Divulging the Truth About Santa Claus

In my husband's family everyone still "believes". Not believing means Santa doesn't bring a gift anymore. I think if she asks pointed questions you need to be honest with her but then tell her as long as she still "believes" she will continue to get gifts from Santa. Then she is in on the secret with you. Good luck.

I can totally understand what you are going through! My husband & I went through the same thing last year with my oldest son. He was 11 & STILL believed in Santa! We thought that he would figure it out on his own but he didn't. Last Christmas, I told my husband that it was time to tell my son the truth: my son believed in Santa so much that he wouldn’t show me his Christmas list, he said that Santa was taking care of it!!!

My husband sat down with him and asked him (point blank), "What do YOU believe about Christmas and Santa?" My son said that Santa lives in the North Pole and makes presents for all the kids. My husband looked at him and said, "Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but there is not a white-haired man in the North Pole making presents." (No excuses - just the truth.) He let my son digest this for a couple of seconds; you could see the dismay and confusion on his face. Then when he looked for more conversation, my husband began talking about the spirit of Christmas and why parents "play Santa" for their kids, and what Christmas means to him personally (same as the other responses you have received). This led to a great open conversation between the two.

Then, my husband asked my son if he would have preferred NOT to believe in Santa and whether we should tell his little brother, 5 years old. My older son thought about it and decided that he did like the "Santa secret" and wanted to help play Santa for his younger brother.

Hope this helps ~ Good luck!
C. M.

I have a little sister and when my parents figured out I was on to the idea of Santa not being real they said "If you don't believe in Santa you will not get anything." I was about 12 years old. They didn't want me to ruin the idea for my sister. I got the idea and to this day I still believe. Every Christmas, or when my family celebrates, I still get a gift from Santa. I will always believe and can't wait to begin the tradition with my son.

Merry Christmas. If you believe in your heart Santa will always be real.

Hi S.,

I received an email about this nearly 8 years ago (when my older daughter was 11 months old). I have NOT faced what you're facing re: Santa Claus . . . YET . . . but have kept this for the inevitable day when we have to divulge who the real Santa is. I'm pasting the entire email in here - it's long, but hopefully will be helpful. Good luck! M.

I remember my first Christmas party with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day when my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered.
"Even dummies know that!"

My grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her world-famous cinnamon buns.

Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus!" she snorted.
"Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad. Now, put on your coat, and let's go."

"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second cinnamon bun.

"Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its

doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.

I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for.

I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the kids at school, the people who went to my church. I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobbie Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs.
Pollock's grade-two class. Bobbie Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out for recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we

kids knew that Bobbie Decker didn't have a cough, and he didn't have a coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobbie Decker a coat.

I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that. "Is this a Christmas present for someone?"

the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down.
"Yes," I replied shyly. "It's ... for Bobbie." The nice lady smiled at me.
I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag and wished me a Merry Christmas.

That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat in Christmas paper and ribbons, and write, "To Bobbie, From Santa Claus" on it - - Grandma said

that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobbie Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially one of Santa's helpers.

Grandma parked down the street from Bobbie's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."

I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his doorbell and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma. Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobbie.

Forty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering beside my grandma, in Bobbie Decker's bushes. That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they
were:
ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team.

Well what my mom did was sit me down and explain to me that there truly was a St. Nick and that he was awesome and used to take gifts and give them to children at night and the children would find them in the morning. When St. Nick passed parents continued this tradition of secret gift giving in honor of him and as a fun way to surprise young children. When children are old enough to realize that this is just a tradition then parents explain it to them. I accepted this explanation with no problem and never had any trouble believing Jesus was real. I mean after all Santa showed up once a year, and Jesus hung out with me everyday ;) Hope this helps. Not sure if my history is 100% accurate but it is what my mom told me and I did great with it. Best wishes!!

I totally understand.
I kinda of meet it half way. Since I have 2 little ones still.
She always seemed to feel as if Santa didn't like her like her friends. Cause some Parents can go WAY OUT. She would always come home and say SO and SO got all this from Santa ETC. I was good. WHY DON'T I get SO And SO.

