Deployment - Lawton,OK

Try getting him involved in a big brother program while daddy is gone. It certainly won't replace the presence of daddy in his life, but it can help fill the social void he is left with.

There is a support group that has formed for ladies just like you. E-mail: ____@____.com or ____@____.com will know when the next meeting is, and see if there is something you need before that.

By leave do your mean as in out the door for good or just off to "war"?
If it's the later then maybe I can help a little. My husband was 101st Airborne/Army Ranger. Now since he reitred he still works on the road with industrial construction and is likely to be gone for months at a time.
My youngest is nine.
There is one thing I have learned... kids pick up on you. If you can manage to get your feelings together it will help more than just about anything else.
I limit the news too. There is rarely a positive report on anything.
Be careful of what they and you watch. War/killing will only make everyone more afraid.
There should be a mental health clinic in your community. Contact them. Counceling will do you all some good. Be certain that all the teachers and staff at his school know what's going on. Your baby is suffering from his own grief. Join a support group! And once dad ships out stay in contact with him through email and calls as much as they allow.
I have seen a "Hey boy." do more good than all the efforts I could manage.
Good luck.

I worked for TRICARE for about 7 years. Worked with the military 5 years (Air Force) before TRICARE. If you a near a military base contact their Family support Center. They have programs for family of deployment active duty. If he is in the reserve he is now active duty. Get with other military mothers. They are your best support.

Get involved in a church if not already. Step up your activity level to keep you busy and it will begin to distract your children. May God Bless your family.

Be sure to use your TRICARE benefits. You can go on line and find any military base or TRICARE representative. Even if you have other health insurance you are entitled to get your medicine from a local base pharmacy or from the mail order pharmacy plan. At network pharmacies such as Walgreen, WalMart, Rite Aid, CVS, Kroger, Publix you get discounted medicine. If you have other health insurance you will have to fill with TRICARE for prescription reimbursement.

Hi, my husband is also deployed to Iraq right now. I tried to go to the FRG meetings but, I don't always like to involved in the cliques that go on. I have two boys also. Mine are 5 and 3. My oldest one is the one that acts up in Preschool daycare. There are some good FRG's. I just don't know what branch that your husband is in. You can read books and things like that but, if you don't have time to do that you could always go to
is www.militaryonesource.com . Our FRG is always telling us to use this site. They also sent out an email that stated this:

"Another great resource is the “Get Connected” Military Support Group through Associated Centers for Therapy. The group meets the 2nd & 4th Saturdays of each month at 10:00 am at Nathan Hale Library (23rd & Sheridan). It is open to family, friends, husbands, wives, parents, fiancés, etc…anyone touched by a military deployment. The group meets to talk & support one another, but also to gather information. The group members can request more information on topics they would like to learn about/need assistance with. After the group requests to learn more about a topic, staff from ACT or guest speakers are brought in to educate the group. For instance, a presentation was recently created for the group by a therapist & military member about difficulties soldiers may experience upon returning back to civilian life. Trauma, normal readjustments behaviors, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) were all included in the presentation."

Also, your husband's FRG should have had a debriefing for you to go through. I know that not all husbands tell their wives about this debriefing. But, if there is a debriefing and you don't have a babysitter don't worry. A lot of women just bring their children. I went to the debriefing this time and it helped a ton. My husband was previously deployed to Afghanistan a while back and didn't tell me about a lot of the debriefings. I just got started getting the newsletters in the mail after he was gone. I now know about all of this though since I went to the debriefings. Also you might just want to contact the FRG office or Armory where your husband is from and give them your email so that when there is news they will send it to you. I mainly get my information through those emails. It helps a ton. Well, I hope that some of this information is helpful to you. I know what it feels like to have your whole family upset and bearing down on you. You can do it though. Your husband will be back. Don't worry. If this is your first deployment you will definitely feel overwhelmed. But, that time will fly by amazingly and you will forget about it and move on until the next deployment which usually happens in about 3 years in my husband's branch of military.

Dearest C.,

I won't repeat all the great advice you were given here. I just want you to know that your dear husband is on my prayer list and I wish you all God's blessings for your family at this difficult and stressful time.

Do what the Moms tell you, and PRAY. You will manage and be fine.

