Counseling for Children

We had a counsolor a couple years ago for my child for anxiety. It was wonderful. She saw her twice a month for two months then once a month for 3 months and we were done. It helped her a great deal. I am all for counsoling !

My DD is 7 and have a counselor and loves her!! She's so happy to see her everytime and when her friends ask her to play....she always says very happy that she can't because her counselor is coming to visit her and has never been a stigma or something that her friends will laugh about it..or make her feel bad ...

I have to say, 7 year olds don't face much stygma for seeking help from therapy. Nobody has to know. My Dad is in AA, and I can hear him say it...that is a big cop out. If your daughter has an issue, get her some help. It is nobodies business, unless you share it, so forget the stygma. If you can admit your alcoholism, what else do you really have to fear? If your parents could have helped you aviod all the lessons you had to learn in the bottle, would you have gladly had it when you were 7?

Call a Board Certified Child Phsychiatrists. That is the professional you need if you think she is depressed, and if she is not, they will know who to make the referal to.

M.

Hi K.,

I know my answer is going to be VERY different than everybody else's but I hope you'll consider it.

When my daughter was in 4th grade she was a mess. She would cry every morning and I'd sit and watch her walk in to school because I didn't trust that she wouldn't run away somewhere and hide if I didn't confirm that she actually went to school. She was withdrawn and felt that everyone was being mean to her. At some point she actually seemed suicidal. I'm not sure that she would have actually killed herself, but she was miserable and started talking about knives, the Golden Gate Bridge, etc. VERY SCARY!

I got her into counseling, but she wasn't very responsive to it. What helped us was when someone told me about a book called "Potatoes Not Prozac" by Kathleen DesMaisons. This book (and another one she wrote for kids called "Little Sugar Addicts") saved my daughter's life. The gist of it is that some very easy dietary changes (starting very simply with breakfast) helped to support my daughter's brain chemistry, which was out of whack. The change was nothing short of amazing.

Kathleen DesMaisons came up with these dietary changes while working with alcoholics and discovered that her discoveries were more far-reaching. I bring this up because, as the daughter of 2 recovering alcoholics, your daughter's brain chemistry may be similar to that of my daughter's.

You can find out more about all of this by visiting radiantrecovery.com. There's a Parenting forum there that was invaluable to me while my daughter was healing. Kathleen DesMaisons will often answer your questions herself!

Best of luck to you. My daughter is now 14, and as long as she eats right, she's completely normal. I'm so thankful we found this program when she was young.

Just one mom's opinion here. BUT. My younger daughter used to pull that kind of stuff, starting in preschool. For instance, at swimming lessons, she would cry big crocodile tears (she has never been afraid of the water, for the record, so it wasn't about that). The teacher would plead, beg, cajole, bargain... and my daughter would dig in her little heels even more, cry louder and harder, etc. Finally they would send my "poor baby" back to me not even having dipped her big toe in the water.

My solution was to insist that my daughter try everything that was asked of her. I also spoke with the teacher, out of the earshot of my daughter, and told her that she needed to be firm and insist that my daughter do what she was supposed to. Instead of saying, "Do you want to get in the water? Please? Do it for me! Do it and you'll get candy! Please? Why not?" the teacher was to say, "Okay, time to get in the water! Here we go!" and then lift her into the water. Once the teacher's attitude changed, so did my daughter's. (Of course, I also gave my daughter a stern talking-to beforehand and let her know there would be hell to pay if she didn't cooperate.)

Long story short, my daughter was swimming like a fish a week after we started making her do it. No tears, no fuss, just swimming like all the other kids.

I will add that she also did this in Kindergarten when it came to just about everything - going out for recess ("I want to stay inside!" she would pout), participating in music class ("I don't like that song, it gives me a headache!" she'd whine), going to dance class (she'd sit in the corner with a mutinous glare). In each case, I had to speak with the teacher of the class and go over the Rules of Engagement - don't baby her, MAKE her do it. Sure enough, once they made her do it, she would happily participate.

You know your kid better than anyone, so maybe my method won't work for you. But it worked for me, and now my daughter participates because she knows resistance is futile! LOL In our case, my daughter was engaging in a power struggle with the teacher. She's the kind of kid who NEEDS a strong leader. Once she has one, she will happily follow, but if she senses she can get the upper hand, she will try.

Just a thought! Good luck to you.

I don't think you should worry about a "stigma" attached to counseling. For one thing, nobody has to know. And for another, I bet a lot more people are turning to counselors than you'd expect.

I have had struggles with my youngest son over the years (he's 7 now). He started showing anxiety and clinginess at about age 3. I kept repeating to myself, "It's just the age." Finally, last year I admitted to myself that I needed help with him.

Like your daughter, he was refusing to participate in activities, or he would cling to me the whole class. He has a general anxiety. At age 3 I understood, but at age 6, I thought it was time to stop using his age as an excuse.

Long story short, I finally decided that we needed help. My husband agreed to see a counselor, (although a little more reluctant than me!), and I believe it has helped my son tremendously. It does take time. There's no quick fix. You also have to find someone you trust and that your daughter responds to. Ask her pediatrician for information on a good counselor.

