Crying Without Breathing

These are called breath holding spells. Here is more info on that:

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/tc/breath-holding-spells-t...

I have a perfect, wonderful, cooperative 5 year old who made me think that I must be the best mother on earth. Then I had an 18 month old daughter who - like yours - is very prone to highly dramatic tantrums. She's been known to breath hold, to vomit, to badly scratch herself - you name it.

For me, the bigger issue than the theatrics of the moment is my ability to reconnect with her, and also to help her learn how to cope with the strong, scary emotions she's feeling.

I tend to believe that kids learn PATTERNS of emotional response and interaction, and that they drop into those patterns when they are stressed, tired, frustrated, etc. Sort of like grooves in the brain that get deepened and entrenched each time they occur.

So my goal is to help my little one negotiate her frustrations and rages, so that she stays out of those moments of extreme emotional turmoil. I want to help her learn that when she starts to feel those powerful negative emotions, she has other ways of dealing with them, so that she doesn't have to spiral into those terrible, sad tantrums.

It takes a lot of consistency. And sometimes she's just super tired, sick or otherwise just not able cope. But I'd guess that we've cut her tantrums down to a tiny fraction of what they were by focusing on the above.

That is a tantrum! Completely ignore him when he does it - do NOT give him what ever it was he wanted until he completely calms down. You can try flicking a little bit of cold water in his face to make him catch his breath. (my mom's trick - I never had the guts) Otherwise he is old enough to understand when you tell him to stop crying or he'll get time out. ( 2 minutes)
Turn your back on him if you're afraid to walk away and don't acknowlege him until he acts normal - then praise him for calming down "There's my sweet Boy! where did you go?"
When he gets better at talking he should phase this "technique to manipulate mommy & daddy" out of his repertoire if you prove to him consistently that it won't work.

You might want to ask your pedi for input - and check out the SuperNanny books - they have a lot of good stuff for correcting undesireable behavior without spanking.

Hello M.,

I have heard of this a lot too, apparently my own mother used to do this when she was a baby and she would pass out too. I know that I used to have terrible fits too and I remember someone throwing cold water in my face. I don't know how old I was or who did it, but it made me feel so very angry and alone. It taught me that I could depend on no one to understand or listen to me. Even now when I think about that it makes me very upset. I would recommend that you do not take that approach.

I know that your son is very young. I also know that he is not doing this on purpose to "get attention." It is more like his body is letting you know that he needs help and he needs to learn how to calm himself down.

Ask yourself, "What helps me calm down when I am upset?" For most people it is is the understanding and listening of a close friend. Someone who you can tell your problems to and you know that they will validate your feelings, NOT ignore you or throw water in your face!

Why not start this approach right now with your son? Why not teach him that the healthy thing to do is to talk about what's wrong? Even if he can't express himself very well yet, you can still pick him-up, hug him tight and say "Tell me what's wrong." Isn't this what you would want?

I have a son who is almost 4 and he has had an issue with tantrums since birth. When he is upset like that, I pick him up and ask him to tell me about it. He tells me what's wrong and sometimes it will be "You won't let me have candy." And I might reply "I know that it makes you really mad that you can't have candy." Then, I change the subject and we talk about something else. He is usually recovered within 30 seconds or less.

Here is a little article about this very subject. Check it out

http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs052/1101616454891/ar...

I wish the best for you and your family. Good luck!

I used to do it too. My moms says the worst time, I was standing on the stairs while she was having a dinner party and I wasn't getting the attention I wanted. Apparently, I fell down the last two (carpeted) stairs onto carpeting in front of a horrified guest. I'm not sure if that's the only time I ever did it, but it's the only time mom ever told me about.

My little brother used to do this and the doctor told my mom to let him do it. He said that if he passes out then he starts breathing again and if we keep giving him the attention that we were then he would keep doing it. So in the long run we would just ignore him when he started his fits, well first we would make sure he was in a safe place so he would not hurt himself. And it stopped shortly after that I guess without all the attention it was not a fun to do it anymore.

