Is Santa Real?

Updated on February 06, 2007
R.S. asks from Columbia, MO
35 answers

My daughter is 10 years old and still believes Santa is real. I was thinking that after this holiday season, I should sit her down and tell her. But this year she sent an email to Santa "privately". When she got something on her list that she wanted, she said that it proved that Santa is real because no one knew what she put on the list. When and how do I break the news/lie to her. BTW - she does understand the real and religious meaning for Christmas. She also know that its more about giving than receiving.

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So What Happened?

Well I didn't tell her about Santa. I'm still not convinced that it is the best thing. I think a lot of people miss what Christmas is about. My daughter understands that it is about the birth of Chirst. I think she would roll with the punches if I told her. But I'm not going to. I'll wait until she approaches me about it. I disagree with what some have told me and have really appreciate what others have said. Thank you for all points of view to help me decide what is best for me and my daughter. Thank you.

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L.

answers from Kansas City on

Well, Santa is real as long as you believe in the spirit of Christmas! Goodwill, love, hope, joy...all these things are examples of the spirit of Christmas. And Santa is this spirit. He embodies all that we have faith in, especially around this time of year. I believe in Santa, for it is everything that he is about that I hope to pass on to friends and family at Christmas time.
Best of Luck!
L.

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K.B.

answers from Kansas City on

My daughter will be 10 in February and she still believes as well. I'm glad to see this topic because I too have been wondering if I should tell her. It breaks my heart to think that the magic will be broken soon. I've tried to think of the best way to tell her or at least talk to her about it if she tells me she doesn't believe any more. I remember struggling with that when I found out as a kid myself. I felt a little betrayed but I soon found that it was still fun to wait for Santa to come even when I knew he wasn't real. The magic wasn't gone altogether. I plan to continue Santa well after she stops believing.

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J.T.

answers from Kansas City on

Let her believe. Most of the mom's I know who broke the news to their kids so they wouldn't hear it at school say that their kids get so upset at them for telling. It is such a special thing to believe in, I say why ruin it any sooner than you have too. Plus, Santa is real, the image is just a little muddled! Santa visited me until I graduated high school.

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S.

answers from Tulsa on

I don't know if this will help or not but when I read your question I thought of this email. I have attached it for you to read. Sorry it's so long but maybe this will help!

What? No Santa Claus?

I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma.

I was just a kid.

I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big

sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!"

My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been.

I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me.

I knew Grandma always

told the truth, and I knew that the truth always

went down a whole lot

easier when swallowed with one of her

"world-famous" cinnamon buns. I

knew they were world-famous,

because Grandma said so.

It had to be true. Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm.

Between bites, I told her everything.

She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus?" She

snorted...."Ridiculous! Don't believe it.

That rumor has been going

around for years,

and it makes me mad, plain mad!!

Now, put on your

coat, and let's go."

"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked.

I hadn't even finished my second world-

famous cinnamon bun.

"Where"

turned out to be Kerby's General Store,

the one store in town

that had a little bit of just about everything.

As we walked through its

doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars.

That was a bundle in those days.

"Take this money," she said, "and buy

something for someone who needs it.

I'll wait for you in the car. "Then

she turned and walked out of Kerby's.

I was only eight years old.

I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but

never had I shopped for anything all by myself.

The store seemed big and crowded,

full of people scrambling to finish

their Christmas shopping.

For a few moments I just stood there,

confused, clutching that ten-dollar bill,

wondering what to buy, and who

on earth to buy it for.

I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my

friends, my neighbors, the kids at school, and the people who went to my church.

I was just about thought out,

when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker.

He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair,

and he sat right behind me

in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class.

Bobby Decker didn't have a coat.

I knew that because he never went out

to recess during the winter.

His mother always wrote a note, telling the

teacher that he had a cough,

but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker

didn't have a cough; he didn't have a good coat.

I fingered the ten-dollar bill

with growing excitement.

I would buy Bobby Decker a coat!

I settled on a red corduroy one

that had a hood to it. It looked real

warm, and he would like that.

"Is this a Christmas present for someone?"

the lady behind the counter

asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down.

"Yes, ma'am," I replied shyly.

"It's for Bobby."

The nice lady smiled at me,

as I told her about how Bobby really needed

a good winter coat. I didn't get any change,

but she put the coat in a

bag, smiled again,

and wished me a Merry Christmas.

That evening,

Grandma helped me wrap the coat

(a little tag fell out of

the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible)

in Christmas paper and

ribbons and wrote,

"To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it.

