Conflict with Husband...

Updated on September 08, 2009
M.H. asks from Georgetown, SC
10 answers

I am currently a SAHM to my 7 month daughter. My husband and I have been having increasing conflicts since she has been born. The most recent is how I spend my time at home with her during the day. Lately, since the weather has cooled off, I have been taking her to a large park in the afternoon for a walk. This park, is actually a garden, and they have a small zoo. Anyway, it is about 20 miles from my house. My husband thinks it is ridiculous that I take her there 3-4 times a week. He believes it a waste of gas and I should stay closer to home. She and I usually leave about 2:30 and we are home by 4:30- so about two hours. I am new to the state, I don't have many friends in the area, and I miss being able to just get up and go and spend time outdoors. These garden walks are a sanity saver for me. I do not agree with my husband and feel that these walks, when possible, are great for me and my daughter. I think the heart of it may be that he resents me being at home with her and it constantly making comments about me "loafing" the roads with her. I do all the housework, shopping, and care of my daughter. Have any other moms/wives been in this position?

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So What Happened?

I feel terrible that I am only updating what happened now. But, things have been hectic. The situation with my hubby just got worse and I am sorry to say we are divorcing. I know! It was not just the park by any means! I tried to get him into marriage counseling, etc.to no avail. Anyway, I am working with a counselor to manage my own emotions. My stress level has been cut by 75%! I have new stresses of essentially being a single mom and having to go back to work. But I am free of the "toxic" environment! Yippee!
Thank you moms for all your great anwers!

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M.H.

answers from Atlanta on

Yes, I had the same problem with my husband and he finally admitted he wanted to go along but couldn't because he works a lot. He even used the excuse that the kids would not remember until my son started recalling all the times we went on field trips that he really enjoyed. Now my husband makes the effort to go along at least on weekend trips although he would rather be at home watching football. At some point in time they realize how important it is to spend time with the kids instead of just putting them in a room full of toys and letting them play by themselves.:-)

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S.M.

answers from Atlanta on

I'm on board with what the other moms are saying. I've always gotten stir crazy if I'm at home too long. Shoot, it's 11am and I'm waiting for my 1 year old to wake up so I can get out of here! Husbands who work out of the home have a hard time seeing what we go through everyday. The little things we think about and all the "taking care of everyone else" we do. Walks are awesome for both of you. I'm so glad you found something you both enjoy. I moved here a year ago from FL and have found that there are a lot of mommy groups around, even classes like Gymboree, Little Gym, My Gym, etc. I'd recommend also looking on your city/county's parks and recreation site to see if there are other outdoor places closer to your home to visit. Some of the city parks even have classes for little ones at affordable prices, this is a great way to meet other moms. Other moms are a great support system for you. I'm not saying don't drive where you want too - as I don't think where I go should be dictated by my hubbie either. But there are many park options around just for a change of pace. Good luck with the situation. Baby #1 is a huge learning curve for everyone. You husband doesn't seem to quite understand the stresses and feeling of being closed in that a new mother (and new to the area mother) is dealing with. xo

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E.G.

answers from Atlanta on

Uhmmmmmm........ first of all, uh, hello Fellow Yankee. I am originally from SoCal and moved here about 3.7 years ago.

As to your husband, WHAT A JACKANINNY!!!!! Please excuse my apologies if this man is actually a real saint, but from what you are telling me......... HE IS A JACKANINNY.

Okay, so here's my take. Keep walking. Keep going out. Keep taking you and your daughter into fresh air. You are correct. This is a sanity saver for you. There is nothing more isolating with a small child than living in a new place with no connections yet. Perhaps your husband would like to take a week off from his job and spend it in your shoes. Have a pre-agreed upon distance that he is allowed to travel from home. If he goes further, then you may question why he too is "loafing" the roads. Can you hear my sarcasm here? I think your husband is being completely and totally unreasonable.

Keep yourself attached to this board. Take a look at "meetup.com" for mommy groups in your area. Email me anytime you like. Stay in touch.

E.

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S.A.

answers from Atlanta on

I don't understand why he would be mad at you going for walks. Their must be something more making him angry. Is he feeling the presure of being the only one working and trying to save money. Try not using the car and only walk around the neighborhood see if he still gets mad if he do something else is bothering him. cause there is no way he should expect you and that child to stay in the house all day going for walks is healthy for you and her you both need outside air. And no fighting and pray for him I hope this helps.

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B.B.

answers from Augusta on

LOL! That reminds of my ex-husband when we were dating and newly married. At first it was: "I'm so glad you're a teacher and get this time off during the summers. You deserve it!" Then it went to: "What do you do all day? Don't you get bored?" To: "I think it's only fair that you do all the housework during the summers since I'm working." (I was anyway). To: "I just don't think it's fair that you get paid to sit around and do nothing all day!"

I'd be willing to bet it's nothing more than jealousy that you "get all that time off to run around and play all day". I'm only a SAHM during the summers, but I'd go NUTS if I couldn't take my son and go out of the house every single day!

Maybe it's time for you to go back to work and let him figure out how much more daycare is taking out of his pocket compared to your trips to the park.

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J.S.

answers from Atlanta on

My husband never understood my need to get out of the house. Sincehe goes to work he perceives the house as a retreat. For me, not sure what it is, but retreat isn't it. It took a while for him to start to understand, hopefully yours will too after a while. Look on meetup.com, yahoo groups and google you city name also your county name and find a playgroup in the area. They are the BEST way to learn about your area. I googled Canton GA playgroups and found a few. I also googled Cherokee county playgroup moms group and found a lot there as well.

Good luck!

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J.M.

answers from Atlanta on

Have you thought about joining MOMS club international?

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M.C.

answers from Savannah on

I second the MOMS Club idea. It has saved my sanity and it helps to meet other moms who are going through the same struggles that you are. It's a great way to get out of the house and meet new friends.

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L.M.

answers from Columbia on

Unfortunately, this happened to me as well. I feel for you, because I'm not from the south either. I have had many problems when I was staying at home. My husband and my MIL used to make me feel guilty about staying home. They made it out like it was vacation or something. I did this to make it through the day. Look at your child evry morning, and see how much they love you. that's all that matters, you know you are doing right by your child. The resentment of staying at home will fade. Not anytime soon, but when it's all said and done. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about doing what you feel is right for your child. good Luck.

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M.B.

answers from Atlanta on

I read what everybody had to say and agree with the MOMS club. I don't think that your husband is upset with you; I think he wants to be realistic about the gas, wear and tear of the vehicle since he is the only one working. When I was home I went out almost everyday with my son because it was boring to stay home all day however we took walks close by, went to ladies bible study and when my husband came home I went to Walmart or Target just to get away, sometimes for 2 hours. Honor your husband and seek to know where he is coming from

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