The Truth Behind Santa

hi A. , my husband and i are having this same issue with my daughter gwen (almost 4) we sat down and told her about the real santa, the man he is based on anyway, its a delightful story, and true,

I told my daughter that if she stopped believing in him he would not bring her presents anymore. So if she still wanted the good presents she should keep believing.kids at school do ruin everything.

Goodness it is the Santa time of the year! There are several threads about Santa this last week or so and I have responded to at least 2 of them. Basically I will try to keep this short, then you can look up my other responses.

I didn't "do" Santa, but my kids started believing anyway so it was challenging to figure out what to say. I decided that Santa displayed the values of charity and giving. Keeping in mind that Santa was also connected to Jesus, I just used my kids questions to discuss these values and my views on the topics related to these.

When my kids ask questoins my first response is to ask why they ask and/or I ask them what they think. I don't pretend to be all knowing, much like answers at church Santa is a matter of faith and believing in the good things! When we discuss the values behind Santa they usually draw their own conclusions and move along.

My boys are 9 and 11 and using this tactic to really teach my kids alot about the meaning of the holiday and about the values that Christmas is all about. I haven't ever said Santa is real, and I haven't ever said he isn't. Santa in my house is the spirit of charity and giving, and that is definately real if you let it be!

I am pretty sure that my 11 year old doesn't believe in Santa as a person but he knows the spirit that the story represents and he hasn't given the 9 year old too much of a hard time. My 9 year old still hangs on to the idea of a person that comes on Christmas Eve to bring toys, but his questions last year has probably made a comfortable transition into him relying less on a physical presence from Santa and more the values Santa represents.

I strongly recommend this tactic for other parents! I hope it works well for you if you try it.

My parents explained to me that Santa was the spirit of giving - a symbol of the 3 wise men bringing gifts to the baby Jesus. For a while my brother and I believed in the man with the red suit, but we weren't totally devestated when we found out he wasn't a real man with flying reindeer. I found out first and my mother asked me not to tell my brother and to help her play Santa. It was lots of fun.

There is also a story in another post that I just absolutely love. Here it is:

I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was
just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to
visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There
is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!"
My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled
to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me.
I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the
truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed
with one of her world-famous cinnamon buns. I knew they
were world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be
true.

Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between
bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me. "No
Santa Claus!" she snorted. "Ridiculous! Don't believe it.
That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes
me mad, plain mad. Now, put on your coat, and let's go."

"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished
my second world-famous, cinnamon bun.
"Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one
store in town that had a little bit of just about every-
thing. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me
ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. 'Take this
money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs
it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then she turned and
walked out of Kerby's.

I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with
my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by
myself. The store seemed big and crowded, full of people
scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For a few
moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten-
dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to
buy it for.

I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my
neighbors, the kids at school, the people who went to my
church. I was just about thought out, when I suddenly
thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and
messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's
grade-two class. Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew
that because he never went out or recess during the winter.
His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he
had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't
have a cough, and he didn't have a coat. I fingered the
ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby
Decker a coat!

I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It
looked real warm, and he would like that. "Is this a
Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter
asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down. "Yes," I re-
lied shyly. "It's .... for Bobby." The nice lady smiled at
me. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag
and wished me a Merry Christmas.

That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat in Christmas
paper and ribbons (a little tag fell out of the coat, and
Grandma tucked it in her Bible) and write, "To Bobby, From
Santa Claus" on it -- Grandma said that Santa always
insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's
house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever
officially one of Santa's helpers.

Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and
she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his
front walk. Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa
Claus," she whispered, "get going."

I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the
present down on his step, pounded his doorbell and flew back
to the safety of the bushes and Grandma. Together we waited
breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open.
Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.

Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent
shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes.
That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa
Claus were just what Grandma said they were: ridiculous.
Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team.

I still have the Bible, with the tag tucked inside: $19.95.