So my husband and I explained Santa is only responsible for 1 gift. The rest we take care of our self.

So that is why your friends got this and you got that.

But my daughter is 11 and is questioning it too. I just make sure She knows that Christmas is about JESUS and he wanted to Share his birthday with us. And it's really not about gifts but about family. So Santa will bring only 1 gift.

To her she thinks Santa is really just Jesus dressed up. giving her a gift. Even if it is just the family all together or her family making it out for the holidays.

Not sure if this helps but that's how I handled it. That way I don't have mad parents cause my daughter is saying there's no such thing as Santa or my little ones who are 4 and 1 being sad cause there sister says there is no Santa.

So it depends

My response is very similiar to the ones you have already received. Santa is the spirit of Christmas, the spirit of giving and as along as you have that in your heart, you can continue to believe in the spirit and joy of Santa. The most important part of Christmas in our family is the birth of Christ, and I think that if you can emphasize that more in your family throughout Advent and beyond, then Santa will take 2nd place and not be as important to your daughter. My mother always talked about Santa and the spirit of Christmas and how having that giving spirit was important for us to show and express to others. Without Jesus's birth, none us of would be able to have that giving spirit....it was God who gifted us with Jesus' birth so that our sins would be forgiven....that's the best gift of Christmas! I will be praying for us as you talk to your daughter about Santa. I hope that this response has been helpful to you.
Blessings to you and yours,
K.

Bless your heart. This is such a difficult issue. When my daughter was 6, we had this conversation: "Mom, yes or no, is there a Santa Claus?" "Well, what do you think?" "I said, 'yes or no'!" Well, I had to tell her the truth. She cried for a minute, and then said, "Well, I guess there's no Easter Bunny, either." (Smart kid!) What really disturbed me was when she said, "I have never seen Jesus, either. So is He real or not?" Can you understand how a child begins to question everything he/she has been taught when one thing turns out to be untrue?

My suggestion is this. Sit down with your daughter and explain to her why you wanted her to believe in Santa Claus. (for her to have fun, to appreciate the gifts she receives just because she's herself, to teach her that there is someone who loves her unconditionally--although not really true in Santa's case!) If you tell her how much you love her and that you have never lied to her when it counted, I'm sure she will understand in time. Remind her that although Santa never brought the gifts, YOU did, and that will never change.

Congratulations, Mom. You have brought your daughter to an important milestone in her life. She will accept it as we all did and move on with her life. It may take a while, but she will forgive and look forward to Christmas as she always has.

God bless you all!
S.

S.,

My daughter started experiencing these same doubts and the same teasing last year (5th grade). When she directly asked me - on several occasions - about Santa, I didn't want to pop the bubble either. I asked her about her faith in our Lord Jesus and whether she held to those Truths or not. Of course she does and would say so each time. Before she became frustrated at the redirection, I reminded her that her faith in Him was above all the most important thing and believing in Santa, the Tooth Angel, or any other holiday-related icon was her choice. 'They are as real as you want them to be.'...I'd say. I told her that just like it was her choice to believe in Jesus, it was her choice to believe in anything else and that no one should tell her what to (or not to) believe in. Furthermore, that those other kids could just be angry that they don't believe anymore and want to spread their misery.

By putting the spin on it that it was her choice, it totally relieved the stress and pressure from both of us. I never told her that she had to believe or she wouldn't get any presents from Santa again and with the same token that the Easter Bunny would stop bringing goodies either. I didn't address those sort of things and steered clear of ultimatums.

Also, I armed her with confidence for when she had to face those pesky 'non-Santa-believers'. I gave her a couple of responses she could use for when she would undoubtedly be faced with teasing and hurtful words again. One of them was, "I can believe if I want to and it's none of your business anyway." Another: Do you believe in Christ as our Risen Savior? Don't you think that discussion is much more important?

I'm not saying that you have to evangelize your family in order to keep other beliefs, too. But if you can remind your child of the more important things your family values, debating the big Santa question becomes not-so-big of a deal.

