Daddy Time

i would have a talk with him to found out why he is so nervous around the baby. Maybe he does not have a explain to fellow and needs a good family friend to show him the way. Or maybe you can found a new father group to help him. Like the other woman say started with something simple like maybe you can leave him with the baby as you take a walk for 30 minutes or some small store trip. I would also found a new hobby or a new interested you can develop as a family and let him have his night with the boys. Oh course if you like the racing see if he would go as a family.

Been there done that. you need to let him know now that he needs to be there. Please take my advice and do it sooner rather than later. i was in your exact situation same ages,etc. My mom kept telling me you need to make him spend time with you and the baby more but I never listened (like an Idiot). Things turned bad when my daughter turned one because of several different reasons beside the fact that i was so tired. We started fighting anjd my daughter still hasn't said dada and that upsets him but he finally realizes why. He was Always doing his own thing not the "baby thing". We are no longer together because i started to resent him so much for not being there and because he was a Daddy yet still not a Father. He was getting to do his own thing and at first I was fine with it but Beleive me that want last because your a mom now and your own thing is your baby girl and that should be his too. It's time to grow up and he is not ready.

Pack her up and head for the trac, Find something like cottonballs, eaarmuffs, or those squishy plugs to put in her ears to lessen the noise. Put a hat on her or a headband to keep them from falling out. Make sure you have a blanket to keep over her face to lessen the fumes she breathes. Take a separate car so you can exit maturely without being a bother if you need to. In your diaper you will need diaper change, full outfit in case her's gets too soiled, a feeding (its easier if you nurse her), and wipes to clean your hands. REmember, honey catches more flies than vinegar. Good luck girl

M.
Have you tried asking for his help or make him feel needed. Some men feel as though the woman does not need help and doesn't feel needed. Try asking him to help doing little things for your daughter. Like feeding, putting to sleep, bathing.
As far as a family experience try going to a park and having a pinic or something. Even try doing things that interest him as well that can be turned into a family thing. Hope this helps.

I was 19 and my husband was 22 when our first son was born, but before I ever gave birth, I made sure we came to an understanding. We split everything, diapers, late night feedings, bath-time, everything....I wasn't the only one who made the baby, I'm not the only one who takes care of the baby.I guess I am lucky, cause I really have no problem getting him to spend time with the boys and helping out with them, but he also knew I would not deal with him not helping.

Hang in there M.. A new baby is hard on any relationship, especially one that is so young. I have learned that all of the fighting and yelling and fussing never does the trick. My advice is to sit down with your husband and let him know how important it is for your daughter's development that she is exposed to her dad. Even at her young age, babies need their dads. He needs to hold her and get to know her and she needs to get to know him.

His smell and touch is very comforting to her. Encourage him to sing to her and to rock her. Be patient and kind with him. He is scared and doesn't know what to do with her so he needs a lot of support and encouragement. Try not to tell him he is doing everything wrong.

You need support too, so hopefully you have family or friends in your area that help out.

With his helping out, try and give him specific things that he can do to help you out, (not just the boring stuff either)and let him know that even though he isn't her primary care taker, the things he does around the house and for you really help. Show him how to do stuff, most men are just scared because they don't know what to do.

Good luck, and remember that the moms are here for you if you need us.

It is really difficult for new days those first few months anyway. I got upset with my husband for not really having anything to do with the baby (or so I percieved) for the first few months. When I confronted him about it he explained that all she needs/wants is me right now. He felt like while she was so little that he didn't have much of a role in her life. Now that she is older and more mobile (she is 6mos) and interracts with him more, he is much more attentive to her and involved. We are 10yrs older than you two though so you have different obstacles than we do. We still yearn for the adult time and to be able to do activities that don't revolve around our childen but we also already had 10yrs to get that out of the way too so it isn't as strong as it will be for you guys.

I think it would benefit for you to express your concerns to your husband but try your best not to come off as accusitory. Something else to consider is the baby's safety. Drag racing is a noisy sport. You don't really want a baby in that environment because it can damage her hearing. There are the fumes etc. from the vehicles to consider as well. Maybe this could be something for you two to do without her as your adult time rather than the whole family. Something else to think about is what you do for your personal time? Don't let your entire world revolve around baby and husband and forget about yourself. If you don't allow time for yourself to do something you enjoy or helps you relax then you will burn out and wind up becoming resentful of your husband's ability to drag race (have his own time). You probably need to express that to him as well and ask him to stay with the baby once in a while so you can go to a yoga class or bowling... whatever it is you find enjoyable.

