Could You? Just Curious

This is my second husband, if he were to croak I'd stay single. I have a little machine to open jars :)

Well it's not like I think there's a bevy of amazing males out there waiting for my husband to pass away.

But, hell yeah! I love my husband, but I can't imagine just fading away into oblivion if he weren't around.

And I agree with K.M., but no one said we had to MARRY again, right? Though I do have to say the thought of training another one exhausts me.

My husband is 14 years older than me and will most likely die before I do. If he does, I don't plan to spend the rest of my life celibate. I enjoy sex too much for that.
I might not ever be in the market for another committed relationship, but I would most definitely find a f***-buddy.

And if I were to die before him, I would hope that he would find some female company as well.

I've already told him I'm not getting married again. It would be too hard to train another one.

Don't get me wrong--I LOVE my husband. I truly think that he is the perfect fit for me--the ying to my yang, so to speak.

BUT I'm generally NOT of the belief that there is only O., rare, soul mate in the universe for each person.

So, yes, I think that if (God forbid) some tragedy would find me alone, I would have the ability to re-marry IF I wanted to remarry and IF I found someone as compatible.

I just think it's unrealistic to think that O. could NEVER fall in love again--or that O.'s husband would selfishly expect you not to!

I've given this lots of thought since both my husband and I used to commute for hours for our respective jobs. I decided that yes, with the right man, I could probably be in a relationship again. Having said that, though, I can't imagine anyone finding me as attractive as my husband does! Neither of us are spring chickens anymore!

I've also made it very clear to my husband that I expect him to remarry if something happens to me. I think the word I used was DEMAND that he remarry. I can't stand the thought of him being alone. He's such a great husband, lover and companion, for him to be alone seems tragic. Once I even gave him a list of women I thought would be a great second Mrs. F and who I thought would make him very happy. He looked at me funny but took it in stride. Sometimes I take "planning ahead" to new levels!

Despite my fears of living without him, I know that death is a part of life and I know how quickly you can lose someone. I try so very hard to love him more every day, share my love with him and thank God for this most wonderful gift: my husband's love in return. That way, when the end comes (hopefully VERY far in the future), I'll know I lived our life together to its fullest.

Yes, of course I'd probably marry again. I enjoy being in love. I enjoy having a companion. I enjoy being married and having a partner. Don't get me wrong, I probably enjoy all of those things because of who I have as a husband. But why should I have to expect to be alone and widowed and "saving myself" for the rest of my life? I wouldn't expect my husband to never fall in love again. What a horrible existence that would be.

I wouldn't want him out partying a week after my death, and I wouldn't be out partying after his. I would expect some time to mourn, whatever is natural, and if love finds me (or him) then why turn that chance away? As long as it's not an abusive situation and it's good for my children who could judge?

If something were to happen to me, i would want my husband to remarry and vice versa. Why should the father of my children be alone? He feels the same about me? We have even told our children this.......

My husband and I have talked about this before. We both agree that if something should happen where one of us passes away, that it would be totally fine to find love again and remarry another spouse. As I say, "I will be dead - what do I care? :) And, if he finds someone to spend his life with who can make him happy then he should totally go for it."

I would not expect my children to ever call a new guy "dad". When my mother passed away, my father eventually dated a woman for several years (never got married but had a 'commitment' ceremony) and she kept wanting to call herself Grandma to my kids. Um, hell no lady. You can't even legally commit to my dad, you had only seen my kids twice in a matter of two years, so no, you don't get to be Grandma. You get to be Grandpa's friend.

My husband and I have realized that we are at the point in our lives where we really need to have a will written up - which got me thinking about this very thing!
I think that until my son left home I would not get involved with anyone. My birthmother died when I was 6 and my father remarried within a year. Blending a family is a painful and unhappy process. It worked out in the end but there were years of fighting and tears and family therapy ugh... I don't want my son to go through that, and I'm not sure if I have the strength in me to be the "adult" in that situation.

@GrandmaT, LOL!!

yes, my dad never remarried after my mom died and i think he should have, he would have been happier and had he picked the right women i would have had a more strong feminine force in my life. I think i would have benefited from it and i think he would have been alot better of a dad.

married people (if you do it right) bring to the plate what the other lacks. I dont want to be half of a great force. i want the whole shabang!