One book I found at Wal-Mart that really helped my daughter is 'God Gave us Christmas' by author Lisa Tawn Bergren. Walmart.com has the hardcover book for less than $10.00. It's about a polar bear family in which the oldest child starts asking the mom questions about Santa. The mom doesn't dispel those questions but instead takes the bear cub on a journey to find God in the world around them and reminds her that it's God who invented Christmas and why.

Regardless of how you decide to handle the questions, your child and you should have frank and open discussions of what is really important in your lives. My daughter may already know there is no real Santa, but she still holds on to those fond memories and decides to continue to enjoy the experience year after year.

Bless you in your own journey...
A.

Hi S.,
I'm now 37 and still remember how I found out there was no Santa. I was a 6th grader in Jr. High and still believed. Of course, by then there were kids who knew and would say that there was no such thing as Santa but in my heart I still believed. Until that Christmas eve night of my 6th grade year. My mom pulled out this big black garbage bag full of toys for me and my brothers and told me to help her put them under the tree. My heart sank. It was at that moment that I truly knew...no Santa. I was really hurt! Maybe if I was sat down and told the truth it wouldn't have been such a heartbreaker. I think my mom just asummed that I didn't believe anymore. So, needless to say, I have two children and never raised them to believe in Santa. We do however very much celebrate the holidays. I do however tell them that it is some kids belief to believe and not to take that away from anyone or spoil their fun, but to let their parents be the one to explain. In this day and age kids don't believe as long as we did. I have a 11 and 8 year old and they still very much look forward to the holiday season and await waking up on Christmas morning. I think your daughter is at the age to talk to her and explain so she won't feel angry or betrayed. It's would be better coming from you than friends or others. Best wishes!!

S.,
There are so many different ways to handle this. In your situation though, with obnoxious class-mates, you need to be creative in your approach. (Also, girls are so sensitive you never know which way they're gonna go!)
Here's what I had to do last year with my 10 year old daughter ~ keeping in mind that her dad took up with another woman, and a couple months before the holiday's I had no choice but to leave him. She started asking questions about the tooth-fairy and if she was real? I told her "yes, she's real" and I gave her a type of grin to imply that it was a secret from everyone except her, and I declaired, "I'm the tooth-fairy!" Her face lit up and she acted like she then wanted to keep MY secret that I was crazy! It was cute until she walked around telling her friends that her mom thought she was the tooth-fairy and maybe someday I'd get over it! Kids, especially girls, are pretty savvy!
She then asked about Santa-claus and, of course, I told her that Santa was daddy...she bought that! I told her that Santa was actually a part of a tradition in large parts of the world and he was a symble of hope. I explained that when she saw someone dressed as Santa and he was doing good deeds, that he, at that moment, WAS Santa! This actually absolves you from all sins of lying...because now she knows that you too, believe in Santa, he's just not quite what the fanitasy version suggests. You can always explain that away by sighting fairy-tails. When she was very little, she may have thought that Cinderella actually existed, but now she understands that she's just a symble of a girl who came from rags to riches!
Also, if you are Christian, you can explain about Saint Nicholas; (the original Santa), and how he helped all those poor children and orphans a long time ago. You can turn this into something very profound for her without coming out looking like a lier to your child. Especially if she understands that part of the tradition is to make children believe in the "magical" parts of this story; ie...flying raindeer, fat men going down the chimney, visiting EVERY house on the planet in just one night!
If you continue to make Santa magical and show your enthusiasum about the tradition, I think she will pass that on to her rude class-mates and feel just a little smarter than the rest of them.
God bless.
Deborah

Hi S., I feel for you! I haven't been in your shoes b/c my son is 14 mos. When I was a kid, I was in the same situation as your daughter with people at school telling me. When I asked my mom, she told me that Santa was real, but once he got too old to do it, the parents promised to help him. She followed this up by saying that no matter what people at school said that I could always believe in Santa at home & that she still believes in him because of that wonderful "magic" feeling we all get at Christmas. She said that no matter what others said I could always believe & in a way, I still do. I believe that the spirit of Christmas is alive in all of us & thats how I plan to handle it with my son. I think that we just don't want our kids to lose that feeling they get at Christmas time & there's no reason they have to. I wish you all the best with this. I know its not easy.
Sincerely, A.

