Divorcing

I think the first place to start would be to consult with a divorce lawyer to get advice. Find out who the best are in your area and go for a free consult or two. Most decent lawyers will set up a payment plan for you if you can't afford a large retainer. I wouldn't make any abrupt decisions without legal advice first. Lots of good luck to you. Stay strong!

Hi E.,
I am going through a divorce too. I opted to let my ex keep our house because I know I cant afford it by myself and honestly I am not sure if he can either. As much as I dont want to leave (first house, 2 babys born in it, been there for 7 years, remodeled recently, ect) I know that the BEST thing for me and my 2 little girls are to have a safe happy and stressfree (as much as you can:-) home as possible. When I stress over this decision...I listen to my mom....lol, I really do!
She tells me...I CANNOT be a good mom if I am not happy and am too stressed to have fun, which includes being able to do things with them...everything from Mcdonalds to the zoo ect.
Please dont try to hold onto something because it has memories...Your ex got a fresh start, why shouldnt you? It may not be as nice or big but it would be yours, something you can afford and decorate all for you!
Also have you called the bank to see if you could refinance or if you qualify for any programs now that your income has changed? I don't know much about your mortgage debt but could you make a profit if you sold? If not maybe you could do a short sale? Just some more thoughts to confuse you:-)
Feel free to email anytime if you just want to talk! Good luck.

E.
I have a way that you can still be a stay at home mom and bring in 60,000 ++ a year If you are interested check out my website
www.workathomeunited.com/dee or livetotalwellness.com/dee

D.

if i am not mistaken....he has to pay until your children are 18 and are to remain in that house....he should be paying you $$$$...due to the fact that you didn't work before he left ....i don't think that you have to now...get a good attorney and don't let him bulley you around...he also has to pay child support until your children turn 18 unless they are in college full time and then he has to pay while they are in college....

good luck

Hi E..
Because your legal residence is MA, and there is a huge mortgage on the house, it is more than likely that the house should be sold. My eldest sister & her second husband split earlier this year. The judge on her case ordered their house (which was in Franklin County) be sold, the proceeds divided. My sister also was granted physical custody of their 2 minor daughters. My sister moved into an apartment in another county.
So, its not really advice here I'm giving you. For advice, the most I can possibly do is to tell you to prepare yourself for the very real possibility that the house will have to be sold (it will pay off the mortgage & if there's any money left over, it will be divided between you & your husband).

How old are the children? What did you do before stying home? Is going back into that field a possibility? Can you downsize the house? I think you need to make a reasonable budget and decide if you can afford the house. if you can't, you should sell it soon, rather than letting it go to forclosure. You will have alot more power in that situation. What are the assets, how will they be divided. I think your lawyer should be helping you get a clearer idea of your financial picture after the divorce. If the children are older perhaps you should be thinking about more lucrative jobs than a teaching assistant. Also Is the Bell's Palsy still an issue. Do you have any lingering paralysis? IF not than it should not be an issue. It is somewhat common, and generally does not recur.
Lots of people get divorced, so there should be tons of local support groups. There are also programs for displaced homemakers.

In massachusetts the agency responsible for displaced homemakers is:
A22 Commonwealth Corporation
529 Main Street, Suite 110
Charlestown, MA 02129
Tel: ###-###-####
Fax: ###-###-####
www.commcorp.org
E-mail: ____@____.com

Good luck.
Take charge of your situation,don't let circumstances control you, you control them!

I would suggest trying to sell house. I feel you would only be adding MORE stress to your life by trying to make ends meet. It is important now that you try to keep life as stable as possible for yourself and two children right now and the stress of a big mortgage is probably more than you need.

It really is a sad thing when an adult can't do the right thing by his children. Honestly...a house is a material item. Your "home" is what you make of it no matter where you are. Will it be tough? Sure! Will your children be sad? Absolutely! But not as tough and as sad as they would be to watch you struggle to keep it:) First and foremost is your mental health! You can't take care of others without being healthy yourself! A new place can be an adventure for you and your children! Take of you and the rest will fall into place:) Good luck! And hug your children daily b/c this battle will be a rough one!