Could I Be the One Holding Him Back??

Hey E.,

I don't have tons of experience with this, but I wanted to share something a co-worker shared with me.

She has three boys (all grown now). She said she completely stressed about the eldest getting potty-trained. When the second came, she decided she wouldn't go through that again. Same with her third. What she did was this: she told them what the potty was all about, read them books about the potty from the library, had them watch her use the potty, told them they could use the potty whenever they wanted and that was it.

Her second child (a girl) announced at 2 (almost 3) that she was done with diapers. From that moment on she was toilet trained. Her third child (a boy) announced the same thing at age 4. And just like his sister, he meant it - he simply transitioned to the potty overnight.

She said the hardest thing was dealing with relatives who couldn't handle her laissez-faire attitude. Otherwise, it was completely stress-free for her!

So, I don't think you're holding him back. Good luck. M.

Nope. You're not holding him back. For crying out loud, you have two little ones AND you're hugely pregnant. Talk about having plenty on your plate already. If your family wants him potty trained, just tell them to come on over and help out. (I'll bet they shut up!) Otherwise, if your son was five or six and still not potty trained I'd be thinking that you should probably need to change your tactics, but as it is now? Nope.

Children potty train at different stages. Some are early and some are not. Boys tend to take longer to train than girls. And I think the oldest sibling takes longer to potty train, too (because they have less incentive to use the toilet when they see baby brother or sister getting THEIR diapers changed). My oldest son most certainly was NOT potty trained by three. I also was pregnant during that time and I figured I darn well wouldn't stress over getting him potty trained because it was inevitable that he would regress as soon as the new babies came home.

During the summer my oldest turned three he was going naked quite a lot of the time. (I have a steam cleaner, so clean up of accidents isn't that big of a deal.) The nakedness made it easier for him to remember to use the toilet. When his twin brothers were born I would heave a HUGE sigh each time I changed one of them and say things like, "Baby, I really wish you were a big boy and could go pee pee in the potty like your big brother." This seemed to really encourage him to use the toilet. (He never used a little potty. He only wanted the toilet!)

E.,

I don't think you're holding him back at all. My son is 4 1/2 and only now is potty training sticking with him. Expect any interest that your son has right now, to evaporate when your next child is born. My daughter was born a year ago, and my son completely reverted back to diapers with no interest in being a "big boy".

Have patience, have faith in your child and love them just the way they are.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

You can make it a game! Paint a red dot in the back of the toilet or put dish soap in it and have your hubby take him in there and see who can hit the dot the best or make the most bubbles. Get him a stool so he can use the big potty like daddy. Keep in mind that children potty train when they are ready and you don't want to make this stressful for him. Don't worry about what anyone else says. If the two of you are ready go for it, if not your pushing against an unmovable wall!

I would read "Potty training in less than a day", as it gets kids to figure out all the details of pottying. It took us 3 days, but was well worth the "boot camp" time invested.

i went through a lot of the same problems with my son. when he turned 3, on his 3rd birthday as a matter of fact. I had just finally got fed up with going back and forth and fighting about using the potty. I just got rid of all the diapers and told him enough was enough. I immediatly switched to underwear during the day and pull-ups at night. I went through a ton of laundry for a couple weeks, but for the most part, he was completely potty trained in two months. diapers are a comfort zone, he knows he will stay clean and dry with one on, so you have to take that away from him. Good luck!!!

I have 2 boys ages 12 and 4 and a half. I let THEM decide when they were ready. It wasn't a fight I was willing to participate in. They were both about 3 and a half when they decided they were ready. Honestly it kind of sounds like he's ready, but just doesn't have the hang of the potty. I put my boys on every 30 minutes for the first few days. I NEVER asked them if they had to go I just took them in there and had them sit for a few minutes. Just a little FYI too, I put them on the potty backwards. Sounds weird, but they feel safer that way. Their hinnies are to little and if they sit the right way they feel like they are going to fall in. So backwards has worked with both of them. One more thing, with the new baby on the way you should either try to start now or wait atleast a month or so after the baby comes so he can adjust. If you train him now expect a little delay when the baby arrives and know it's ok. If you choose to wait, that's great too he'll be even more ready then.
I hope this helps,
W.

It could be when the baby is born he'll see the baby wearing diapers and want to be a "big boy". My son was also slow to train. When I stopped pushing him and just let it be he trained himself. It is frustrating when people put pressure on you about it. I like the idea about telling them to come help. That probably will make them be quiet. Hang in there!

Hi E.,
I think you are doing great. There are two things children can control in their little worlds, one is food and the second is the potty. You can fight and fight, but you cannot make them eat, pee or poop. Once you enter into the power struggle it will only get worse. Your son is looking at a lot of transition coming with a new baby so give him the space to figure it out on his own. He won't wear diapers forever! By the way, he's not even out of the "normal" range for potty training. Give yourself a break and know you are doing great! Just keep trusting your instincts. If you are feeling like you want him to finish sooner, you could try using cloth diapers instead of paper. Your son will not be as comfortable in his diaper, but like I said, you're doing great on your own! Keep it up girl and good luck in June!
L

The book "Toilet Training in Less Than a Day" worked for our 27 month old. I highly recommend it. You can find it on amazon.

I'm going to agree with Michelle.

Sometimes boys train later than girls. my son was 3-3.5, with no intentions in sight. basically refused. I was going through a divorce, & just didn't force anything. just changed him as needed. One day he went with a friend to preschool. he came home & said. "mom? I'm potty trained!" I said, "Oh you are? when did this happen?"
"today at school. they said I can't come back unless I'm potty trained. So I am." we went & bought him some real boys underwear, not training pants. That was that.

tell your family to get off your case (in the nicest way possible) You are doing just fine!!!

You might try taking him on the big boy underwear shopping trip, tell him what they are for, & that he gets to choose when he's going to wear them, & leave them in his room.

He's aware that you are having another baby, & this displaces him in that role.... a second time. he might not be quite ready to let it go, & that's just a transition time. It will happen, & it will be quick when it does.

A. V