Grandma said that

Santa always insisted on secrecy.

Then she drove me over to Bobby

Decker's house, explaining as we went

that I was now and forever

officially, one of Santa's helpers.

Grandma parked down

the street from Bobby's house,

and she and I crept

noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk.

Then Grandma gave me a nudge.

"All right, Santa Claus," she whispered,

"get going."

I took a deep breath,

dashed for his front door,

threw the present down

on his step, pounded his door and

flew back to the safety of the bushes

and Grandma.

Together we waited breathlessly

in the darkness for the front door to

open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.

Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill

of those moments spent shivering,

beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes.

That night, I realized that those awful

rumors about Santa Claus were

just what Grandma said they were: ridiculous.

Santa was alive and well,

and we were on his team.

I still have the Bible, with the coat tag

tucked inside: $19.95.

May you always have LOVE to share,

HEALTH to spare and FRIENDS that care....

And may you always believe in the magic of Santa Claus!

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T.K.

answers from Kansas City on

Hi R.,
Though I don't think there's anything "wrong" about letting her continue to believe, I also don't think there's anything wrong about telling her the truth. In fact, it's pretty much time anyway, right?
In fact, I'd bet that in her gut- in her heart- she knows it's not real. She just WANTS to believe. Know what I mean? It's FUN to believe. It also makes her seem cute, sweet and innocent to others, and she may like that feeling of still being thought of as "the little girl who still believes". It's endearing, and at 10, she's probably sensed that.
Youngest children often do this-- it's very common for the youngest child in a family to continue to play the part of "the baby of the family" even when they're 8, 9, 10 years old-- even older. They like that sense of being the youngest, the baby, the one that needs to be pampered and taken care of.
Your daughter, even though she's an only child, may still have similar kinds of feelings. That might just be her personality-- to want to feel babied and pampered like a younger 3, 4 or 5 year old.
Also-- I noted that you're getting or have just recently got married. That may have something to do with it, too. Mom having a "new man" and new interests and really, a new life, may make your daughter feel like she has to "hang on to you" and your affections by acting younger than she is. Know what I mean? Now-- you're giving alot of attention to the new man and the new marriage-- where it used to all go to just her-- see what I'm saying? So she may feel like if she acts more "baby-ish" that she'll get more attention, because babies "get babied"-- does that make sense?
So anyway-- I don't think there's anything wrong with telling her the truth. And if you do-- tell her the whole truth. They're really WAS a "santa claus"-- tell her the true story of St. Nicholas-- you can find it on the web. Then just explain that the modern Santa Claus is a tradition that started in honor and memory of a real person, and was connected with the Christian holiday of Christmas-- Christ was a gift to us-- the wisemen gave gifts to the Savior, and now, at Christmas time, we give gifts to each other.
It might not be as "fun" as believing a fat man can fit through a chimney and flies around with reindeer-- but it's certainly more meaningful and beautiful!

T.

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N.H.

answers from Bloomington on

I told my 9 year old son last year because I was not going to be able to give him the Christmas that he was accustomed to. I also have a 3 year old daughter and I really don't try to fill her head up with the Santa story like I did with my son. She saw Santa at school and she knows who he is but I'm not sure if she believes that he is the one that brings the presents. My son took the news well because I explained that I was the one who was getting all of the gifts for him and that Santa was just a symbol of Christmas. The only thing that I have to worry about is him telling other little kids when he gets mad. But since she doesn't have any younger siblings, it shouldn't be a problem. I am just one of those parents that shares the truth with my kids when I feel that they can handle it and I don't like to lie to my kids. I know that Santa is using their imagination, but I would rather be the one to tell them the truth rather than have someone at school make fun of them for still believing if they mention it at school. Good luck on your decision and I hope that it works out for you. Congrats on the wedding.

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C.L.

answers from St. Louis on

R., congrats on getting hitched! :) My 7 yo daughter asked me if I believed Santa was real or just a legend. I wasn't prepared for her ??'s b/c I'm not ready for her not to believe...but she is a very perceptive child. So I told her that I think Santa is in all of us...and we can all be Santa's if our heart is in the right place. I reminded her that Christmas isn't about presents and Santa but a gift given to us and tried to chng the subject. She wouldn't let it go. So I just told her about how my sis, SIL & I played Santa to a friend and her son one year, in the middle of the night during a snowstorm. And I told her that she believes what she wants to believe. I do believe in the spirit of Santa and that anyone can be a Santa. And she was pleased w/ this answer. But I wouldn't have brought it up if she hadn't. :)

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J.E.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I say let her have it as long as she wants to believe. I'm sure kids at school have been spreading santa propaganda and if her belief still holds up, enjoy it while it lasts. I asked my mom about santa when I was about 10 years old and she had a really good explanation. She explained to me that Santa may have once existed (the guy in Germany), but that the spirit of Santa is in us all. That when we give we ourselves are Santa Claus.

