Does Your Husband Do This?

Yeah...I'd probably say, "well you've known about this long enough. YOU make arrangement for the boys. I'll be leaving the house promptly at 4.00."

My answer would have been "I don't know what YOU are planning to do with the boys", but I will be leaving at 4:00 p.m. I would have a back up plan because you and I both know he ISN'T going to be home when you need to leave. He will be "late". I would have a frank conversation with him. Tell him how this makes you feel. I read on here that some husbands do this and I personally do not find it endearing. Sorry, I wouldn't put up with it. I have two kids I don't need a third.

My husband will tease me sometimes (like you describe), but he's never serious about it. I MIGHT get out twice a year without him and/or the kids.

He and I work together and work at home together (on everything). We are together all the time. People at work really think we're nuts. : P

Very passive/aggressive
Hire a sitter - don't change your plans
Go out more often without him - it'll do you good
Good Luck
God Bless

Solution: Calendar, posted for everyone to see.

If it's not on my dry erase board calendar, it doesn't exist.

I don't care if you told me 8 months ago that you're going out today, it's not on the calendar!!

It will take a lot of practice and patience, but going forward, you and your husband need to put everything on your calendar so conflicts like this don't happen again. Me personally, if my guy said 'what are you going to do with the kids?' I'd say 'No, what are YOU going to do with the kids, you already knew about this'... It's not fair that the one time you have something to do by yourself (which you totally need/deserve), he's not helping out.

Hope it works out for you and gets better :)

You need to sit down with your husband and have a serious "it's time to grow up" talk. You also need to do a bit of growing up yourself (I'm not trying to be mean when I say this) because you are enabling him in acting like a baby. You are not wanting to take the effort it takes to confront him on this issue, so you allow his behavior and then want to gripe about it. Sorry, but we teach people how to treat us!! The change will start with you!! Good luck!

I don't know why some men do this. Heck, most husbands I know would rather be home with the kids than around a bunch of giggling women.
It seems he's just throwing a wrench in it or hopefully just teasing you.
Either way, I would have back up.
Get a neighbor, a friend, someone you trust from church and have them show up at your house at 3:30. Then, go on about your plans. When he gets home, she can pick up her purse, say good-bye and he can have the kids.
Nothing has to stop you from your plans. Have the kids covered and go.
I don't know, it wouldn't be a nice thing to do, but it might get his attention...
Next time he makes plans to go somewhere, you could tell him at the last minute you forgot to say you had a pelvic exam so what is HE going to do with the kids?
I wouldn't fight with him over it. Just have plan B. Have the kids covered until he gets there.
He asked you what you're going to do with the kids....just do it.

Have fun!

Mine does not do this.

But, it made me think: did you ask him when he would get off of work that day and make plans around that, or did you make plans and told him about it a while ago, didn't see if it worked out with him or not, and then he forgot? It sounds like the latter. I wouldn't be too upset. I'd get a babysitter for the hour or so that is missed or catch up with them later or call the friends to see if we could meet up a bit later.

My husband encourages me to go out- I don't get out much. When I do get out it is with him, cause I really prefer his company over anybody's! BUT, I do occasionally go spend some time with just the girls and it is nice. My husband fully supports it, cause he cares:)

Nope, mine doesn't do that, thank goodness. He is a homebody & the last thing he'd want to do is be out with a bunch of women, anyway. And he actually doesn't mind being alone with our child, or caring for her. From what I'm seeing, it's pretty rare for a man to be like that.

Edited - and, it is NOT a man thing. I am tired of hearing this phrase, actually. Being inconsiderate, etc is a character flaw thing, and it extends to women, too.

I always hire a sitter, hubby home or not. I figure I can always send her home early with extra money and no hard feelings if hubby CAN make it home.
(of course my hubby is a doctor and he right has 4 women in the 37- 40 week category, so if any one of them starts having labor I would need the sitter anyway.)

My husband does this to me all the time. I think he gets jealous that I could have fun with out him. He is also a person that is late for everything so I always have to tell him things start 1/2 hour to 1 hour earlier than they actually do. Try reminding him of a recent time that he went out and did something for himself with out you and that girls night out for you is the same as that. Good luck.

My husband doesn't do this to me and never has. I think if he did would ring his neck. :) Us Mama's need our time away too! I know most of us don't get enough me time or time with the girls. I would inform you husband that you are going and it is up to him to either get home early or arrange a babysitter until he can get home.

Enjo your night out!

Sadly some men can act like this. Most of the time its because we woman take the lead with our childre, and the men don't have to deal with the kids. Make any decisions for this, so when we leave them...they freak.

Have a fun night out

no, my hubby doesn't do that. in fact, i bowl every thursday night and he makes sure he is home in time to be with the kids so i can go out. he's very sweet and is not someone who 'goes out with the boys' and we tend to either do things together or on occasion when i do go out with friends, he never has an issue with it. maybe find someone else to watch your kids since you don't go very often?

