Did I Do the Right Thing? - Phoenix,AZ

Horray!! You are a hero if ever I heard one! Sometimes the toughest battles are the ones where you have to stick up for what is right against people you love. God bless you! That little girl needs a warrior aunt fighting for her in the courtroom! I am sure that if you keep a prayer in your heart that the right words will come to you as a witness! Hang in there and know that many others will be praying for you!

I admire your courage. I know it must have been difficult for you - often the right thing to do is. I know that even though your Mom is "crazy" it still hurts that you were treated the way you were.

Your a wonderful Aunt to have taken a stand for your neice.

Focus on your family and keeping them healthy and making the right kind of memories for your children.

God bless you!

I absolutly think you did the right thing. In a perfect world we all have that perfect family. Yea, it doesnt work that way. I think you had the childrens best interest at heart and that is what is more important than anything else. It is unfortunate that your family thinks it is a game and are not aware of the lasting effects that this could have on those children. It may be hard now with your family, but those kids and their mother will appreciate what you are doing for them.

I see that you have a lot of support here and I do so agree! It is never easy going against your family in any circumstances. I am very proud of you for looking out for your niece, it has to be done.My mother retired several years back and she became a CASA Volunteer which is a child Advacate she is strickly there for the child, but if the case doesn't get resolved with this upcoming date There should be a CASA in your state and your SIL should look into getting one even if she is not happy with the out come,it may make her feel at easy to know some one else is looking into the situation they are not Social Services they are Court appointed and report only to the judge. I pray for this child and the one that is on the way. Best of luck for all of you M.

I don't think you did anything wrong. You have to trust what you believe is right and that sounds exactly what you are doing. I am so sorry to hear about what is going on between you and your family!! Divorces can be messy, especially when inlaws get involved. The father (Your brother) needs to realize the best thing for his little girl is to be able to be with her mother and brothers. Share custody if anything. What your immediate family is losing sight on is whats best for the children. It sounds like the mother of the children is a good person.
I hope everything works out and my prayers are with you.

Jen

Good for you, doing what's best for the kids. I will pray for you and her along with the kids. Hopefully they are getting some kind of psychological help to get them thru everything.

You should be proud of yourself! I definitely think you did the right thing!

--A. P.

Yes, you are doing the right thing! I completely agree with you. It sounds like your mother is just like mine and always has to win. I am glad you are standing up for your niece and nephews as well as their mother. It sounds like the really need the love and support.

I am too young to be your mother, but I could be your friend and "little sister". (I am 27 years old)

Yes I absolutely feel you are doing the right thing. Good Luck! You must be such a blessing to her to help get her daughter back.

Keep strong! It's so hard to do what's right these days in this blame- shifting, victim's mentality society. We are told family loyalty reigns over what is right and true and the result is that you will look like the one in the wrong. Be at peace with your decision and help your niece and her family. It's a sad situation, but I believe you are making the right choice and pray for your success. If you have a Bible around, I have gotten through many dark times reading Isaiah 54. It may comfort your sister-in-law also.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah%2054;&...;

Also, a book I would recommend to put this in perspective is Boundaries by Cloud/Townsend. Here is a link to it:

http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Dr-Henry-Cloud/dp/031024...

It will help you to know that you are not crazy and help with any guilt or pressure you may receive from your family that you are turning on them and being disloyal. You need to be loyal to justice and be at peace with your decisions. Keep it up! :)

YES! If you stand for what's right, then you are setting a standard that people will respect in the long run. It might not be your immediate family. I have family issues, and I have consistently stood for the right course of action. My mother and brother haven't spoken to me in years, but I have many other relatives that I enjoy, along with long time (20+ years) friends I couldn't be without. My prayers are with you... you are awesome!

It's sounds as if your brother is an irresonsible sick man who needs help by going to counseling. What is best for the child. The child belongs with the parent who can give the girl the most stable loving home and by your description, that isn't your brother. I know when it comes down to the court, the child will go with the mom. My concern is for you and your hatred. Your brother nor your mother deserve forgiveness, J., but forgiveness is for your peace. Unforgiveness for them will spew out to those around you, even when you don't mean it to. Believe me, I have been there, hurt others because of my own anger and unforgiveness for pain inflicted on me. I have seen it in friends who are now grandparents themselves, still carrying the anger and pain from years ago. I guarantee you, I promise you that if you don't forgive, you and those you love will suffer, NOT your mom nor your brother. You don't forgive because you FEEL like it, or because they deserve it, but because you do....and it IS the right thing to do for your sake.

