R.J.
I've lived with a LOT. 4 years of no good very bad marriage because I loved my husband, and 2 more because I love my son.
6 years out of 11 years were bad. That's how long it took me to file.
If she's only a year or 3 into no good very bad, after over 20 years together? Then she probably still has hope. Still has good years and memories that mean more to her than these years.
COULD I stay, as she is? I DID, with much worse, for longer. Not the best decision on my part, but I can live with it. I couldn't live with giving up before hope died.
You see... I have too many examples in my own family of stellar people who stuck their heads up their bums for a few years, and then got over it. And their spouses hung tough, and theyre deeply in love for decades longers. My husband never pulled his head out. In fact, he stuck it so far up his bum that little bump in his throat is his nose. But I had to wait to find out, that no... He's really a tool... And not worth waiting for.