Hi S.
There could be a lot of underlying issues that are going on that need to be talked about. You mentioned that you are now a stay-at-home mom...it could be possible that your husband is feeling resentment towards you. A lot of men don't understand how hard and stressful it is to be a stay-at-home parent, they figure us wives have the easy road. I am a SAHM (stay at home mom) and have been since our first child was born in 2002. It has caused some issues in our marriage, especially in the beginning. I know my husband was probably resentful in the beginning, thinking I got the "easy ride", not to mention we had a lot of financial stress because he had been laid off a few times. I know now he feels differently. Your husband may be feeling this resentment, especially if money is tight right now.
Have you suspected or could it be possible he may be having an affair? I know this is probably the last thing you want to think about, but it may be something to consider.
Is he under a lot of stress at work? How does he handle stress?
Does he drink or do drugs? Have you suspected anything lke this in recent times? Is he having trouble with family members or socially?
There are soo many things to think about, and it seems that you may need to sit down and talk to him. An honest one on one chat, if that is possible. And best to do it at a time when everyone is calm, not right when he walks in the door from work. If he gets angry or threatens you again, it may be time to take other actions. You could try marriage counseling, but of course, all these things cost money, unfortunately. Maybe you could ask your physician, it may be covered by your insurance. Maybe he needs therapy, which could also be covered by your insurance. (of course, most men do not take to this advice too kindly....)
I wish I had a magic answer for you. The important thing is, if he EVER hits you, it is time to take a break from him. If he hits you once, it may happen again. You have children to worry about....but most importantly, try to get to the underlying issue first. Don't jump ship yet. But, if violence does come up, it may be time to go. Especially if he isn't willing to talk or work things out.
I hope this helps...it wasn't a magic answer, but hopefully some things to think about and talk about. Violence is NEVER ok, and I can't imagine what I would do if my husband ever threatened to hit me. I can understand though the feeling of wanting to stay and work things out, because frankly, even if my husband did hit me one time (which is totally not his personality) I know that I would probably still want to work things out because I love him, but if he did it more than once.....I would definitely leave.
Feel free to email me if you need someone to talk to.
Take care and good luck
S.