It depends on how much you enjoy being alone.
I actually LOVE being alone, so I could probably be content for a while (much longer than my husband, he'd be remarried in less than a year!)
But a husband IS a life companion, a partner and a friend, I imagine I would miss that after a while, especially after being married for almost twenty years.
And yes, while I can, um, "take care of myself," I love the feeling of a man next to me, it is incredibly comforting.
So, yes I am sure over time I would be open to love.
Come to think of it, wouldn't it be kind of depressing NOT to be?

My husband and I have talked about this many times. We laugh about who we want to go first. I dont want him to be sad and lonely so he has to die before me..He said that was nice of me,,lol.. I dont think at our age now, we would remarry. Weve been married nearly 37 years and as much as its great to have that nice warm guy here every night, I dont think I want to start over training a guy to be what I want. As Roseanne Barr once said,, "It took a lot of work to teach a husband to be the way he is, he didnt come out of a box like that!." I can manage on my own and would hire help for the things I cant. He would have to learn to cook more. And the house would get dusty but he would hire help too. We have joked about me "leaving him to a friend of ours in my will". Her husband who was also our friend died a few years ago. Weve stayed friends and have told her that if I go first, she can have Bob. She wouldnt want to mess around with him, but shes great with money, and keeps her house clean enough, She doesnt cook, but loves to go out, and they like more of the same tv shows than he and I do now. Shed be interested in his job and shed make sure he takes his meds everyday. I think theyd get along great and I could sit in heaven watching and I know theyd never have sex,,lol..

Hello, My husband and I married when I was only 17. We raised four kids and have six grandkids. We were married 42 years and 11 months when he suddenly passed away in March 2010. I was and remain devastated. I cannot imagine marrying anyone else or even becoming involved with anyone else. However, I am not young anymore. If I had been younger and had not been married for so many years to the same man, I can't say how I would have felt. I just know that I watched him collapse in my kitchen and administered CPR and he passed away at the hospital. I couldn't go through that again. Each of us has to make our own decisions and what is right for one of us may not be right for someone else. I am sure that you and your husband have many happy years left together.
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.

I think it would take me a VERY long time to readjust to a life without my husband and to make a commitment to someone else. My husband and I have been together almost 12 years (since HS) and he is the ONLY one I have ever "been with".

We've discussed this in detail with each other and he always tells me that he would move on sexually within a few months, but it would lack the intimacy we share and if he were to find someone to be serious about and consider marrying he says he would actually tell her that he does love her, but nowhere near as much as he loves/loved me. He has said that he doesn't think there is anyone out there that will compare and I can agree that I feel that same way about him.

I cannot imagine moving on any sooner than a year later and I'm not sure if I could remarry or if I would just date someone. I agree that there may be more than one person out there that is compatible, but I do not think I could possess the same amount of love that I hold for my husband...too many years there and too many wonderful experiences and memories that make us an "us." Just can't see it happening with someone else......

We've agreed that we would both remarry if our children were young so that they could have the parent figure (mom or dad) that they needed, but if we were older and the kids were older, we'd most likely stay single and not remarry.

When we said our vows we promised until death do us part......I truly believe that it is okay for someone to move on after the death of a spouse and that in many cases it is necessary to have some healing and closure that cannot be found elsewhere....but I also think that for me it would be a REALLY hard thing to do and take many months, if not years, to finally feel completely comfortable with someone else.

Surprisingly enough, my parents have had almost the exact same conversation (word for word) with each other. My dad says he would move on sexually but it would never equate to what my mother and him had emotionally and my mother feels like it would take her a very long time to move on in all aspects.

My family has become more open with conversations about death now that we are all getting older and we have experienced the loss of some extended family and it is a very healthy way to open up the lines of communication about a very difficult topic. I do not think you are alone in your thought process and I think it is very healthy to a relationship (any relationship) to discuss what happens if, when, after, etc.....

Don't get me wrong- we shouldn't focus on it too much, but bringing it up and working out the details does and will help if/when that time comes......BUT when that time comes we should also make sure that we spent enough time expressing our love for that person in many ways so that there are many special memories to hold dear for eternity.

Take care!

I dont know that i would but im not against it. Example, My brother and his wife had a little boy and he is now nine. Although My brother loved my nephew and his wife in my opinion he didnt do everything he could for his family. My nephew missed alot of school and it was a horrible ordeal. Well my brother passed away two years ago. His wife and him had been together for 17 years. BUT after his passing she found a new man. Now most of my family looked down upon her for this BUT I believe he is a better father and provider than my brother ever was. My nephew got held back a year bc he had missed so much school. BUT with the new man in their life he got on track attended daily and even was top of his class. HE is more well manored and better taken care of. So there are instances that even though there is a passing both adult and child can benifit from a new adult in there life.