It's like my husband can't remember when I need to do something. He's so used to MY watching the kids while HE'S out, that he doesn't really pay any attention when I say I need to go somewhere. I can tell him, then remind him a week before, and then a few days before, and then the day of, he's like, "what?"

Sounds like my husband. But instead of the Im working late excuse I get "why do I have to babysit? "well lets see, they are YOUR kids." He gets to do whatever he wants and the few times I want to go out he tries to ruin it. I think it's a man thing.....

Mine does this, I think he is so used to me doing everything around here that he just gets pissy. I don't even know if he's fully aware that he does it. When I make plans, he says great. But on the day, big pain and mopey. "I guess we'll just figure something out for dinner", then no help with crying kids as I'm leaving, then all cranky if I'm home at 10 as if I woke him up from a deep sleep that he'll never return to (from the guy who stays out until midnight without a thought).

I think for some men it's completely about control- they feel emasculated staying home with kids while you're out 'partying'. For some, they just can't handle the switch from you always being home and available.

I like the idea of having a backup babysitter so he can't derail your plans. I might have to try that.

Have fun!!

I think a lot of guys do this, regardless of what responses you get here - not to be mean. I know a lot of husbands who say they are okay with it, but when it comes down to it, not really. I only go out a few times a year also because I really do love to spend time with my family, not to mention our busy schedule and I work full-time plus am working on my MBA. I just don't have energy for it all. Anywho, I would not let him ruin your plans or make it feel like you owe him. I'm have a sit down with him and explain that you are going when you go, he needs to be more supportive, and he needs a few nights also. My husband goes out too much (softball season) and I rarely do...but it works for us. I don't begrudge him his social life. Most of the time. But I know when I was trying to do the gym my husband would pick up extra softball games so I couldn't go because I was at home with the kids. I don't know why he did that and we fight about it to this day, but it is what it is.

He sounds pretty shy to me, he needs some male friends so he can have a boys night out once in awhile so you'll be even. Next time he asks if he's invited to a girls night just tell him he is lacking in the required equiptment! ;) And maybe you can tryt o schedule your next girls night on a night when he is invited to a football game or whatever so you have a good excuse not to go with him and he can learn to go hang out with his friends without you. Just have a babysitter for your kids. Don't fall for the 'you owe me' routine afterwards, just own up to the fact that yeah, you went out without him, but he is a grown man and he can handle it! And you DESERVE a night out every so often so you don't owe him eternal gratitude and favors for it.

Mine does not do this, thank goodness. I make sure to communicate frequently about the specific plans. Were I you I would always make a contingency plan for childcare to not interrupt with what you are doing and keep communication frequent even if that means adding date reminders on the calander on his phone.

Yeah I have a friend who's husband seemed to always pull this stuff. It's control. Oh and my friend is not married to him anymore.
C.

I think if you told him about this a while ago, and he suddenly decided to work late, you should tell him "No, I told you months ago I was doing this...what are YOU going to do with the boys between 3:30 and 5:00?" HE needs to make those arrangements this time. Don't let him put it on you...you are BOTH parents. Does he ever get time out alone? He needs his time out, too, so if he doesn't, you may want to arrange that so that he doesn't have to feel envious. But you definitely deserve to go out once in a while. If he gets to go out once in a while and you watch the kids when he does, then you can remind him of that and that it's your turn. Have fun on your girls night out!

Your not alone i think alot of men do this.

Yes, mine does this too! I usually check with my MIL or SIL and see if they can watch my boys for an hour or so until my husband can pick them up.

My hubby is the opposite. If I am going out for a girls night, and he feels like I don't have enough money he will dig out some extra change for me. :)

We both feel like it's important for the other to get some time out with our friends without each other once in a while.

I'm out of the house with the girls twice a month. Two different women's groups. He fully supports me and when he wants to spend time with his friends I support him.

In your case I would hire a sitter and tell the sitter that your husband will pay when he comes in. This may mean he will have to make a trip to the ATM but I bet you this may solve your problem.

Get out the house more often and have a good sit down talk with your husband at another time.

I'm hanging with the girls tonight.

This happens to me occasionally. If I made plans first I ask him what HE is going to do with the kids until he can get home because I will be gone. If he decides he can't be home when I have plans he is responsible for making childcare arrangements. I really don't think my husband does it intentionally, I think he is just so used to me being around he thinks he can make plans/stay at work late whenever he wants and sometimes forgets to consider my schedule. Intentional or not, it is still very frustrating. I don't get out often enough by myself either.

Mine wont do that, he is always trying to get me to go out because i rarely do. He can sense i need a break i guess.

your husband sounds a tad jealous. Some men can be and its innocent mostly. Just tell him how you feel, and what his behavior looks like.