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A.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I also have a ten year old daughter that believes in Santa. I don't plan to tell her the truth about Santa. As long as she knows the true meaning of Christmas I don't see what harm can be done. In fact "Santa" does exist, in spirit. In my opinion children only get to be children for such a short time. I don't want to ruin the magic of Christmas for her. She will figure the truth out on her own soon enough. I was never told but I figured it out on my own when I was ready. I think that is the best way to do it. Good luck either way you decide!

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M.T.

answers from Kansas City on

Hi R.!

In my opinion, children deal with so much today, that even if she believes in Santa until she's 30, it won't hurt her any. I would let her hold on to that magic for as long as she possibly can.

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C.W.

answers from St. Louis on

Hi R.,

I think its best to tell her the truth yourself, so she will come to you in the future about other issues. I told my daughter all about St. Nick and how long ago he left packages anonymously for people and how it has grown since that everyone loves being "Santa" for everyone else. My daughter really loves buying presents for others and even Mom and Dad. She likes to wrap them and sneak them into our socks on Christmas Eve. She loves giving the boxes to the "Operation Showbox" every year and choosing ornaments of the tree to buy something for someone less fortunate.

Best wishes,
C.

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N.C.

answers from Oklahoma City on

If she believes in Santa then she wants to believe and there is no reason to break the truth to her. Growing up we were never told that Santa wasn't real we just figured it out over time. I was 14 when I figured it out. When her friends start talking about Santa not being real she will either agree with them or just ignore them and keep believing. It's not doing her any harm to believe in Santa Claus so I would just leave it alone.

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H.P.

answers from Oklahoma City on

You might sit her down and tell her about the real St Nick. He was a historical figure in Europe (I think Germany). He is also a catholic saint. He would treat the poor children with sweets and small toys that he would put in thier stockings that they hung by the fireplace to dry. And that we(as parents) keep up the traditon of suprising our children with special gifts on christmas morning. That may help both of you. hope it all works out.

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J.B.

answers from Kansas City on

R., children grow up and lose their innocence so fast. Better to let her hold onto this belief as long as she can. It's okay if she hears "the truth" from school mates. She probably already has heard rumors and has formed her own opinion (thus the secret message to find proof). I applaud her for following her own heart and continuing to believe. There is nothing wrong with her holding onto the image of a real Santa and there will certainly come a time when you can translate the red suited, jolly guy into symbolic image.

I add my vote to all the others and hope you will hold off on the reveal!

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M.R.

answers from Kansas City on

I would let her be a child and believe in SANTA as long as she wants. Because kids now days are made to grow up to fast anyway so let her enjoy SANTA as long as she can and have a great New Year.

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A.

answers from St. Louis on

I understand your dilemma and agree with your thoughts, but I also think you should wait to tell her. Let someone else rain on her parade, not mommy. Also, when she's really old enough to understand something like God working through people and us using this image of a bearded guy to make it more tangible to children, she'll also be old enough to understand why you didn't tell her that sooner- so I say wait until then to tell her that at all. We all forgive our parents for keeping that secret, maybe because ignorance about Santa is true bliss. You're a great mother for even worrying about that, and you'll deal with it great when you have to.

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A.M.

answers from Wichita on

I am in a similar sitiation with my 10 year old son :) He has heard from his friends at school that there is no santa, so he has asked me if there is really a santa? I know he will find out eventually and maybe he already knows,but believing is magical, and this year I just told him if he believes then he is real. He got what he wanted from Santa and he was thrilled.
I believed in Santa till I was 10 or 12 and it was the best thing. It was hard for me to realize that there was really no Santa. So, I know that eventually he will realize too that there is no santa. He is in an age that he can understand things even if you really dont say anything. I would just for your daughter let her believe!!!!! It is great to believe...it is magical.

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M.B.

answers from Joplin on

I don't know what your talking about. Santa is real!!
Santa is your family, your friends, your community, your churchs, your schools. Santa is those who give to those less fortunate than themselves. Who share thier joy with others.
It sounds like your well on your way to teaching your daughter these things.
She will figure it out soon enough. Let her be a kid as long as she can. She will grow up way to fast anyway!
You'll be glad you waited.
Santa is real to those who believe!!!!
Best wishes!! &Good luck!!