This just happened to my sister in law's brother who is 33. His wife died tragically and unexpectedly several years ago. He has met someone who is making him happy again. His first wife's family is having a fit because they don't think he should remarry. That attitude baffles me. Don't they want him to be happy? To have the opportunity to have kids? I would only remarry if I found someone else who made me happy and secure! Life is too short to be alone and sad all the time.

Terrified? Everyone dies sooner or later. If you did first wouldn't you want him to move on and over the corse of time, IF he met someone that would make him happy????

Blessings...

I've thought about this before and I think it would be really hard to be with someone else. I might just desire companionship to go out on dates every now and then, but I don't know that I could really move on to something serious. After having the friendship and relationship we have it just seems unlikely that I could ever have that with another man.
The other man would only be there because my husband isn't. KWIM?

I have thought of it, and funny thing is hubby and I talked about it. We both "gave permission" to each other to date, fall in love, marry someone else if it happens... but we do not dwell on it.

His thought: he will not remarry, date or sleep with another women after I pass. He said he is a nerd/geek and that no one but me has ever given him a second look. He dose not believe that there is another one for him out there if I pass first.

My thoughts: if hubby passes away before me, after giving myself to morn and whatever else I need to do, I may consider dating and/or remarrying if it happens.

I firmly believe that there is not just one out there for me, it is more like the one who is on the same page as me at the same time in our lives.

My mom was widowed at 36 after 9 years of marriage. She dated but never married, though she was asked. She did not feel comfortable bringing another man into our family as she had two young daughters. I think had she found the right person it would have been wonderful to have had a father figure and I think her life would have been happier and richer. As it worked out, she ended up being the one to take care of the elderly folks because "she did not have a husband to take care of." (that is kind of how it works in my culture).

I just hope I never have to make this decision. I just got back from celebrating my 17th anniversary and I am so blessed with my husband and love him more than I could have imagined when I married. Still, if I go first, I would want him to find someone. After my father died, his mom told my mom "You can't live with the dead." This is so true, but it is hard to let go and move on.

I married the first time at age 30 and thought I waited for the right guy...not so much...divorced at age 40. Had 2 kids and said I would NEVER marry again! Well, I did. My husband is 7 years younger than me. And if he passes away I would think that being older now I would not marry again, especially since my kids are still young. I would not want to put them thru that. But I have learned to never say never either. Instead of worrying about it I would be more concerned about getting your affairs in order in case something did happen. Like getting a living trust in place and life insurance so if something does happen it isn't as devastating for you. Good luck.

My friend lost her husband over 5 years ago and still feels that way. She is raising a son. A childless person might feel differently over time or might feel they need help. So I think it depends on the person and the circumstances.

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My friend lost her husband over 5 years ago and still feels that way. She is raising a son. A childless person might feel differently over time or might feel they need help. So I think it depends on the person and the circumstances.

What I have learned in my own life is that most of my "nevers" nearly always happen (I would never, I'm never going to, I never do).... and that I can only guess at what I THINK I might do in a given situation. I can think, plan, be sure, but until I'm actually faced with a thing, it's just that. Thinking. And I'm as likely to do the opposite of what I thought I would, as what I thought.

I have told my husband to find someone else. By all means, we deserve to continue the happiness one finds in a relationship. Not sure if my husband would ever remarry, not because of his love for me, more so because he is kindof lazy and I just couldn't see him pursuing a relationship. Weirder things have happened though. And yes, I would loook for love again. I don't want to grow old alone!

NEVER EVER EVER EVER....... This of course has crossed my mind and we have talked about it, but I HATE to think about it. The only way I would change my mind would be if my children loved someone and wanted me to---But, I would NEVER do it for me---it would be for my children ONLY. My hubby of course has always said if anything happened to him, he wanted me to find another person who would love and care for me and my children-but I can't stand thinking about it. It upsets me to think about the possibility of this!

M

I don't think I could.
I've been blessed to know the love of my life for over 30 years and we celebrate our 22 anniversary this summer.
He's such a big part of my life, the hole that would be left if he were gone would be huge.