All the best C..
Sincerely __________

If I'm reading this correctly, your son's problems did not really begin with his dad's deployment? I believe he's feeding off your reactions, chlidren are very smart they know Mom and when Mom's not happy aun't no one happy! This is his usual self and now Mom has to deal with it alone! MOM get you a time off a day a week, just for you, and you'll find that when you come home rested, those problems won't seem so big. They'll still be there but then your ready to deal.
I will pray for you, I think you of giving of your country one as wonderful and special as your husband and the father of your wonderful children.

Military OneSource has the Elmo/Sesame Street DVD for children of deployed service members. Walmart used to have it for free too. I got mine through Fleet and Family Services when it first came out about 2 years ago, so I have no idea if it's still available. Take them to the family readiness group meetings. That way they can meet other kids of service members deployed with your husband. Your ombudsman is also a good resource in finding out what is available for support services for yourself and your boys. You can also see if the United Through Reading program is available. You can have your husband read to a cassette tape or a VHS/DVD-R for the kids. Sort of a video or audio "letter" home just for them. Then you can send him pictures or video of the kids watching or listening to him read to them. It's something that really helped my kids when my husband was deployed.

My husband has been gone for the past month on a deployment leaving me with a three year old and a newborn. For my 3yo we talk about daddy often, she says special prayers for him daily...we also have a calendar where we mark off each day and talk about what all will happen before daddy comes home, such as holidays and birthdays. We read books about soldiers, "The Impossible Patriotism Project." We also have the Elmo video and it really helped. When she wants to talk to him we make a video on the computer and email it to Daddy. I let her pick out stuff to send him in the packages. She still misses him, but other than these things we keep her busy with lots of fun activities...

Good luck with this deployment.

C.,

Please visit http://www.emofree.com/articles.aspx?id=9 for articles on dealing with children's emotional issues. This may help tremendously. You can also find practitioners in your area by using the Practitioners search function. EFT is highly effective with these kinds of behavioral problems.

Regards,

M. :)
www.enidmg.com

The military has lots of resources that you should take advantage of. I was in the military myself, so I know a little about it. You should look for a child psychologist that treats children through play therapy. This will allow your son to reveal his anxieties through play/art. He'll feel better without realizing that he's being treated for his anxiety (which can cause probs. on it's own) and will allow you insight into his thought process, allowing you to pinpoint the kind of help you and your psychologist give him. A lot of parents want to help their child themselves, not realizing that their child may see them as part of the problem (after all, you're letting daddy go). The military will pay for this treatment through CHAMPUS-if you are not near a base that has the resources. Your son will only get worse when his dad leaves, so the sooner you get him help, the better.

Hey C.,
Here are a review of some books about deployment. There was a wife and mother, Heidi, in our unit who has 4 children under 5 was struggling with how to explain daddy's absence each time he is away with our unit. She ordered several books and here are her reviews. They helped me when I was explaining deployment to my sons (only one old enough to understand). There is also an ELMO movie given by the FRG that helps...Elmo's dad "goes away" and they talk/communicate like parents/families do when they deploy. Then they have a party when Daddy returns. Another thing is to video tape daddy and the kids together (as many hours as possible) eating, playing, outside, shaving....whatever and then let the kids watch them over and over. You will find yourself watching them too. Kids love to see themselves on TV.

Here are the book reviews:
"We did receive all but one of the books I had emailed you about before, they are all very good and I'm very glad we ordered them. My children seem to particularly like My Daddy Is A Soldier. It covers all kinds of topics from PT to going to the field to deployments to moving. It is very concise and to the point and my 5 year old pretty much has it memorized, he now "reads" it to his 2 year old sister. My kids also like While You Are Away, it features 3 children, one of whose father is in the Navy, ones whose mother is in the Air Force and another whose father is in the Army. It really is a reflection of the children's thoughts while their parents are deployed. Again, pretty concise, easy for both my children to follow. The last book, Uncle Sam's Kids: When Duty Calls features a scout troop trying to come up with a plan for showing how much they care while a Navy ship is at sea. It too is a good book, although that one doesn't hold my 2 year olds attention, but my 5 year old likes it. It too tackles some of the issues children face while their parents are deployed. I would recommend any of them, although as I mentioned the last one is probably not best for the littlest ones. Feel free to pass along the titles and my descriptions to any of the other family members, it was nice for my children to read a book about something they could relate so closely too and to realize that other children and families go through the same thing."

