Considering a Foreign Exchange Student

Updated on July 17, 2009
K.J. asks from York, PA
6 answers

My husband and I are considering having a 15 yo girl from South Korea live with us for the school year, I was wondering if anyone has had an experience like that and what it was like?

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B.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Hi K.. Having an exchange student can either be really great, or really really bad. The first thing you have to consider is what group you are getting your student through. Are they a national group that is estabilished and has a support system in place? Have they been active for a long peroid of time with a strong success rate? What kind of process do you as the "host family" have to go through? If it's a quickie interview with a push to get you to sign up...run away! Each family as well as student should be fully vetted and cleared...and that takes more than an hour interview! You also need to consider your school district...do they have an exchange student program in place and are willing to have an exchange student? Not all school districts do...and if they don't will they assign you a contact to answer all your questions and work as an advocate for the student? Will your student be able to partisapate in all the senior year activities and be able to be in the yearbook? (As well as purchase one?) Will your school provide lunches for your student or will you be responsible for it? (Some schools will, some won't) What kind of health insurance will the student have? Will the student have all the required shots for school prior to comming to the states? If not will they have the funds to get the shots once they get here? How will the student be required to handle their money once here in the US and how will you be held accountable? How much money will they have to spend while they are here and will they be allowed to hold any kind of part time job to add to their income or not?

Then you get into questions about the student, will their be a language issue? Be prepared to find out that your student's perception of english will be ENGLISH not American...which are two very different languages in today's world. Does the student make friends easily? What kind of household is the student comming from (an only child from a single parent home may not do well in your big family even if they think/want to try.) If they will be sharing a room with one of your children you need to consider if they have ever experienced that as well. You also may need to be flexiable there...and be prepared to switch things around if your student doesn't hit it off with their roommate. IF your student is not involved in lots of school activities at home, then don't expect them to be any different here...in fact they may become more isolated with the language barrier.

Every member of your family has to really want to do this...it changes everything in your family & household. You also have to be prepared for different ideas about bathing, eating, religion, and respect for parents. It will also change your household budjet alot more than you may expect so money should be a consideration.

We have had three very different experiences with three students through two different programs. One was amazing, one was okay and the third was awful. So you must be very carefull and consider absolutly everything you can before making your final decision. So don't make it quickly, and don't allow anyone to force you to decide quickly...if they do then your probably going to have problems down the road. Best wishes.

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D.C.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Hi, you don't have a ton of responses, so I'll put my $0.02 in. I haven't had an exchange student in my home, but my parents hosted when I was in college, and my sister hosted a boy from South Korea this past school year.

Both found it enriching, and my sister's student is likely coming back to her home in the fall for a second year. Obviously, she found it to be a good experience, or she wouldn't do it again. And I'm still in touch with my Icelandic "brother" that my parents hosted.

The one thing I would caution you about is having high expectations with respect to the student integrating into your family. In many ways, the student will be a part of your family on her own terms. For example, my sister's student preferred not to attend our family functions (we are a fairly big and loud family), and forcing him to attend would have made him uncomfortable. He would attend smaller things sometimes, or if my sister was hosting, he'd make an appearance, and then go up to his room to skype and IM on the computer with his friends from home or play video games. We all found this a little strange at first - we were excited to get to know him and learn about his culture - but he was overwhelmed by us, and needed to do it at his own pace.

Also remember that this is a teenager, with normal teenager angst, and that she's far from home and from her support system and that alone can make a student overwhelmed. Technology helps with this alot, and you shouldn't take it personally if your student spends a fair amount of time in the evenings communicating with friends and family from home. She is being dropped into American culture every day, all day, at school, and a desire for some quiet time in the evening to touch base with people and things she's familiar with is natural and not a slight against your family. You may get a very outgoing student who jumps right into your family life, but you may not and you shouldn't take that personally. Either way it's an enriching experience, as long as you accept the student on their terms.

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T.M.

answers from Allentown on

hi K. and family,
how great of you to make such an offer .
their will be many issues .
15 year old [ girl] with ' her ' culture... educated and privilaged in 'her' country . she will need internet w/ camera , cell phone , prom dress, school supplies, femine hygine supplies, blow dryer,clean 'her' room, laundry, and on and on .
just to function in your house.
yes; she will be a wealth of information , stories , language and courage , hence, do you have the 'real' time to teach her the ' american' ways ... american foods, boys, slang, dress , hair style...[ she will #1 want to be AMERICANIZED with everything .....! ]
home sick , trauma, girlfriend/ boyfriend issues ...
If she has the ' independant/ self motivated' personality ... she will get through , otherwise .... this is a challenge ...
now ; if the step boys will be in the same school as she ... this will be an asset on her behalf ..they can help her ... are they willing to help ?
she has to keep up her grades, do projects, read, figure out ENGLISH , CRY, HATE OUR FOODS , pray for friends ... in the end ... she is a scared teen age little girl .....she needs guidance to see her through ..
what a blessing ......
she has the ability to teach your family alot ...
good luck ,
a grammy

1 mom found this helpful

D.S.

answers from Allentown on

Hi K.,

First thing to do is to sit down with your family and set up some guidelines on how to behave with an exchange student in the house.

Next, you all need to explore and talk to each other about the culture of her country, so you will know something about her.

Next, you all need to explore folks that live near you were she can have a support group of people from her country.

It will be alot of work on you all's part.

When she arrives, you will need to let her know what you and expect and also what she expects.

Write things down as a guide for everyone so it can be remembered.

Good luck. D.

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K.B.

answers from Harrisburg on

I applaud your decision! I've never done it myself but some day it would be neat when mine get older. I too have the teen thing with a 14 year old son, and 4 year old triplets. I also have a 22 year old son who is married with a baby turning one. They're all insane, lol. Have you considered how the 15 year old girl would feel being in a house with two teenage boys? I'm wondering with already being in a new place and country if dealing with teenage boys may be something that she may feel uncomfortable with. Just set ground rules before hand like the boys not ganging up and teasing her or something as they get to know her, lol.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat
chat and events within 2 hour radius

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T.P.

answers from Philadelphia on

K.,
I hate to do this, but I feel strongly about this one...I had a 15/16 year old girl from S. Korea stay with us this past year, and it was a really unpleasant experience. When I said no to hosting her again next year, they asked if I'd like a boy instead, b/c they're less "whiny and needy". I would NOT do this again. If you'd like more details, feel free to message me.

Either way, best of luck to you...

Best,
T.

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