Honesty is always the best policy. However, is it okay to honor the memory of a kind hearted person? The legend behind Santa Claus is true and I believe he started in Holland or somewhere like that. He gave small trinkets to underpriviledged children that did not have any toys or something like that. Do a bit of research before you decide and it's been years (oldest is 24) since I have done that research. But here is what happens here at Carol’s place. Santa is celebrated as a spirit of giving to others that don't have. My reasoning for that is that Jesus is the reason for the season because God gave us the greatest gift of all, his son to pay for our sins. I have found a lithograph that I put out every year of Santa paying tribute to baby Jesus in the manger. I later found a similar picture in needlepoint and have done one for several friends and family. As questions arise, I talk to my children about the magic of Christmas depending on their age level and understanding level. How it is a time we celebrate our family, friends and others we care about. How we must honor the magic of Santa and the wonder of Jesus by giving to others unselfishly. The presents under the tree are a symbol of God's love for us as we give them to the recipient to show our love for them. We always have a birthday cake for Jesus on Christmas morning. I make it out of muffin mix so we can have it with breakfast. A small candle and you are good to go. Before we open presents we sing happy birthday to Jesus and as each gift is given we pass a blessing as well. Usually the blessing is something simple like "May you forever know God's riches" or "May angels surround you at work", whatever is appropriate. With little ones it helps to type them out and tie them to the gift until they are old enough to understand and make up their own blessings. Believe me as my daughter got older I heard some real whoppers and my favorite was when she was about 16 and her blessing to me that year was "May your daughter find it in her heart to love you like God loves you cause right now you are pretty difficult to love!!!" Silently I thought "right back atta ya sweetie" but I just smiled and said thanks while struggling internally not to bust out laughing. Yes, I did let my children visit Santa if they wanted to and they knew he was not real, only representing the spirit of giving. It also gave me some ideas of what they really wanted for Christmas so if they are comfy sitting on the big guys lap, that is okay. My kids get a few Santa gifts that fit into the stocking. I fill it with little fruit, nuts and small wrapped trinkets. It is usually okay that way. As they get older you might need to make it one gift wrapped but I found it great for special treats as my daughter got older like makeup, curling irons, gift cards for food treats, special pens for her yearly journals, anything that fits into the stocking is from Santa and I buy them throughout the year so it's not really expensive at the holiday time. However, this year my son is getting a biggie from Santa. This summer his bike was stolen. Someone from our church found out about it and they called and they have bought a bike, put it together and will bring it over Christmas Eve so it will be his first big Santa gift in honor of giving. As for kids that try to say Santa's dead and all that, my kids had no problem with that, cause they knew from the beginning that he’s been dead a long time anyway and we were only honoring his spirit of helping others so the bully's got nothing outta my kids. You can mix the magic with facts but do your own research and figure out what you will tell your kids before the questions are asked. Preparedness on your part will alleviate confusion for your children. My blessing that I use a lot is one I will give you now, May you always have enough.... Hopefully the story below will help as well and give you some ideas about how you can be on "Santa's team".

Adventure with Grandma - A Christmas Parable

I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid.
I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my
big
sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even
dummies know that!"

My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that
day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always
told
the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot
easier when swallowed with one of her world-famous cinnamon buns. I
knew they were
world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true.

Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told
her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus!" she snorted.
"Ridiculous!
Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it
makes me mad, plain mad. Now, put on your coat, and let's go."

"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second
world-famous, cinnamon bun. "Where" turned out to be Kerby's General
Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about
everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten
dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said,
"and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the
car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.

I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother,
but never had I shop ped for anything all by myself. The store seemed
big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas
shopping. For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching
that ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it
for.

I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the
kids at school, the people who went to my church. I was just about
thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with
bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's
grade-two class. Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because
he never went out for recess during the winter. His mother always wrote
a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew
that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough, and he didn't have a coat. I
fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy
Bobby Decker a coat!

I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real
warm, and he would like that. "Is this a Christmas present for someone?"
the lady
behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down. "Yes,"
I replied shyly. "It's .... for Bobby." The nice lady smiled at me. I
didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag and wished me a
Merry Christmas.

That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat in Christmas paper and
ribbons (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her
Bible)
and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it -- Grandma said that
Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby
Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever
officially one of Santa's helpers.

Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's ho use, and she and I crept
noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma gave
me
a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."

I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down
on his step, pounded his doorbell and flew back to the safety of the
bushes and Grandma. Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for
the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.

Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering,
beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes. That night, I realized
that
those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they
were: ridiculous.

Santa was alive and well, and we're on his team.

I still have the Bible, with the tag tucked inside: $19.95

Go to the search engine and put in Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Clause and click on the link and there will be the story that you need to read to your son. It is a letter that a little girl wrote to the newspaper The New York Sun, I believe, asking if there really was a Santa Clause and the brilliant editor's response was beautiful. God bless you.There is always a Santa in my heart!

I am totally in agreement with you about keeping Santa alive for your kids. I also have a six year old in the first grade. Last year in kindergarten, she also started asking if he was really real or not, and I told her that I definitely believe that Santa is real, where do the presents come from? But to put a boost behind my answer, my husband went out and bought a santa suit, $40.00 at Target. The night of christmas we decked him all out, stuffed with pillows, the works. To be honest, if i did not know, i probably would not have recognized him. Around midnight, i grabbed my camera, turned the flash off, and went to my daughters room and woke her up. Together we crawled down the hallway and peeked around the corner and watched Santa put our presents out and stuff our stockings. She freaked out, in a good way, we took two pictures, and went back to her room. She fussed at me, because she didn't want Santa to know we were awake and take the gifts back. The pics are now in our family photo album and there is not a soul who can convince her that Santa is not real. How could they, she has seen him with her own eyes!! and has pics to prove it!! According to her, the other children don't know what they are talking about. It's worth the forty bucks to see the look on your childs face, trust me it most likely will work for you if it did me, my daughter is very smart!I would also like to say that I think a big problem with the world today, is grown ups forget about their childhood, and are ready to snatch away their own childrens innocence, because it would be easier in some way, to deal with. Parents need to encourage immaturity to a certain point, if you know what i mean, you don't want your children to grow up too fast, that is why girls get pregnant at 14, the world is treating them like they are grown instead of how old they actually are!! Didn't mean to get too deep, but I definitely believe in keeping your children innocent as long as you can, because adulthood will come fast enough.