Just know you're not alone! I have definitely seen my son (and sometimes other kids) do the same type of things that your daughter is doing.

Hope this helps and good luck.

Stigma?
Really?
Who has to even know your daughter is seeing a therapist?
There are some really good ones.
Don't try to diagnose your daughter. She may just have really low self esteem or be afraid she won't measure up to others.
Little kids complain of stomach and headaches when they feel overwhelmed and things we might not think are that big a deal can seem HUGE to a little kid.
Don't be afraid to find someone for her to talk to. It doesn't have to mean something is "wrong" with her.
It might, in fact, make her feel more empowered.

I wish you the best.

If your baby needs counseling then get her to one. Who has to know she goes and so what if they did. Wishing she will out grow it won't help her. She sounds like she lacks self confidence/selfesteem. Putting it off will only make it worse and you are right she could turn to other things to cope with whatever is going on inside her. I will be praying for her and you.

please dont worry about a stigma from counseling, her behavior is already setting her apart form the other children, counseling will move her towards normalcy not away from it

Sorry to hear that your daughter is having a difficult time. Have you gone to her pediatrician? Maybe she/he can suggest something and I think counseling would really help. You never know.

She's so young and your daughter might head off to a different direction if she doesn't get any help early.

I hope you will re-consider counseling. Good luck.

There's no stigma. It's very common to seek out this medical help. When we take our son in for therapy sessions, the waiting room in Kaiser's child psychiatry dept. is full of families. Our son has ADHD, so we have been doing this since he was three. They can definitely help at age seven. The earlier you get her help, the less chance she'll have larger problems when she's older.

How would anyone know she was going to counseling if you didn't tell them? Her needs are more important than the stigma of needing help. It may only take a few times of seeing someone to figure out what is needed.

Could you talk to your pediatrician for suggestions? Good luck.

Good for you, mama, to be concerned and to want to help when she's 7 and not wait until she's 17!

She reminds me of my #3 daughter. Turns out she's one anxious kid, which (you're right) led to depression. It will be hard for her to open up to a counselor (& you might have to continually explain how to do that) but it will be so much better for her -- and for the rest of your family.

Good luck. Find a good counselor. Go!

I'm sorry you feel that counseling comes with a "stigma." I don't know what that stigma would be, but perhaps you should put aside your own feelings about couseling and realize your daughter needs it. You are absolutely right - if you don't do something to help her and soon, she will start to self-medicate with alcohol. There are alcoholic children in elementary school. If you don't tell anyone your daughter is in counseling, you can avoid that "stigma" you're talking about, but if your daughter sees you trying to avoid telling people, that might actually make her feel that there is a stigma attached to it. I think you should embrace it and be happy that there are alternatives and quit worrying about what other people think. the bottom line is, I would rather have a stigma because I or my child is in counseling than because my child is an alcoholic. Get her help.

Think about the personality trait of shyness.
My boys are all shy. I was very shy when I was younger.

Check out of library / "Amazon" the book "Shyness" by Dr. Bernardo Carducci. He makes some good points in this book!

Often shy children are mislabeled as depressed or anti-social when in fact they need slow, gradual exposure to speaking and participating in the world around them.

If she needs counseling, she needs counseling. I had 3 kids in counseling when their birth parents were killed, and it helped them tremendously. If this has been going on for years, it would probably be best to at least get her in a few sessions. Or, talk to a therapist yourself and see what they think. While I think many parents rely on counseling waaay too much instead of trying to help their children learn to cope on their own (I had a friend who put her daughter in counseling when her boyfriend (the daughter's) broke up with her when she was 12! Duh! of course she was 'sad' about it! She's a freakin' tweenager... everything is the end of the world! lol) I do think that children benefit from it when they genuinely need it. Seeking help when needed is not a sign of weakness... and it's not anyone's business if your DD is in or not. When my girls were in, the oldest let a friend know, and that was it. (she was 6 at the time) The friend couldn't care less.

Both of my daughters are shy. One is VERY caution about trying new things...she doesn't want to fail so she doesn't try. She keeps to herself and isn't overly friendly. She has lots of friends but no best friends. She's bright, does well in school (good grades) but not so much in the social aspect. My suggestion for you would be to stop the extra activities if your daughter doesn't want to follow through and participate. Your daughter may not be into them. Neither of my daughter's like group sports. Are they depressed? no. I'm guessing that your daughter is an only child so it could be that you are micromanaging her and perhaps are a little too involved. I think it's highly unusual for children to be depressed. Obviously your daughter has to go to school but it's more likely that she's having difficulty in school and that is why she doesn't want to go. You (yourself) could see a child counselor to get some parenting tips about dealing with your child's personality and find out if your child is OK. My husband was convinced that there was something wrong with our 11 YO and we saw a child psychologist who explain that our daughter's behavior was completely normal. Definitely worth the visit. Good-luck.

Can you talk with your school appointed psychologist or counselor? They will have recommendations for both at home and hopefully be able to provide a list of local professionals.

You're a great mom for noticing and taking action now. Good job!!