them being done perfect, but I firmly believe that those things have to be taught early on. When I was young, my job was to clean the bathroom and my mom let me pick out my own cleaning supplies for the job. (gloves, brushes, cleaning solutions, etc.) It made it more pleasing with the things that I picked out...I found myself even paying attention to cleaning commercials so that I could pick out the latest and greatest cleaning solution next time we were at the store. I believe for my mom, it was worth the little extra cost to get me to clean the bathroom. :)