First of all, do not whack your child on the back!!!

Your child, at 18 months, is not doing this in purpose. My daughter does this (her twin brother, though, has never done this) and I had a long talk with her pediatrician about it. At this age, it is a reflex - not purposeful. It usually, but not always, happens when a child is over tired or just not feeling well. The added stress of a shock can start them crying so hard that they stop breathing mid-scream/cry. They then pass out. Their autonomic system kicks in and starts them breathing again. The best thing to do when this happens is to make sure your child is in a safe place where, when they do pass out, they cannot hurt themselves. Since, at this age, they are not doing this on purpose, putting them under cold water will only be mean.

Here at my house, we call it the 'silent scream' Both my girls do it, and while neither has passed out, they have been close! My friend took one look at my daughter the first time she saw her do it and laughed- her mom used to pass outdoing the same thing.

how scary! we didn't have to deal w/ this specific issue, but our son was born quite early, and we always had to watch his breathing very carefully (based on skin color and oxygen saturation levels). what the nurses did and taught us to do was to tickle his feet a little if he started to get dusky (pale color that is a bit bluish but happens before any real blue). apparently there is some sort of connection between stimulating the bottom of the feet and breathing. hope this helps a bit.

Hi M., When my nephew was around 1 he also would hold his breath and pass out. It was extremely scary and would happen when he got angry (usually when he did not get his way),kids are great at getting our attention. After we knew what was going to happen we would calmly take him to the sink and wet our hands with water and touch his face, it would bring him out of this state and we would continue caring for him without the holding of his breath. This is what worked for us maybe it will do the same for you..Good Luck M.

My son is starting to have little tantrums. And just the other day my parents were reminding me of how my brother used to do this...hold his breath, turn blue, and pass out. The pediatrician told them to just ignore him. But my mom said, she got so scared, she could not just ignore him and walk away. Well, my dad got so fed up. He picked up my brother and stuck his head under the faucet. My brother never did it again. Oh, my gosh, is this the solution? Sounds like it works. Very similar to Helen's response. Good luck to you. I know how nervous this must make you.

Hi M.,
Well, as distressing as this behaviour can be, you'd be surprised how common it is. Bottom line is it doesn't cause any permanent damage and eventually they get tired of expending that kind of energy, so I just wouldn't worry about it. (I know, easier said than done!) However, it does sound like you need to start implementing some different discipline. I good swat on the behind might catch his attention and stop the no breathing thing. Believe me, 18 months is not too young to start. Eventually he's going to need to learn the behaviour is inappropriate and unacceptable in your house. Believe me, it's harder on the parents than the kids! But if you want your child to be a kid people enjoy being around, you definitely want to have a good discipline regimen...whatever you and your husband agree on, of course. God bless, and just remember who's the parent and who's the child.

M.,
I totally understand where you are coming from. My oldest son did this at 14months and did it till about 2 off and on. It was usually when he didn't get his way and would get so worked up on what it was he "wasn't going to do". Its a control thing at this age. The first few times he did it I rubbed his back. He did it at school at 2 when he didn't want to change activities and when I started him on potty training. They will usually just pass out for a second or 2. No worries. Make sure they are not at the top of a stair case like the one response I read. Whoa! The stuff our parents went through. My mother told me I use to go into insane behaviors fits is what she called them at 5yrs old, To the point where I would not snap out of it. Her dr said to put me under cold water. She took me home one time after i screamed all the way home from a friends house and she turned the hose on me once we got out of the car. She said I never did it again. today we worry about CPS getting involed with the things our parents did but it worked I think. I would just see what triggers it with your daughter and play it by ear. This too shall pass as I tell myself with all the horrible phases our children go through.

Good luck

SAHM/zombie 40yrs old with 2 funny little boys. 3.5yrs old and 11 months walking at 7.5months. Turns 1 6/18. WHere does the time go???