My child is just 3 so we haven't gotten there yet. However, I plan to handle it in pretty much the same way my mom did with us. I don't remember what age I was exactly, but my mom began by telling me that Santa has "Helpers" everywhere. Helpers are the Santas in the mall, people who dressed up in holiday garb, etc. She also told me that Mama and Daddy were Santa's Helpers, too because there were so many houses that he had to go to on Christmas Eve that he needed that help. Then, when my little sister had her first Christmas I was almost 7 years old, and I got to help my parents put out the baby's Christmas from Santa - I was so excited and proud to be able to do that! From then it just kind of naturally followed that I figured it out. We started doing things for others who were less fortunate, which is in the spirit of Christ/Christmas and that of Santa, too.

I guess my point is, there is a gentle way to tell the truth instead of the way that you got it. You remember the pain and disappointment of "No, there's no Santa"; I remember the excitement and fun of easing into the truth and keeping the spirit alive. However you "break it" to your kids, when that time comes, just make sure to do it in a way that they are able to handle at that point in their lives.

Have a wonderful Christmas!

Tell your son that even tho some people claim they don't believe in santa, that your are willing to bet that late at night....on christmas eve......... everyone........at one time or another.........secretly hopes and prays, that this year sants brings them what they wish for.

I found out about Santa when I was five years old and it didn't bother me. We just kept on talking like he was real. Perhaps it is upsetting when a person believes something for
for twelve whole years only to find out it was not true. My daughter is a young seven and she just may figure it out this year. My husband's brother has been dressing up as Santa and coming to our house with a gift on Christmas Eve since my daughter was three years old. Last year, after Santa left our house, my daughter ran out the back door to see the reindeer on the roof. This year she has "questions" for Santa. I'm kinda hoping she will figure it out this year. My thought is...the sooner, the better, so she can adjust quicker to the truth and besides, I can't imagine what the kids go through at school when others know the difference. We have twin boys, 3 1/2 year old, who are looking for Santa this year too! It sure is fun to watch the kids get excited!!

Ok, were in a very similiar situation this year. My son is 6 and in the fisrt grade and I have a daughter who is turning this December. He has beleived up until now too... But if he asks me I will tell him the truth. Plain and simple. I know that I want him to trust me now and in the future. I will explain that there was a Santa, a long time ago...ya ya ya da... And if he wants to keep getting "Santa" presents he can not ruin it for his sister who is 1 yrs.
It worked when i was a child...and who does not love the "Sprirt" of Santa? I think this works very well, you also keep the trust realionship good between the two of yall and let him know the real story so that he does not get made fun of at school... because they will if they REALLY beleive it and kids find out. I know someone who was pretty much tramatized over this...long story.

Good luck and God Bless.

Dear A.:
On 12/10, Tavia posted a very similar question on the 'Santa conflict'. Read those responses, because a lot of moms replied with good (and mixed) advice.

The main consideration was weighing a 'lie' with a 'tradition' and belief system, including 'ruining it for others'.

Ciao,
W.

this is what i did with my children..
i told them that there once was a man his name was saint nickolas, the patrait saint of children. he lived long ago
and gave presents to children, he got real old and he died, but he was a good and fair man. and to remember saint nickolas we give presents on Christmas for him. my doughter was 8 and my son was 7 when they came to me and asked children are smart and a lot more intelagent than we give them credit for sometimes.but thats what i did... you have to handle it like you would if they came and ask you if God and Jesus was real...

A.,

I am a mother of four and they are all under the age of 14 and well this is what I say to them when they ask. Rylee is 8 and she says all the time that kids say thre is no santa! I tell Rye that if you believe there is a Santa then there is is you do not believe there is a Santa then there is not one. Good way to put it huh?..lol...I always believed there was a Santa because there is always things that happen during christmas that NO ONE can explain ya know. So the thing at our home is If you believe then YES there is a Santa sitting at the North Pole waiting for christmas eve night to come see YOU! I love to watch their faces in the morning when they are opening the gifts. Christmas is all about THEM and Christ himself. Hope this helped you a little. Don't give in and tell him there is no Santa PLEASE>>Merry Christmas

C.

If he belives then there is a SANTA and those other children that don't believe anymore that is their loss. Don't make him grow up too soon, childhood is way too short.
leti

Dear A.,

Angelica's advice is right on, and a good movie to watch is Polar Express. Tom Hanks was the lead voice in the movie, and my 4 1/2 yr old daughter loves the movie. She has also been taught about giving at Christmas and how a little bit of Santa is in all of us when we give at Christmastime. Try Polar Express and it will help your children understand that the spirit of giving is the best example of Santa there is.