M.,

Is your husband a drag racer or is he a watcher? It is not a guy thing but I agree with others if he does not feel needed he won't help. Ask him to watch her while you run and errand. Start first with her all ready fed, changed and the like and make it short maybe just half and hour. Then try with feedings maybe find a baby book about racing that he can read her at bed time. Try to use his likes for her needs. My oldest used to love getting dirty with her daddy whether it was with working on the car, yard work whatever. But let him know that you need his help and help him learn. Hope it helps.

Goodness - I remember being 19 (it was a very long time ago haha). Honey, you are dealing with immaturity on his part. Some men cannot find it within themselves to be "Daddy". They may revel in the "I'ma father"part, but the other doesn't happen. Babies are of very little interest to most men - perhaps when she has come into the walking/talking phase she will prove to be more interesting. If you have a close friend who is married w/children or family you feel comfortable talking with, go to them. Best of luck to you sweety, it is a hard row you hoe but your future can be bright and wonderful. God bless you and your baby girl.

It is definately a maturity issue. Takes along time for some men to grow up and put their priorities in the right order. The other women have good advice about asking him for help a little at a time. Reading her a story or just feeding one bottle does not take that much time but does create bonding. Always plan family togetherness(park, baby play place) ahead of time so he knows and don't make it an extremely long event. He will still love his cars but he can work in father/daughter time too. Someday she may love cars as much as he does!

He is probably very nervous about caring for a baby. This happens with many men regardless of thier age. Babies are still alot of work at 3 months (as you well know). She will be able to interact alot more in the coming months (smile & play). She will be so much easier to care for in a year. Many men start spending more time with toddlers - as they don't seem so fragile and it easier to entertain them adn know what they want. I know that doesn't help you right now, but maybe gives you hope that their relationship will improve.

If he has ever shown any anger or frustration issues DO NOT force him to watch your baby. She is very fragile right now. Babies that are abused is often because a dad/boyfriend (and less often a mom) is frustrated because they don't want to be with the baby and can't get the baby to stop crying. Until you see that he is calm and confortable with the baby don't force the issue.

But do talk to him and let him know how much you would value his help. I do hope he grows up to be the man, husband, father you need for him to be.

Tell him... straight out! My husband did the car thing... racing, hanging out, and all. He realized what he had at home and quit it all. He realized that being dumb and racing wasn't worth the risk of something happening and leaving me widowed and our daughter without a father. He is the most loving, supportive, and involved dad and I love him!

Well I know exactly how you feel. My son has Cerebral Palsy and can't do anything for himself. I often feel like my husband is not being a good dad. If I want him to feed Kenneth(my son) then I have to ask him too and even then sometimes he won't. I was 19 when I had him so I understand the whole being a young mom and wife. It's hard and the guys need to get off their butts and realize how hard it is and help out.
Oh and by the way. Unless you have a very nice person in your family who will babysit any time you want them too, your lives are going to change totally. I thought I could still have my fun but I get one night a week to go and hang out with friends. Of course my husband can go out any time he wants. Well I am going to stop this now because I can talk forever about this. I don't think I helped but know that your husband is not the only one like that.

I just got married too, and now we are expecting our first baby! Congrats too you! There's nothing wrong with you both wanting things to be a "normal" as they can be, but it can't just be a one-sided thing. You shouldn't be the only one that cares for your daughter. I think guys need their outlets, and as women we just don't get why they love the dangerous but they do, but if you tell him that he "has to" stop drag racing he's going to resent you and your daughter. Try this in small steps so that he can get used to it being a group thing but also a way for him to get closer to you both right now. Maybe just start by asking him when he races and just telling him you and your daughter are going to go support him, support goes a LONG way with guys. Ask questions, stuff like that. The more he realizes you are truly interested the more open he will be.

Hmmmm... sounds like you guys have a lot of fighting ahead of you. First of all, he doesn't need to be drag racing when he is married with a new baby. His life as he knew it before doesn't exist anymore. Even if he tries to act as if it is the same, the reality is not so. I would explain to him that you and his daughter need him in your life and that his presence is very important and vital to your daughter becoming her best in life. Tell him that you are both equally responsible to your daughter. It is likely he will get really angry, but you stay calm. If he resists, then say "It is really your choice how you want all this go." If he refuses, then go stay with your family or friends. Sorry guys, its time to put childish things aside for the sake of a child and keeping your family together. Oh, and do not take you baby to a drag race! That is really bad advice. Not only is it not a place for babies, but you will be pissed that you are having to carry all the stuff a baby needs to a place that doesn't accomodate children while your childish husband plays. Bad advice to bring baby to this.