I would do the same! I would never let MY parents have custody of any of their grandchildren either! I will keep you and your family in my prayers!

Hang in there! You have to do what is best for the children! You need to be their best advocate! I agree with what you are doing, but it will be difficult! As you know, not all moms are nurturing, so you have to move on and continue to enjoy your new family and do what you know you need to do!

Yes! Anytime you have to choose between what is good for the child and what the adults want, then you always side with what is best for the child! We have had similar problems in our extended family. It is hard to take sides but right is right even if you are talking about your family. Just be the best mom, wife, and aunt you can be! Good Luck!

You chose a very hard road to follow but the correct one none-the-less. It is very sad that your brother and mother are seeming to be so vindictive but it is refreshing to hear of someone (you) who have the backbone to stand up for what is right. You are teaching your child a valuable lesson about morals and how to do the right thing...WAY TO GO. Good luck in the hearing, it sounds as if your brother is the last person who should be rearing children.....the last thing we need in this world is parents pereptuating their hateful attitudes in their children. Again, I say WAY TO GO!!!!

J. I think you did the right thing. Only a narcistic person would withold a child or use a child as a pawn to gain control of the other parent. Unfortunately in this world today there are more and more people that are like that.

Narcistic people are unable to love and have an excessive concern or devotion to one's self. They are cruel, selfcentered people who are only concerned with their welfare. They have a tendancy to destroy those relationships that they can entangle an unexpected person in.

Unfortunately, your sister in law wnt through it with your brother and you went through it with your mom. Your little niece can still recover if she is ever removed from that situation, i would say that your father is probably lost as he is most likey to tightly entangled with your mom.

Good luck and stand firm. Its the only way to get out.

Been there done that.

You are amazing!!!! Thank you for doing the right thing and shame of your family for being so cruel-to you and your sister-in-law. Yes it's sad but at the same time, would you allow these people in your life had they not been family?? Just because they are family doesn't mean you have to be a part of their life. Believe me I know. I have no connection to my mother's family other than my grandma who is now passed and one aunt. (She had 15 in her family). They were cruel to us and I don't miss them what's so ever. Father wasn't in the picture nor his family. What a loss for them because we are great people. My family is now my husband, daughter, son, sisters, and brothers. I feel lucky enough to have them and do not lack the necessity to allow negative, terrible people in my life.
Thank you for standing up for what's right. Enjoy your wonderful life with your husband and little one.
May want to read Laura Schlessinger's Bad childhood Good life.
Have a wonderful day.
M.

I think it's great you are doing the right thing. Too many times people sit back and go the easy route instead of doing the right thing. Good Luck and good luck to your sister in law!
K.

I think you most definitley did the right thing. The most important thing is who is best for the child and it sounds like the mother is the best. It's never fun to battle with family, but so often people lose sight of what is truly important when going through a divorce. I would of done the same thing if it were my brother, or any other family member. A child deserves the right to grow up without any drama. I hope this situation is over with soon so all of you can go on with your lives. I wish you the best of luck in court. Take care. =)

Coming from a crazy family myself, it sounds like you are doing the right thing. Even when you know you are doing the right thing, it's hard to trust your logic when you have people spewing crazy at you. Another thing that makes it hard to break ties with your family, even when it's the healthy thing to do, is judgment from others - "You only get one mother. Can't you work it out?" Answering, "Well, I've tried but she's insane and abusive," will sometimes shut them up, but (in my experience) not as often as you'd think.

Your sister-in-law and niece are lucky to have you and I hope that little girl gets out of that situation ASAP. Hang in there. I am building a wonderful chosen extended family for myself, husband, and son. I hope you are able to fill your life with nurturing, caring people to 'mother' you when you need it.

Absolutely! How did you survive? Any man who abuses a wife and children in any way is not a man in my book. (no offense as I know he is your brother) Children are innocent, they deserve only the best. You should be proud for fighting for the best for your niece.

Hi J., my name is J..

I believe that you did do the right thing. I myself am involved in a nasty divorce scenario involving children where you are fighting against your own family. I made a choice to distance myself from my nieces rather than have my sister in law manipulate me as well as the rest of my family. My cousins as a result have a better relationship with my nieces than me.

It is not about whether you are doing things for other people, I believe it is whether or not you can be happy with what you did at the end of the day. I believe you have done that. Believe me, I know it is hard to go against your own family, but what you can do is have special moments with your nieces/nephews when you can.

i am not old enough to be your mother, but hellyea, i'll take a daughter. especially one with such good morals.