I hope that you find this helpful. Others have been there. My husband recently left the military (after almost 10 years) because we wanted to be together more often and he changed careers.
You and your family are in my prayers.

My husband deployed when my daughter was 3 months, she's now 6 months. I have had lots of offers from people to watch her or help me out, and at first I was too proud to accept. Don't be like that! You don't have to be strong all the time! I agree with the person that said your son is probably picking up on your feelings, so try to stay positive. I'm not sure what branch you are; we're Air Force. On base we have several programs that maybe there is something similar where you are at. Check into Give parents a break through the Youth Center or CDC, that's a program where they will watch your children on usually saturdays. I think there's a small cost, but not what the daycare would normally cost.
We also have something called Hearts Apart where I can call his DSN; I get 4 20 min calls a month. They also have video phones or web cams that you can rent and take home for 3 days at a time, your husband will have to have access on his end.

Also have your husband look into the library where he is going (again we're AF so I'm not sure if other branches have libraries where he'll be). Anyway my husband was able to go in a read children stories and they made it into a DVD that he sent to me. Right now that is the only way my daughter knows her daddy, we watch it every night.

You aren't alone in this. That is one thing I have learned about being in the military. Good luck!

My husband is a merchant seaman and when my children were little he would get on a ship and be gone for minimum 3 months. Sometimes I wouldn't hear a word for 2 months at a time. This was before cell phones and e-mail.
I got a stuffed animal for each child and called it Daddy Hugs. Daddy would give each child the stuff animal filled with all his hugs so when they missed him or needed a hug from him they'd have one. They could hug it and sleep with it and have it with them whenever they needed it.
The children also get they're cue from you. If you can act like this is just how life is they will also handle it the way you're handling it. Their emotions feed off of yours.
I also suggest that you have your husband sign a lot cards for your children, so ever so often as they need it to get a card from Dad in the mail. They'll get very excited about it. It reminds them that he loves them and thinks of them.
It's not an easy time but I hope some of what worked for me and my children might help and work for you.

Hey
He can't hardly handle his dad leaveing him.Maybe he will soon get over it I hope if you need some one to talk to I am here for you.I know how it is with your husband gone I had one that was in the army. But he is dead now
L.

C.,

I don't know much about a husband being deployed, but my brother, father and cousins are all in the military and have been deployed several times. Everytime one of them is over there I am just stressed out and messed up the whole time, so I can not imagine it being my spouse. Have you looked into joining a support group? Your husbands unit should have some family support groups set up in it. I should help to be with people who are going through the same thing you are. Sorry I can't be much more help - your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

I am currently a military wife and have gone through 2 long deployments since 03 by my self with a child. Get involved with you FRG if you are near it.
Below is a link to the Army Virtual FRG which has great links and informationa nd forums for the military spouse.

Is this your spouses first deployment? Do you work?

https://www.armyfrg.org/skins/frg/home.aspx

Find a purpose for you and your children whie he is a way. I would re decorate the house, onwe friend would focus on healthy living & weight loss, another finding that new activity outside and inside school the kids would like to do and stick too {changing activities always bugs dads}, Some spouses took the time to focus on self improvement career changes and school. Finding a family project is something every family should have to help focus the family together. Often time we see children acting out in undesired ways in military families because their is no focus or "prject" to work towards, just mundaine living. God Bless you and your family~J.

C., I'm a military mom and really can understand what you must be feeling, only through a Mom's eyes. There are several help sources for moms, dads, wives, chidren and friends of deployed military.

One of the best things you could do is contact other wives from your husband's base and just sit and talk. Maybe they have children and your two can become involved with activities with them.

C., what are you feeling is a normal thing for a military family. I will pray each day for you and your children and your deployed husband. You all are going to make it through this just fine. You need to search deep within yourself and find that strength we women have and then show your sons you all will be fine, they see strength in you and they will follow.

I wish you well. God Bless your family and God Bless Our Troops.

J. Blue Star Mom, Proud Army Mom