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R.B.

answers from Topeka on

I had the same problem this year. My 10 yo still believed in Santa, until right befoe Christmas, a teachers aide at her school let it slip about santa. She was riding with me in the car and she asked me point blank...I took the oppurtunity to tell her that he was not real. I think she knew all along but just needed reassurance from me. It broke my heart to tell her because it just feels like that is part of childhood that keeps you a child. She understands that we still need to play along for the benefit of her 8yo sister just like her older sister did for her. Good luck...I honestly dont have an answer for you.

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J.S.

answers from Springfield on

What lie?!? I'm *ahem* much older than your daughter, and I still believe in Santa. Ok, I don't think a big bearded guy is going to cram himself down my chimney, but the spirit of Santa is alive and well in me. Why would you want to crush that spirit in your daughter? She's going to run into enough spirit-crushers in the world, don't be one of them.
Besides, maybe she knows something that boring old adults have forgotten....

J.

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P.H.

answers from Wichita on

The way my daughter found out Santa wasn't real she caught me wrapping gifts. At the time she was 4 so I tried telling her I was Santa's helper that didn't fly.
She has since asked me about Santa and why adults pretend there is one. I explained that Santa was real just not the Jolly man in a red suit. I told her that everytime she gave a gift she was Santa and everyone who gave her a gift was a Santa. I also explained the reason we had Santa image is it was easier for children to understand the issue of giving and recieving so when she got older she would better understand how to give of herself and not expect anything in return exccept the personal joy of knowing she brightened someones day.
I hope this helps.
P.

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B.B.

answers from St. Louis on

I personally think it is much healthier for you to tell her rather than to let someone else do it. As you have stated in your post it is a lie. So if you let someone else break the news that this lie you have been telling is a lie, then she is less likely to feel strong trust in anything you say unless you just tell her the truth yourself before someone forces you to have to do it. There is something to be said about a parent that can admit they have lied, was too harsh for a punishment, set a bad example by yelling when they got angry, whatever the case may be. You are setting an example for your child and she may very well more appreciate hearing the truth come from you rather than a friend or stranger.

The symbolic reason for santa is that generosity is a great vertue. Santa truly has no connection at all with God. That is wonderful that you have already instilled in her the true meaning of Christmas. My personal beliefs on santa is that I didn't want to lie to my children because of the trust issue, and more importantly Santa is made out to have the same powers that God has in addition to the bribery I have heard many parents use over and over...knows when you've been bad or good, you must be good for santa or he won't bring you your prize because we all must be good not because that is just what we should do as respectful people but so we can get something out of it, etc. I respect that you want to try to connect the 2, but there truly is no connection. Santa isn't a part of the bible at all. It is just a fun, make-believe thing to get caught up in and is easier for the little ones to believe when they are at that magical age. I was pretty young when I discovered it myself (about 5)....santa had both mom and dad's hand writing.

Good luck and I hope things go well when she does learn the truth about Santa. God Bless.

B. :)

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S.H.

answers from Oklahoma City on

You know my son is 9 and came home this year from school for the first time saying that kids had told him that Santa is not real. I just told him that some people don't believe in Santa like some people don't believe in God. After Christmas my husband and I were talking about it and we said that we only have a couple of more years before he knows the truth, until then we will continue to buy Santa gifts. My kids know the true meaning of Christmas and I think as long as they know the true meaning then it is Ok

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S.G.

answers from Lawrence on

I agree with the others that she should be allowed to believe for as long as she wants. I don't remember how old I was when I first found out the truth but I'm glad nobody told me. I probably would have been mad at them for telling me such a cruel thing and not believed them anyway. :)

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K.T.

answers from St. Louis on

I loved reading these responses! I have 3 children, with the oldese being 8 (grade 3). She hasn't actually come out and said anything to us, but I suspect she has doubts. I'm not going to bring it up, she still enjoys the Santa part of Christmas and understands the real meaning of Christ as well. I do think that we'll have an additional "helper" next year, but I'll just deal with it as things unfold. She's not one to ruin it for the other children either and I think she'll have fun with us.

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B.R.

answers from Peoria on

R.,
let her be a kid. why do you have to break the news to her?? Let her still belive that santa is real. Let her hold on to something that is so big in a childs life but small in our adult life. I am really surprised that she does still believes in him with her school mates not telling her or her believing them. Children have to grow up so fast now a days why ruin what your daughter could have still as a child. Maybe you could learn a lesson from her and still believe yourself. You have instilled in her the meaning of christmas. She even said thank you without you telling her to or instructing her to. That there would be enough reason NOT to tell her.