IMO it's a totally normal thing to wonder about and I think the answer will be different for different people in different circumstances.
My mom passed away from cancer in her early 70's. Dad had long believed she was the "only one" for him but a couple years after she passed away, a long-time friend introduced him to his wife's cousin who was a widow. IMO it's been a beautiful and healthy thing for both of them to have found each other so late in life - my siblings and I assured Dad that Mom would have been glad to see he had someone to help look after him now that she wasn't able to do it. So, having seen this in our immediate family, I think there are good and appropriate reasons for a widow/widower to remarry that would in no way diminish the significance of their first marriage.

I would be able to because I need a companion in my life and a partner for protecting my family. life is too short to live in the past. You have to keep going for your own sanity.

Nope def not the only one to think about this stuff. When I think about it I can see myself getting married again but not dating again. :) Basically I really don't think I would be able to get into the dating scene again, but if I just happened to meet the right man....then maybe

Haven't read your responses - good question. I LOVE my husband. We have talked about this before. We're both OK with the other person moving on and possibly remarrying. I don't think I'll ever find another man like my husband and I certainly wouldn't bring someone into my home (after marriage of course) with a young daughter, but later on - yes, I think I could if I found the right person. I'd want my husband to have a companion too. We used to joke about it because I had a very short list of who he'd be "allowed" to marry if I wasn't here. He said he was perfectly capabable of picking some young, hot chick and he wasn't interested in marrying anyone our age who we already know. I reminded him that in his mid 40's as we are - all the "young, hot chicks" are going to think he's a dirty old man! lol.

Yes I have thought of this many times.

I would most definitely remarry... but after the kids were raised and out of the home. I don't want the problems that occur with having another man raise my kids. My kids don't need another man other than their father raising them...that would bring on soooo many more issues to deal with on top of death of dad. If we both were to die then they would go to my brother and his wife and they get everything we own to help in raising the kids and paying for college etc.

We have talked about this openly and we both feel the same. I would want my hubby to have companionship and he feels the same for me.

You have to push sex and intimacy aside and look at warmth,companionship and quality of life. I would want my husband to be happy and not mourn my loss every second of the day..in his heart he would but companionship would lessen the sting.

I actually think about this myself alot. My husband is a narcotic agent here. He works nights and the crime here is terrible. When ever I see something on the news, my heart falls. Being a LEO wife, you can not help but to think, "what am I going to do if something happened?" I am not sure if I would remarry or date. I am sure in due time, my life would go on but he would always be a part of my life. I would wait until my children were older and understood.

Not that I think of this all the time, but both my husband and I have discussed this . If I were to pass away, I'd want my children to still have a mother, and if he were to pass, I he wants our children to have a father. Now that doesn't mean that as soon as he's buried or vise versus we look for a new spouse, but after a period of mourning......

My husband and I have talked about this and we both agree that we'd want the other person to find someone to share their life with.

I mean, I certainly wouldn't want my husband alone for the rest of his life, *plus* we have 3 small daughters that need a mother-figure in their life. I've actually told him to find our girls another mama.

Now if *he* were to go first, I don't think I'd have a helluva lot of time for dating with 3 young girls to raise! hahaha But I'm sure I'd seek to find a friendship/companionship with another man.....eventually.

I can say with certainty that I would NOT remarry until after my children were grown, if ever.

I hope that I would be strong enough to stay single. I could give myself to another man and I do think about it. But I would never purposely bring a man into the lives of my children, even though 3 of them are adults. My steps were destructive people and I just don't like the idea of dealing with all of that. Plus getting to know someone and I don't know if I could live with the relationships that don't work out on the way to yet another marriage... NO THANK YOU.

nope. couldn't do it. i love my husband and i feel that i wouldn't be able to do it. i would want to focus on my kids.

No, I don't think I would re-marry again (on my 2nd marriage now).

I've had two great loves and that's more than anyone can ask for . . .

Would I date as a little old lady? Yes, probably. Marry - no. And I would not even consider it prior to my children being grown and well on their way to their own lives (they're 17 & 14 now). And I would never let it interfere with my future grandma joy either (God willing that grandchildren are in my future).

I don't think that I would ever re-marry. Easy to say right now while I am not lonely I guess. If I did feel the urge to get with someone else, I would not do it until all of my kids were grown and out of the house, and most likely it would be to someone with $$!! HAHAHAHAHAHA - J/K ~ I would never marry for money, but I would have a long list of must haves, I don't think I would ever find someone who could fill my hubby's shoes. It would be impossible!

