Cousin Had Miscarraige,not Sure How to Respond.

I think maybe you can send her some flowers and a card saying something like, "I'm thinking about you and love you. I'm here for you if you need me." Something general, that doesn't assume one way or the other her feelings on her miscarriage.

Of course you should offer your sympathy! Call soon.

And hold off on the 'well-intended' remarks like: Probably for the best, you can have another, might have been something wrong with the baby...etc. I've had 3 miscarriages so I know that's not what she'll want to hear.

Just tell her you are sorry and see if there's anything she'd like you to do or anyone she'd like you to tell.

Definitely don't ignore it--it will be the 800 lb. gorilla n the room forever if you do that.

you should call her and ask her how she is doing, do not apologize. make the phone call about her and be a good listener!

I would just call and say that she was on your mind and you wondered how she was doing. Let her take it from there.

I might add that I have had several babies pass away before birth. Each women handles it differently. I was thrilled to be pregnant with each of my children so I was not in your cousin's situation. By calling and saying you were thinking of her and wondered how she was doing, she can be the one to share if she so wishes. Everyone knew I was pregnant when my children passed away so there was no getting around telling them. I talk about my children very freely. They are my children and I am proud to be their mother.

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I had a miscarriage once.
AND... I WOULD NOT WANT anyone to call me, period.
It is a VERY personal thing.
Only shared with my Husband.
I would be pissed, that people were talking about my miscarriage and taking it upon themselves to call me and 'talk' about it.
The LAST thing I would want do to... is talk about it and re-hash and repeat what happened to everyone that called me.

It is a very private thing.
And she did not tell you herself.
Because... it is SO very private and sensitive and she probably wants her privacy... not her privacy being talked about. By everyone behind her back.

The last thing a woman who had a miscarriage will do, is to call everyone and tell them.
Why should she have to go through that? I myself never called everyone and told them "oh guess what? I had a miscarriage." That is just not done.
It is such a sad and private time.
Shared only with my Husband.

It is very draining... to have people call you and want to say anything about it and talk about it. The LAST thing I wanted to do was socialize and answer the phone.
It is not helpful.
To have to talk about it, over and over and over and over and telling people "thank you for calling, yes I had a miscarriage, yes.... I'm sorry too. Yes.... okay..." and I just wanted to rest and not have any interruptions.

Call her and offer your support. She didn't even have time to get used to the idea of being pregnant again, and then she loses the baby. She's got to be going through a whole range and roller coaster ride of emotions and hormones.

If it were me in her place, I'd feel really bad/guilty. Not because she in any way/shape/form did anything wrong!! Just because if it were me and I didn't "want" anymore then before I had time to adjust to being pregnant, I miscarried....it would really make me upset. She may or may not be like that.

So just be there for her and that's what's important.

I wouldn't call - I would wait for her to call you. It's not a fun experience.

You could send her a card letting her know you are thinking of her and there for her..

Let her call you, or drop by and visit, and see if she brings it up, but you are right she could not want to talk about it. She's dealing with a lot, been there I've lost 2. And I have an 8 month old, was breastfeeding and we're pregnant. That alone was a LOT to deal with because I was done, for now anyways. It sounds like she hadn't even gotten to the point where she could embrace being pregnant and enjoy it, it was a shock (i know it's taken me months and sometimes still doesn't seem real, we're 16 weeks along now) so I bet she has a lot of guilt, or maybe not, but I felt guilty after both my losses and I wanted those babies and planned for them, I've thought of what would happen if I lost this one because i know how likely it is for me, and I'd hate myself because I know that for awhile I wasn't sure I wanted to be pregnant again. So yes, understand that she is dealing with a lot and that it's likely she may feel some of what your friend did, but also likely she'll feel a lot of other things for other reasons. Be there for her if she needs you, even if it's just as someone who pretends it never happened.

Just because she did not plan this baby does not mean she is not just as devastated. Either way, I would wait for her to come to you. I would not even mention you already knew.

I know how your cousin feels. I had 2 miscarriages within 6 months of each other before my daughter was born. All I can tell you is to be there for her. If she wants to talk, cry, scream. Let her express herself and just listen. Just be there...

When I had my miscarriage I didn't want anyone to talk to me about it for a long time. My husband was the one that told everyone I was pregnant so he had the job of telling them about the miscarriage and telling them that not only did I not want them to know about the pregnancy but I didn't want them to know about the miscarriage and not to talk to me about it and just leave me alone. So I would wait a while to test the waters. maybe call her in a week and ask generally "how are things going?" If she wants to talk about it she wil, if she doesn't, then she won't bring it up. Whatever you do, don't say things like "you will have another" because it really just doesn't help.

I agree with Denise P.

I agree with S.H. Don't call but lend an ear if she brings it up to you.