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P.S.

answers from St. Louis on

I would just let her find out for herself it is just a matter of time before some kid at school tells her.. let her keep being a kid.. she will not always be little enough to belive..
one day all of the joy for her will be gone b/c 1 kid had to mess it up... good luck and happy new year

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M.B.

answers from St. Joseph on

Why spoil it for her? She will grow out of it sooner or later but I don't think it is hurting anything for her to keep on believing in Santa Claus. I know some adults who still believe in Santa Claus. She's fine.

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J.L.

answers from Kansas City on

That is a hard one cause my niece is 13 and still believes in santa. I asked her mother when she was ganna tell her but she said she's just ganna let her friends at school tell her. I don't think that is right. I think im ganna tell my kids when they are 10 yrs old. I found out about santa being fake by my brother and i was 12. So don't be affraid to tell her, she'll get over it and still relize that x-mas is still fun even with out a santa.
Sincerley,
J. Derry

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G.N.

answers from St. Louis on

I would just let her believe what she wants don't read to much into, wait and see what happens next year, anything can happen in a year.

Hope that helps

G.

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J.L.

answers from Wichita on

Congratulations on the impending marriage. As for the problem with your 10 y/o; just let her believe in him and she should grow out of it. I know that I grew out of it; I just don't remember how old I was. Please keep me posted @ ____@____.com

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C.D.

answers from Springfield on

Well, I for one have been trying to explain to my 5 year old son for 2 years now that Santa isn't real...HE DOESN'T BELIEVE ME! LOL So I'm not sure what to tell you. But 10 seems really old to still believing in something like that. I knew the truth by the time I was 5 and it had no ill effects on me.

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L.L.

answers from St. Joseph on

There is no harm in allowing her to continue to believe in Santa. I do and I'm 24. I still get 'Santa' presents, and this year, I received money gifts from God only knows who just when I needed them. I attribute those to not only God, but the Spirit of Santa in other people's hearts. My 4 year old daughter heard on the radio driving around one day that Santa wasn't real. She freaked out. She has a hard enough life with her dad refusing to be in her life and me being at work all the time, I decided to reassure her that Santa is real and that he loves her very much. I was able to calm her down and she surprised me by telling her father the last time she spoke to him that she loved Santa more than him because Santa was gonna come to see her on Christmas and he wasn't. Please allow your daughter to continue to believe. It would be a shame for her to lose that magic in her life and if she truely believes in Santa still, Even if someone else tells her, she won't believe them. The main reason my daughter had a hard time with it is because she doesn't have much to believe in right now with everything thats going on in our lives. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I hope this helps

L.

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D.A.

answers from Oklahoma City on

My Daughter is 9 and I have had to deal w/this this year.I sat down Christmas Eve typed out(from Santa) a fancy letter on Christmas stationary and told her how proud I was of her accomplishments etc.Then I told her after she turnred 10 that Santa would not be able to come anymore because there was soo many new babies being born each year that he couldnt keep up w/all of the kid's.Well it worked and she was a little sad.But dealt with it.But guess what one of the neighbor friends which is 11 or 12 told she still gets stuff from Santa Wow burst by creativity!!So she came home and told me and asked if she does why dont I? So I sat her down and told her the truth and told her that christmas still wont change for her I will still save her big presents for Christmas eve and address them from Santa.She's happy just knowing and honestly at this age they kinda already know they just dont want to say so.So the next day shes w/Dad and says" What about the tooth fairy,easter bunny" and he told her the truth. She came running into the house"LET ME SEE MY TEETH!!" Daddy said youve saved them she thought that was awesome.I think in the long run its just better to be honest at this age as we are trying to instill honesty in them.Good Luck no matter what you do!
P.S I still believe in Santa he is more than a figure to me He's the magic of Christmas,The Love of Our Family and spending time with them.And most importantly the birth of Our Lord Jesus!

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R.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I would let her belive as long as she wants. Isn't the true joy of Santa receiveing something unexpected from someone who loves you. I still belive in Santa. He doesn't bring me many gifts anymore. From time to time I have recived money from who knows where when I needed it the most. I have atribuited it to Santa Claus. Who are we to say he doesn't exist if you want to go down the slippy slope of only what we see is what exists where does God fit in. I have never seen him but I know he is there. I would not be able to make it a day without that knowledge. If you rip apart one belife what happens to the others?

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