Daily Meltdowns

My youngest was like this, still is to some degree. I would suggest keeping a journal on the things that set him off. Is it when you correct him? Is it when he's stimulated by a particular situation?? I'd keep records, that helped me. In our case it was a sensory disorder. I feel your pain, we are in the same spot, I'm just years ahead of you. My best...

Tantrums are normal, but I just found out not to this extent. I have 3 year old twins, and one was just diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder. I always knew he was quirky and certain things would bother him. When I asked the dr about anger management, he suggested occupational therapy. My son is totally different now! And, it's only been a month! When they did the parent survey, they asked how often he melts down. I had never counted before, but I said at least daily, probably 3-5 times a day. She raised her eyebrow, which told me that much wasn't normal. Talk with the doctor about sensory processing disorder or anxiety (which my sons also shows signs of to cope with his overstimulation).

You say "no matter what form of discipline I use, the behaviors continue" This implies you have firmly and consistently applied ALL FORMS of discipline, immediately the moment he started a tantrum, EVERY TIME HE EVER TRIED ONE, and used EACH DIFFERENT METHOD long enough to know if it was effective in absolute consistency, before switching to the next even firmer method, and in addition to that you used all the reward systems, keeping schedule perfect, evaluations etc.

He's two. How could you have possibly used every form of discipline long enough consistently to prove it doesn't work? Since several of those techniques were probably totally ineffective, you either didn't use an effective one long enough, or you didn't use an effective one yet. I understand how you feel, I'm not saying you're not telling the truth. My youngest was like this "from birth" too.

Don't let your toddler convince you he is an invincible medical oddity or you're in for some very long early years! He WILL respond to discipline. He already has everything else in place (loving home, healthy diet, good schedule, no medical issues). Skip anything vague or mild and get right to your big guns after one calm warning. Be consistent with discipline and loving and affectionate at all other times. Get the Book "Back to Basics Discipline" by Janet Campbell Matson. I have three non-tantrummers, but they all tried it in earnest, including my now 2 1/2 year old who was born VERY difficult and started deliberate raging tantrums at 6 months, which I let escalate until 9 months before dabbling in discipline until 12 months. She was then effectively disciplined CONSISTENTLY and FIRMLY from age 12 to 15 months and has had excellent control over her extremely huge temper ever since. My husband also travels most of the time. I take my kids EVERYWHERE, I disciplined my toughest one EVERYWHERE, at home, and out on errands, non angrily but firmly, after one warning, until she realized she did not have the option to act that way. Ever. You have to be firm, calm, consistent, and believe in yourself. Of course your babysitters are backing you up on his being difficult. You haven't succeeded yet. Don't give up. You can do it!

oh, gee, my son is 24 & you've just described his entire toddlerhood! From 9 months to ?4 !

I'm not trying to be funny. For our family (including nieces/nephews), this behavior is the norm. I was very thankful when our younger son only pulled 1/2 of the tricks! Although, I will admit, when he was 3...the ladies at our local grocery store cheered for him & said it was the 1st time ever for him NOT to throw a fit in the store. (OMG)

Sooo, some questions: have you ever considered the fact that...perhaps... it is your response which is escalating his behavior? I don't mean you should ignore him, but if he's that strong-willed ....maybe a non-response from you would end the action. Conversely, I have found that humor goes a loooong way in diffusing an outburst. So perhaps some humor might help. Using either of these methods may prove to be more effective than discipline.

Which brings me to my next question: as other posters have mentioned, he's only 2. 99% of his behavior is part of being 2. It truly concerns me, that by your own admission, you've tried multiple methods + you've had him screened. Honestly, your very actions & choices are part of what is creating this disharmony within your family. I know this sounds harsh, but it truly concerns me that he's being cracked down on soooo hard - for normal 2yo behavior! Yes, we have to be disciplinarians.....but kids also need some freedom to explore the world around them. & I do believe the fact that the dr & the school district both are not seeing issues says a lot. I know the babysitters are backing you up, but babysitters get real tired!

So here's my thoughts & recommendations:

he is not a light sleeper. 8-10 hours is great! The 2 1/2-3 hour nap is awesome! Parents would get down on their knees & beg for this! Please be very thankful that he sleeps so much. Seriously, honestly! My older son slept 9 hours at night, & took a 45minute nap. From the time he was 18 months to age 3, I had a muscle twitch below my eye....from stress & lack of sleep! The dr's opinion was "very bright children require less sleep. Be thankful for what sleep you're getting. This is one smart kid".

The carseat: how is he manuevering out of it? 20 years ago, it was normal for kids to do this...but I thought the systems were redesigned. My suggestion would be to search for a seat which he can't get out of. Stupid thought, but maybe it would work. :)

School dropoff: what's wrong with his shoes coming off? I know you live in MI & it's cold, but it's not that big of a deal. Pick your battles, Mom! If he takes them off, don't let him walk....carry him back into the house. A few rounds of this & the battle will be over!