My husband says the same thing as well. The funny thing is, I would not want him to spend the rest of his life alone, but I would be totally willing to do so, and he says that he would never remarry. Sometimes I am not sure if I should take that as a compliment or not - LOL - was being married to me so bad that you don't ever want to do it again? tee hee, I know that is not what he is thinking but the thought does cross my mind every now and then ~

And no - you are not the only person who this question has crossed their minds.

I've learned to be cautious in regards to the word never (I'd never, I'll never...). It's not what you desire. You don't want your husband to leave and you don't plan to leave him. Life happens to us all. And yes, I've thougth about it as well. But you honestly can't say what you will or won't until you walk in those shoes. I just pray you never have to. :)

And for myself, I can't imagine having to walk in those shoes. I pray that I just find the strength to be able to cope for the sake of my girls.

Yes I most likely would, although likely not until my children are grown. We have a blended family right now and it's hard. I couldn't imagine adding yet another person (who probably has his own kids) to the mix. Same thing if I divorced - I don't think I would remarry until the kids are all grown.

I honestly don't think my husband would remarry because being married is very hard for him. He's the kind of person who is better off single.

We actually joke about who are replacements should be.

I could have sex with another man, but I have a hard time seeing myself giving him my heart.

I've thought of this. Not only the dieing but if we ever divorced. Right NOW I don't think I would be able to, but I think eventually I would get lonely and of course horny (haha sorry couldn't help!) and need another man around.

Good morning A A I would never give myself to another man. Like Kathie said I'm not a young woman well I'm 54 but I have been with my husbandfor 30 years life without him would be devestating mym grown kids would be around to help me be OK. J.

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Good morning A A I would never give myself to another man. Like Kathie said I'm not a young woman well I'm 54 but I have been with my husbandfor 30 years life without him would be devestating mym grown kids would be around to help me be OK. J.

it has crossed my mind...but I would have to be in the situation to know...I'm not going to go off hypothetical as I don't know when God will call Bob to Him.

If I'm still young - probably....
if I'm older - who knows?!?!

I don't think I would marry again. I have one husband and always will. But I cannot discount having a relationship with another man should my husband pass away before I do. Companionship is a necessary element of life.

Wouldn't want another. I love the one I have and I can't imagine myself without him. I do have a two year old though and she may need a father. If there was a man that could help raise her as her father would I would consider it.

You are not alone , at least in MY book....I think those same thoughts. Mostly because I've had plenty of experiences with other men before my husband, and I just know that I will never love another as I do him.

If the tragic thoughts in my mind came to be, there would never be a time when I could let another man into my life - much less my body.

I've already made up my mind that if that's what has been planned for us, I will accept it, and go on raising my children alone. Sure, I may try to have a male companion for "simple" things like : movies, dinner, hikes, etc....but nothing more.

It kind of depends on how old the kids are... My husband and I actually talked about this. If I died when our kids were pretty young, I think it would be nice for them to have a mom. Same goes with him- if he died young, it would be nice for my kids to have a father figure. It we were all a lot older, I probably would not.,

I pray never to have to face life without my husband. We have been together since I was 19 years old, have 2 amazing teens together and are each other's best friend (apart from everything else). I suppose you can never say never, as circumstances might change. Right now I'm in my early 40s and really can't imagine ever being with anyone else. I pray that we can grow old together and (selfishly) hope that I will die first! Enjoy your time as a couple and family. I tell my hubby and kids every day how much I love them and how blessed I feel to have them in my life. Nobody can foresee what the future will bring. All we can do is make our present as wonderful as possible, in order to have great memories to look back on! :)

My husband has asked that no other man be introduced as our children's "Dad" and I have absolutely no desire to marry again.

I feel SOOOOO comfortable with my husband (too comfortable sometimes if you know what I mean...;) ) I have a hard time believing I could ever feel this comfortable with another man ever again. He's 10 years older than me, and our 3 kids are 5, 2 and 4 months.... if something ever happened to my husband God forbid, the next right man/father would literally have to fall right into my lap. I wouldn't have time to date with 3 kids and working. I couldn't imagine ever being able to go out and meet somebody and date. Maybe when the kids are older but I dont know..... I told my husband I would want him to find a good mother for our kids but he had to swear she'd be as loving and good to our kids as I would be. Scary to think of but necessary.

Ya know, the question has never crossed my mind nor have I been in the situation so I can't say for 100% what I would do but I don't think I could remarry. I don't know about the sex part though.

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Ya know, the question has never crossed my mind nor have I been in the situation so I can't say for 100% what I would do but I don't think I could remarry. I don't know about the sex part though.