I can only tell you that for me Christmas and Santa Claus are the moments in my life that I have the best memories of. I do not recall my mother ever really telling me that there was not a Santa Claus and I do believe even as a grown up that in some way the Spirit of SC lives when is Christmas time. Of course I don't expect gifts but I do notice a lot of miracles happening around me, gifts of love, sharing and compassion that you do not see in other seasons.

I do remember asking my mother if Santa Claus was real and her answer was, if you do not believe He won't come anymore, so is your choice.... later in life... but I mean later she stopped surprising me with the gifts and asking directly for what I wanted, but I am pretty sure I was already either a preteen or a teen and I didn't like anything that was given to me.

I think that my mother still gets me a gift "from" Santa Claus and I adopted that idea and I give my husband a gift from me and another (even if little) from Santa Claus.

I do not see the harm in keeping the fantasy as long as possible, but that is a personal decision, there is people that from the beginning tell their children that SC do not exist and other like me that even as grown ups love the fantasy and spirit that believing comes with.

such a hard thing, I would sit down and talk to her, because you don't want her questioning everything that you taught her such as Jesus. It is best coming from you than her friends. I remember wanting my parents to set the record straight. I found out after school started but a few months before Christmas and my un neive brother and sister begged my mom to tell me the truth because next year I'd be going to juniour high. I remember Christmas never being the same. I also remember and I want to share this with you so you don't feel like maybe I did the wrong thing, but I remember this fantancy we played for so many years is what gave me the since to dream and believe. It's our Peter Pan days. I also remember I never doubted God and Jesus at all. I also remember Jesus always being the most sovereign in my life and Santa always just being a being to celebrate wonderful Jesus' life. so don't fret to much but do be the one to talk to your child instead of the kids. This gives you the chance to explain what's real and what's not.
ps my ex husband never wanted our kids to believe and told our kids too young there was no Santa, I hated that because it took their child hood away, my kids like grew up too fast and it took their dreaming away. I hope you get what I'm saying don't ever feel bad that you gave your children this fun in their life, it will always be good memories for them.

I hate lying to my kids too. I wanted to nix the whole Santa thing when my oldest was 2, but I resisted. Partly because I wanted to play Santa and partly because I knew a 2-year-old couldn't keep a secret like that from other kids.

My daughter caught me (the Tooth Fairy) red handed as I tried to find her tooth under her pillow. She pretended to be asleep, so I didn't know it until the next morning when she told my brother, her uncle. So, I approached her about it and she admitted it. :)
I told her that the Tooth Fairy is something that parents make up because losing a tooth, especially your first tooth, can be scary for little kids. Having a Tooth Fairy makes it a little more exciting and fun. So, now it was her responsibility to keep this "adult secret" from any other kids. She thought that was pretty cool. Even if kids ask her "Do you think it's real?" that she should say yes because maybe they still do believe but are just wondering. We should let their parents tell them about the secret.

We haven't had the Santa questions yet, but I am hoping and assuming that she applied that same explanation to the whole Santa thing. Hope that gives you some ideas on what to say.

A.

Since i had a son 4 yrs older than my daughter, i thought when she was about your daughter's age that she knew the real "scoop" but just didnt want to divulge it to me. One day when she asked me outright about santa, i told her the truth (thinking she just wanted confirmation of what she already knew). She surprised me by getting FURIOUS and claiming i lied to her. I allowed her to cry and pout for about 15 minutes. Then i went to her and relayed a story about my first christmas after my father had died and how at age 15 I was allowed the opportunity to "play Santa" for my nieces, and then later play Santa for her and her brother. I explained that "Santa" could be anyone - because it was all about giving to others (I reminded her how the three wise men brought gifts to Baby Jesus)and that now, being a big girl and knowing the truth, it was her turn to "play Santa". She quickly got over her "mad" and into the spirit. Of course, i really blew my christmas budget that year because she really enjoyed the idea of playing Santa and buying gifts for others.
About Me: A 54 yr old working mom of two grown kids; married 31 yrs.