With shopping, forget the treats! It's part of the issue. Let him hold the coupons (or make some for him). Encourage him to match "like" items - the coupon to the food you're buying. By allowing him to participate, you should be able to eliminate the whining & other behavior issues. Keep him strapped into the cart, don't let him walk. I stood firm on this issue until the kids were too big for the seat. Oh, & with those coupons, make one for a treat in the checkout aisle.....& he only gets it if he behaves.

In the end, pick one discipline method & stick to it. I personally have used the "1-2-3 Magic" for years now. The key is consistency & fortitude. I wish you Peace, & would like to end on a humorous note. My older son was 12 when I first watched the "1-2-3 Magic" video. He walked thru the room as my DH & I were watching the video....& started laughing while he watched a bit of the video. His response was, "good luck getting that to work on me". OMG, what a smart.....mouth. :)

My five-yo is a challenging girl. She has frequent meltdowns over minor triggers. They are much worse when she is tired. I know you said he only sleeps 8-10 hours a night, and my dd used to be a very poor sleeper. We had an evaluation at a sleep clinic and they thought she had restless leg syndrome and prescribed iron. No help. Finally, after some research and friends' testimonials, I started her on melatonin (your body produces it naturally, but sleep cycles can get whacky). Instead of putting my dd to bed between 730 and 8 and her falling asleep at 10, we gave her half a melatonin and she started falling asleep within minutes. The first few days after she was crabby--normal since she was adjusting sleep cycle. She now sleeps 10-12 hours a night, no fuss, and is a happier kid. Fewer meltdowns (not eliminated--we have other aggressive behavior issues that we are having evaluated Monday). Two yo's need more than 8-10 hours. They need more like 12-14 hours of sleep according to all the sleep charts. I honestly think if you can help his sleep you will see him improve his self-control. Best of luck.

Maybe it's the treats contributing to the problem. I used to be armed with an array of treats to 'get through' chores outside of the house - my daughter's behaviour was very draining and intense. My husband and i realised one day in reflection, that our daughter was never like that previously. She, as a 2 and a half year old had become a lot more social with other children who were given lots of treats. Before that, sugar had never touched her lips until she was over 2. She couldn't handle sugar. She was hopped up for days afterwards. She was getting frustrated herself because she wanted to be good. We took out all sugar and colours and preservatives wherever possible. A bit challenging initially but so worth it. The turnaround was amazing. Its very difficult when they are 'coming off it'. It's just like withdrawals and they are craving that stuff. Sugar is packed into everything processed, even savoury meal-time sauces. If cakes/cookies are required, there is much less sugar in homemade ones and at least you know what is going in then. Apart from that, set strict guidelines and stick to them. As parents we should be the boss. They are not born knowing right from wrong and the proper way to behave. They are born completely selfish and it's up to us to train them to behave otherwise. It's wrong to let them be the boss of the household. When they're sure of the boundaries they end up being a lot happier cause they know where they fit in. Put the hard work in for the 'terrible twos' and you'll enjoy it so much when he turns 3.

decide when you're calm and balanced what sort of discipline really fits you, your personality and your family philosophy.
then apply THAT consistently and calmly and relentlessly.
it will not stop the tantrums. he's two. and he's a difficult two-year-old.
but trying a gazillion different methods, and certainly using treats to bribe him into behaving, are recipes for disaster.
littles need consistency (they don't want it but they do need it.)
give it to him.
khairete
S.

The life of a two year old :).

I don't think he's too far out of the ordinary, but I think you may need to find other things for him. Can you do a reward chart? If he stays in his seat when it's time for school drop off for 2 days he gets something fun (your choice, ice cream, a coloring book, etc.) He's small so it has to be SMALL goals. Praise him BIG time for the good things, and make sure he knows how disappointed you are in the bad behaviors. Never tell him he is bad though. I tell my kids their behavior is bad and I can't stand it, but they are good. Maybe you need to have babysitters around the clock so he only leaves the house for emergencies, until he shapes up. And I hate to say it, but a swat on the butt to get his attention may be in order too.

It sounds normal.
My now 3 year old can have moments.
They are trying to exert their newfound independence which is a normal
part of growth.
While it's normal, I do set boundaries.
I make them fair & age appropriate.
He cannot sit or pay attention for long periods of time. Their attention
span is short.
For instance, that is why when you give a 1 yr old a timeout it's for 1 min.
A 2 yr old timeout is for 2 mins etc.
I use timeouts when necessary,
I talk to my toddler explaining things.
Sometimes I use a reward for certain things.
He's only 2.
My son takes his shoes off in the car. While it's maddening, some kids hate having their feet bound in shoes. His sister is like this & I have become like this as I have gotten older (since 20).
His amount of sleep is totally normal because of age, nap & activity.
Don't worry soon enough he will sleep a bit longer at night & drop the naps. Oh how I miss the naps. :) He will only nap out of sheer exhaustion these days if we've done a lot.
Try to work "with" what you have instead of working "against" it or swimming upstream. For instance, run errands w/o him when you can or when is well rested.
Pick your battles: let him take his shoes off in car then put them on quickly when you get to your destination.
Get a break when YOU can.
Rest when he naps.
And hang in there. Hope is right around the corner.
Their attitudes & behaviors change and will continue to change.
Try to roll WITH the changes for easier transitions
:)