D.S.
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Ok another question for you wonderful moms! I have a court hearing on sept 29th in front of a judge for custody changes. I want to know if any of you moms have been through an actual hearing without a lawyer. I was told that you have to bring witnesses and ask them your own questions and then argue your case before the judge rules. If you have done this, what kind of questions do you ask? Right now our agreement states e/o wknd fri - sun and every tues overnight. after 60 days while in counseling with our 9 yr old daughter his time gets increased to e/o wknd fri - mon morning when he drops kids off at school/daycare (we have a 2 yr old boy too) and every tues and wed overnight. So he gets 7 days out of 14 and so do I. Unless the counselor recommends otherwise which at that time I would have to file for a modification (which i did) and the conference was yesterday, however he did not show up. But has started his 7 day schedule but has not participated in the counseling for the past month and the counselor has written a letter stating the days should not increase. But because he didnt show yesterday there is nothing i can do about it except wait for the hearing. Now to give you some insight as to why i dont want his time to increase is because....my daughter says he yells at her all the time and is just mean (like never in a good mood). He isnt working but says he cant pick her up from school and never wants to take her to softball practice even if its his day. He will tell me he will get them later. He also thinks that if he doesnt send her to school for a stomach ache or something and he has something to do (supposedly) that he can just drop her off at my moms or my house if i am home (on his day). There are many more reasons but i know its getting long, so just need some help as to what i do in court and any insight as to what happened if you went in front of a judge and what happened??
Ok i can not afford to bring a lawyer and i do not know if he will have his lawyer due to he is not working so i dont think he can afford it either, but you never know!! I am nervous however, i can not bring my lawyer since i cant afford to pay her!! I do have my visitation log, counselor letter stating he doesnt think dads time should increase to 7 days out of 14 and i also have supporters willing to go with me to court. Now i just have to sit down and write down my questions and my arguement as to why i am asking for what i will be asking for as far as custody/visitation is concerned. Just wanted to see if any went through it and what the outcome was. I heard the judge i am going in front of is awesome and will even help me as much as she can since i will not have my lawyer. My lawyer told me that.
First of all begin to keep a daily journal of all communication and incidents between you and your ex and about your kids. Secondly when you pick up kids or they get dropped off, try to have a friend with you to witness any comments made by him or your kids. Also record in your journal, the exact days she goes to softball practice. Talk to her coaches to fill them in on what days you have her and what days he does, then when she misses practice on his days they know what's up. Do that immediately so there's a little bit of history before court date, then have the coaches write an affidavit on your behalf stating to the fact "the father does not bring your daughter to her paid organized sports". Also very important keep receipts of everything including, "paid organized sports". Also have the school write a letter stating who actually picks your daughter up from school, since obviously, he doesn't. While you"re at the school get copies of all the excuses sent in for the absences. One final note.....JUDGES LOVE JOURNALS. Good luck from a parent that's been where you are for over 10 years.
Ask the court for mediation. A mediator can help you work through all the issues. If a child is participating in a sports activity either parent should be "made" to take the child to attend practices and games. The child needs stability and in my opinion should have 1 home and visit the other. Taking a 9 yr. old child every other day to one home or the other is just confusing to say the least. If he has her on his days it is his responsibility to take her or pick her up, period, it's his job that day.
I would use a mediator, it should be free or at a very low cost because it save the court time and money.
I think you should talk to an experienced family lawyer. Even if you aren't allowed to have a lawyer in court (which I can't believe, but maybe), you should talk to someone who can help you prepare.
I don't want to scare you or anything but I would ALWAYS recommend you have a lawyer present at any custody hearing. Do you know if he is going to have a lawyer present? That happened to my best friend years ago and she just finally got 50/50 back but it took years. It took years for her to afford a good lawyer after the fact because then she was forced to pay HIM child support because HE won FULL custody. And he is a total loser father. He doesn't take care of the kids right. They barely take showers, they are dirty, they get sent to school with no lunch money, the list goes on and on. But in the end it's all hard to prove in court. Even with a good lawyer.
I wish you luck!!
Hi,
I don't have experience in the custody stuff, but what I will say is he sounds very irresponsible and lazy! He is supposed to be treasuring his time with his kids and taking care of them-not yelling or dropping them off at his moms or your house for that matter when its not convienient for him! I would strongly suggest that you document everything! Every day that he has dropped the kids off at your house on his days, the days he refuses to take them to softball, not going to counseling to work the agreement out etc. I would present all of this evidence to the judge. It will be much more convincing when they have actual evidence of laziness on his part and see he really doesn't deserve any more time with his kids! Best wishes to you.
M
I have no experience with custody hearings. I am just going by my experience when I had a hearing for a tenant issue. I am not qualified in any way but I would like to help.
How organized are you with all your information and materials? Make sure that you are documenting every incident every time and have a system to access them easily and quickly in front of the judge. (color coded tabs, etc.) Write don't key points you need to cover on index cards and read them word for word if you have to. Include any documents and make multiple copies so that you can keep one to reference and give one to the judge and your X.
Have a list of general questions for each witness. Sounds like your goals are to show he his been irresponsible as a father, not showing up for counseling, is mistreating the children, and is not dedicated to actually caring for the children when it is not an evening at home.
You will have to come up with questions to lead to each of those facts and any others that you can identify. Have multiple incidences to back up each claim. Hopefully you have some witnesses to the mistreating. They may be hard to establish in court.
Practice, Practice, Practice. Speak clearly, calmly and slowly. Be organized and keep your emotions at bay even though this is very emotional. Hysteria will only work against you. The Judge will likely be stone, not giving any response or emotion to let you know how he is taking the information. Stay strong and remember that you are capable of doing this. It is for your kids and you can do anything for them, right?
Good luck and God bless!
